Keep chasing or forget about it?

January 5, 2016

Something tells me you're right, but for now I'll keep looking around! Thank you to everyone who replied, this is an awesome site.

Your attitude is refreshing around here

January 5, 2016

I told her it's cool, no worries.

You said the right thing. Sometimes you have say the right thing even though you may be feeling differently. This is why I recommend having a punching bag in your house. Be a gentleman then go home and crush the bag.

January 5, 2016

You said the right thing. Sometimes you have say the right thing even though you may be feeling differently. This is why I recommend having a punching bag in your house. Be a gentleman then go home and crush the bag.

Versacehottie, thank you for the kind words

Truth, I wasn't really too upset as this is what I kind of expected, I just wanted to hear her say it to me so I could get the truth at least and so I stopped being confused. However, I did decide to go for a run!

She ended up texting me again asking if I meant like a date. I told her yes. She responded with "I suck, I know that's hard to ask and you're clearly one of the good ones". I decided not to respond as I really don't have much to say and sometimes less is more. Of course I'll still be myself around her as I don't have any bitter feelings or anything. Sure I may have been led on a tad, but nothing to be really angry at.

January 5, 2016

She ended up texting me again asking if I meant like a date. I told her yes. She responded with "I suck, I know that's hard to ask and you're clearly one of the good ones". I decided not to respond as I really don't have much to say and sometimes less is more. Of course I'll still be myself around her as I don't have any bitter feelings or anything. Sure I may have been led on a tad, but nothing to be really angry at.

You're handling this the right way. In fact, you're handling it so good, she might start chasing you.

January 5, 2016

You're handling this the right way. In fact, you're handling it so good, she might start chasing you.

Haha! What a change of events that would be. I'm sure I'll see her at school in a couple weeks and maybe she'll be the confused one

January 5, 2016

Haha! What a change of events that would be. I'm sure I'll see her at school in a couple weeks and maybe she'll be the confused one

Let her go, chat up other women, if she contacts you, let her know you have plans with someone else.

"I'm going to XYZ concert Friday with Jane from class. Probably go to dinner at [insert nice place] after the concert."

She'll be thinking: OMG! He completely forgot about me and he's with this girl now. How do I get him back?!

I'm telling you, this is how some of these women are...

January 5, 2016

Let her go, chat up other women, if she contacts you, let her know you have plans with someone else.

"I'm going to XYZ concert Friday with Jane from class. Probably go to dinner at [insert nice place] after the concert."

She'll be thinking: OMG! He completely forgot about me and he's with this girl now. How do I get him back?!

I'm telling you, this is how some of these women are...

The nice thing about being part of Greek life is we have "date events". For example, we'll have a bowling date event where you ask any girl you'd like and then we all take buses to go bowling and drink and then go to the bars together or even barn dances where we go to a barn, ect. Of course, pictures are posted on social media and everybody sees who everyone went with. We have around 5 or 6 of those a semester. So she'll for sure see I'm with other girls.

I'm going to ask this other girl who is easily one of the most attractive girls at my school, we kinda talked before, but I never pursued anything because I was more interested in the other girl.

January 6, 2016

Hey guys, so small update...

I got invited to a party tonight where I know she'll be there. Her good friend actually invited me and our entire friend group seems to be going.

I plan on going.

What do you guys think? I plan to act just the way I did before as I really don't have any animosity or heart ache towards her.

Also my best friend is dating a friend of hers and told him last night that her ex-boyfriend is not coming back to school next semester..

Just thought I'd let the LoveShack Community get an update

January 6, 2016

What you are planning to do is the right way to act at the event. I'm pretty sure she will flirt with you, maybe more. Let her come to you (with flirting) this time based on your current status. But be friendly. Have fun.

January 6, 2016

What you are planning to do is the right way to act at the event. I'm pretty sure she will flirt with you, maybe more. Let her come to you (with flirting) this time based on your current status. But be friendly. Have fun.

Great, we will see how it goes! I will let you guys know tomorrow how it all plays out.

January 7, 2016

Hey guys, so I went to this party and right when we showed up she started drinking pretty heavily and eventually came to talk to me, but I wasn't nearly as drunk and kept playing drinking games with everyone.

The night went on and she came by me again and we talked and flirted a bit, but again I was playing beer pong with my friends and didn't want to give her any priority really..as she just rejected me a couple days before. She also seemed to be flirty with my three best friends too, but they're also friends and she was drunk so I didn't really care.

Anyways, eventually we started flirting more with light touching and playing on this kids basketball hoop, (stupid I know). Eventually I stopped because I got kinda bored to be honest lol. So I sat down and then my friends and some other guys started bickering and there was almost a fight, but I defused the situation as it was a friend's house and I won't allow a scene to be made in that situation.

Her and I were pretty drunk and sat next to each other and just talked and flirted trying to figure out how to get the music going, but then my friends said the taxi was here and let's go because apparently there was going to be a fight if we didn't. Extremely stupid, I know.

So I just said bye to everyone and said bye to her, nothing more. I noticed her staring at me when I started walking out and we made direct eye contact. That was it.

However, a really good mutual friend of her and I asked my best friend if he thought it was "weird or aggressive" that I asked her on a date.. Now he told her absolutely not, they are always together and she's slept over multiple times. Of course nothing has happened.. but she agreed that it is somewhat strange and she's just extremely confusing. She also asked if I felt awkward that she was there and my friend told her "CollegeKid is cool about it and does not care, everyone gets rejected." Which is exactly how I feel, I'm not bitter in anyway.

Overall, while I like this girl, I have lost some interest in pursuing her. It's TOO much of a game for me at this point and I'm always just left in a confused state of mind. While I LOVE to chase girls, this is just the same thing over and over again with her. Quite frankly, it's not fun anymore.

We're going back to school in a few days and I'm going to continue acting normal and whatnot, but I'm not asking her to go back with me or reaching out to her in any way. If she wants to talk to me, I'll continue being myself, but I'm just not into it as much as I was. Especially after last night, something clicked inside me.

There are a couple other girls I kinda have a thing for, so I'm going to explore those options.

Easily the most confusing situation I've ever been apart of guys!

Just wanted to give everyone an update!

January 7, 2016

Ahhh college. I remember those push / pull, chase / run back & forth days.

I think you are on the right path with flirt when it's fun but pursue other women.

Enjoy.

January 8, 2016

Hey guys, so I went to this party and right when we showed up she started drinking pretty heavily and eventually came to talk to me, but I wasn't nearly as drunk and kept playing drinking games with everyone.

The night went on and she came by me again and we talked and flirted a bit, but again I was playing beer pong with my friends and didn't want to give her any priority really..as she just rejected me a couple days before. She also seemed to be flirty with my three best friends too, but they're also friends and she was drunk so I didn't really care.

Anyways, eventually we started flirting more with light touching and playing on this kids basketball hoop, (stupid I know). Eventually I stopped because I got kinda bored to be honest lol. So I sat down and then my friends and some other guys started bickering and there was almost a fight, but I defused the situation as it was a friend's house and I won't allow a scene to be made in that situation.

Her and I were pretty drunk and sat next to each other and just talked and flirted trying to figure out how to get the music going, but then my friends said the taxi was here and let's go because apparently there was going to be a fight if we didn't. Extremely stupid, I know.

So I just said bye to everyone and said bye to her, nothing more. I noticed her staring at me when I started walking out and we made direct eye contact. That was it.

However, a really good mutual friend of her and I asked my best friend if he thought it was "weird or aggressive" that I asked her on a date.. Now he told her absolutely not, they are always together and she's slept over multiple times. Of course nothing has happened.. but she agreed that it is somewhat strange and she's just extremely confusing. She also asked if I felt awkward that she was there and my friend told her "CollegeKid is cool about it and does not care, everyone gets rejected." Which is exactly how I feel, I'm not bitter in anyway.

Overall, while I like this girl, I have lost some interest in pursuing her. It's TOO much of a game for me at this point and I'm always just left in a confused state of mind. While I LOVE to chase girls, this is just the same thing over and over again with her. Quite frankly, it's not fun anymore.

We're going back to school in a few days and I'm going to continue acting normal and whatnot, but I'm not asking her to go back with me or reaching out to her in any way. If she wants to talk to me, I'll continue being myself, but I'm just not into it as much as I was. Especially after last night, something clicked inside me.

There are a couple other girls I kinda have a thing for, so I'm going to explore those options.

Easily the most confusing situation I've ever been apart of guys!

Just wanted to give everyone an update!

Good this was good--except for one part which I will get to. You handled the night great. Just an explanation on why she was somewhat flirting with your friends: that was probably to get your attention, make you feel something. Ok, so the only part i would adjust and I think I've said before "don't do it" is DO NOT ask your friends to find stuff out for you and weigh in and try to explain the situation to you. That info will get back to her or the other people (now involved) will "help" aka meddle in whichever way they feel is best. If you are confused now, add confused, frustrated, pissed off, maybe embarrassed and screwed up when you involve others into your dating pursuits. Man up and just deal with it and figure it out on your own (or not but stay quiet about)--it's the more alpha thing to do which makes you more appealing to whoever. Word gets around if you are always seeking advice from others about some girl like you are hung up. I remember one guy in my college that did that. Never had a gf even afterward. He became "that guy".

Ok glad your interest level is going down. With her current behavior she doesn't deserve you. Good luck with the new girls and yep this won't be the last you hear from her. Promise.

January 8, 2016

College kid, you had multiple chances to put the D in her. I mean this nicely, but you failed. Definitely move on and continue to meet new women.

January 8, 2016

Good this was good--except for one part which I will get to. You handled the night great. Just an explanation on why she was somewhat flirting with your friends: that was probably to get your attention, make you feel something. Ok, so the only part i would adjust and I think I've said before "don't do it" is DO NOT ask your friends to find stuff out for you and weigh in and try to explain the situation to you. That info will get back to her or the other people (now involved) will "help" aka meddle in whichever way they feel is best. If you are confused now, add confused, frustrated, pissed off, maybe embarrassed and screwed up when you involve others into your dating pursuits. Man up and just deal with it and figure it out on your own (or not but stay quiet about)--it's the more alpha thing to do which makes you more appealing to whoever. Word gets around if you are always seeking advice from others about some girl like you are hung up. I remember one guy in my college that did that. Never had a gf even afterward. He became "that guy".

Ok glad your interest level is going down. With her current behavior she doesn't deserve you. Good luck with the new girls and yep this won't be the last you hear from her. Promise.

I see what you're seeing, however, I didn't ask him to ask her about it. She brought it up to my friend and I'm assuming he just decided to finally say something as I haven't said a word to anyone aside from him, pretty much the reason why I came to this forum was to seek advice.

January 8, 2016

College kid, you had multiple chances to put the D in her. I mean this nicely, but you failed. Definitely move on and continue to meet new women.

Going to respectfully disagree 100% with your post.

I'm not sure where I had multiple chances, the first time she slept over we were completely naked and fooled around, but she stopped me before I put a condom on because she isn't the type of person to sleep around. This girl has been with one guy, I'm the second person she's even "hooked up" with. She told me "I really want to, but I don't want to complicate things right now." Assuming she meant about her ex boyfriend and whatever.

Now the 2nd time she was on her period, sex was out of the question when she told me there's a tampon in there.

Now I never mentioned this, but when she slept over on her period, drunk me said "no big deal, tomorrow night". Stupid, I know, but she thought it was funny because this was the first time I was more drunk than her and slept over the next night anyways.

The next night she was intoxicated to the point where I am not going to try to even pull a move. That's wrong and I can get into hot water crossing those lines. I've had my fair share of one night stands and don't have trouble giving girls the "D". I didn't fail. I'm not going to get charged with sexual assault, I use my best judgement in situations like that.

I'm studying for law school and if failing to have sex with a blacked out girl is failing, then I'm glad I failed.

Additionally, I was happy to just have her sleep over and hang out. I don't need to bang every girl I like, what fun is that? It gets old. I liked her to the point where I was willing to wait it out till she was ready and or not on her period.

Regardless, it's just a girl. I'll be fine either way.

January 8, 2016

As someone who was part of a major college athletic team for 4 years I can understand the partying aspect and nature of the college life you're experiencing right now. As far as this girl goes... It's already been proven that you and her are not going to be anything more than a drunken hook up.. Perhaps even probably sleeping together a few times. But she's not someone you want to have as a gf.

Why? If she was into you in that way then you would see and hear from her outside of parties and nightlife and she would not be flirting with other guys blatantly around you. She's just your typical college girl. She probably likes that she can have you as a nice guy bf if she wants after a few drinks when she's feeling flirtatious and wants a guy to reciprocate. But she's also not talking to her friends saying "omg I just say _collegekkd is going to that party tn on FB.. We Have to go!! I wanna see him" either . You just are easy and familiar to her when she's got no one else chasing her or giving her attention.

You're best course of action. Treat her like a booty call and last resort when you see her out. There are countless other girls who you can meet and pursue who can offer the same or more than she can, and they are everywhere in college! Don't waste anymore time on this one. She's never going to treat you differently or more seriously if she knows she doesn't have any competition. Hang out with other girls, take them out, sleep with the ones you like. Guarantee that will make her jealous and she's try to win your attention over more. But that's when you'll realize that she's nothing special and you don't even want her anymore. After all... She's the drunken flirt who any guy has a chance with by what you describe. And any girl who would flirt with s friend of yours, or talk to another guy instead of you... Is a waste of time. Expect better for yourself and demand higher standards

You'll be fine, she's not the last chick you'll have a crush on. And also... "Sorry I'm on my period"... Is about as true as "it's not you its me". I'm not saying to call her out on it. But when a girl tells you things like that AFTER you get into bed, then she's just teasing you and feeding you bs to get out of doing more while still having you there to make out with. Once maybe.. But don't waste your time with girls who bring nothing positive to your life other than question marks and frustration

January 8, 2016

As someone who was part of a major college athletic team for 4 years I can understand the partying aspect and nature of the college life you're experiencing right now. As far as this girl goes... It's already been proven that you and her are not going to be anything more than a drunken hook up.. Perhaps even probably sleeping together a few times. But she's not someone you want to have as a gf.

Why? If she was into you in that way then you would see and hear from her outside of parties and nightlife and she would not be flirting with other guys blatantly around you. She's just your typical college girl. She probably likes that she can have you as a nice guy bf if she wants after a few drinks when she's feeling flirtatious and wants a guy to reciprocate. But she's also not talking to her friends saying "omg I just say _collegekkd is going to that party tn on FB.. We Have to go!! I wanna see him" either . You just are easy and familiar to her when she's got no one else chasing her or giving her attention.

You're best course of action. Treat her like a booty call and last resort when you see her out. There are countless other girls who you can meet and pursue who can offer the same or more than she can, and they are everywhere in college! Don't waste anymore time on this one. She's never going to treat you differently or more seriously if she knows she doesn't have any competition. Hang out with other girls, take them out, sleep with the ones you like. Guarantee that will make her jealous and she's try to win your attention over more. But that's when you'll realize that she's nothing special and you don't even want her anymore. After all... She's the drunken flirt who any guy has a chance with by what you describe. And any girl who would flirt with s friend of yours, or talk to another guy instead of you... Is a waste of time. Expect better for yourself and demand higher standards

You'll be fine, she's not the last chick you'll have a crush on. And also... "Sorry I'm on my period"... Is about as true as "it's not you its me". I'm not saying to call her out on it. But when a girl tells you things like that AFTER you get into bed, then she's just teasing you and feeding you bs to get out of doing more while still having you there to make out with. Once maybe.. But don't waste your time with girls who bring nothing positive to your life other than question marks and frustration

This is probably the best piece of advice I've gotten and perhaps somewhat of a wake up call and to quit chasing her. Not that I cared that she flirted with my friends, but perhaps that is a red flag like you mentioned.

I'm fully aware it's a waste of time at this point, when I get drunk and she comes up to me is where I'm more inclined to continue being that nice guy that she likes getting attention from because I'm not thinking straight haha. You're also right in the fact that I shouldn't want a girl like this as my girlfriend. Thank you for giving me a reality check in that sector.

The period thing...you're probably right. I'm not going to dispute that because I don't know for sure, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if she lied. Regardless it really doesn't matter.

I'll just keep enjoying college and not waste my time on girls that leave me confused, it's not worth the head ache.

I need to grow some balls and set myself to a higher standard.

Thanks for the great post, I appreciate it.

January 8, 2016

I see what you're seeing, however, I didn't ask him to ask her about it. She brought it up to my friend and I'm assuming he just decided to finally say something as I haven't said a word to anyone aside from him, pretty much the reason why I came to this forum was to seek advice.

ok better but still if they try to talk about it brush it off like it doesn't matter or you have it handled. Mas macho. Also if that gets back to her, that will be a question mark for her.

Also the way that went down above as you explained it is a PERFECT example of what I mean: you lose control over what is said about you and her and people trying to help in the way THEY think is best. Take control, ie zip it so anything that happens or is discussed is between you and her. This may have seemed harmless and among two other people who care but if the outcome of the discussion sways things against you or makes you look stupid then you won't like it. Once it's out of the bag you can't stop it. So best thing to do is not let others discuss you dating trials and tribulations. You might be grateful in the moment for a bit of insight into what's going on with her but that will just put you in your head. That's short term thinking. Think longer term. You are cooler than this you don't need "help" from anyone to get the girl. And truth be told, you already have good natural instincts about dating. You'll be fine without "help" from people you both know. Come back to the site or ask a friend from home who only knows you. Good luck

January 9, 2016

V.H. is right. You're too invested in this woman if you are going through other people to figure her out. There's nothing to figure out. She is giving you mixed signals. If she liked you A LOT, she would have taken the date. She doesn't. You're a safe probably cute guy she likes to flirt with but wants nothing romantic with. The fact that she gets drunk at all these events is a flag. You don't have to be a psychologist to figure out she has some problems.

Move on. She will not give you what you seek.

July 22, 2018

Woah, always odd reading something from over two years ago!

Quick update on what ended up happening with all of this. We started dating for a while and sleeping together regularly even after we weren't together. I slept with her in March and since then we don't talk. But sex was fun and I don't regret it.

I do not have feelings for her and recently started talking to another girl who is always wanting to talk and genuinely excited to go out with me. We have been on five dates already and things seem to be going well. We will be two hours away in about a month, but I'm just going with the flow and enjoying things. It was more FUN.

The best advice I can give from this experience: Do NOT chase someone who isn't as excited to see you as you are to see them.

Cheers.

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