dobielover Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Dating with children and a non-traditional 9-5 schedule can be challenging. If you work swing shift four days a week, and then have custody of your young child the other three days a week, is it reasonable to bring your child on a first online date, and subsequent dates, so that you date on the days you have off? Alternatively, same schedule, is it reasonable to suggest the date, and likely future dates, start when you get off work, thus starting at or after midnight? Two different guys coincidentally share a similar schedule as described above, each presented me with their option for availability. I'd like to hear your thoughts on what they proposed.
Redfisher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 What? you should not even introduce the kids to you are exclusive and months down the line. crazy 14
Author dobielover Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 What? you should not even introduce the kids to you are exclusive and months down the line. crazy What about the other guy's suggestion?
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Only because you both get off work at midnight that option is better. Relatively speaking for you two that is a 6 pm date. But I would go someplace like an all night diner not a bar & certainly not his place. Leave your kids home.
Author dobielover Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Only because you both get off work at midnight that option is better. Relatively speaking for you two that is a 6 pm date. But I would go someplace like an all night diner not a bar & certainly not his place. Leave your kids home. Sorry to confuse. I work 9-5 and have no children. The guys in question have the same schedule, and both have young children. They proposed very different options for dating. I was personally more put off by the suggestion of a midnight date than a date involving a child.
Timshel Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) Absolutely do not involve your child(ren) in your dating life. It may sound harsh but if you are unable to plan a date without your child and also not able to arrange for a safe date for yourself then.....don't date right now. There are also babysitters...... Edited for most recent OP post: If they can't/won't hire a sitter and take you on a date at a reasonable hour, I wouldn't date them. It sounds chaotic and going in a bad direction for you and the kids. Edited December 11, 2015 by Timshel
deckard11 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Bring a kid to a first date? Are you serious? And people wonder why I don't date women with kids.
Author dobielover Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Bring a kid to a first date? Are you serious? And people wonder why I don't date women with kids. I don't have children. It was a man who wanted to bring his child on the date.
BluEyeL Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 No, it is not reasonable to bring kids on dates. Please do not do that. I am also a single mother and when I started dating my son was 10. I would always hire a sitter, although he was already not a little kid. If you can't afford a sitter, I'm afraid it would make it very difficult to date. 1
Author dobielover Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Can a moderator please edit my first post? I realize it's unclear and I'm not getting the answer to the question asked. I do not have kids. I work 9-5. The options posed were posed by the men who have children and non-traditional work schedules.
Timshel Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I don't have children. It was a man who wanted to bring his child on the date. I'd say no to that dobie. You need time to determine if you ever want to see the man again and further, whether or not you will be in a long term relationship before the children should be introduced to you, imo. Also, being on a date with you alone is a very different dynamic than you and the kid(s). Even in the most Sesame Street of circumstances....early dating is not for kids. Frankly, I question the parenting skills of a man who meets you through OLD and wants to bring his kids on a first date.
Maggie4 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Yeah I get what you're asking, As a woman, I do not want to be meeting a stranger after midnight. And why is he leaving his kids home alone, even if they're asleep? I'd opt for the date with kids. It should be quick and casual for a first meeting, for example, just meet and chat a little at the ice cream stand at the park or beach. Only 10 minutes or so, to see face to face. You know what this means... a lot of ice cream eating for the kid if the Dad can get online dates often.
Redhead14 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Dating with children and a non-traditional 9-5 schedule can be challenging. If you work swing shift four days a week, and then have custody of your young child the other three days a week, is it reasonable to bring your child on a first online date, and subsequent dates, so that you date on the days you have off? Alternatively, same schedule, is it reasonable to suggest the date, and likely future dates, start when you get off work, thus starting at or after midnight? Two different guys coincidentally share a similar schedule as described above, each presented me with their option for availability. I'd like to hear your thoughts on what they proposed. This is a view into the future with these guys . . .
Redfisher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 What kind of man thinks its ok to bring his kid on first date?!?!? Not a good man thats for sure... 1
clia Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Both options are equally bad. Guy 1 should hire a babysitter. As for Guy 2, how does a date at midnight work when you have to get up for work early the next morning? No thanks to both options.
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Sorry to confuse. I work 9-5 and have no children. The guys in question have the same schedule, and both have young children. They proposed very different options for dating. I was personally more put off by the suggestion of a midnight date than a date involving a child. Yes I misunderstood. I thought you both got off work at 11 p.m. in which case, the midnight date wasn't so bad, imo. If you can handle his kids on your date, I'd do that before I met some guy at midnight. His decision to bring kids on a date is a bit daft, imo, but they are his kids.
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 A coworker of mine told me about when she started dating her husband. She was a young single mom with a 1 1/2 year old from another guy. She didn't have any money for a babysitter, so he suggested she bring the child along, and was very accepting of her circumstance. The three of them went on dates together. I remember her saying how this impressed her/ felt very respected. She got lucky I guess.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I had a guy wanting to bring his kid when he met me. He said he couldn't find a sitter. It killed the buzz right away. It's so inappropriate to bring a child on a first date or the first few months of courtship. It just sort of screams " You're not important enough to sort out my priorities and personal life for. Or it screams, I cannot get my **** together" If he decides or anyone for that matter, decides to bring their child to a date that would be the dealbreaker for me and I would say thank you but no thank you and be on my way.
GemmaUK Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Personally, I wouldn't date either of these guys. I also work a normal day, 9-5.30 or sometimes up until about 8pm. This is one of those boundary setting exercises - start as you mean to go on. I would not be wanting to miss out on my sleep for a date at midnight, no way to that! With the child aspect I would be seriously wondering why he would think it's OK to bring a child on a date as to me it doesn't bode well for parental responsibility. If he wants to go on a date on his days off he should organise a baby sitter.
bathtub-row Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I don't have children. It was a man who wanted to bring his child on the date. Some single dads live in a bubble and seem to think that their situation is so much worse or different than a regular single mom's is. Like in The Holiday movie where the guy describes his life as a single parent. "I'm in constant overload..." etc. He didn't say anything different than a single mom would've said and I think that describes a lot of single dads. Both of these men are ridiculous for even bringing it up. I wouldn't date either one of them.
Robratory Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Can a moderator please edit my first post? I realize it's unclear and I'm not getting the answer to the question asked. I do not have kids. I work 9-5. The options posed were posed by the men who have children and non-traditional work schedules. Yes, everyone assumed you were the one with the kid(s), but the answer is the same. Children shouldn't be brought along on dates until the couple is in a committed relationship. Explain to the guys that it can screw with a kid's head to see Mom or Dad with a string of boyfriends or girlfriends.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Some single dads live in a bubble and seem to think that their situation is so much worse or different than a regular single mom's is. Like in The Holiday movie where the guy describes his life as a single parent. "I'm in constant overload..." etc. He didn't say anything different than a single mom would've said and I think that describes a lot of single dads. Both of these men are ridiculous for even bringing it up. I wouldn't date either one of them. you've described an ex of mine perfectly. 1
Author dobielover Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 A coworker of mine told me about when she started dating her husband. She was a young single mom with a 1 1/2 year old from another guy. She didn't have any money for a babysitter, so he suggested she bring the child along, and was very accepting of her circumstance. The three of them went on dates together. I remember her saying how this impressed her/ felt very respected. She got lucky I guess. I'm thinking perhaps given that he only has custody on his days off, instead of sending him off to a babysitter during that time, that he purposefully chooses to blend meeting women with spending time with his son. I see platonic friends and their kids all the time. I'm not sure how a first date, which is really a first meeting, is really all that different.
GemmaUK Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I see platonic friends and their kids all the time. I'm not sure how a first date, which is really a first meeting, is really all that different. Platonic friends is not the same as dating though is it? Dating is a whole different situation do you not think? 3
oberkeat Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) I don't have children. It was a man who wanted to bring his child on the date. There are plenty of decent single guys like myself out there who do not have kids and baby mamas. Why don't you find one of them to date? Why would you want to date guys who have this baggage? That makes no sense to me. Edited December 11, 2015 by oberkeat
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