smackie9 Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I'm 51....if I was single I sure wouldn't be dating some old fart that offers a beach house to get sex......that's got ick ALL OVER IT. I'd rattle some young buck's cage lol. And yes I do kiss on the first date.....when I do the kissing. Tip: you want them to slow down.....don't get too close.
Shining One Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 I just wish men realize that, by going out with you more than one time, it confirms that she likes you.I'm afraid this isn't true. I've gone on plenty of dates with women only to find out later that their interest was purely platonic. When a woman gets physical with me, she shows me her interest is more than platonic. A woman accepting a date is not a confirmation of romantic interest.
RedRobin Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) Tip: you want them to slow down.....don't get too close. Meh. I find sex without intimacy to be boring. Ok for a ONS, or for a few weeks, but I've never started a relationship that way. I've tried. The switch just goes off for me... Doesn't matter how great the sex is or what he does. If I have sex early with a guy, and I have a few times, he's dead to me romantically. Then I get bored, then I dump him. Then they get hurt. I'm afraid this isn't true. I've gone on plenty of dates with women only to find out later that their interest was purely platonic. When a woman gets physical with me, she shows me her interest is more than platonic. A woman accepting a date is not a confirmation of romantic interest. Well, for me, if I kiss a guy early or I let him kiss me early, the clock is ticking till I dump him. Pretty much guaranteed *shrug* Sorry. That's just how I work. If I were into FWB or casual sex, I might keep that guy around... since I know I wouldn't develop feelings for him... but it seems like such a waste of time. I'd rather spend my time getting to know a man who will let intimacy develop more organically... not forced. As for the other comment about what other women do... well, I don't waste a lot of my time worrying about what other women do. I haven't had any problems finding men who want to be in a relationship with me, even with my 'don't kiss strangers' standards. ... not only that, I find both men and women pretty uncreative who can't sort out most of what would make them compatible with someone sexually before sleeping with them. Sure, a kiss isn't sex... but if kissing is happening on the first date, just about every conversation after that becomes about when we are gonna f*ck. It's boring as h*ll. People act like they've never effed before, I swear. It's really a move for guys who have absolutely nothing else going on and nothing else to talk about really. Edited December 12, 2015 by RedRobin 1
Glitters Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 In my teenage years, there was a popular guy at college who used to pull up and kiss any girl that he found attractive.He then fell for a girl but she didnt believe him because he kissed any and all girls.So what made her special? He never got a chance with her and went around kissing others ! OP, if you look younger then you are going to have ' trouble' . The right guy will not say anything to make you feel pressured to do what you are not comfortable with. Of course, he will show his desire ( you do want to desired )in a respectful way and if you are not ready but desire him, he will not push you.He WILL wait. You do need to show that you desire him as well, just not ready and need to get comfortable first.
carhill Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Well, OP, I'm in your dating age group and I experienced this rush, and being unattractive because I wasn't in one, heh, starting two/three decades ago. How do I know? Women told me! Men you meet are individuals. If most are in a rush, to your perception, they're simply not compatible with your dating style. There are more men to meet. I met and dated hundreds of women before finally, heh, in my late 30's, meeting some who weren't in a rush and didn't put me down for taking my time. Also, I started rushing a bit more! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Heh.
Shining One Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Well, for me, if I kiss a guy early or I let him kiss me early, the clock is ticking till I dump him. Pretty much guaranteed *shrug* Sorry. That's just how I work. If I were into FWB or casual sex, I might keep that guy around... since I know I wouldn't develop feelings for him... but it seems like such a waste of time. I'd rather spend my time getting to know a man who will let intimacy develop more organically... not forced.There are certainly alternatives to physical intimacy to demonstrate interest, which you partake in early on. I was simply pointing out that a woman saying yes to a date is not a guarantee of romantic interest.
RedRobin Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 There are certainly alternatives to physical intimacy to demonstrate interest, which you partake in early on. I was simply pointing out that a woman saying yes to a date is not a guarantee of romantic interest. Fair enough. Especially if the guy is paying for the dates. It's way too easy to allow the free stuff to keep rolling in and her claim she is not sure. Yep. No matter what they say.
Author sweet honeydew Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) There are certainly alternatives to physical intimacy to demonstrate interest, which you partake in early on. I was simply pointing out that a woman saying yes to a date is not a guarantee of romantic interest. I think that's what I am trying to learn. What are the alternatives to show interest? <sigh> then but if you show interest in other ways, they don't get why there's no kiss and might think you are playing them. As for woman saying yes but not guaranteeing romantic interest, I don't think that is that unusual. Going out means there's relationship possibilities, who can really guarantee anything? Maybe some men or women going on dates have wrong intention, but I think you have to take the chance and be a judge of character. I appreciate everyone's input. Give me a lot to think about. I was just thinking if I should just tell men I don't kiss for 3 dates at least. Sounds a little presumptuous... or should I say something like "friends first"? Otherwise I 'll just raise the bar and not meeting anyone until I have strong feeling for him, which is unthinkable if we don't spend time together. Edited December 14, 2015 by sweet honeydew
Shining One Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I think that's what I am trying to learn. What are the alternatives to show interest?Here are some ways women have shown interest to me: Paid for alternating datesBaked me banana bread (one of my favorites)Cooked me dinnerPainted me a picture from a photo we took on a date (still hanging on my wall)Got me a huge discount on a cruise I was planning (she's a travel agent)Got me out of a speeding ticket I got on our date (she's an attorney) 1
truth_seeker Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 As humans people will do and say what they need to in order to get whatever it is they seek, whether it be sex, companionship or love. I believe you just defined a sociopath? 1
TheCatInTheHat Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Most people seem to be going about this dating thing in high speed. I am frustrated. Men wants to kiss on first date, take me on vacation, buy a beach house together, within one week. This is from 3 different men I met. Is it so odd that I don't want to kiss someone unless I know him well enough to decide to be his girlfriend? From a guy: women should absolutely not get physical until you know he is serious. What does serious mean? 3+ months imo. Don't ever enter a relationship he will be looking to upgrade at some point. If you scare him away by not giving in, chances are you are playing out of your league.
Author sweet honeydew Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 From a guy: women should absolutely not get physical until you know he is serious. What does serious mean? 3+ months imo. Don't ever enter a relationship he will be looking to upgrade at some point. If you scare him away by not giving in, chances are you are playing out of your league. Thank you for the affirmation. What if they come back after a few month? Almost all come back wanting another chance. I don't know what to think and have been saying no. For me, trust seems to have been lost.
Glitters Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Thank you for the affirmation. What if they come back after a few month? Almost all come back wanting another chance. I don't know what to think and have been saying no. For me, trust seems to have been lost. The right guy WILL wait till you want to get physical intimacy.Others are playing games, messing with your head.Dump them.
TheCatInTheHat Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Thank you for the affirmation. What if they come back after a few month? Almost all come back wanting another chance. I don't know what to think and have been saying no. For me, trust seems to have been lost. I don't know about the "returners". If you like them, sure date them, but don't put out. I know it sounds horribly negative and old fashioned in this day and age, but jumping into bed early blurs so much judgement on both sides. Also, from my experience, women fall in love much easier than men after getting physical. That is dangerous because it leaves the men entering short/medium-term relationships out of guilt or because they get free sex. If you are the best girl your date could ever hope to meet, he won't back down because you won't put out. At least I wouldn't. Best regards
SwordofFlame Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 If you are the best girl your date could ever hope to meet, he won't back down because you won't put out. At least I wouldn't. Unless he thinks your actions or lack of actions conveys non-interest.
TheCatInTheHat Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Unless he thinks your actions or lack of actions conveys non-interest. Yes agree, playing hard to get is a total turnoff. Being nice, friendly, showing him that you enjoy him and his company, on the other hand.
GemmaUK Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 If I am 'somewhat' interested I will kiss a man but I won't let it get hot and heavy. I have also found the same thing with 39 to 50's that it seems to be all or nothing but right now. They also do the coming back thing too but by then they have already moved way too fast so I am not interested. Maybe just be blunt and say you don't kiss until you feel it. I do say that I don't and won't have sex until I feel ready. Though, that doesn't deter to be honest and they still talk massive future plans before and after the sex part has happened which turns me right off. I take dating and relationships day by day.
Author sweet honeydew Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 I have also found the same thing with 39 to 50's that it seems to be all or nothing but right now. They also do the coming back thing too but by then they have already moved way too fast so I am not interested. Isn't it? I am so glad I am not alone in this. I was beginning to feel like an alien. :-) You made my day!
truthtripper Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 OP, how old are you? So patronising. OP already mentioned she dates men between 45-60.
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