LoveRefreshed Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 How do people know when they are ready? How soon is too soon and how much wait is too much? Would you be concerned if four months into dating a girl, in the middle of sex she says "I can keep her".. and then the next day when we are snuggling tells me that she could mine forever. I feel amazing with her, but there are so many things I'm worried about. I mean emotionally speaking, everything's amazing. She is a great lover. She communicates well and makes me feel amazing. I see a future with her or at least my willingness to work for it with her. There are many things though that I don't know... like will she match my effort in keeping an awesome home, what is she like to live with, how does she handle adversity? I read this article that says it's not the length of time you know someone to know if you're compatible, but rather the range of challenges you have struggled through together.
BluEyeL Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 You need to date them at least a year to see them in different situations. It is better if you date two years before engagement. Those hormones that cloud your judgement will clear up some by then and you'd make a decision that is more sound. Don't read too much into what's said within 4 months. You can keep dating and be in a serious relationship, moving towards engagement, but the engagement itself should happen, like I said, ideally 1-2 years into a relationship. 2
lilmissjava Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 The honeymoon phase is bliss isn't it? You will know when it that period is over when you start seeing each other for the "real" person you are without the rose colored glasses. In the meantime, just enjoy each other. 1
Popsicle Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 There are no rules or time limits that you need to date someone before marrying them. You see, people get married at various different times after meeting dating each other. It depends on what you want, but I believe that love and only love should be your guide. It is the only acceptable guide for me. Love and logic have an inverse effect on each other. When one is high the other suffers, but you have a better chance at logic growing out of love, than love growing out of logic.
Popsicle Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 On another note, have you asked her to be your girlfriend? Maybe she's hinting at that. Or maybe that's just her way of expressing that she feels amazing with you too.
Versacehottie Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 i like the old saying of at least going through all four seasons with someone. Which of course amounts to about a year. I think 1-2 years is good. Maybe your new girl is just looking for some assurance that you see this as a long term thing and like where it is going. Because stereotypically men hold back on expressing feelings, women can tend to rush things logistically to in actuality get the assurance they need that things are on track. Assure her you guys are on track and you are enjoying things very much? That's what I think would be good. I like what you said about the things you still need to find out to know if she is the right person for you. Those are great criteria for both of you. I'm happy you found a good person. Good luck moving forward. 1
scooby-philly Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I love that quote "4 seasons". And as a response said "you're asking the right questions" of yourself and what you want. That's all good stuff. I also agree - you need to dig a little deeper concerning her statements. If she's simply hinting at being in a relationship that's one thing. And that's all she could mean (in addition to just liking and feeling comfortable with you). But you need to clarify her intentions with those statements because if she's got a checkered past or has emotional issues then it could be a sign of problems to come. Not trying to ruin the magic.....but generally speaking I'd say "engagement" - i.e. declaring that you are together in a sort of official way - and therefore responsible for taking the other into account with all decisions, should wait a while. For each couple that varies. But you do need to see them in different settings to see the real person and the whole picture.
Author LoveRefreshed Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Well, we made it facebook official that she is my girlfriend last week. Though we had this discussion about two and a half months ago (you can find one of my threads about it, since she was in a open marriage followed by a poly relationship, I had some issues). So I don't think that's it. As far as 'on track', well I tell her that I'm 31, I'm not looking to date for the sake of ****ing around. I am looking for my soul mate and someone to have a life and family with. Told her that from the get go, and that was my primary reason for wanting a serious, committed, monogamous relationship. I think it may be her way of telling me that, so far, she loves the monogamous relationship (her first real monogamous relationship) and that she is serious about me. I think that she feels super lucky to catch me as she's basically said it in different words and is maybe insecure that I'll grow bored or something. Maybe I'll give her some reassurance just to be sure.
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 IMO, a good rule of thumb, the younger you are, the longer you need to date before becoming engaged. A year is the minimum
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