London69 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) Hi, I just wanted your views and suggestions. A girl who I had a serious 3.5 year relationship with over 6 years ago still sends me christmas cards but without a return address and hasn't answered a text message for over 3 years. History; Our relationship was going ok and I thought we were both happy. We weren't living together due to our circumstances at the time but spent weekends together as well as evenings. Then she started insisting she needs me to make more of a long term commitment... Initially I was puzzled because we both were professional people concentrating on our careers and happy with our situation and spending almost all of our free time together. Ended up with me breaking it off and initially she was devastated but after a month or so we started meeting up again and initially she was trying to behave like nothing had changed. But I was now responding in a 'strictly friends' fashion. She seemed to accept this and we continued meeting up for nights out etc. Then she seemed to go cold on me but we kept in touch regularly by text. Then that became less frequent where she would text a response after 2-3 months, then 6 months, then nothing. However, she has maintained sending christmas cards every year addressed to me but at my family home. She may be being polite but I find it impolite to not put a senders address so I can return the gesture. What's your opinion? Thx. Edited December 12, 2015 by London69
jen1447 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Sounds to me like you're sth she doesn't want in her life anymore, but the history part of you together is sth she doesn't want to forget or deny. So this is an appeal to the efficacy of what once was. 1
Author London69 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Thank you for your reply. Sounds to me like you're sth she doesn't want in her life anymore, but the history part of you together is sth she doesn't want to forget or deny. So this is an appeal to the efficacy of what once was. Thats fine and totally understandable, but why not just stop all contact? Why bother sending just christmas cards with snippets of what's happening in her life? As for history, isn't that what memories, photographs and trinkets are for? I find it weird, she doesn't have my address nor do I have hers and my parents are moving soon. Each card I receive, re-triggers the regret and pain I feel inside for breaking up with her. So once my parents move I'll be able to close that chapter of my life for good - as long as they don't leave a forwarding address. Thx.
Just a Guy Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Hi London, your ex gf may just be wanting to keep a lifeline alive just in case things change with the passage of time and old resentments die down and things click once again between you two. I suppose she feels that if ever you think well enough of her again, you will make the effort to contact her again. I suppose you could find out her address if you seriously tried to do so. Maybe Googling her name or some such thing would get you results. The fact that you are posting this on a forum like this shows that you have atleast some residual feelings for her. What was the specific reason you broke off with her? After all she did have a good reason to ask you to commit to her after a 3:5 year serious relationship with you. She couldn't have waited endlessly for you. I would also like to ask you to clarify as to how old you are? How old is she now?
Gold Pile Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Perhaps she meant to send the cards to me and accidently wrote your address by force of habit.
Lurkeraspect Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) Just write "return to sender" or "moved, no forwarding address on file" on the envelope and mail it back to her. She'll get the message soon enough. Edit: sorry, I missed where there is no return address. Just throw them away, unopened. Edited December 14, 2015 by Lurkeraspect
preraph Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I agree it's an odd thing to do to not include a return address. Do you know if she has moved? Maybe she's in the same place she's always been and assumes you know this. Try sending a card there and see what happens. I had the same home phone number for over 30 years and occasionally someone would say "I've wanted to call you, but didn't know how to" and I'd say, "Had the same phone number for 30 years...."
Author London69 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Thx for your reply. Hi London, your ex gf may just be wanting to keep a lifeline alive just in case things change with the passage of time and old resentments die down and things click once again between you two. I suppose she feels that if ever you think well enough of her again, you will make the effort to contact her again. I suppose you could find out her address if you seriously tried to do so. Maybe Googling her name or some such thing would get you results. The fact that you are posting this on a forum like this shows that you have atleast some residual feelings for her. Hardly keeping a 'lifeline alive' if she doesn't state her contact details and I have always taken the lead with staying in touch. Our breakup was on good terms, no infidelity, no resentments towards each other. Yes I have residual feelings and regrets, which I wish I didn't and the annual christmas card ensures they are never laid to rest. Maybe it's a clever spiteful tactic. I have tried googling but she doesn't do social media/professional sites or if she has succumb, then has private profiles. It was one of the things I loved about her, she was real, an individual with character & strong personality, not dependant on an electronic device. What was the specific reason you broke off with her? After all she did have a good reason to ask you to commit to her after a 3:5 year serious relationship with you. She couldn't have waited endlessly for you. Depends what a person considers a 'commitment' to be and how an individual interprets 'waiting endlessly'... we were both going steady, building our careers, we had our ups and downs but always seemed to come out the other side stronger. One day she sat me down like a naughty child and told me she needs me to make a commitment - it felt like a telling off. Initially I thought she had lost it. She didn't mention it again for a few weeks at which point she brought it up again and discussed it. I thought we had reached a common ground. Then after a few weeks, she brought it up again. I thought we needed some time apart, our own space and so went for it. We kept on seeing each other regularly. I would also like to ask you to clarify as to how old you are? How old is she now? I'm 41 and she is 37 now.
Author London69 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Perhaps she meant to send the cards to me and accidently wrote your address by force of habit. ok, pm me your address and a stamp and I'll send them to you...
Author London69 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 I agree it's an odd thing to do to not include a return address. Do you know if she has moved? Maybe she's in the same place she's always been and assumes you know this. Try sending a card there and see what happens. I had the same home phone number for over 30 years and occasionally someone would say "I've wanted to call you, but didn't know how to" and I'd say, "Had the same phone number for 30 years...." I have previously sent a birthday card and gift to the last address I had for her and no response.
preraph Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Well, does the postage at least say what city it originated? It does sound like she's trying to control you to some degree to do this. Either that or she has her Christmas cards on automatic send out and forgot to take you off. But if she signed it, that's not it.
Author London69 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Well, does the postage at least say what city it originated? It does sound like she's trying to control you to some degree to do this. Either that or she has her Christmas cards on automatic send out and forgot to take you off. But if she signed it, that's not it. Posted in London. She doesn't do automatic, handwritten, my parents always recognise the handwriting and say 'there's a card from EX'...
jen1447 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 It's possible she's just a crazy card person. I have a couple of those in my orbit - not even exes, just ppl I knew a long time ago and never talk to anymore who nonetheless want to send me cards year in and year out. (I assume I'm just one of many on their card list.)
The Way I Am Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) Each card I receive, re-triggers the regret and pain I feel inside for breaking up with her. I think this is the intended purpose. If she were interested in reigniting anything or keeping the door open, she would include a return address. People put return addresses on mail. If they don't once, maybe it's accidental. If they keep sending mail without a return address, it's because they don't want you to know where they live. Tell your parents if they ever get another card sized envelope with her handwriting on it, they can throw it in the trash and please don't mention it to you. Edited December 16, 2015 by The Way I Am
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted in London. She doesn't do automatic, handwritten, my parents always recognise the handwriting and say 'there's a card from EX'... Tell your parents from now on (after they move and if more cards come in the future) to throw the card out and not mention it to you.
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