katiegrl Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 thank you for the compliments. i have to be honest and tell you this is a "good" pic - as in, a lot better than i normally look. i had done up my hair and makeup for a halloween party. plus the thumbnail is small so you can't really see my less attractive features (nose, teeth and chin). however it seems most people on here think the overall package looks ok, and i'm glad that now ppl can at least agree that i'm average! i do see merit in your suggestion to do myself up more regularly; not just for events and parties. I was able to blow it up hun....on my fancy schmancy office computer....and I still say you are above-average. :bunny: 1
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 mavis.... just wanted to chime in real quick to say you are absolutely adorable....are you kidding me? Work on the self-esteem girl... because IMO you are above-average! aww that's sweet of you to say, thanks.
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 thank you for the compliments. i have to be honest and tell you this is a "good" pic - as in, a lot better than i normally look. i had done up my hair and makeup for a halloween party. plus the thumbnail is small so you can't really see my less attractive features (nose, teeth and chin). however it seems most people on here think the overall package looks ok, and i'm glad that now ppl can at least agree that i'm average! i do see merit in your suggestion to do myself up more regularly; not just for events and parties. I really don't think nose, teeth, chin are a problem. Unless you internalizing that you think they are, makes it so in terms of confidence. yeah, guys need to see you at your best more often. Not just for them, think of how you will be able to interact with them when you are feeling at your best. The other suggestion is if this is a halloween party and it is within the range of who you are, dressing a little sexier wouldn't hurt. OR IMO, to keep with the artistic vibe that is you, a bit edgier would be good. let people know who you are. It speaks volumes and says you are proud of who you are. 1
Gaeta Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Mavis: You have everything to succeed. You have beautiful facial features, beautiful hair, nice shape. What you lack is confidence. Sexiness is 20% in looks and 80% in attitude. I am shorter than you and a size 10 and I could have a date each evening of the week if I wanted to NOT because I look like a model I don't, not because I am shaped like a model I am NOT but because I got more confidence than 10 women together!!. When I enter a room it's with my chin up and my attitude I am 'IT'. I rock that size 10 like there is no tomorrow! and I don't give a second look to those size 0 around me, I envy nothing of them. Sexiness is in the head. If you start thinking you are sexy you will be to yourself and to OTHERS !! Isn't it amazing :-) 4
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 You're the kind of person I look up to! I hope some of that sexy attitude rubs off on me!
KatZee Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 This is easy. 11 pages here, not sure if it's been mentioned but: You were both drunk when you met. Tough love? He thought you were hotter/cooler/something else when he was drunk. He met you sober, he wasn't feeling it. Happens all the time. Ever hear the term "Beer goggles" ? This applies right here.
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Mavis: You have everything to succeed. You have beautiful facial features, beautiful hair, nice shape. What you lack is confidence. Sexiness is 20% in looks and 80% in attitude. I am shorter than you and a size 10 and I could have a date each evening of the week if I wanted to NOT because I look like a model I don't, not because I am shaped like a model I am NOT but because I got more confidence than 10 women together!!. When I enter a room it's with my chin up and my attitude I am 'IT'. I rock that size 10 like there is no tomorrow! and I don't give a second look to those size 0 around me, I envy nothing of them. Sexiness is in the head. If you start thinking you are sexy you will be to yourself and to OTHERS !! Isn't it amazing :-) Thank you so much!
KatZee Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Like I said, I'm average looking, but it seems that all the "average" men want someone hot. Yep. There is truth here. Guys are told all the time do "date up." This is why you'll see an average dude, or a flat out beastly dude, and he has a legit, straight up gorgeous woman on his arm. Guys expect to "date up," women are told to "date down." 1
truth_seeker Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 again, i know you are trying to help, but i find this comment a bit ridiculous. for one thing, i know lots of men love big a**es. and you're telling me to put my hair up, another person says keep it long (i don't look good with it up btw, but thank you for thinking i could pull that off . you agree with me that i'm not fat (like i said, i think i have a pretty realistic perception about it). and the cleavage thing? haha, yep, i'm sure that would help me get men who want a ONS, but that's not what i'm after. thanks anyway :/ oh ps. i agree about the contacts, but i have extremely dry eyes so i can't wear them Mavis, do you feel better that everyone is telling you are above average, have everything going for you? I hope so. I also hope you stop insulting these poor bastards you say are ugly and below average. Not one person has called you out on that. Maybe karma is at play here? 2
truth_seeker Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 This is why you'll see an average dude, or a flat out beastly dude, and he has a legit, straight up gorgeous woman on his arm. These dudes have what you call "money"
truth_seeker Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 This thread has turned into massage Mavis's ego but at the same time sh-t on these men who are ugly and below average. That's not right. Hey, losangelena, where are you?
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Mavis, do you feel better that everyone is telling you are above average, have everything going for you? I hope so. I also hope you stop insulting these poor bastards you say are ugly and below average. Not one person has called you out on that. Maybe karma is at play here? I've called her out on it so many times. My opinion does not change now that I've seen her photo. And yes my point all along is that acting like those guys who do like you are beneath you, is wrong on so many levels. It should not be the source of her frustration nor where she places her blame. If anything, she should be grateful for it and/or not link it to her lack of dating success with guys who do interest her. Instead of using this minor occurrance of the "wrong" guys liking her to at least boost her mojo or ignore it, she is letting it defeat her and being ungrateful about the attention. The frustration and negativity surrounding this results in bad karma of bringing her down and FURTHER hurting her dating experiences. She should see it as a good thing even if she is not interested.
TheTraveler Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 From that thumbnail you are not my type, but you should be able score avg guys.
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Mavis, do you feel better that everyone is telling you are above average, have everything going for you? I hope so. I also hope you stop insulting these poor bastards you say are ugly and below average. Not one person has called you out on that. Maybe karma is at play here? To repeat what Versace said, yes people have been calling me out on it. And you're right, it's wrong of me to judge these guys as beneath me or whatever. Like I said, I'm not rude to these guys when they do show interest, unless they are rude to me. I was just trying to explain the type of men who approach me to the strangers on this thread. I mean, I could have just said "men who I find unattractive" rather than describe them in the unkind way that I did. But without a description, how would anyone know what I was talking about? If I just said "men I don't find attractive" people would have jumped on me saying I must only want to date hotties or something. I was trying to explain the type of men I am attracted to vs. Not, and I didn't know how else to do it. I know it sounded mean though, so I'm sorry people were offended by it. Yeah, I get your point: just as I am judging these guys as "below average," men are also doing that to me.
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) And just as these men are showing interest in me, I'm sure some women must be attracted to them: for instance, maybe someone closer in age (for the much older ones), someone who shares the same language, common interests etc. I know of friends who are more attracted to overweight men than I am. I'm not saying people always have to date someone who is the same age, same size, or speaks the same language as them. Opposites can and do attract. I'm just trying to explain my preferences (we all have them, don't pretend we don't). But I agree with @Versace about how I shouldn't let this kind of attention get me down, regardless of whether it's the only male attention I'm getting or not. I still can't go so far as to say I feel grateful for it, but I do understand the point you're making: judge not lest you be judged. Edited December 12, 2015 by mavis_6
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 @the traveler - I realize I'm probably not the majority of guys' type. But you at least seem to understand what I mean by "average." That's all I'm looking for.
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 To repeat what Versace said, yes people have been calling me out on it. And you're right, it's wrong of me to judge these guys as beneath me or whatever. Like I said, I'm not rude to these guys when they do show interest, unless they are rude to me. I was just trying to explain the type of men who approach me to the strangers on this thread. I mean, I could have just said "men who I find unattractive" rather than describe them in the unkind way that I did. But without a description, how would anyone know what I was talking about? If I just said "men I don't find attractive" people would have jumped on me saying I must only want to date hotties or something. I was trying to explain the type of men I am attracted to vs. Not, and I didn't know how else to do it. I know it sounded mean though, so I'm sorry people were offended by it. Yeah, I get your point: just as I am judging these guys as "below average," men are also doing that to me. Which should make you more sympathetic to the descriptors you use about them. They are not fair and do not make up the entirety of these guys. LOL, it does not matter if you are not rude to them. They are the only ones attracted to you and you are ungrateful and ungracious. It's a reflection of YOUR character to say these things. Again, using my example of hot male celebrities, have you EVER heard any of them complaining about out of the millions of women attracted to them that they are ungrateful, annoyed, depressed about it. It's separate from their love life. Weird to be using a celeb example but hopefully it resonates in some way. Yes you should just say guys that are not your type. If you clarify that, guess what people are going to start picking you apart because you've opened the door by judging others. It's unnecessary. You keep trying to justify it which means you still don't really get it. I'll give you a little scenario that you can selfishly related to. Let's say you do end up dating someone in the near future. At some point near the beginning, it will probably come up, either in a positive or inquisitive way, "how come no guy has snapped you up, why are you still single?" You are going to reply with the dumb answer that only ugly, uneducated and whatever else you call them, guys liked me before. AND karma will be biting you right in the ass. The ungracious and not quite understanding the context in which other people are going to read the undertones of statements like that will CONTINUE to hurt and plague you unless you change your attitude. Your new guy will think if only lesser guys liked her before, WTF am I doing here? Or that's a nasty way to speak about guys or maybe something is really wrong with this chick? If he's a really good, evolved guy (like the kind you say you are looking for), and has character, he will be turned off by you and a statement like that. And i bet until I just clued you in about that, you would have said something just like this.....because it is what you believe. and again, I reiterate, if "only" those types of guys were asking you out and your friends were encouraging you to go with some of them, they see something you refuse to acknowledge about yourself. I have met some of the best people in life by being open-minded. Doesn't mean that's who I've dated. Try to show some kindness to the guys who were "willing" to give you a chance. It's that simple. 2
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Which should make you more sympathetic to the descriptors you use about them. They are not fair and do not make up the entirety of these guys. LOL, it does not matter if you are not rude to them. They are the only ones attracted to you and you are ungrateful and ungracious. It's a reflection of YOUR character to say these things. Again, using my example of hot male celebrities, have you EVER heard any of them complaining about out of the millions of women attracted to them that they are ungrateful, annoyed, depressed about it. It's separate from their love life. Weird to be using a celeb example but hopefully it resonates in some way. Yes you should just say guys that are not your type. If you clarify that, guess what people are going to start picking you apart because you've opened the door by judging others. It's unnecessary. You keep trying to justify it which means you still don't really get it. I'll give you a little scenario that you can selfishly related to. Let's say you do end up dating someone in the near future. At some point near the beginning, it will probably come up, either in a positive or inquisitive way, "how come no guy has snapped you up, why are you still single?" You are going to reply with the dumb answer that only ugly, uneducated and whatever else you call them, guys liked me before. AND karma will be biting you right in the ass. The ungracious and not quite understanding the context in which other people are going to read the undertones of statements like that will CONTINUE to hurt and plague you unless you change your attitude. Your new guy will think if only lesser guys liked her before, WTF am I doing here? Or that's a nasty way to speak about guys or maybe something is really wrong with this chick? If he's a really good, evolved guy (like the kind you say you are looking for), and has character, he will be turned off by you and a statement like that. And i bet until I just clued you in about that, you would have said something just like this.....because it is what you believe. and again, I reiterate, if "only" those types of guys were asking you out and your friends were encouraging you to go with some of them, they see something you refuse to acknowledge about yourself. I have met some of the best people in life by being open-minded. Doesn't mean that's who I've dated. Try to show some kindness to the guys who were "willing" to give you a chance. It's that simple. like i said, i have gone out with some of them. and i tried to see if that attraction would "grow" but it didn't (with the exception of one guy, some attraction did grow but we had zero interests in common - again, he was a gamer/sci-fi/fantasy/everything that bores me to tears fanatic, and my interests didn't interest him either. we were bored). i try to give people a chance unless it's super obvious to me from day one that it's not going to work. and despite what my friends think, i'm not going to settle for a guy i'm not attracted to or compatible with; i can't live a lie. i would hate if someone dated me thinking, "she's unattractive, but i'll give her a chance because she's the only girl who likes me." i wouldn't want to be someone's default choice, nor would i want to choose such a person. that said - i feel like we are both repeating ourselves, and maybe we aren't outright disagreeing, just making different points. your comments did get me thinking more about how these guys feel - i mean, i know how they feel because i've obviously crushed on guys who didn't like me. but i will try to have more compassion and not feel angry at them. they aren't doing anything wrong by liking me - or pursuing me - some of them have done it in a derogatory way, but most haven't. as i keep saying, i just wish more guys i LIKED would also pursue me - but i guess that goes back to that whole self-improvement thing. 1
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 and yeah, my attitude sucks, i won't deny that, and it is off-putting to some of the "better" (IMO) catches. while some of the low-confidence guys actually don't mind it - then they think we can comiserate. i've gotten more bitter and negative over time (heck at 33 i've been dating for more than a few years, i thought surely i'd be married by now). but i get that it only makes me less attractive, and it's not fair to judge people, etc etc 2
Author mavis_6 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) though i'm obviously far from a celeb, your male celeb example actually makes sense. i'll try to remember that too. i want to add however, that although showing kindness is the right thing to do, sometimes guys take kindness as an invitation to pursue you relentlessly because you won't be mean to them. i'm sensing you haven't been chased by these kinds of guys - you don't know how aggressive some of them can be, and how they can choose to see "kindness" as interest. it's happened to me so many times. i've told guys i wasn't interested, and yet because a girl was finally nice to them, they refuse to let it go and keep calling me and/or hovering around me. (i actually stopped going to a church group for this reason). this happened a lot more when i was younger. believe me, i've become guarded for more reasons than just being a stuck-up snob. Edited December 12, 2015 by mavis_6 1
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I think you are starting to get it. No one wants you settle for guys who don't interest you (i certainly don't want you to). Trying to give you the tools which are various and some of them mental tools to get the ones you want. About this subject, operate from a place of abundance and choice. That's why I think you assumed there was some implication that you should settle or accept your level due to who is asking you out. (there wasn't) Right now you are not operating from that place. But you might be getting there as your last few posts seem like. Not because you agree with me. But look at the content of what you said. Much more open. That will give you the power of choice. Will let you operate from a place of more confidence, less fear, more options (even if they haven't arrived yet). The answers are within you. You just have to get the negative stuff out of the way. Good luck 1
CrystalCastles Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I read through nearly all the pages. Mavis you should move on. I know its a disappointment when a guy you're interested in doesn't reciprocate but there are 7 billion people on this planet and no shortage of good men. The one thing I want to point out, which was mentioned ad nauseum in this thread, is your attitude. Its so defeatist and self-deprecating, it actually hurt to read some of your posts. The weight loss, outfits, makeup and all that other crap is just that- crap. While I'm borderline underweight according to the BMI index, I've never struggled at getting dates. I've been asked out by some absolutely gorgeous men at the gym while I'm breaking a sweat working out, and I'm smelly and red-faced from my workout. I never wear makeup. I dress like nothing special. Men still hit on me because I don't consider men hitting on me to be an accurate assessment of my worth. I'm an aggressive and confident person. And I do whatever I think is right, whatever suits me best. And men seem to like that about me because I never have a shortage of them. I know I'm not a beauty queen, but I don't have to be. You just have to believe that you are worth it. Sure, maybe some fat losers are hitting on you, but so what? Some fat losers have hit on me too, one even proposed to my best friend. Nbd. You just smile and say no thanks and move on. I personally consider any attention better than no attention, so even if a guy is fat, stupid or ugly I still take it as a compliment. Also, if you're not already doing so, do put yourself out there. Make it a goal to meet as many people as you can. Really widen your circle. Eventually you will meet someone great and things will fall into place. You just need to be more sure of yourself and not put yourself down so much. 6
losangelena Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 This thread has turned into massage Mavis's ego but at the same time sh-t on these men who are ugly and below average. That's not right. Hey, losangelena, where are you? Uhh, what do you want me to say, exactly? What's wrong with helping build up someone's self esteem? I did mention, in post #72, if you care to go back and read it, that getting attention from men she doesn't deem attractive shouldn't stop her from trying to get the attention of men she does find attractive. I would say that to anyone though, and have (CalvinM being a recent example). Don't know what you're looking for, dude. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I read through nearly all the pages. Mavis you should move on. I know its a disappointment when a guy you're interested in doesn't reciprocate but there are 7 billion people on this planet and no shortage of good men. The one thing I want to point out, which was mentioned ad nauseum in this thread, is your attitude. Its so defeatist and self-deprecating, it actually hurt to read some of your posts. The weight loss, outfits, makeup and all that other crap is just that- crap. While I'm borderline underweight according to the BMI index, I've never struggled at getting dates. I've been asked out by some absolutely gorgeous men at the gym while I'm breaking a sweat working out, and I'm smelly and red-faced from my workout. I never wear makeup. I dress like nothing special. Men still hit on me because I don't consider men hitting on me to be an accurate assessment of my worth. I'm an aggressive and confident person. And I do whatever I think is right, whatever suits me best. And men seem to like that about me because I never have a shortage of them. I know I'm not a beauty queen, but I don't have to be. You just have to believe that you are worth it. Sure, maybe some fat losers are hitting on you, but so what? Some fat losers have hit on me too, one even proposed to my best friend. Nbd. You just smile and say no thanks and move on. I personally consider any attention better than no attention, so even if a guy is fat, stupid or ugly I still take it as a compliment. Also, if you're not already doing so, do put yourself out there. Make it a goal to meet as many people as you can. Really widen your circle. Eventually you will meet someone great and things will fall into place. You just need to be more sure of yourself and not put yourself down so much. I'm only a tad above average and yet men hit on me all the time. I am just an another example of a fairly average woman that has NO shortage of dates. It's your attitude. .... I am not a beauty queen either but I manage to regularly find men who think I'm gorgous -- because I take great pride in my personal style and appearance.
Redfisher Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I'm only a tad above average and yet men hit on me all the time. I am just an another example of a fairly average woman that has NO shortage of dates. It's your attitude. .... I am not a beauty queen either but I manage to regularly find men who think I'm gorgous -- because I take great pride in my personal style and appearance. Right? Same here, I'm not hot etc. But since I turned 40 got a divorce I have a ton of ladies in their 30's who are all over me.... had very little action in my 20's but now...crazy...
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