Yummm Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Hey guys thank you for spending the time to read. I'm referring to the girl from this thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/545997-she-hasn-t-been-rs-before So about 3 months ago I went on a second date with the girl from the above topic and we went ice skating and for a ride with a pedal boat on the lake. It was a great date and I was very much sexually attracted to her. She was very reserved and wasn't giving much out at all (which I took as she said she has never been in a relationship before and still had walls which is fine). Nevertheless I felt it was right and went in for a second kiss (we kissed on the first date) and it was nice. I asked to see her again and she said 'we'll talk'. During the week she told me that i'm a lovely guy but she doesn't see anything romantically of me and that she was not looking for a friend. That was that and it genuinely didn't bother me as I had other dates at the time. 3 months later she messages me out of the blue saying: 'Hey, I just went ice skating and it reminded me of what a lovely time we had, we should go again! Hope all is well' I responded and was quite blunt, i said: 'What's with the change of heart?' She basically said that she panicked and got scared after the second kiss as she felt something but didn't allow herself to get attached to anyone as she's bad with expressing emotions. She continued to say how she was sorry she didn't give it a shot and really did like me. I responded saying that I am open to getting to know her better, give me a shout when she's free and we can go for a drink and catch up. Almost 3 weeks later she hasn't said anything. So i'm just a little confused. I don't want to get messed around, but she was attractive and we did get on so should I perhaps give this another shot? I want to know your opinion on why she wouldn't get in touch if she randomly opened up 3 months after our date? Thank you guys!
kendahke Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 She basically said that she panicked and got scared after the second kiss as she felt something but didn't allow herself to get attached to anyone as she's bad with expressing emotions. She continued to say how she was sorry she didn't give it a shot and really did like me. Poor communication skills, gets scared and runs, didn't want you to be friends and now that Christmas and New Years are on deck, she's had a change of heart and figures you'll do in a rush. Ok. Well, are you down for going through this again with her? I'd just lose her number and keep it moving. 2
Author Yummm Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Poor communication skills, gets scared and runs, didn't want you to be friends and now that Christmas and New Years are on deck, she's had a change of heart and figures you'll do in a rush. Ok. Well, are you down for going through this again with her? I'd just lose her number and keep it moving. I'm thinking the same, but always do give benefit of the doubt. I've made it clear that i'm not at her beck and call and have a change of heart in a rush. Perhaps that's the reason for her silence 1
kendahke Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 For me, when someone tells me: that i'm a lovely (girl) but (he) doesn't see anything romantically of me and that (he) was not looking for a friend. then 3 months later, it's: 'Hey, I just went ice skating and it reminded me of what a lovely time we had, we should go again! Hope all is well' I'm thinking there was someone else they liked more and saw a chance of being with them--but it fizzled out and now they're remembering that I liked them, so they tossed their line in the water to see if I will bite again. Attractive or not, I don't like being second choice. 1
cichlid Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Attractive or not, I don't like being second choice. You might not like being a second choice but if that's what happened here, at the moment he may very well be her only choice. So what she met a guy she thought she might like better, it didn't work, and now opportunity knocks again, and you suggest he say "no thanks opportunity I don't answer the door a second time"? Nothing to lose, everything to gain by opening the door. It's not like your social calendar is so full that you have to cancel something else to make another date happen. 1
lilmissjava Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 For me, when someone tells me: then 3 months later, it's: I'm thinking there was someone else they liked more and saw a chance of being with them--but it fizzled out and now they're remembering that I liked them, so they tossed their line in the water to see if I will bite again. Attractive or not, I don't like being second choice. This happened to me. I didn't want to be the backup plan. Do you? I would rather much be someone's priority than their option. 1
casey.lives Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I believe the "give me a shout" might have thrown her off. It sounds extremely casual.
Author Yummm Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 This happened to me. I didn't want to be the backup plan. Do you? I would rather much be someone's priority than their option. Ofcourse not - that's why I responded so 'casual' and left it at that. It just pondered on my mind wondering why she did what she did. She hot?.......................... Yes
Author Yummm Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 You should get all up in there dude. I'm not looking for a booty call bro
Redfisher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I'm not looking for a booty call bro It was a great date and I was very much sexually attracted to her So you would have turned down sex if she offered? 1
kendahke Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 . It's not like your social calendar is so full that you have to cancel something else to make another date happen. Actually, it is. That's how I get to roll. And I'm no one's back up plan. They had their chance, they lost their place. Too bad. I don't owe them anything. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Well I'd like to commend you for coming up with a pretty perfect response for when people (dates/crushes) text you out of the blue. This is perfect: 'What's with the change of heart? It gets right to the point, but doesn't put them on the defensive and you can get an honest and in depth explanation without all the guessing games, much like you did. I think you have nothing to lose by taking a leap of faith and if you still would like to date her do that. I actually disagree that you are a second option. Sometimes people are just not in a place to date. Either their heart is not open because someone else is still in it and they need to see it all the way through or still getting over it OR dealing with some personal stuff which has nothing to do with dating but doesn't have them in the mood to date. If she treats you like an option that's a different story. I don't think you guys got that far the first time. Now the 3 weeks of recent silence. Hmmmmm. Well, it could have taken all her courage to reach out in the way she did and she was hoping for a more enthusiastic response from you or for you to have met her halfway (i think you responded fine but she may have out of whack expectations) OR she could have been just looking for an ego boost or chance to get you back into her rotation. I like no regrets so unless she is crazy or narcissistic, give her the benefit of the doubt. You could ask her to go for a christmas drink. One thing that's smart to do is act like the responsibility to follow through on the date was yours. so you say something like: sorry i've been so busy the last couple of weeks. how about that catch up (or whatever?). It's the confident proactive move. Where you falsely take responsibility for needing to make the date arrangements and confidently ask for them, turning the tables if you will. I've only ever had stuff like that work. I use it in many facets of life. It makes the fact that SHE didn't follow through a non-issue which puts you in a better power position which is ideal for the situation because of how things went down the first time. Good luck. Let us know how it goes or what ends up happening. Oh, I have to just do a ps that the reality (on a negative note) is she may just be one of those flakey, lost, wishy-washy types who doesn't know what she wants and keeps pulling you into her riptide. Out of the negative things that could have been the reason before I think it was either this or "not ready". Problem is if it is the flakey bit that would likely still be there now 3 months later. Oh well no way to find out unless you try. Plus you said she was hot;) 1
Author Yummm Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Thanks for the great responses guys. @redfisher - in all honesty probably not mate! It's not what I'm about. I've had my experiences and slept around and if felt empty and stopped being thrilling after a while. Since my last RS I've been enjoying singledom and slowly started to get back into the dating scene. Vercase thank you for the in depth response, your mindset is very much like mine and I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt! I'll see how it goes as it isn't actually that important to me right now as some personal issues have arose in the last week which makes me in no place to focus on dating when I'm feeling negative and have other priorities to sort out. Like you said I have nothing to lose, hopefully things pick up before Christmas and I'll ask her if she's up for a drink - I shall update! 2
Versacehottie Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Thanks for the great responses guys. @redfisher - in all honesty probably not mate! It's not what I'm about. I've had my experiences and slept around and if felt empty and stopped being thrilling after a while. Since my last RS I've been enjoying singledom and slowly started to get back into the dating scene. Vercase thank you for the in depth response, your mindset is very much like mine and I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt! I'll see how it goes as it isn't actually that important to me right now as some personal issues have arose in the last week which makes me in no place to focus on dating when I'm feeling negative and have other priorities to sort out. Like you said I have nothing to lose, hopefully things pick up before Christmas and I'll ask her if she's up for a drink - I shall update! Thank you and yes the same mindset (certainly in this case). I always know, as it sounds like you do too, that I am capable of managing the situation so it makes sense to give the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes obviously I've been over it but I don't think that applies to this girl. Just as you said yourself you are dealing with some personal issues yourself at the moment, so it is possibly something like that was going on for her before. It's believable. I know several couples whose relationships didn't start perfectly. cool can't wait to hear the update! Good luck 1
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