CollegeKid101 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Hey guys, So I am extremely conflicted on whether this girl likes me or just likes the attention I give her. Bare with me here, as I will be providing as much background as I can.. We met each other last year when we were eating at the dining halls, just a simple group hang out at dinner and we happened to meet each other then. I didn't think much about it because I had a girlfriend. Fast forward to this year, I've been out of a relationship since June and she has as well. We ended up talking once school started back up at the bars and I got her number and have walked her back to her house multiple times after the bars close. Every single time has ended with us kissing for awhile. I really liked her and I did pursue her more than I probably should have, regardless she slept over awhile ago and we didn't have sex, just fooled around a bit completely naked. We woke up the next morning and talked for about 2 hours just about random things and I ended up dropping her off later and she told me "you're awesome, I'll see you later?" To which I said "yeah, of course". I thought things were picking up until her friend told my best friend that it wasn't going to work out because I came on too strong. She also had been talking to her ex during this time and even told me she still had feelings for him. I was fine with that and just forgot about it honestly. We would still see each other at bars, but nothing really happened. A month rolled by and I saw her at the bars (my school is strictly bar life) with her ex bf and just ignored it and carried on with my night. This was about a month ago. Two nights after seeing her with her ex, (whose tried fighting me actually), my fraternity rented out a bar for us and her sorority. I told myself I'm not going to approach her, well she approached me and ended up being very flirty towards me and asked me what bus we should take back to campus together. I could tell she had one too many drinks and offered to walk her home, but she resisted and said she wanted to go drink more with me..I tried to argue with her, but her being drunk was set on going out again. So we went to another bar and she was so wasted that I called a sober driver and took her home. I walked her to her door and she kissed me again like we always do when I take her home. The next morning she texted me apologizing for getting so drunk, I told her it was alright and not to worry about it. Fast forward to Thanksgiving, I asked her to go to our Formal party with us and she said of course. I ended up seeing her two more times before the Formal at the bar, in which she approached me both times and we hung out together all night. The Formal was last night and I had an okay time, but she ended up talking to one of my friends for awhile (whose a guy) and kinda left me in an uncomfortable situation because I had nobody to talk to considering everyone was with their dates. So, I told her I might head out and she said no and said she felt bad and that we should stay together and go to the bars. We went, but left shortly after and because she was in heels I picked her up and carried her back to the party. We ended up making out in front of the house where it was. Things were really good and we were talking a lot and it was just flowing really well. She ended up slipping on the stairs and I caught her and then looked at me and just kissed me again.. We ended up leaving with a couple other couples and smoked together (please don't judge). It was late, 3 AM, and the 3 girls were still over, but one called an Uber for them all and my roommate's date said she's just going to stay. Well my date ended up leaving with the other couple to the Uber and just bailed on me basically or that's how I felt. She took my suit jacket too and I ended up getting it back from her today, didn't talk much just left soon after because I was annoyed. I haven't talked to her since and I will probably see her tomorrow night, but I just have no idea what she thinks of me. She's extremely flirty with me, kisses me, has slept over, and has given me positive signs. But I also see a lot of signs that I would consider negative like we don't talk too much outside of going out to the bars, this ex bf just seems to be lingering, and the fact she left last night really makes me think she's just not that into me. My friend thinks I should consult a good mutual friend of ours at the bars tomorrow when she's drunk and just ask if this girl is into me or not.. I'll probably get a more honest answer that way. I'm not exactly looking to date her, but I would like to have something a bit more concrete with her. Like a relationship outside the bars and just knowing we're both into each other. I realize alcohol makes people do dumb things sometimes, but I can't imagine she's not interested when we've kissed a plethora of times and she's slept over. I really like her and I'm sick of hook-up culture. I know her ex really hurt her by cheating and sometimes I think her experience with him has made me a rebound or she's just scared to get into anything past drunk make outs. Winter break is coming up in about a week and my girl friend suggested asking her on a real date if her friend does say she's interested. I just do not want to continue chasing something that is hopeless. Regardless, what do you guys think? Is this a lost cause? This has been going on all semester and her mixed signals have just been so confusing, I'm even considering telling her I don't understand her next time I see her. Thanks to everyone who makes it through my entire post!
Versacehottie Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Speak to her directly. Never have a mutual friend do interpretation and recon for you. That's for 5th grade. Do it yourself. I'll try to write more later because I'm in a rush. 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Speak to her directly. Never have a mutual friend do interpretation and recon for you. That's for 5th grade. Do it yourself. I'll try to write more later because I'm in a rush. I appreciate the quick response, should I do this tomorrow night in person? There will be drinking so she may be more honest with me. And what's the best/least awkward way to approach it?
phineas Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 she slept with you? as in the same bed but no sex? 1
Redfisher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 she slept with you? as in the same bed but no sex? she slept over awhile ago and we didn't have sex, just fooled around a bit completely naked.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 she slept over awhile ago and we didn't have sex, just fooled around a bit completely naked. Correct. I assume she may have a crush on me, but that's about it. Usually pretty good at knowing if a girl likes me and since this has been going on so long I'm assuming she doesn't think anything serious will come from us.
winny Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I think she isnt looking for anything serious. She obviously has some level of physical attraction towards u but I am guessing she has multiple guys with whom she behaves the same as she does with u. Dont have high hopes. If u really really like her then ask her out on a date.... 1
Versacehottie Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I appreciate the quick response, should I do this tomorrow night in person? There will be drinking so she may be more honest with me. And what's the best/least awkward way to approach it? Well honestly, I agree with Winny--she may not be looking for a relationship. Just trying to get an answer may force a no. My general opinion is that girls like the build-up, especially in college where there is some assurance that you will keep bumping into each other. My advice would be to flirt with her and try to get your own recon about where she stands without just blurting out your intentions and desire to date her. Flirt, try to make memories that she will think are charming and fun. Bring up during the bar night tomorrow something coming up or that you like to do or that you think she would like and suggest you do it together in the next few days. Then follow thru. Basically you need to get banter going both in person and before and afterward via text or calling where you make your own in roads. I think this is the best course of action with a college girl who is very social and may not be looking for a bf. You have to give her a reason to want one; which usually takes a few weeks LOL. That's half joking, half not. I'm guessing if you already don't feel like she is trying to lock you down then you need to be a little more stealth about getting her attention, ie if you come right out an let her know you want a relationship or to date her, she won't value it as much as if she has had to earn it from you. Make sense? Basically dangle through flirting and the idea of you two dating being a possibility, she will want it more than if it was just handed to her on a silver platter. I'm guessing that's who she is. You may need to give more details. If she is pretty straightforward and sensible (didn't seem like her overriding qualities from what you have said so far), then you could just ask. But I wouldn't recommend that. Realistically, there might be more you want to find out about her too. People love a build-up. oh and if I didn't make it clear you don't have a friend do it because of many reasons but mainly because you can't control the variables. I've seen it backfire more times than not. And it makes you look like a wuss. 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Well honestly, I agree with Winny--she may not be looking for a relationship. Just trying to get an answer may force a no. My general opinion is that girls like the build-up, especially in college where there is some assurance that you will keep bumping into each other. My advice would be to flirt with her and try to get your own recon about where she stands without just blurting out your intentions and desire to date her. Flirt, try to make memories that she will think are charming and fun. Bring up during the bar night tomorrow something coming up or that you like to do or that you think she would like and suggest you do it together in the next few days. Then follow thru. Basically you need to get banter going both in person and before and afterward via text or calling where you make your own in roads. I think this is the best course of action with a college girl who is very social and may not be looking for a bf. You have to give her a reason to want one; which usually takes a few weeks LOL. That's half joking, half not. I'm guessing if you already don't feel like she is trying to lock you down then you need to be a little more stealth about getting her attention, ie if you come right out an let her know you want a relationship or to date her, she won't value it as much as if she has had to earn it from you. Make sense? Basically dangle through flirting and the idea of you two dating being a possibility, she will want it more than if it was just handed to her on a silver platter. I'm guessing that's who she is. You may need to give more details. If she is pretty straightforward and sensible (didn't seem like her overriding qualities from what you have said so far), then you could just ask. But I wouldn't recommend that. Realistically, there might be more you want to find out about her too. People love a build-up. oh and if I didn't make it clear you don't have a friend do it because of many reasons but mainly because you can't control the variables. I've seen it backfire more times than not. And it makes you look like a wuss. Thank you for such a great post! That really helped me look at things from a different perspective. You are right that girls do seem to like guys that are more low key at college, that's why I stopped approaching her and she's been coming up to me recently. I was thinking of suggesting, in person, to go to a basketball game, but there's no games till after our winter break. Maybe I can still suggest that because it's something that's not very formal and then I can follow up and text her saying "hey there's nothing till after break, but would you like to do (insert whatever other activity)?" I'll continue flirting with her. I'll also see her on New Years as we are going to the same place. Hopefully something can come from this as I do really like her. However, I'm not getting my hopes up. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 You're one of her options OP. She's not relationship material, unless you want constant heartache and a headache. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 For the rest of this semester put up with the hook up business. Ask if it would be OK if you contacted her over break & do so. Perhaps if you are close enough, arrange a NYE date. When school starts again, then have a chat with her about being exclusive & dating but don't pressure her right now. Now, before break at finals you will get rejected because the timing is wrong. 1
VeveCakes Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Ask her out on a date - no bars or friends. She might just think you only want her when you are out.
TheTraveler Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 You're in college. Women are everywhere OP. Do not get hung up on this one girl. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Thank you for such a great post! That really helped me look at things from a different perspective. You are right that girls do seem to like guys that are more low key at college, that's why I stopped approaching her and she's been coming up to me recently. I was thinking of suggesting, in person, to go to a basketball game, but there's no games till after our winter break. Maybe I can still suggest that because it's something that's not very formal and then I can follow up and text her saying "hey there's nothing till after break, but would you like to do (insert whatever other activity)?" I'll continue flirting with her. I'll also see her on New Years as we are going to the same place. Hopefully something can come from this as I do really like her. However, I'm not getting my hopes up. Good plan. Also that gives you more chance for interaction. In that flirting, playful conversation (in person and in text/phone) can happen as you sift through the ideas of what to do. Flirting. exploration of getting to know her. Make your own private jokes and teasing each other. Ok basketball sounds great (huge fan myself). But maybe bring it up more organically if you don't know where she stands with you. Such as telling her things you've got coming up and THEN when she comments, fake interpret it as interest and as her to come along or go with. OR if you are sure she likes you. (the hooking up should indicate that) just ask her out to the bball! Yes do something before new year's, use the current momentum 1
casey.lives Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Pull away ... give a little .. pull back.. give a little... let her come... give a little... let her miss you.... and so on 1
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Pull away ... give a little .. pull back.. give a little... let her come... give a little... let her miss you.... and so on also not bad. Not as game-playing but because people need that to feel what they feel. 1
phineas Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 also not bad. Not as game-playing but because people need that to feel what they feel. Yep. When a woman is wondering what you are doing instead of chasing after her....well if she likes you at all she will assume there is another woman and if she doesn't want to loose you she will cut the crap. But. This will only work when the woman knows you want to date her and knows why you are no longer available to her when she wants. 2
Author CollegeKid101 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Hi guys, sorry I have not responded. With finals and such I have been pretty busy! Whenever I read threads I always like to see what the final poster did/didn't do and how things ended. Going back to Friday night, I was getting ready to go out and heard a knock at the door. It was the real estate company that I lease from and they were asking to show the apartment, I said sure and as the 4 people walked in I noticed she was one of them. (She works for the company)..I was taken back a little bit and while the guys showed the apartment she just talked with me in the living room and explicitly said "I didn't have to come, I just wanted to". Strange, but they left after about 5 minutes of showing the place. Couple hours later I did see her at the bar (as I knew I would) and we talked for a bit and hung out with the same group for a few hours. Our friends are very close, so I was talking to a magnitude of her friends as she was with mine. We all eventually left after awhile and I left with my best friend (guy) and we were both very drunk and he told me she asked him if I was mad that she did not sleep over after my Formal, he told her I didn't care and that there's no way I was mad. He knew it really annoyed me too. She responded saying she didn't want to give me the wrong impression...this is where I pretty much just decided to look elsewhere..her best friend also mentioned something to my friend saying she's extremely conflicted on if she wants a boyfriend or not. I haven't spoke to her since and don't really plan on it. She kisses me when we're drunk and although she only slept over once all semester, we did hook up past just kissing. I see positive signs, but after Friday I just think I'm trying to ignore the negative signs. If I see her at the bars, I'll say hi, but that's about it. Don't really want to buy her drinks anymore or chase her. I think she's attracted to me and likes the attention I give her, but I believe she sees me more as an option or someone to "play' with. Which is totally fine, I didn't hang my head over it. The next night, another really pretty girl was with me at the bars, we know each other, but not really. Well, she ended up coming back to my place and we had sex. I'm not going to chase one girl and ignore the other hundreds when the one girl confuses me to the point of giving up. I'm going to continue seeing her for the next 2 years pretty consistently, but I think I'm better off letting this one go or letting her make a decision on if she wants me or not. She did it before already and that's why I asked her to my formal, but perhaps I should have taken someone else and made her realize I have other options too. Thanks for all your responses guys, it shed new light on how to approach situations like this in the future. 1
TheTraveler Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 That's my man. Continue to meet women. College dating is easy if you know what you're doing, and it sounds like you do. You might/will probably find a gf eventually in college. Enjoy the ride and don't stress over a woman like you mentioned in the original post. 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 That's my man. Continue to meet women. College dating is easy if you know what you're doing, and it sounds like you do. You might/will probably find a gf eventually in college. Enjoy the ride and don't stress over a woman like you mentioned in the original post. Thanks man, absolutely am going to continuing meeting girls and having fun. Small update anyways... She snapchatted me last night while we were in the same bar and I snapped back once, she snapped me again and I just ignored it and never looked for her or anything. Not sure what her motives were, but it is pretty irrelevant. Playing games bore me after awhile.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Hey guys, hope everyone had a nice holiday season! Naturally, I think I am more confused than I was before.. So after finals I went out with a pretty large group of my friends. I work at this bar and I am allowed to get my friends out of paying cover. My guy friends and I got to the bar early so cover wasn't even being taken. Around 10 one of my friends, who is good friends with this girl, texted me asking if I could get her and a friend out of cover. All these girls are more good friends and I have no problem getting them out. So I walked down and let my friend in and then the cover guy just told me I can get them all out. The girl I had been chasing was in the group too, but I didn't even really say hi or anything, I let them all in and then went back upstairs to my friends. Anyways..as the night went out I was going to buy a drink and walked behind her and she saw me and put her head back on my shoulder and smiled and said "Hi CollegeKid101". I just said hi back and went on with my night. She started talking to me and we ended up talking all night, around 1 I told her I was probably going to leave because I was just way too drunk and wanted to go smoke and pass out. She said "I'll come with you". I was somewhat surprised and said invite whoever you'd like. So we left with two of our friends whom are both girls and after about 20 minutes of smoking, her friend got the too cross-faded and needed to go home. I assumed they were all just going to leave in a taxi, the other two girls got up and said they were going to go. The girl I've been chasing was sitting right next to me, pretty close and her friend says "We're going to go, but [insert her name here] you should stay". She was very content with it and said "okay". After they left, we smoked a little more and then I asked her if she wants to go to sleep and she said yes and we went into my room. She changed into my clothes and then we were just talking and she got a call..it was her ex boyfriend. He had been at the bar too and was wasted asking where she is and basically yelling at her. She told him to go to bed and hung up and then he called back again and I just took the phone and hung up on her as he was being very verbally abusive. I told her if there's something going on between them I rather not get in the middle of it. She assured me they are nothing and don't hang out, but they still talk from time to time because his mom or aunt (I can't remember which) has cancer. Major curveball.. We started making out and cuddling and started to hook up and then she stopped kissing me and said "CollegeKid101, I'm on my period...there's a tampon in there right now.." we just laughed about it and I said it's completely cool. We ended up kissing and fell asleep doing that. The next morning we just talked for awhile and then her friend came and picked her up. She ended up texting me later because I guess I told her I could take her home after finals because she needed a ride home. I didn't end up driving her, but I get the feeling she texted me just to text me because she snapchatted me as well. That same day I went out again, last night of the semester, and she did as well. We ended up together again and she slept over again. This time she was the wasted one and I just put her to bed and we passed out pretty quick. Around 5 am she woke me up and said "CollegeKid101, I'm cold" so i turned off the fan and gave her more blankets and then put my arm around her and she wrapped her legs around me and we fell asleep cuddling like couples would...I remember laying there confused out of my mind as a week ago she didn't want to sleep over after Formal! But now she did two nights in a row on her period..which was weird because if she just wanted to hook up why would she sleep over? And she had the opportunity to leave both nights with her friends, but went home with me instead. We woke up the next morning and talked again and then I drove her home and we kissed goodbye, the first sober kiss I've ever had with her. After we kissed she started smiling a lot and laughed a little, almost out of being happy it seemed like at least. We didn't talk for a few days after this and then I texted her just to talk and we talked all day, but then it got late and she told me she was going to bed because she got sick. That was right before Christmas, I didn't talk to her at all after that. My birthday was a couple days ago and she drunk texted me at 3 am saying "happpppyyy birthdayyyyY !!!!" Now this confused me even more, she had to have been thinking about me and knew my birthday was coming up. We texted all day on my birthday and all day yesterday, but then she didn't return my last text around 9:30 PM last night. I didn't think much of it as we were just having small talk and my last text was somewhat lame. We go back to school in two weeks and I think I'm just going to man up and ask her on a date. She lives about an hour away. I'm going to text her "Hey would you like to get dinner sometime this week?" If she says no, it'll be easier for me to just stop liking this girl. If she says yes, great. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter whether I get rejected or not. Wish me luck guys!
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Try to forget all the drama. That was last semester. Do ask her out. Good luck. 2
Author CollegeKid101 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Try to forget all the drama. That was last semester. Do ask her out. Good luck. I did and I believe she just let me down easy by essentially saying it sounds like fun, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a date right now. She said she honestly does not know if she should say yes or no, but also does not want to lead me on. Then went on to say sorry I'm probably very frustrating. Probably just an excuse for she's not that into me. While I know her ex is still in the picture in some way, I think it's best to forget this one. I told her it's cool, no worries. On to the next!
Versacehottie Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I did and I believe she just let me down easy by essentially saying it sounds like fun, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a date right now. She said she honestly does not know if she should say yes or no, but also does not want to lead me on. Then went on to say sorry I'm probably very frustrating. Probably just an excuse for she's not that into me. While I know her ex is still in the picture in some way, I think it's best to forget this one. I told her it's cool, no worries. On to the next! Well good answer (bolded). I think she will be back but it's clear that she still has unfinished business with her ex. You handled it perfectly. When her heart is open, and if you two are both still in contact, I think she will come around. Good luck with the next and the next ;0 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Well good answer (bolded). I think she will be back but it's clear that she still has unfinished business with her ex. You handled it perfectly. When her heart is open, and if you two are both still in contact, I think she will come around. Good luck with the next and the next ;0 Something tells me you're right, but for now I'll keep looking around! Thank you to everyone who replied, this is an awesome site. 2
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