Men are like parking spots...all the good ones are taken...

[central]

Good parking spots have been parked in many times previously. You just have to circle until one becomes empty, then grab it!

[Hopeful30]

 

When you're out and about in public, do you look "approachable" or are you unsmiling, with your nose in a book or your cell phone, and generally looking preoccupied? Have you gone to any dance events and NOT constantly surrounded yourself with a horde of girlfriends? How about a Meetup.com event where there is built-in social interaction? Single, good-looking women tend to avoid these events like the plague, probably because they know the attention they will receive will be overwhelming. Again, not a bad "problem" to have. Men do not have these "problems"

 

I can guarantee that no one is as optimistic, smiling and easy going as I am. It's what I'm known for. Doesn't show through typing of course because you can't see me in person.

 

 

So in light of (a) and (b) above, my questions are these:

 

1. How are you attempting to meet someone? If you just hang out with your friends or the same circle and live in a small town, then it is quite unlikely you will come across someone.

 

I've tried some charity events, Christmas events (it's that time of year now), and social gatherings from friends and acquaintances (nothing too big, just a get together at a pub, or a winery).

 

2. That you mention (post #68) that people think you are arrogant does make me wonder if you actually are making an effort to look approachable (not pretty enough--you probably have that down--but actually friendly). We guys do not automatically assume that pretty girls are all stuck-up, it is a common misconception, but a misconception nonetheless.

 

I live in the Caribbean now. I haven't worn anything but flip flops, shorts and t-shirts for the past 1.5 years lol

3. Do you live in a small town or a big city? If you live in a small town where everyone stays and no one new moves in it can be hard (not impossible) to meet someone new who is single as everyone knows everyone else already.

 

Bingo. I live on a small island, which is part of the problem. But I won't lie, I lived in a very big city before but the prospect bfs were still few.

 

4. Would you be willing to move? Again in light of 3. above, where you live does have a bearing in how easy it will be to meet someone compatible with you.

 

I have lived in 3 major places so far: Toronto, Virgin Islands, Israel.

 

5. The times that you have gotten asked out these past couple years--first or second dates--what made you decide to say no?

 

I've always said yes lol with the exception of 2 men: one was about 70 years old and asked me to have an affair with him, the second was also much older (about late 50s) and was creeping on every single girl in the room lol

 

Thanks for the response Ima

[StBreton]

Is it true? Are all relationship-material men taken?

 

Every man that I consider is either in a relationship, or married. That makes sense of course, because I want the qualities that would make a man a good boyfriend/husband.

 

But are there any relationship-material guys who are SINGLE? I'm relationship material, but I've been single for almost two years now (my choice). I'm waiting on a guy who will really be worth it. I'm tired of being with a guy just because singlehood sucks.

 

That being said, are there any men that are the same? Or once a woman shows interest a man just goes with it? Do men hold out like women do?

 

Men are like parking spots...all the good ones are taken...

Many of the good ones are taken...but sometimes women may have overlooked a certain parking spot in lieu of a more attractive one...and that left the less attractive one for the other girl who, looked a little deeper and said "gee that's actually a good one" ...she went with it and the 2 have been coupled up since.

 

Not all the good ones are taken...and it does come down to a bit of luck as others have intimated...but some people create their own luck. Are you getting out and about? Going out with a girlfriend to an upscale restaurant/bar, do you sit at a table or at the open bar area and eat/have a drink? More chances of a guy approaching with the latter (happened to me 3 weeks ago...yay for meeting organically!...great guy and definitely relationship material).

 

A friend of mine said it is funny that single women hang out at healthy restaurants while the guys are all at the steak restaurants/sports bars...how about trying HH at a steak restaurant? D0onovin had a post a while back with some great suggestions for meeting guys...maybe look back at her posts.

 

Every man that I consider is either in a relationship, or married.

I think you need to expand your search a bit and be open to other people you might not otherwise consider. Many guys seem more together and desirable because they're in a good relationship and have self-actualized being that relationship. As someone else said earlier, look for someone that might just need a little tweaking and not a total fixer upper.

 

But are there any relationship-material guys who are SINGLE?

Yes...but they may not be perfect...sometimes one has to give up something on the "list." I don't have much faith in OLD anymore and am focusing on organically. I'll bet a lot of guys are getting out for HH for the holidays...get yourself out there!

 

I'm waiting on a guy who will really be worth it. I'm tired of being with a guy just because singlehood sucks.

 

You mean in 2 years...you haven't met anyone? Where are you putting yourself out there? How often are you getting out there? Are you talking with people? Do you ask everyone you have contact with if they know anyone? I know an 80 yr old lady who met a man who was 70 from her beautician! They both went to the same one and the lady asked beautician every time the lady went if she knew anyone...the lady is a riot. The 2 had a 7 yr loving relationship till the guy recently passed on. Her only criteria...someone she could cook for and have some conversation with. What a gentleman that guy was too. Every time I see her now, she asks me if I know anyone...too cute.

That being said, are there any men that are the same? Or once a woman shows interest a man just goes with it? Do men hold out like women do?

 

There are definitely guys who have "standards" and don't go for the first thing. This guy I just met dated a woman who had been divorced 4 times...after dating a few months he said he could see her angling for another marriage ...with him this time...he backed off and she was really cute but scared him off. I just happened to be at the right place/right time to meet him.

 

Some guys will go for a "just good enough" girl so they won't be "single"...I think a lot of guys would like to be with just one person...that is why you see so many in relationships...some prefer to be perpetually single though...gotta watch out for those wily ones lol. For the ones who seek a relationship...they see something worthwhile in someone and they go with it...till it doesn't work and they're free again. That's when timing and luck come in for someone like you...right place right time kind of thing.

 

How old are you OP? What's your demographic?

[Hopeful30]

Good parking spots have been parked in many times previously. You just have to circle until one becomes empty, then grab it!

 

Ha! I like that

[Hopeful30]

Men are like parking spots...all the good ones are taken...

Many of the good ones are taken...but sometimes women may have overlooked a certain parking spot in lieu of a more attractive one...and that left the less attractive one for the other girl who, looked a little deeper and said "gee that's actually a good one" ...she went with it and the 2 have been coupled up since.

 

Not all the good ones are taken...and it does come down to a bit of luck as others have intimated...but some people create their own luck. Are you getting out and about? Going out with a girlfriend to an upscale restaurant/bar, do you sit at a table or at the open bar area and eat/have a drink? More chances of a guy approaching with the latter (happened to me 3 weeks ago...yay for meeting organically!...great guy and definitely relationship material).

 

A friend of mine said it is funny that single women hang out at healthy restaurants while the guys are all at the steak restaurants/sports bars...how about trying HH at a steak restaurant? D0onovin had a post a while back with some great suggestions for meeting guys...maybe look back at her posts.

 

Every man that I consider is either in a relationship, or married.

I think you need to expand your search a bit and be open to other people you might not otherwise consider. Many guys seem more together and desirable because they're in a good relationship and have self-actualized being that relationship. As someone else said earlier, look for someone that might just need a little tweaking and not a total fixer upper.

 

But are there any relationship-material guys who are SINGLE?

Yes...but they may not be perfect...sometimes one has to give up something on the "list." I don't have much faith in OLD anymore and am focusing on organically. I'll bet a lot of guys are getting out for HH for the holidays...get yourself out there!

 

I'm waiting on a guy who will really be worth it. I'm tired of being with a guy just because singlehood sucks.

 

You mean in 2 years...you haven't met anyone? Where are you putting yourself out there? How often are you getting out there? Are you talking with people? Do you ask everyone you have contact with if they know anyone? I know an 80 yr old lady who met a man who was 70 from her beautician! They both went to the same one and the lady asked beautician every time the lady went if she knew anyone...the lady is a riot. The 2 had a 7 yr loving relationship till the guy recently passed on. Her only criteria...someone she could cook for and have some conversation with. What a gentleman that guy was too. Every time I see her now, she asks me if I know anyone...too cute.

That being said, are there any men that are the same? Or once a woman shows interest a man just goes with it? Do men hold out like women do?

 

There are definitely guys who have "standards" and don't go for the first thing. This guy I just met dated a woman who had been divorced 4 times...after dating a few months he said he could see her angling for another marriage ...with him this time...he backed off and she was really cute but scared him off. I just happened to be at the right place/right time to meet him.

 

Some guys will go for a "just good enough" girl so they won't be "single"...I think a lot of guys would like to be with just one person...that is why you see so many in relationships...some prefer to be perpetually single though...gotta watch out for those wily ones lol. For the ones who seek a relationship...they see something worthwhile in someone and they go with it...till it doesn't work and they're free again. That's when timing and luck come in for someone like you...right place right time kind of thing.

 

How old are you OP? What's your demographic?

 

This is by far the best post. Thank you StBreton.

 

I'm Serbian, born and (semi) raised. Lived in Canada for 18 years. I'm 27. I don't count Serbia as a place of living (above post) because I was 9 when I left... nothing dating related at that time lol)

[truth_seeker]

I only dated guys who drove a Porsche, had muscles, and money.

 

the muscles part ... :laugh:

 

Yes, I know I edited your quote to make it look like you only date meatheads with money.

[truth_seeker]

This is by far the best post. Thank you StBreton.

 

I'm Serbian, born and (semi) raised. Lived in Canada for 18 years. I'm 27. I don't count Serbia as a place of living (above post) because I was 9 when I left... nothing dating related at that time lol)

 

Hopeful - send me a plane ticket (first-class preferred) and I will fly to the Caribbean and have dinner with you on the beach.

[hasaquestion]

Re: parking lots…

 

I hate driving, and only drive when I'm out of options. I hate parking also. I never even TRY to park on the spots what most people refer to as "good". I drive all the way end of the lot, where it's all empty, park comfortably, and then enjoy a good long walk to get to the building. And I chuckle seeing other people driving in circles again and again looking for an empty slot in the most crowded locations. I don't have to feel their frustration or disappointment, nor do I have to worry about forgetting where I parked at the end of the day. I suppose it boils down to the fact that my definition of "good" spot is different than theirs.

 

So now about the actual post about men, perhaps it comes down to your own definition of 'good'. Maybe the ones who are not taken are 'good' in different ways.

 

So much truth to the parking portion of this.

 

People are horrible at evaluating the risk/reward of milling around for a parking space. They always start close to the door and work away, and they sometimes do multiple passes before they take a spot at the back of the lot. They try to save the walk but just end up doubling or tripling the time. Its so illogical.

 

As for all the good men, you'd have to ask one of them, sorry.

[newt]

No, but then again it depends on your personal definition of "relationship-material".

 

The term is subjective and even a slight deviation from one person to the next can vastly alter whether you see someone as relationship material or not.

 

That being said, when we start viewing the world as if the good ones are all taken, it may be time to look inwards and be honest with ourselves about what we're looking for and seriously consider how we rank the qualities that we deem important.

 

For a gender that will quickly downplay the significance of looks, there are a lot of women that will let their happiness be determined by the difference of 5'9" versus 6'0", but can seem to admit that to themselves.

 

 

And I think that is just a online thing because I see a lot of short men with attractive women in public while I am alone and over 6ft tall lol

[Snakechammah]

I like this parking spot concept!

 

For the past 10 months I have been crushing on a particular colleague. He seemed interested, talked to me a few times, even brushed against my hand (wooo!) but everytime, I go into BIG FLIRT mode (sending him "i have chocs in my office, come on over!" emails), he would completely ignore me. Heck, one time he even brought chocs to my office, another time, he asked for my number and said we should 'hang out' outside of work... and yet after that, total silence.

 

I was convinced the guy liked me but I didn't understand why he'd ignore me as soon as things got heated up. So... what else can I do? I lived my life and even though I still like him at the back of my mind, I was distracted by other guys chasing me (which didn't work out)

 

Anyway, long story short... we finally went out. During our second date, I asked him point blank WTF is with all the yo-yo sh*t. Why didn't you call me when you asked for my number? Why did you ignore my flirty emails? Blah Blah Blah.

 

Turns out... he had a girlfriend back then. He couldn't do anything with me. A few weeks after they had officially broken up, he finally asked me out PROPERLY and confessed that he liked me all along and knew that flirting with me would have MAJOR consequences on his then-relationship.

 

So now that this parking slot has suddenly become available, I can't help but wonder.... WHY the heck did they break up?? There must be something wrong with him LOL...

 

So ladies, sometimes the universe just needs a little time to sort things out. If you're patient (and I mean, not just stand there and stare at the parking lot, do other things!), one day, your desired parking lot WILL become available NATURALLY.

 

Please of course, do not vandalize the car already parked there (aka have an affair)... karma will bite you in the ass for that.

[lino]

all the taken guys were single once and probably not any better then the single guys today....you just think they are because they are in a relationship.

 

Excellently said.

 

'I want what she's having!' nothing more.

[lino]

Post above my previous one is further proof of it

[Snakechammah]

Post above my previous one is further proof of it

 

LOL - that's not really true.

 

I wanted the guy before I found out he was actually taken. I was only wondering what constitute the breakup.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Men are like parking spots...all the good ones are taken...

Many of the good ones are taken...but sometimes women may have overlooked a certain parking spot in lieu of a more attractive one...and that left the less attractive one for the other girl who, looked a little deeper and said "gee that's actually a good one" ...she went with it and the 2 have been coupled up since.

 

Yep...and these are the kinds of women that wind up being permanent fixtures on online dating sites years later. Nothing is ever good enough. There's a couple of women like this on OK Cupid that I keep seeing year after year. I've already emailed them on more than one occasion (I would sometimes send a follow-up if I still see them months later), but still no reply.

 

It's really them that's doing themselves a disservice if a guy isn't 6 feet or taller or whatever bullet-ed laundry list they keep adhering like the gospel to.

 

I think you need to expand your search a bit and be open to other people you might not otherwise consider.

 

Amen, Breton! Thing is though, a lot of single women would consider this "settling." Thus they remain perpetually unattached.

Edited December 13, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Hopeful30]

 

It's really them that's doing themselves a disservice if a guy isn't 6 feet or taller or whatever bullet-ed laundry list they keep adhering like the gospel to.

 

Can you help it if you're only attracted to certain qualities though? You can't control what you're attracted or not attracted to.

 

That's why many of us are single. We are looking for a particular something, but it doesn't always come in a package that gets our blood flowing. I've tried. I dated a wonderful man for 2 years. He changed my life. But even after the two years, I just wasn't sexually attracted to him.

 

I tried man. I pushed on for two years and I just cringed at the thought of him touching me by the end.

 

You can't help what you're attracted/not attracted to. You blame the woman herself for being alone, but she's probably so lonely because she doesn't understand why she just can't find a compatible man who is 6 foot +.

[burnt]

Re: parking lots…

 

I hate driving, and only drive when I'm out of options. I hate parking also. I never even TRY to park on the spots what most people refer to as "good". I drive all the way end of the lot, where it's all empty, park comfortably, and then enjoy a good long walk to get to the building. And I chuckle seeing other people driving in circles again and again looking for an empty slot in the most crowded locations. I don't have to feel their frustration or disappointment, nor do I have to worry about forgetting where I parked at the end of the day. I suppose it boils down to the fact that my definition of "good" spot is different than theirs.

 

So now about the actual post about men, perhaps it comes down to your own definition of 'good'. Maybe the ones who are not taken are 'good' in different ways.

 

So much truth to the parking portion of this.

 

People are horrible at evaluating the risk/reward of milling around for a parking space. They always start close to the door and work away, and they sometimes do multiple passes before they take a spot at the back of the lot. They try to save the walk but just end up doubling or tripling the time. Its so illogical.

 

As for all the good men, you'd have to ask one of them, sorry.

 

OK, let me clarify. I was using the parking lot analogy to say that you keep circling at the occupied crowded lot near the building because you convinced yourself that those spots are the only "good" ones, and aren't willing to see the benefits of searching for spots that are farther away but could be actually better in some ways. This mind conditioning you impose on yourself limits you from finding a perfectly good (actually) better spot waiting empty--because you didn't bother to look.

 

I was using this metaphor to mean that if you are fixated on a certain definition of 'good' about men in general and are only searching for that type, then it's your own mind conditioning that's holding you back from discovering men who are single and offer a very different set of good qualities and might be actually a wonderful match for you.

 

I'm saying, if you already know that the men (closer to the building) are all taken, don't fuss, try to change your modus operandi and be open minded enough to search elsewhere and consider the possibility that elsewhere you will find a man that's actually better for you in some ways.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Can you help it if you're only attracted to certain qualities though? You can't control what you're attracted or not attracted to.

 

Actually, I think it's not about the whole attracting thing, but it's the idea that they think, "He's cute, but I think I could to better" Always looking for the bigger better deal.

 

Just Google "The Husband Store" and that a pretty spot on story there.

 

That's why many of us are single. We are looking for a particular something, but it doesn't always come in a package that gets our blood flowing. I've tried. I dated a wonderful man for 2 years. He changed my life. But even after the two years, I just wasn't sexually attracted to him.

 

I tried man. I pushed on for two years and I just cringed at the thought of him touching me by the end.

 

I'm not really buying into the fact you were never attracted to him in the first place, chances are you were attracted to him...but probably lost attraction to him or things just fizzled the past 2 years. I'm banking on the fact that the honeymoon phase ended for you in this case.

 

You can't help what you're attracted/not attracted to. You blame the woman herself for being alone, but she's probably so lonely because she doesn't understand why she just can't find a compatible man who is 6 foot +.

 

Usually these single ladies wind up getting advice or talks from friends and family saying how shallow they are being. Usually they are the one sister/aunt in the family that remained single and in her 40s.

 

 

Fortunately, I've known some women to have thrown away their laundry list of criteria when they actually came across someone, and the whole package and it all just fell together. But mostly it happened organically and not through online dating. I think online dating just reinforces this paradox of choice and "Oh, I can do better than him."

[Gaeta]

Can you help it if you're only attracted to certain qualities though? You can't control what you're attracted or not attracted to.

 

That's why many of us are single. We are looking for a particular something, but it doesn't always come in a package that gets our blood flowing. I've tried. I dated a wonderful man for 2 years. He changed my life. But even after the two years, I just wasn't sexually attracted to him.

 

I tried man. I pushed on for two years and I just cringed at the thought of him touching me by the end.

 

You can't help what you're attracted/not attracted to. You blame the woman herself for being alone, but she's probably so lonely because she doesn't understand why she just can't find a compatible man who is 6 foot +.

 

Every body is telling you the exact same thing I did at beginning of this thread except I didn't wrap it in paper and a bow for you.

 

I know all about having a type and not finding within that type and when I DO find within that type he is not serious and fades after a month.

 

There is a way of building attraction toward a man that is not totally your type. You have to let go of 'some' of your requirement and build on others. We are not telling you to date men you are not attracted towards, we are telling you to shorten that grocery list to widen your choice of men.

 

I went on a 2nd date last night with a man that is not totally my type. He has a few things I really like and I try to concentrate on those and I chase away any of my thoughts fixating on the little silly things I don't like. This man from last night is a vip parking lot. He's financially stable, educated, articulate, well traveled, he's funny, considerate, generous and attentive.

 

You have to change your mind set that there are not good parking spots available anymore. THERE ARE. What you cannot find is a good parking spot with YOUR list of likes so we're back at you and looking into YOU.

[LookAtThisPOst]

but she's probably so lonely because she doesn't understand why she just can't find a compatible man who is 6 foot

 

This is where she needs to reconsider her strict height requirement, esp. if she's short herself and perhaps show a little wiggle room by bringing down that height requirement.

 

I've known a few, very few women that wound up marrying someone that wasn't their type when it came to specific criteria and they are totally into each other.

 

I went on a 2nd date last night with a man that is not totally my type.

 

Usually I tend to go after women that say, "I don't have a type" when asked, "So what is your type?" lol Just makes sense. It means that they are rather open minded in at least giving a guy a shot.

 

I've come across this on occasion and I'm kind of caught off guard at the kind of different guys they dated, some were over weight, some bald, some tall, some short...whoever they dated spanned a variety of looks. They never stuck to ONE specific physical type. They considered the whole package.

Edited December 13, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Hopeful30]

Actually, I think it's not about the whole attracting thing, but it's the idea that they think, "He's cute, but I think I could to better" Always looking for the bigger better deal.

 

Just Google "The Husband Store" and that a pretty spot on story there.

 

 

 

I'm not really buying into the fact you were never attracted to him in the first place, chances are you were attracted to him...but probably lost attraction to him or things just fizzled the past 2 years. I'm banking on the fact that the honeymoon phase ended for you in this case.

 

 

 

Usually these single ladies wind up getting advice or talks from friends and family saying how shallow they are being. Usually they are the one sister/aunt in the family that remained single and in her 40s.

 

 

Fortunately, I've known some women to have thrown away their laundry list of criteria when they actually came across someone, and the whole package and it all just fell together. But mostly it happened organically and not through online dating. I think online dating just reinforces this paradox of choice and "Oh, I can do better than him."

 

No man. I'm telling you from the honesty of my soul, I was never attracted to him. I dated him to give a guy a chance. A man who was a good guy and I saw good qualities in him, but one I wasn't attracted to physically. I was attracted to many things about him, just not sexually. That's why I've been sexless and single for the last two years. After him, I realized I can't do that again.

 

This is where she needs to reconsider her strict height requirement, esp. if she's short herself and perhaps show a little wiggle room by bringing down that height requirement.

 

But what if she can't? It's like being gay. You can't help being attracted tothe same sex, no matter how easy it can be dating a same sex person. I relate this to attraction big time. You just cant help who you are attracted to.

 

This is an extreme of course, but it exists. The absence of some physical qualities might mean ZERO sexual attraction for some.

[LookAtThisPOst]

No man. I'm telling you from the honesty of my soul, I was never attracted to him.

 

I meant to ask, Hopeful...I'm curious...seriously, since you were with this guy 2 years, at what point during that time were you "cringing" when you got intimate with him? Since the very first time, or 6 months later is when you were repulsed by him (just naming some time periods here).

[Hopeful30]

I meant to ask, Hopeful...I'm curious...seriously, since you were with this guy 2 years, at what point during that time were you "cringing" when you got intimate with him?

 

About 5-6 months in it got bad. Before that it was tolerable (I know it sounds horrible, but thats the ugly truth.) I really wanted us to work lol

Edited December 13, 2015 by Hopeful30

[LookAtThisPOst]

About 5-6 months in it got bad. Before that it was tolerable (I know it sounds horrible, but thats the ugly truth.) I really wanted us to work lol

 

So you "tolerated" it for that long? Hm, I am thinking you probably found his personality was enough to attract you TO him. I guess he didn't have a problem being attracted to YOU physically, right?

[Hopeful30]

So you "tolerated" it for that long? Hm, I am thinking you probably found his personality was enough to attract you TO him. I guess he didn't have a problem being attracted to YOU physically, right?

 

It wasn't his personality, it was his heart. He was a really good guy, compassionate, very kind, and good to all those around him. It's what I clung to. Plus he was a gentleman in every way. I really appreciated how he treated me and how good he made me feel about myself.

 

Yes, he was attracted to me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It wasn't his personality, it was his heart. He was a really good guy, compassionate, very kind, and good to all those around him. It's what I clung to. Plus he was a gentleman in every way. I really appreciated how he treated me and how good he made me feel about myself.

 

Yes, he was attracted to me.

 

Yeah, isn't that just about always the case, the man being in to the woman moreso than the other way around? lol

 

You have me wondering now. There was this woman I met in a Meetup group, 50 years old, kind of attractive. Was platonic friends with this one guy for a year that she met through her church.j To be honest, he was quite a nice guy, but physically...well, I have to be honest and even I don't mean to sound mean, but he would say that he wasn't physically attractive at all...that's what kind of boggled my mind...I was guessing she thought, "Well, we've been friends for a year...and no one else came along, so I'll start dating him."

 

Then one day, they started to date romantically and later they both got engaged. Earlier this year, like early summer, they called off the engagement.

 

I later saw her on OK Cupid, but I know her in real life. I contacted her and asked about her situation with that her ex-fiance and I asked her that since she's new to online dating, kind of joked about how I might save her from all the weirdos on here and save her the trouble of meeting them and asked if we could meet for dinner or something.

 

She said, "Sorry, I'm not attracted to you." and I asked, "And you were attracted to your fiance?"

 

She said she was attracted to his heart and kindness, but she never did say anything about how she was just tolerating it all in order to see past his looks. But yet, they've called off the engagement? It always made me wonder if her story was like yours.