incubus075 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Any advice, especially by those that had similar experience would help. I've been dating this girl for 2 years. We eventually fell in love and after a falling out with her family she wound up living with me. We lived together for 5 months and everything was great. We hardly ever fought and we could never stay mad at each other for very long. One of us would always call the next day and things would be worked out as if nothing happened. We were very compatible in most areas and we were able to spend every minute of every day with each other without a problem. However, about 2 months ago I went on a ski trip with some friends. It was planned months in advance and my girlfriend couldnt go. While I was on this trip she wound up hanging out with a guy from work. After I got back and for the next 2 weeks our relationship went from wonderful (before I left) to us breaking up. She said that with me gone she had time to think and that she needed to spend time alone and figure some things out for herself and that she needed to be selfish for a while. She moved out and got an apt with her sister relatively close to me. However, for 2 weeks we still lived together because i cared about her and she didnt really have anywhere to go. Now shes in her new apt and this other guy that she was hanging out with is there alot and has his own key to her apt and stays there from time to time. She says nothing is going on with him and that they arent dating or anything and haven't done anything. However, I also know she has told several people that she thinks this guy is her soul mate. I have tried NC several times but she always winds up calling me or text messaging me and I cant seem to resist having contact with her. I love her with all my heart, unlike anyone Ive ever been in a relationship before. I also feel a bond with her Ive never felt with a woman before. She understands me completely and I (atleast I did) understand her. This whole thing I havent been able to understand. We've been apart almost a month now. She tells me that she still loves me, misses me, and that sometimes she wants us back and other times she wishes she could erase our time together cause its too painful (via eternal sunshine of spotless mind). I have felt the same way. I would give anything to be back with and she doesnt seem happy with her decision at all. Am I just being stupid? She basically left me for this guy. even if nothing has happened between them.
brokenhearted24 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 That is very close to my situation. She tells me she loves me and misses me. Dude, I dont know what to tell you!! I know that not keeping contact has helped me alot. Even though she does text, dont text her back right away. Act like your busy and have other things going on. And I guess I should learn from my own advice, but if its meant to be, she will return. To me, she's just infatuated with this guy but who knows? Maybe they are soul mates. And if they do hook up, then its time for you to move on. How long has it been??
upsetnhurt Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Who are you kidding here......she has hooked up with him and has done it many times. Don't let her fool you and allow yourself to be second fiddle here. Move on and let her be.
suegail Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 When someone tells you they aren't sure, they're not ready or they need time, that's understandable. It's even understandable if someone says they've found someone else, (it happens) but in this case it's the lying that would end it for me - the deception. If I were you I would just take what's left of my pride and walk away forever. At this point, she wants you, she wants him, not sure if she can hold on to him, maybe he's not a sure thing, 'are you still there? hello? remember those special times we had?' she said as she tugs on the line. Do yourself a favor...
begman Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I know what you are going through. I had the same thing happen to me about 3 or 4 months ago. She broke up with me and then started seeing someone else but would still tell me that she missed me and the times we had. She was screwing with me. I finally got fed up with it and started NC. Best thing ever. All I can say is for you to do the same. Believe me it is hard. It is to hard to still love someone and be in contact with them when they are seeing someone else. You are only hurting yourself. Move on and try to find someone who wants to be with you and you only.
incubus075 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Its been about a month now. She has been in a relationships for a while now and she said she needed time to herself to figure out who she is, indepedent of anyone else. I do believe her that she hasnt done anything with this guy. She's not a horn ball or anything so I know its not cause she really wants sex or anything. And I would think if she was with him and happy being with him she wouldnt waste time talking to me. It has gotten a little easier and theres nothing I can really do. I dont initiate any contact with her and when she contacts me, sometimes I answer, sometimes I dont. Well, eventually I an answer her. I actually take some pleasure in talking to her in that maybe it bothers him (if they are together). I have to wait and see.
incubus075 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 And the second I find out they did anything together, I would cut off any and all contact with her.
faux Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 If this woman loved you and missed you as she said she does, then would this woman not still be in a relationship with you? I know that keeping distance from exes can be difficult; I have been there. It is always possible to ignore e-mails, voice mails, and letters. It is always possible to hang up if the ex is on the other end of the telephone, or to ignore the ex if she sees you, or to leave a place where the ex is. None of this is easy at first, but usually all of this is helpful.
Treasa Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by incubus075 And I would think if she was with him and happy being with him she wouldnt waste time talking to me. Baaaahahahahahaha. Oh yes she would. You're her security blanket. She won't throw you away until she's sure about him. Stop being a doormat. She's using you. Tell her to stop contacting you unless she wants to be exclusive with you again. Trust me, if that doesn't get her attention, nothing will.
westernxer Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by incubus075 And the second I find out they did anything together, I would cut off any and all contact with her. Chances are they already have... after all, she's not with you anymore. Cut your losses now, pal.
incubus075 Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 So no one thinks that her stated reason, she needs to be single to figure out who she is and what she wants and learn somethings about her self, holds any water? She been in 2 relationships over the past 5/6 years with only about 3-5 months off between them. She also on the younger side. As for being her security blanket. I dont think thats necessary. When she told me she first met this guy I could tell her liked her. She didnt believe me but come on, guys know. We know what other guys are thinking. She acknowledged that she knew he liked her (before any of this stuff went down) but she said he was cool and he didnt saying or do anything to push for that. (Of course I was like, please, the old Ill let you know you like me but play it cool. Come on, thats so old).
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by incubus075 And the second I find out they did anything together, I would cut off any and all contact with her. Agreeing with Westy there too...AND honestly, she is not going to tell you about her sex life. I think you might have some blinders on and being abit naive...DO you really believe they don't fool around or have sex? That thye just cuddle and hold hands?? I'm sorry, I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings but she isn't your girlfriend anymore- She wanted time to figure herself out, what she wants and is with somebody else...She more than likely is sleeping with him. Do complete NO CONTACT with her, keep busy and try to go on dates with other women.
westernxer Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by incubus075 So no one thinks that her stated reason, she needs to be single to figure out who she is and what she wants and learn somethings about her self, holds any water? No. She been in 2 relationships over the past 5/6 years with only about 3-5 months off between them. That is horrible... the worst thing I ever heard. She also on the younger side.. Another reason to get rid of her, unless you need a late night shag. Other than that, start dating again.
Sad Person Posted June 19, 2005 Posted June 19, 2005 Well the same thing is happening to me, she says she wants time for herself, and she has this friend that goes to her apartment, she is living with her cousin she and her by themselves, and this 2 guys goes and visit them, we have been apart 2 months she says she is not doing anything bad, but she told me she didnt love me, and that she didnt want to talk to me anymore, that we were not going to be togheter never again, i know what to do, i should stop all contact, but is very hard, just to imagine her having sex its horrible, i ****ing hate her, she is a bitch..
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