Truguystx Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 So here is my situation. I met this woman online and we have gone out on three dates now. The most recent date, the conversation was great as usual and at end of date I walked her to her car and got usual hug and we departed. Granted our date each time is usually 2-3 hours long with continual conversation. At this point I was expecting there to be some form of physical indication as to whether she is attracted and interested in me but I may not be reading signal / are there any signals I should be looking for? At this point I do not know what to do as some friends have said I need to maybe move on / do not contact her and see if she reaches out but I do like her and we kind of did discuss seeing each other again. Further info: I am typically the one initiating communication and setting up date. At dinner last time she was eating off my plate and I did same from her plate so not sure if that was good sign??? I just feel perplexed since each time we have gone out I will pick up check which i do not mind doing at all, but it would be nice if there was even an offer to split check (even though I would still pick up check regardless). Dinners are costing me $100+ each time and I hope I am not being seen as just a "Free Meal"... I have not dated in a while so not sure what rules are, etc...just seems like I am the one doing all the initiating..... Any advice from woman's perspective would be greatly appreciated... I do not want to seem overly aggressive / just wanting a hook up because I do want to get to know this person. If she wants to be just friends I am fine with that but at this point I do not know what to think. Should I just ask her directly? :(
Redfisher Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 After the next date, Just look her in the eyes and say "Do you want to try a kiss?" If she tilts her head back and nods yes while biting her bottom lip you are golden....
Author Truguystx Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 I am considering sending her a text like this: Hey XXX, had a great time at dinner last night. I did have a question...."Are you romantically interested in me? I ask because I am used to ending a date with a kiss goodnight by now, and normally if the third date ends in a hug, the woman just wants you to be a friend. If you are romantically interested and just want to go slowly, I am okay with that because I feel romantically interested in you. I am also okay with just being friends but just trying to figure out where I stand.." Would this be a bad idea to send this as a text to her?
Qboro90 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 It's on you to progress things if she hasn't by now. The fact that she's accepted and gone on 3 dates with you is the confirmation that she's ok with you going in for a kiss and her being receptive . If she didn't want to kiss you, she wouldn't go out with you more than once. Once I got more in tuned with dating I realized that when a girl says yes to going on a date or hanging out with you, she's done the math in her head, however briefly it may be and decided that she'd be ok with at the very least kissing you. If she wasn't, she wouldn't say yes to going out. Despite what you may think, girls don't just use guys as free meal tickets. It's not like you're taking her to these world renowned restaurants and very hard to get in places that she won't have the chance to ever go to again. I'm always surprised by how many guys think this. They're not these food connessuers who take every chance they can to eat restaurant food lol. You can even get the kids out of the way early the next time you have a date with her. Pick her up, and when you're on the way to wherever you're going, after the initial "hey how are yous, what'd u do this week" talk... At a red light or when you park , before you get out, reach over, turn her chin towards you "Think I can get a kiss now? Been dying to since I dropped you off last time so I won't be able to concentrate on dinner till I get one" in a charming lighthearted tone . If you have the personality to get away with it, some can, some can't. Just know that she'll be ok with it and don't be insecure 1
Author Truguystx Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Qboro90 - Each time we have gone out we have just met at the restaurant....
Snakechammah Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Uhm noooo.... please do not ruin things by sending her such a needy text! Be confident and DO IT. Ask her for a 4th date (a cheaper date this time, bowling, movies, something that cost less, no more $100+ dinner) and then during the date, go in for a kiss. You will know if she likes you when you kiss her. Let the love grow organically, do not try to force things or get things out verbally. Don't stress and just enjoy the moment. You are dating - relax - not going for a job interview! 3
Qboro90 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Qboro90 - Each time we have gone out we have just met at the restaurant.... So offer to pick her up. Stop making her drive and meet you places. That's a inconsiderate thing to do if you're going on a date. She's not one of your boys that you're meeting up with... She's someone you like. Be a gentleman and give her a ride man. 1
Author Truguystx Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Been a long time since I have been on the dating scene so having to relearn the obvious....
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I am considering sending her a text like this: Hey XXX, had a great time at dinner last night. I did have a question...."Are you romantically interested in me? I ask because I am used to ending a date with a kiss goodnight by now, and normally if the third date ends in a hug, the woman just wants you to be a friend. If you are romantically interested and just want to go slowly, I am okay with that because I feel romantically interested in you. I am also okay with just being friends but just trying to figure out where I stand.." Would this be a bad idea to send this as a text to her? Not it wouldn't be a bad idea. It would be a colossally horrible idea!!!!! Do not EVER try to have an important emotional conversation with somebody via text. UGH! Moreover the words you have chosen make you sound awful, lacking in confidence & not a take charge man who a woman wants to kiss her. Do offer to pick her up. Give her a peck on the cheek. Try a cheaper date & set up a romantic stroll or something before you take her home. If you decide to talk to her, be confident in what you say. I'd indicate how attractive you think she is & that you would really like to kiss her. If that doesn't get you a positive response on the romantic stroll I suggested, move on. She's using you for free meals & has no attraction to you. 2
Author Truguystx Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Should I wait a few days before trying to setup next date?
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Should I wait a few days before trying to setup next date? If you want another date then ask for one. Don't play games with the waiting game. Call her. 1
Qboro90 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I am considering sending her a text like this: Hey XXX, had a great time at dinner last night. I did have a question...."Are you romantically interested in me? I ask because I am used to ending a date with a kiss goodnight by now, and normally if the third date ends in a hug, the woman just wants you to be a friend. If you are romantically interested and just want to go slowly, I am okay with that because I feel romantically interested in you. I am also okay with just being friends but just trying to figure out where I stand.." Would this be a bad idea to send this as a text to her? Don't ever send this to anyone. Just because you haven't dated in a while doesn't mean you forget how to interact. It's not like high school math and forgetting how to do it after 5 years. It's communicating and understanding body language and her interest level. Never ask a girl to spell out what she wants and if it's ok to do this or that. That comes off incredibly peculiar and insecure. It's gonna make her think you're awkward and very inexperienced. Just text or call her and ask her if she wants to do something tonight or tm or next week. Whenever
xcupid Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I am considering sending her a text like this: Hey XXX, had a great time at dinner last night. I did have a question...."Are you romantically interested in me? I ask because I am used to ending a date with a kiss goodnight by now, and normally if the third date ends in a hug, the woman just wants you to be a friend. If you are romantically interested and just want to go slowly, I am okay with that because I feel romantically interested in you. I am also okay with just being friends but just trying to figure out where I stand.." Would this be a bad idea to send this as a text to her? TERRIBLE IDEA to send this type of text. Shows total lack of confidence. You're also setting yourself up to be friend zoned. If you want to kiss her, kiss her and see how she reacts - it will either be a kiss or a cheek turn. Ask her out on a date. Romance her.
deckard11 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I always heard the rule was 3 dates = sex.
Redfisher Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I always heard the rule was 3 dates = sex. Has been for me... Only once on a 3rd date We were making out and I tried to be a gentleman and asked if she wanted sex...She said not yet. But When she got home she texted me saying i was just supposed to go for it and not ask!!! So i no longer make that mistake.
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Should I wait a few days before trying to setup next date? What's the point of waiting to ask? You can & should give her some advanced notice especially at this time of year. I see no problem calling today to request a date 3 -4 days from now. I always heard the rule was 3 dates = sex. You are playing by a different set of rules then I am. 12 dates = I start thinking about whether I want to have sex with you. To jump into bed with somebody after only knowing them about 2 weeks is awfully fast, imo 3
Redfisher Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 What's the point of waiting to ask? You can & should give her some advanced notice especially at this time of year. I see no problem calling today to request a date 3 -4 days from now. You are playing by a different set of rules then I am. 12 dates = I start thinking about whether I want to have sex with you. To jump into bed with somebody after only knowing them about 2 weeks is awfully fast, imo May i ask how old you are?
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 May i ask how old you are? Late 40s I'm rather old fashioned. I have had ONS & first date sex so I'm not condemning anybody for early sex. It's just not a great choice if your desire is for an LTR
Lois_Griffin Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I just feel perplexed since each time we have gone out I will pick up check which i do not mind doing at all, but it would be nice if there was even an offer to split check (even though I would still pick up check regardless). Dinners are costing me $100+ each time and I hope I am not being seen as just a "Free Meal"... It's very possible she's not in a financial position to contribute $50 or $60 towards the meal check each time you go out - especially if she's a single mom. Stop choosing higher end restaurants and maybe she will be able to contribute. Should I just ask her directly? :( It certainly can't hurt to ask her how sees things going so far, or if she sees this possibly developing into a romance.
Author Truguystx Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) I am in my 40's and so is woman I am dating. We had both gotten out of previous long term relationships which is partly why I have not been trying to rush things too fast... She is single and has no kids.. Edited December 12, 2015 by Truguystx
Redfisher Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Late 40s I'm rather old fashioned. I have had ONS & first date sex so I'm not condemning anybody for early sex. It's just not a great choice if your desire is for an LTR I understand, nothing wrong with old fashion I guess.
Author Truguystx Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 I do have another question.. Is it normal that I am the one who always initiates communication?
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Qboro90 - Each time we have gone out we have just met at the restaurant.... Are you saying that to mean that the kiss is impossible? Not true. I've had a guy kiss me walking INTO the restaurant. I kinda think certain guys (in a good way) can be strategic with the restaurant picks and logistics, which is smart. Like people who are going out as friends but they both know there is more and it's just a matter of making it physical: the guy will always pick up so that they are together on the drop off and maybe more can happen. That's happened to me. You guys are dating already so you should absolutely pick her up (stop thinking practically). I've had guys when it makes no sense at all that we don't just meet at the date place offer to come get me. Reason: because they are setting the stage for the physical. I always think it's fairly obvious and cute. Also another simple solution, which certain guys can be strategic about is go to a restaurant with a circular BOOTH. And get physical during the evening which will usually lead to a kiss later. don't be so practical that you need to go to a restaurant because of the food or status. One time I even suggested a restaurant with advantageous seating for EXACTLY this reason. My guy had never been there so maybe he initially couldn't tell that I did it for that purpose. Also you don't just need to pounce for the kiss you can hold her hand, put your arm around her, touch her some to gauge how receptive she would be and build up to the kiss. I'm not a fan of "asking" for the kiss. I think it shows more confidence and is more fun if you just do it. Lastly you can do a date that is different than a restaurant so there will be more opportunity for physical contact. This time of year I think ice skating can be really fun. Think about it. She may need your help. It's natural to grab onto each other for a moment here and there, maybe more. Adrealin is higher because it is a physical activity which is usually transferred to the excitement of the date and the person. My suggestion do something like that or an activity first, then afterward go for dinner, drinks or dessert. That way there will be extended build up of of physical contact, ie both wanting the kiss for a while. And/or you will have many more opportunities during the date to kiss spontaneously, which i also think is the best. Good luck 1
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I do have another question.. Is it normal that I am the one who always initiates communication? Yes. She is more traditional (not only because of her age but lots of girls take this path). She is probably waiting until there is more of a confirmation that you guys are a couple or exclusive to be the one initiating with you. I know lots of girls like this.
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