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GF did not want to open messages on Facebook in front of me yday

tito1501

By tito1501
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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tito1501 Established Member

tito1501

Posted
Posted (edited)

I was with my girlfriend in the living room and she had 6 new inbox messages on her Facebook. We were both looking to her computer. She did not open the ''inbox button'' so I could see with whom she was talking to.

 

I asked her why she did not open and she got TOTALLY pissed. Saying that I do not trust her and that she will NEVER show me anything this way because either I trust her or not.

 

 

I told her it was not about controlling or trust, I just wanted to know the people that talked to her. She said this would never happen. Then, after 30 minutes ( when she had some space on her facebook for herself) I explained her that I just wanted to see who my GF socializes with, as we even live together. THen she SUDDENLY understood and wanted to show me the messages.

 

Of course I did not want to see them anymore, because in my point of view she had already time to delete any **** if she wanted.

 

I have serious problems on trusting her and I told her that I need to have ONE good experience in relation to this type of situation, otherwise I will never trust her. Because she acts as if she HAD something to hide.

 

And I told her she could see my phone whenever she wanted.

 

How should I act from now on ?

Edited by tito1501
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

Just break up already.

 

Why don't you trust her? Why can't she keep her messages to herself? Why do you feel entitled to know who she talks to?

 

This is not a healthy relationship and there won't be a way for it to continue - that is obvious.

 

If you don't break-up over this, something else will destroy it so you should just cut the cord now.

  • Like 6
TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

Posted
Posted

Like a man, not a big kid.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

Posted
Posted
Just break up already.

 

Why don't you trust her? Why can't she keep her messages to herself? Why do you feel entitled to know who she talks to?

 

This is not a healthy relationship and there won't be a way for it to continue - that is obvious.

 

If you don't break-up over this, something else will destroy it so you should just cut the cord now.

 

I agree with this. I've checked your posting history, and the mis-match is staggering.

She won't let go of her ex, and in spite of the drama and trauma it causes you, you just keep writing about it and doing nothing.

 

Man up, and either tell her you refuse to tolerate her contacting him for one more second - it's either you or him - or just dump her already, fer chrissakes.

 

It's really not rocket science.....

  • Like 3
Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

Posted
Posted
Then, after 30 minutes ( when she had some space on her facebook for herself) I explained her that I just wanted to see who my GF socializes with, as we even live together. THen she SUDDENLY understood and wanted to show me the messages.

That says it ALL.

 

From what the other posters say, you clearly stay with her even though she's not trustworthy. So if you refuse to leave someone whose clearly not trustworthy, how should you act?

 

Like you have all along - showing her that no matter how sleazy her behavior is, you'll still cling to her like grim death.

Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted
I agree with this. I've checked your posting history, and the mis-match is staggering.

She won't let go of her ex, and in spite of the drama and trauma it causes you, you just keep writing about it and doing nothing.

 

Man up, and either tell her you refuse to tolerate her contacting him for one more second - it's either you or him - or just dump her already, fer chrissakes.

 

It's really not rocket science.....

 

Thank you Tara...

 

 

Had you not mentioned that you checked the OP's posting history,I certainly would not have. And that being the case, I'm sure the OP would have received a lot of advice that he would have liked to hear but would have flown in the face of common sense and probably reinforced his self inflicted dilemma. So thank you very much for doing the work that I myself was far too lazy to do.

 

 

Tito, seriously, dude. There comes a time when you are just punishing yourself for foolish reasons. You need to grow up and realize no one feels sorry for a fool who keeps going back to a dry well.

 

Your relationship is beyond dysfunctional, it's moronic.

  • Like 4
Spectre Established Member

Spectre

Posted
Posted

So the way people talk about the posting history has me thinking this girl has been shady to him before. So I have to say I'm perplexed to see folk saying "why don't you trust her? why do you need to see her messages?" and then people quoting that, saying they agree, and then pointing out the shadiness of the girls behavior to the OP in the past.

 

So uh if she was shady to him, wouldn't let go of the ex, why are people agreeing with someone essentially saying he has no right to check up on her..even though you checked his posting history and know she HAS done stuff to make it so she needs checking up on.

 

Color me confused, explain this. If you think he is a fool for letting the girl treat him this way cool, but why in gods name are you quoting posts and saying you agree with them when those posts act like he has no reason not to trust her? Again: explain.

  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted

Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Dump her.

 

 

And yeah, she deleted the bad stuff before she would let you look later on.

  • Like 3
cichlid Member

cichlid

Posted
Posted
How should I act from now on ?

 

Act like yourself. But not with her.

 

With her, you're just wasting your time.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

How should you act? Since you refuse to end this relationship you have no choice but to ignore what she is doing and who she is talking to. Ignorance is bliss.

lakerman34 Established Member

lakerman34

Posted
Posted

I'm in a similar situation.

 

My girlfriend, as of late, is doing her best to hide her cell phone. In the past, whenever it would go off, my instinct would be to look in its general direction. She'd always call me nosy and, essentially, told me I had nothing to worry about.

 

Lately, we'll be in bed, and she'll shield her cell phone with her body. I don't know if it's her need for space and her way of saying "just trust me, goddamnit," but I've come to this conclusion -- if she is doing something disloyal, I'll be out the door EVENTUALLY (even if I find out a year from now) and she has to live with the fact that she's an (alleged) ****ty person. And, knowing her, she will feel awful about it, it's just a matter of getting caught.

 

For both of our sakes, I hope it's just them being independent and requiring trust in their relationships. I don't know about your history, but my advice would be if you are to break up with her, let it be for a more than just a single reason that you aren't even 100% sure about. If my gf were contacting her ex, I'd definitely be justified (and definitely would) put the "him or me, you have 10 seconds to give me an answer" ultimatum over her head. If she resorts to "you should trust me" or yelling, I'm taking that as a "so you choose him -- I'll pack up my stuff."

Spectre Established Member

Spectre

Posted
Posted
I'm in a similar situation.

 

My girlfriend, as of late, is doing her best to hide her cell phone. In the past, whenever it would go off, my instinct would be to look in its general direction. She'd always call me nosy and, essentially, told me I had nothing to worry about.

 

This in itself is strange. If I am in a room and hear a sound, like a phone ringing, I will look towards the source. I know a lot of people would. It's not like you were jumping up to go look at the caller id. So already we have a red flag of her being defensive.

 

Lately, we'll be in bed, and she'll shield her cell phone with her body. I don't know if it's her need for space and her way of saying "just trust me, goddamnit,"

 

You say "lately" so I assume this is just recent behavior. Which then to me I would ask why the change? Acting sneaky isn't the best way to say "I am worthy of trust".

 

but I've come to this conclusion -- if she is doing something disloyal, I'll be out the door EVENTUALLY (even if I find out a year from now) and she has to live with the fact that she's an (alleged) ****ty person. And, knowing her, she will feel awful about it, it's just a matter of getting caught.

 

Are you magic? Immortal? Are you otherwise in some way getting a second chance at life? If the answer is "no" then this is not the right attitude. Yeah you might find out eventually..but until you do every day you spend with her is a lie and it is time you will never get back. You say she would feel awful about cheating, but if that were true she wouldn't cheat at all, so you see the conundrum right? So I would say do not go with the "it is just a matter of catching her" because that could be years.

 

For both of our sakes, I hope it's just them being independent and requiring trust in their relationships. I don't know about your history, but my advice would be if you are to break up with her, let it be for a more than just a single reason that you aren't even 100% sure about. If my gf were contacting her ex, I'd definitely be justified (and definitely would) put the "him or me, you have 10 seconds to give me an answer" ultimatum over her head. If she resorts to "you should trust me" or yelling, I'm taking that as a "so you choose him -- I'll pack up my stuff."

 

First I want to say I think your situation has some red flags and it would not be wise to ignore them and just wait for her to reveal something or whatever.

 

Second, that type of ultimatum you are talking about never works. Do you want to know why? Because there should never be a situation where she has to choose you over another guy. So no matter what happens, even if gets rid of the guy, well you shouldn't of had to threaten to leave in order to get a girl to leave her damn ex alone.

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