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Guys - do you like a girl who is forward or hard to get? And what about texting?

mariacarnie

By mariacarnie
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mariacarnie New Member

mariacarnie

Posted
Posted

So here is the story - a close friend of mine (John) has been a friend of mine for about 6 years. We never dated and we never hooked up.

 

About a month ago, I was ending a 2 year relationship and started to notice my feelings for John changing - I found myself attracted to him. I was afraid it wasn't reciprocated and/or that I was looking for a fall back option (I didn't want to put our relationship through that) so I just kept my mouth shut. John actually came out, without my prompting, and told me he was thinking of me in a way that he hadn't before and while he knew it was in the VERY early stages of an attraction - he saw all the qualities he had been looking for in me (someone he is comfortable with, attracted to, is friends with and can have good conversation with without it getting bored). He kissed me - and has everytime we are hanging out. He told me he is uncertain if he trusts our feelings because, in his words, he doesn't want to be a rebound AND he doesn't understand how we cold have been friends for so long without us realizing that there is an attraction there.

 

Since our conversation he has been very touchy feely with me - and we have been seeing each other at least twice a week whether alone or in a group.

 

I have 2 questions - 1. Although he has been pretty obvious with his feelings - he doesn't text me a lot. I will send a text and it will take him hours to get back to me. If he is actually interested in me, why would he do this? I was always under the impression if a guy is not texting you - he is not into you. Is there any merit in this?

 

2. If you think he is interested, do guys like a girl who is a bit more forward? I have been more reserved since everything because I don't want to scare him off (and because I am not really certain if he actually likes me). Today for example, I know we are both off - I would like to ask him if he would be interested in meeting up for lunch - but I don't know if that is too forward. What are your thoughts?

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
Posted

1) It depends. Some guys like to text a lot. Others don't. It's not necessarily a reliable indicator of his interest in you. I don't like to text a lot myself.

2) I prefer women that are more forward.

scooby-philly Established Member

scooby-philly

Posted
Posted

So to answer your two questions...

 

1. I agree with SwordofFlame - you can't just judge guys wholesale like that. Some guys text, some guys don't. He may be a text fiend but because he doesn't want to get hurt or doesn't want to hurt you he's being shy where you are being timid as you've described. If you find his lack of texts and/or his response speed something you have a question about - ask him. I know I'm not a big texter per se - I use it as a tool. Generally, a guy will show interest in a woman - but it may come out in different ways.

 

2. I don't mind women who are forward and clear in their intentions. Again, not every guy is the same. You can try being more direct and see how he responds. Things could work out great if you take the initiative. You won't know though unless you try.

 

And not saying you haven't been - but be patient - and persistent. I've found myself in a fwb situation and it may turn out to be more - all I know is we seem to be okay and understanding of each other and our schedules.

MightyPen Established Member

MightyPen

Posted
Posted

Ask the guy out to lunch right now! You still have time. Go hit TGI Fridays or maybe IHOP! (random suggestions)

 

 

I can't speak for all guys, but I think most would be flattered to have the woman they are interested in affirmatively show her own interest and ask to hang out.

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mariacarnie New Member

mariacarnie

Posted
  • Author
Posted

So I did ask! He worked overnight last night and told me he is going to pass but asked what my plans were for tomorrow.

 

Maybe I am too much of a girl - but if a guy is interested, shouldn't he want to see you either way?

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
Posted
So I did ask! He worked overnight last night and told me he is going to pass but asked what my plans were for tomorrow.

 

Maybe I am too much of a girl - but if a guy is interested, shouldn't he want to see you either way?

 

If he was desperate, sure.

pizzaro Member

pizzaro

Posted
Posted (edited)
So I did ask! He worked overnight last night and told me he is going to pass but asked what my plans were for tomorrow.

 

Maybe I am too much of a girl - but if a guy is interested, shouldn't he want to see you either way?

 

Why should [he] want to drop everything he's doing and see you whenever you request.

 

He countered with an alternate date, you either accept or don't. :rolleyes:

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
sin miedo Established Member

sin miedo

Posted
Posted
So I did ask! He worked overnight last night and told me he is going to pass but asked what my plans were for tomorrow.

 

Maybe I am too much of a girl - but if a guy is interested, shouldn't he want to see you either way?

 

A guy who is interested who always find a time for you in the near future if his schedule doesn't initially work out. Sounds like he wants to hang out tomorrow so that's a good sign. I would def follow up.

 

In the early stages of dating I will often intentionally defer a date to a later day to amp up the anticipation. It shows that you have a life and are not willing to make that person a priority immediately, which in turn demonstrates self-worth.

  • Like 2
oberkeat Established Member

oberkeat

Posted
Posted
So here is the story - a close friend of mine (John) has been a friend of mine for about 6 years. We never dated and we never hooked up.

 

About a month ago, I was ending a 2 year relationship and started to notice my feelings for John changing - I found myself attracted to him. I was afraid it wasn't reciprocated and/or that I was looking for a fall back option (I didn't want to put our relationship through that) so I just kept my mouth shut. John actually came out, without my prompting, and told me he was thinking of me in a way that he hadn't before and while he knew it was in the VERY early stages of an attraction - he saw all the qualities he had been looking for in me (someone he is comfortable with, attracted to, is friends with and can have good conversation with without it getting bored). He kissed me - and has everytime we are hanging out. He told me he is uncertain if he trusts our feelings because, in his words, he doesn't want to be a rebound AND he doesn't understand how we cold have been friends for so long without us realizing that there is an attraction there.

 

Since our conversation he has been very touchy feely with me - and we have been seeing each other at least twice a week whether alone or in a group.

 

I have 2 questions - 1. Although he has been pretty obvious with his feelings - he doesn't text me a lot. I will send a text and it will take him hours to get back to me. If he is actually interested in me, why would he do this? I was always under the impression if a guy is not texting you - he is not into you. Is there any merit in this?

 

Men walk such a tightrope when it comes to texting. They're almost screwed no matter what they do. Some women on these forums have said that if a guy texts too much, he's desperate, too eager and too available. Other women have said that if he texts too little it will come off as not interested. The point is, I wouldn't gauge a man's interest just through his texting habits. As long as he's responding to your messages and in a reasonable amount of time, I wouldn't read too much into it.

 

2. If you think he is interested, do guys like a girl who is a bit more forward? I have been more reserved since everything because I don't want to scare him off (and because I am not really certain if he actually likes me). Today for example, I know we are both off - I would like to ask him if he would be interested in meeting up for lunch - but I don't know if that is too forward. What are your thoughts?

 

There is no such thing as a woman being "too forward." Not unless she's unattractive. Take a look at all the threads from frustrated dudes pursuing unavailable women. Men are sick of pursuing women who don't show enough interest, are unresponsive to their advances or who play games. A woman who shows she likes a guy and is proactive about demonstrating interest and who is upfront about her interest is just what the doctor ordered. Don't play games. Don't play hard to get. Forget that BS.

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted

I like a woman who is a go-getter and will approach. The ones who play games generally turn out to be huge pain-in-the-A--!

 

If you really like someone, texting is an non-issue.

  • Like 1
ravfour4 Established Member

ravfour4

Posted
Posted

The answer is simple. If I am not attracted to her or am on the fence, her pushing will eventually make her repulsive to me. If I'm on the fence, she needs to act hard to get for me to grow attraction. I think it's best if a girl act hard to get until she knows the man's intentions and attraction level. Come on too hard too fast and I'm out. I've done the same thing to women....

 

 

If I like her, she can text and call me 20 times a day for all I care.

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