theinfinite Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Here is my story. Thanks for reading. I've known this girl for over 12 years now. Let's call her Marisa. We first dated around 10 years ago. That was brief and I left her to go back to an ex who at the time recently broke up with me. We cut off contact for a bit, around a year, and then started talking again. We reconnected as friends and weren't trying to start something up again, just taking it slow as friends. Although every now and then we would have sex, but we never classified each other as "boyfriend and girlfriend." But eventually Marisa met a guy and started dating him seriously. She even moved in with him. I started dating other women, but for some reason we still talked. It didn't really bother me that she was in a serious relationship. I have to admit, at that point she was merely my "friend with benefits", or at least that's what I thought. Basically whenever either of us weren't in a serious relationship we would have sex. So a few years later I started dating someone seriously. That turned into a two year relationship that ended badly. I was heartbroken. But right after that ended, Marisa was there to support me and be my friend. And of course we started having sex. This turned into two years of us having sex off and on. At the time I could tell that her feelings for me were starting to grow, but I was so heartbroken over my previous relationship that I did not want a girlfriend. I made that perfectly clear. But stupid me, I gave her mixed messages by continuing to have sex with her and "act" like a boyfriend to her. I also treated her badly, basically ignoring her and not being there. But at the time I did not want a girlfriend. Little did I know that I should have just opened myself up to her, but hey I was at a different place. Anyway, after two years of off and on sex and me being an a-hole to her, she finally decides that I would never "come around" and she starts to get over me. She starts dating other people. Of course right at that same time, I actually did start to "come around" and want more from her. I started to really fall in love with her. I realized that there must be a reason why we've known each other for so long. All of a sudden I wanted to be in a serious relationship with her. So I tell her this and she immediately stops dating other people. She said that she was confused but wanted to give it a shot. This was in January. We did give it a shot but old habits are hard to kick. I didn't really put more effort into her. I should have, looking back I know. But at the time work was occupying almost every hour of the day. I tried my best to treat her differently and pay more attention to her. I did start to treat her better, but something was different. After a month of us basically being together again, she said that it felt like too little too late. I told her to give it a try and that work was stressing me out. So I tried to pay more attention to her and felt like everything was getting better. I actually made more time for her and things were looking bright. We were intimate, laughing, having a great time. I felt a deep love and connection between us. Just yesterday she got a job offer in another city. She called me and said that she wanted to break up. She said that she's going to take the job and that it will be the perfect opportunity for her to get some space. She said that after two years of waiting for me to come around, she started to lose hope and she thinks that she lost that special feeling for me. She doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore. She doesn't know if we will ever get back together and she wants time and space to just be alone. She said that since January she's just been confused. She did ask me a few times a couple of months ago if I would ever start ignoring her again the way I did before. I told her no. I brought this up yesterday and she says that she trusts me but has to do this. Of course I am heartbroken. I am kicking myself for ignoring her for so long and told her so. She said that she forgave me and understood that that was where I was at back then. I'm just worried that I've lost her forever. Even though I'm upset, I told her that I understand and want her to have all the time in the world to figure it out. Although I'm scared I've already lost her. When someone says that they've lost that "special something" for you, isn't it hard to get that back? I want her back but I guess the only thing I can do is let her go and see what happens. Kicking myself. Thoughts?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 When someone falls out of love with you, they need space to see if they can find what it was they loved. It's not impossible for her feelings to change, but given you guys were FWB on and off for years, I am wondering if she ever really had those "feelings" for you. Has she ever told you she loved you?
Author theinfinite Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 Yes she recently told me she loved me. Only after I said that I wanted to be serious with her. I said it to her, which surprised her, and she said it back. It felt real. It felt good. She treated me so well over the past two years. I was in such denial over the whole situation. She treated me so well. I just never returned what she was giving out. Of course until January, and now it feels like it may be too late. Now I'm just sad. Upset that I didn't treat her this way before. Lately, I knew something was up from the way she was talking to me. She recently would just talk to me in a cold, unfeeling voice. But her body language and the way she would look at me told otherwise. I forgot to mention that I wrote her an email last night telling her that I'm sorry for not being there when she did know for sure about her feelings for me. She wrote back saying that she forgives me, she just needs this time and space. She said that the email made her cry and that she thought about me throughout the day today. It was hard for her not to call me.... confused...
ConfusedInOC Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by theinfinite Yes she recently told me she loved me. Only after I said that I wanted to be serious with her. I said it to her, which surprised her, and she said it back. It felt real. It felt good. She treated me so well over the past two years. I was in such denial over the whole situation. She treated me so well. I just never returned what she was giving out. Of course until January, and now it feels like it may be too late. Now I'm just sad. Upset that I didn't treat her this way before. Lately, I knew something was up from the way she was talking to me. She recently would just talk to me in a cold, unfeeling voice. But her body language and the way she would look at me told otherwise. I forgot to mention that I wrote her an email last night telling her that I'm sorry for not being there when she did know for sure about her feelings for me. She wrote back saying that she forgives me, she just needs this time and space. She said that the email made her cry and that she thought about me throughout the day today. It was hard for her not to call me.... confused... You've done all you can. Give her some space.
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