I can no longer put up with my boyfriend's impractical spending habits.

[Komorebi]

We're both students. We don't have any part time jobs so we both solely rely on our allowances. I'm given just enough for lunch and transport money. (I'm really butt poor) From a young age my boyfriend is spoiled by his aunt who happens to be very well off, giving him a generous amount of allowance weekly. However, he was cut off when he flunked nearly all of his subjects for four terms, subsequently followed by momentarily dropping out. Even though he's no longer supported by his aunt, he's still receiving more than enough to be able to occasionally afford dates from the money he receive from his mother. And he enjoys eating and going out, which he volunteers to cover most of the time. Occasionally though, I'm given additional allowance from my relatives which I then use to either pay him back or cover the next date. But here's the problem: he is insanely bad with money. He would carelessly spend his allowance over pointless things, and would always urge me to eat out and spend massively; leaving very little to none for the rest of the week, somehow believing that money would just miraculously fall down his lap. He and his mother are in a financial pinch, leaving me to cover for him until she can send him money. It's frustrating. In spite of knowing how very little I have, he would always think that I can somehow cover for him. I've done everything I can for him. Bring packed lunches, going for cheaper alternatives, I even have set aside my own needs for him. At some point he even told me, "I wish you're rich", or would jokingly ask me, "why are you poor?” which has a tremendous impact on me. Also, whenever he knows that I have enough money, he would urge me to eat out and whatnot, guilt tripping me whenever I would refuse because "I've covered for most of our dates." It's ridiculous. He also doesn’t give back the change whenever he uses my money. At this point I’m pushed over the edge because he nearly had me spend my tuition money. It was actually followed by me telling him that it’s frustrating how unreliable he is sometimes and he only shut himself off, completely ignoring him. I don’t understand why. I’m still holding on because I love him dearly and we’ve been through so much (been together for 2 years) but I just can’t put up with this anymore.

 

I just wish that he would see money as something that’s been worked hard on rather than seeing it as something that he could carelessly squander away.

 

Is it possible for him to overcome this habit?

[Lois_Griffin]

Parents who foolishly constantly over-indulge their kids (even when they're adults) are doing them NO favors. Why they can't see that is beyond me, but there are plenty of them out there.

 

As you can see, the end result is an ungrateful little monster who thinks the world owes him everything.

 

Just stop paying for him and don't let him take you on dates anymore. He's irresponsible and selfish expecting you to foot the bill for him because he blew all his own money like a dumbass. Respect yourself more.

[Qboro90]

You need to be more assertive as far as your own money goes. Don't let him make you spend it or guilt you into buying anything you don't feel comfortable with. That is under your control.

 

His money is his money. He's been raised to not value how difficult it is to earn a dollar so Therefore he spends carelessly. The only way he's gonna stop this is when the money train stops from his family and he's forced to work and pay his bills by himself where he'll need to budget himself and cut back. Until then he has no reason to spend less or value it more.

 

Don't let that rub off on you. You can start telling him " you know, if you started saving just the money you spend going out to eat and at restaurants, you'd be able to buy a new car by the end of the year.... But if you prefer the Applebee's sampler over a car... Keep it up "

[Wewon]

I hate telling posters to get out of a relationship considering I'm only hearing a smidge of what's going on between you in terms of the good and the bad, but relative relationship with money is a major problem for any relationship. That's why its important to be very much aligned in your attitudes about money.

 

I've never seen someone with 'loose' spending habits turn things around without some sort of trauma as the catalyst, foreclosure, bankruptcy, a major involuntary downturn in lifestyle or having to deny something to someone like a child due to their own behavior. You boyfriend has already dropped out of school and he still hasn't turned a new leaf.

 

I can only say that I don't see this changing without a devastating event and I personally wouldn't want to be there for it.

[xcupid]

Doubtful. He has no concept of saving or being frugal when times are tough. As long as he keeps getting money he won't change because there's no need to.

[d0nnivain]

He can spend his money however he likes. It's actually none of your business. You need to spend your money how you see fit, not at his whims.

 

 

Financial incompatibility ruins more relationships then anything else.

 

 

In all likelihood this will be an on-going point of contention in your relationship. While it's not something I'd solely dump a college BF over it is something that would cause me not to marry somebody.

[hippychick3]

He can spend his money however he likes. It's actually none of your business. You need to spend your money how you see fit, not at his whims.

 

 

Financial incompatibility ruins more relationships then anything else.

 

 

In all likelihood this will be an on-going point of contention in your relationship. While it's not something I'd solely dump a college BF over it is something that would cause me not to marry somebody.

 

I met this type of person in college and ended up marrying him. I believe he felt somewhat entitled to have certain things and to live a certain way despite whether or not he could afford it. He made a good living but always wanted to live above our means....we were constantly in debt, and this was a great source of anxiety for me throughout our marriage.

 

I can't tell you how amazing it was to be free of that anxiety once I was divorced and financially independent. He still, at the age of 50, lives beyond his means and lives with constant debt. He will never change.

[Popsicle]

Don't let him or this stress you out. Most of your energy should be put into choosing the right major that will actually yield you a job when you graduate that makes you a decent living. Keep you eye on the target.