Men are like parking spots...all the good ones are taken...

[Hopeful30]

Luck, Timing and Fate is the ticket.

 

And what if fate isn't on your side?

[Wewon]

Is it true? Are all relationship-material men taken?

 

No, but then again it depends on your personal definition of "relationship-material".

 

The term is subjective and even a slight deviation from one person to the next can vastly alter whether you see someone as relationship material or not.

 

That being said, when we start viewing the world as if the good ones are all taken, it may be time to look inwards and be honest with ourselves about what we're looking for and seriously consider how we rank the qualities that we deem important.

 

For a gender that will quickly downplay the significance of looks, there are a lot of women that will let their happiness be determined by the difference of 5'9" versus 6'0", but can seem to admit that to themselves.

[Myragal]

Is it true? Are all relationship-material men taken?

 

Every man that I consider is either in a relationship, or married. That makes sense of course, because I want the qualities that would make a man a good boyfriend/husband.

 

But are there any relationship-material guys who are SINGLE? I'm relationship material, but I've been single for almost two years now (my choice). I'm waiting on a guy who will really be worth it. I'm tired of being with a guy just because singlehood sucks.

 

That being said, are there any men that are the same? Or once a woman shows interest a man just goes with it? Do men hold out like women do?

 

No. No more guys. No more procreation. We are the last generation of humans.

[truth_seeker]

And what if fate isn't on your side?

 

All of us have a destiny. Some to be married with kids... others to be single and alone.

[Hopeful30]

What would you say to a man saying that all the women he likes happen to be in relationships, which makes sense because he's interested in relationship material women?

 

I'd say that he's invested in the fantasy woman, the image more than a person. Are you invested in the fantasy man?

 

You lost me.

 

If you want a relationship type person, higher chance are they are in a relationship because they are that type.

 

Where is this fantasy coming in?

[Hopeful30]

All of us have a destiny. Some to be married with kids... others to be single and alone.

 

I suppose I will know on my death bed what fate has had in store for me. Is this forum pointless then?

 

If fate decides it all for us, what's the point in trying to better ourselves or our situations if the result will be the same?

[xxoo]

Great partners and great relationships are inter-dynamic. When you observe a couple with a great relationship-material guy, remember that his partner helped create that guy....just as he helped create the "relationship material" woman she is. We didn't just get lucky and handed these men and relationships. We chose a guy with potential and we worked at it. We earned it.

[truth_seeker]

I suppose I will know on my death bed what fate has had in store for me. Is this forum pointless then?

 

If fate decides it all for us, what's the point in trying to better ourselves or our situations if the result will be the same?

 

Let me explain a bit better...

 

I could go out today and tonight, chat up all the women I see and maybe some of them give me their number. I could go on OLD and chat up anyone who responds to my messages. I know I can get a date and be in a relationship as long as I throw standards and morals out the window. To me thats forcing it. That is not natural.

 

If I go about my business and speak to someone who intrigues me, or by chance am in a place and end up talking to someone unexpectedly, to me that's fate. Its not forced. It occurred naturally.

 

I believe in not forcing it. You have to let it happen when it's suppose to happen.

[truthtripper]

Is it true? Are all relationship-material men taken?

Hah! There are plenty of partnered/married men having affairs as we speak. So, to answer your question, I'm saying, no.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Maybe I'm lucky. More probably I just think I am lucky so therefore I am.

 

 

I always get good parking spots, even at the Mall at Christmas.

 

 

Most of the men I deal with are good guys at heart. I know a number of good single men but I see a lot of women who don't know how to hang on to them. Men need love & appreciation too. All relationships take work. Sometime you do have to teach people how to treat you but you have to be willing to meet them half way. You also have to willing to say you are wrong or sorry.

 

 

You also have to be willing to invest in a diamond in the rough. I'm not talking about a true fixer upper man but someone who needs a little time. When I met DH in my 30s he was still going to college part time OL. Many of my friends urged me to dump him because he didn't have his act together. I saw a man with a vision. Granted it took him longer than most to come up with that vision. He has since graduated & has a great job he loves. People tell me how lucky I am.

 

Donnavin,

 

What you spoke was very inspiring. Funny how your friends are pretty easy at just dismissing the guy. It's reflective on how they treat men that they date.

 

There's no more empathy or patience or people willing to WORK at a relationship anymore. It's sad.

 

For a gender that will quickly downplay the significance of looks, there are a lot of women that will let their happiness be determined by the difference of 5'9" versus 6'0", but can seem to admit that to themselves

 

Exactly. This is what keeps a lot of women single. People ask me, "How come you've never been married?" or "How come you're still single? You seem like a great guy!"

 

Because I keep meeting the above mentioned women with their so easily dismissive criteria. These people usually are subject to playful teasing or maybe just teasing by friends and family and even trying to convince THEM how they let such a thing determine their "happiness." Some are aware of the men that are close members of the family she turned down for said reasons.

 

 

"Hey, remember that guy, Bill...I know he's 5'9", but he's a great guy...you may want to just go out with him...just give a shot...it's just a night, right?"

Edited December 12, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Myragal]

I suppose I will know on my death bed what fate has had in store for me. Is this forum pointless then?

 

If fate decides it all for us, what's the point in trying to better ourselves or our situations if the result will be the same?

 

Yes, you need to accept your fate. Make th best of life.

 

Nothing attractive in your attitude so unlikely a well adjusted adult would be attracted to you.

[Revolver]

I'm a man and I will tell you that's true. Most men are losers either socially, economically or both.

[truth_seeker]

People ask me, "How come you've never been married?" or "How come you're still single? You seem like a great guy!"

 

Because I keep meeting the above mentioned women with their so easily dismissive criteria.

 

True. True.

[GoodOnPaper]

Is it true? Are all relationship-material men taken?

 

Every man that I consider is either in a relationship, or married. That makes sense of course, because I want the qualities that would make a man a good boyfriend/husband.

 

What exactly do you mean by relationship material? On a lot of LS threads, women seem to think that the first prerequisite for a man to be "relationship material" is that he can attract a lot of women for short-term things. That's fine, except a lot of those guys are going to be too busy enjoying all the attention, ONSs, and FWBs they are getting. No doubt that the few who really want relationships are snapped up quickly.

 

If "relationship material" means primarily relationship-minded, well, there will be a natural tendency for guys who are not as talented at the attraction game to be more relationship-minded because we think there is a better chance at having the intimacy and companionship we want in a good relationship than trying to go the casual route. That probably means that you are going to have to go looking for them in the everyday-life places where a lot of people may seem to blend in the background. Timing and luck surely play a big part.

 

Do you put all men who are in LTRs on a pedestal? If that's just a compliment to guys who are able to get into LTRs, that's great -- I certainly appreciate it. But, be careful about going overboard on that. Someone posted about how some married guys cheat. Personally, even though I've been married over 20 years, I still struggle with the same loser-with-women self image I had when I was single. I'm sure there are many "average" guys who may have decent marriages but don't consider them to be triumphant victories over lackluster singlehoods.

[truthtripper]

I believe in not forcing it. You have to let it happen when it's suppose to happen.

I think constant dating is a waste of energy and causes more grief than happiness. Single people should just get out and enjoy life, develop and improve on themselves through taking on hobbies they enjoy, rather than focusing so much on dating. The best way to find a partner is to not intend to find one. Live life! Love is found in truth and freedom.

[SwordofFlame]

Is it true? Are all relationship-material men taken?

 

Every man that I consider is either in a relationship, or married. That makes sense of course, because I want the qualities that would make a man a good boyfriend/husband.

 

But are there any relationship-material guys who are SINGLE? I'm relationship material, but I've been single for almost two years now (my choice). I'm waiting on a guy who will really be worth it. I'm tired of being with a guy just because singlehood sucks.

 

That being said, are there any men that are the same? Or once a woman shows interest a man just goes with it? Do men hold out like women do?

 

There are relationship minded guys that are single. They are out there. You just need to ask yourself why am I not attracting any?

 

As for do men hold out like women do? Some do, some don't. It depends on the man.

[RedRobin]

Working with all men all of my adult life, I don't necessarily relate 'good' to 'taken' or vice versa.

 

 

Without fail, more than half of the men who have hit on me at work were all married or in a supposedly committed relationship (note to self, don't want to be his girlfriend or wife).

 

 

Outside of work? Definitely lots of supposedly 'taken' guys trying their luck with me. About half of all the men who show interest in me are already 'taken'. Since I don't want to be in the same boat myself (as their current girlfriend or wife is), I pass them by. I have told more than one that I may consider it if they get a divorce OR we can call up the wife and see if she approves. Silence.

 

 

This was when I was in NY. I'd never seen anything like it before... and can't say I see it here in my new home. People seem to be either single or married/committed... without a lot in between. Nice.

 

 

Long story short, focus on the people who are available to you. Don't focus on the people who aren't.

 

 

I get it that you want to be in a relationship. So stop dating guys who don't want to be in a relationship. There are lots of single guys who are seriously looking and act like it. Sure, it won't work out with all of them, but most men and women past a certain age (ie early 20's mostly) really do want just one person to call their own, snuggle with, make love to, and generally live life with. Of that I have no doubt.

[Hopeful30]

 

 

 

Exactly. This is what keeps a lot of women single. People ask me, "How come you've never been married?" or "How come you're still single? You seem like a great guy!"

 

Because I keep meeting the above mentioned women with their so easily dismissive criteria. These people usually are subject to playful teasing or maybe just teasing by friends and family and even trying to convince THEM how they let such a thing determine their "happiness." Some are aware of the men that are close members of the family she turned down for said reasons.

 

 

"Hey, remember that guy, Bill...I know he's 5'9", but he's a great guy...you may want to just go out with him...just give a shot...it's just a night, right?"

 

Bare in mind there are similar things for women. Men assume a woman can be many things based on such little information. It's unfair both ways I would say.

 

What exactly do you mean by relationship material? On a lot of LS threads, women seem to think that the first prerequisite for a man to be "relationship material" is that he can attract a lot of women for short-term things. That's fine, except a lot of those guys are going to be too busy enjoying all the attention, ONSs, and FWBs they are getting. No doubt that the few who really want relationships are snapped up quickly.

 

If "relationship material" means primarily relationship-minded, well, there will be a natural tendency for guys who are not as talented at the attraction game to be more relationship-minded because we think there is a better chance at having the intimacy and companionship we want in a good relationship than trying to go the casual route. That probably means that you are going to have to go looking for them in the everyday-life places where a lot of people may seem to blend in the background. Timing and luck surely play a big part.

 

Do you put all men who are in LTRs on a pedestal? If that's just a compliment to guys who are able to get into LTRs, that's great -- I certainly appreciate it. But, be careful about going overboard on that. Someone posted about how some married guys cheat. Personally, even though I've been married over 20 years, I still struggle with the same loser-with-women self image I had when I was single. I'm sure there are many "average" guys who may have decent marriages but don't consider them to be triumphant victories over lackluster singlehoods.

 

Very fair question.

 

Nothing too specific. I suppose to me a relationship-material guy is one who doesn't have a wandering eye, who knows (doesn't mean he always has been, but KNOWS) how to be entirely honest even if it hurts the person you're being honest with, and overall takes good care of himself.

 

Definitely not a man who takes a different girl home everynight and spends all his free time drinking. He COULD be relationship material, but if that's how he is forming his life, I'm not about to "help" turn him into relationship material. Been there done that. I am interested in a man who is a bit further along in that sense.

 

There are relationship minded guys that are single. They are out there. You just need to ask yourself why am I not attracting any?

 

Because my looks make me seem like an arrogant woman with standards that are sky high (they're not). People assume way too much (just like on this forum). It's the same in real life. "She has a boyfriend, she won't look at me, she probably wants a man with XYZ."

 

These things push men away. It's the ones who actually bothered to start up a conversation that I ended up dating and having relationships with.

[Hopeful30]

Working with all men all of my adult life, I don't necessarily relate 'good' to 'taken' or vice versa.

 

 

Without fail, more than half of the men who have hit on me at work were all married or in a supposedly committed relationship (note to self, don't want to be his girlfriend or wife).

 

 

Outside of work? Definitely lots of supposedly 'taken' guys trying their luck with me. About half of all the men who show interest in me are already 'taken'. Since I don't want to be in the same boat myself (as their current girlfriend or wife is), I pass them by. I have told more than one that I may consider it if they get a divorce OR we can call up the wife and see if she approves. Silence.

 

 

This was when I was in NY. I'd never seen anything like it before... and can't say I see it here in my new home. People seem to be either single or married/committed... without a lot in between. Nice.

 

 

Long story short, focus on the people who are available to you. Don't focus on the people who aren't.

 

 

I get it that you want to be in a relationship. So stop dating guys who don't want to be in a relationship. There are lots of single guys who are seriously looking and act like it. Sure, it won't work out with all of them, but most men and women past a certain age (ie early 20's mostly) really do want just one person to call their own, snuggle with, make love to, and generally live life with. Of that I have no doubt.

 

I haven't been dating in 2 years. Not even a kiss. I forget what a man tastes like...

 

Thank you for the optimism Red

[xxoo]

 

 

 

Because my looks make me seem like an arrogant woman with standards that are sky high (they're not). People assume way too much (just like on this forum). It's the same in real life. "She has a boyfriend, she won't look at me, she probably wants a man with XYZ."

 

These things push men away. It's the ones who actually bothered to start up a conversation that I ended up dating and having relationships with.

 

You could smile and start a conversation. Hair flip, giggle, downward glance then meet his eyes....

[smackie9]

Hey I have been in your shoes. I went out of my way to look polished, hair done, nice clothes, put together.......I was flattened when a friend told me that guys thought I looked too expensive, that I only dated guys who drove a Porsche, had muscles, and money. And here I thought I was doing the right thing.

 

I ended up taking things into my own hands and asked guys out on dates. It was a positive experience. Being in the driver's seat was empowering.

[antonio1149]

Because my looks make me seem like an arrogant woman with standards that are sky high (they're not). People assume way too much (just like on this forum). It's the same in real life. "She has a boyfriend, she won't look at me, she probably wants a man with XYZ."

 

These things push men away. It's the ones who actually bothered to start up a conversation that I ended up dating and having relationships with.

 

I have to confess that I don't have a lot of sympathy for women with your "problem." If you're as attractive as you say you are, you could go on any OLD site and have a constant flood of men vying for your attention. Granted, it takes patience to weed out the undesirables, but you will inevitably be able to narrow it down to the 5% or so worth pursuing. And if none of these work out, by the time you will have dated and rejected all of them, there'll be another huge pile of prospects in your inbox to start wading through.

 

I have several female friends who, without much effort, found their husbands through OLD. It wasn't the first, second or third date but it didn't take years. One was a woman in her 50's whose husband is younger than her, and she's not that great looking. So much for older and/or unattractive women having trouble attracting a mate.

 

When you're out and about in public, do you look "approachable" or are you unsmiling, with your nose in a book or your cell phone, and generally looking preoccupied? Have you gone to any dance events and NOT constantly surrounded yourself with a horde of girlfriends? How about a Meetup.com event where there is built-in social interaction? Single, good-looking women tend to avoid these events like the plague, probably because they know the attention they will receive will be overwhelming. Again, not a bad "problem" to have. Men do not have these "problems"

[antonio1149]

Hey I have been in your shoes. I went out of my way to look polished, hair done, nice clothes, put together.......I was flattened when a friend told me that guys thought I looked too expensive, that I only dated guys who drove a Porsche, had muscles, and money. And here I thought I was doing the right thing.

 

It doesn't take being that well "put together." I would guess most guys prefer women who have "natural beauty" and are more "down to earth." I have an ex-girlfriend who went to work for a catering company. She wore minimal make-up and one of those white "service industry" uniforms. She was cute and personable and was hit on constantly, eventually meeting her long-term bf.

[Imajerk17]

I understand Hopeful30 that you feel that you aren't getting the responses you were looking for. You actually didn't give much information in this thread though, at least not until asked. So people were going on very little information.

 

Relevant questions include (a) what are you doing to meet guys and (b) when you meet someone whether you decide to give him a chance e.g., go on a first date or go on a second date ect.

 

To answer your question, yes, there are plenty of good people of BOTH genders who are single. What are you doing to meet them? [You mention that what you AREN'T doing, but you don't actually say what you ARE doing to meet men.]

 

So in light of (a) and (b) above, my questions are these:

 

1. How are you attempting to meet someone? If you just hang out with your friends or the same circle and live in a small town, then it is quite unlikely you will come across someone.

 

2. That you mention (post #68) that people think you are arrogant does make me wonder if you actually are making an effort to look approachable (not pretty enough--you probably have that down--but actually friendly). We guys do not automatically assume that pretty girls are all stuck-up, it is a common misconception, but a misconception nonetheless.

 

3. Do you live in a small town or a big city? If you live in a small town where everyone stays and no one new moves in it can be hard (not impossible) to meet someone new who is single as everyone knows everyone else already.

 

4. Would you be willing to move? Again in light of 3. above, where you live does have a bearing in how easy it will be to meet someone compatible with you.

 

5. The times that you have gotten asked out these past couple years--first or second dates--what made you decide to say no?

 

Answer 1--4 and you may get responses that you will find more helpful. My *gut feeling* is that plenty of guys already find you attractive, it is just a matter of you being more proactive when it comes to meeting them, and in giving the right ones a chance.

 

Meanwhile, I entirely agree with xxoo and Rejected Rosebud--meeting the right guy for you may mean giving someone who isn't your type a chance. Chemistry and attraction can grow, and when we guys meet the right woman for us, it often MAKES us want to be a good partner in a relationship--even if we weren't thinking that before (we often date around because we haven't met the woman who truly does it for us either).

Edited December 12, 2015 by Imajerk17

[RedRobin]

^^ He's got a point, OP.

 

 

If you are serious about finding a relationship, you have lots of avenues available to you. It's not easy, but with a few common sense strategies, you can make it work for you.

 

 

I was thinking about a guy I chatted up at Starbucks the other day... He was standing next to me in line. I was ordering, and a big, burly guy next to me did a great big yawn and a very cute little growl along with it. Wasn't paying attention to me in the slightest... that was just his personal wake up routine... but it was adorable. It made me laugh, and when he looked over at me, I said... "Nice sound effects, can you do that again?" and giggled.

 

 

He laughed too, then told me about his long drive down from Canada... we had a nice little chat. I don't know if he was taken or not... but it was a fun little conversation. When I was over making my drink and cleaning up my mess, he teased me about my mess while I was cleaning it up.... I'm like "I KNOW! I feel so bad for them! I can't just leave it :)"

 

 

These kinds of little interactions come along every day. I have no idea if he was single. I didn't really care. It was nice to just bridge the distance with another stranger. Sometimes sparks fly. You just never know. Reach out. Say hi. Make conversation. Even if you are single, you can find ways to relate to others...

 

 

I've moved a lot in my life... I've always found friends and 'family' wherever I go that way. You can do it too. One of them might end up being a partner!