airangel Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) My ex bf just got married today. Although my whole family attended his wedding, I chose to decline. Why the hell do I feel upset and angry at the same time about the fact that he is getting married to the girl he dated 2 weeks after he broke up with me even though I'm in a relationship myself? We basically grew up together and for as long as I remember, I had a crush on him (10 years ) He always flirted with me e.g. touching my hair, shoulder, kissed my forehead, hugged me, hang out with me and asked me to wait for him So obviously I took it the wrong way and thought he liked me (was I overthinking it at the time?) He did this for many many years and I was stupid enough to fall for it and be left stringing along with his flirtatious behaviour. I'm sure he still did these things when he had a girlfriend. When I finally decided to leave his life, he suddenly asked me out and confessed that he knew I liked him and he always liked me but he felt too close to me so he was afraid of ruining our 'friendship'. He believed that I would always be next to him but he knew things change and he didn't want to let go of me. However, he wanted to keep our relationship a secret. We started dating for about a week but we didn't even have an official date before he suddenly broke off contact. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he thought we weren't right for each other. After two weeks, he got together with someone else. Do you guys think he was already thinking of getting together with her while he was with me? (i.e. keeping our relationship a secret). I have not talked or interacted with him for 3-4 years and now they are getting married. I'm suppose to have moved on and feel nothing but indifference or disgust towards him but somehow, I feel bitter, jealous and angry. He doesn't even deserve these feelings or anymore of my tears but I don't understand why I'm still feeling upset. I still have nightmares about him sometimes and tears uncontrollable come to my eyes every time he pops up in my head. I'm so angry at myself for reacting like this when I should be happier with my life. any advice?! Edited December 12, 2015 by airangel
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Are you 'heart' hurt or 'ego' hurt? There's a big difference... Give that some thought. You feel used by him, you were a secret and he didn't make you feel special or loved. He was dating someone else, maybe the time you were with him as well. Be glad he isn't with you anymore. This guy is slimy and zebras don't change their stripes! For your own sanity, wish him well in your head and let go. To be jealous, bitter and angry isn't worth it...He's not worth it!! Focus on the positives in your life and your current boyfriend. Let the past be in the past. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 You had a longstanding crush & a dream. Although you briefly got to date him for two whole weeks, he always knew that you were not the one for him, even though he was cruel & strung you along. Of course you feel sad. You are craving stability & a long term commitment. He got that with someone else. You are sad & envious, all natural reactions. Unfortunately your connection to him was more in your head then reality. You have to find a way past him especially since him being a long time family friend means he'll be around.
Erik30 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I think you're sad because now that fantasy that you still might have had in the back of your mind about you and him possibly ending up together is gone. I'm also assuming you're single, so it really seems unfair that someone who treated you like crap gets to be happy. I'm sure the sadness will fade away soon, and you'll go back to feeling nothing but indifference for him, once you realize again the type of guy he really is. Maybe you'll even feel sorry for his wife.
Author airangel Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Yes most of your replies hit the point. My pride is hurt because I'm angry that he got happiness after all these cruel things he did to me. I must have been living in my own fantasy for 10 years or I would not have been blind to his mind games. I just don't understand why he would do these things to me if we grew up together as friends - and that is another reason I feel hurt I.e. trust broken. I wish he could just have let me leave in peace rather than asking me out. Can you guys imagine the joy and hope after waiting for so long and then have all that fall apart? I will try to stay strong and look on the bright side 1
sandylee1 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I think it's a genuine fear when families are close like this... The fear that if it doesn't end in marriage... and it's a bad break up that there will be a rift between the families . I've seen this play out with folk I know and the once close families were never as friendly post break up. You'll be okay... just focus on yourself and see it as one of life's experiences.
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