Lordreyna Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 So I'll try to keep this as breif as possible... I've been dating a guy about a year now, and so far I am not happy and haven't been for a few months now; he's a good guy with a good heart, I just don't think he really is ready for me. Just a little bit of a background, he started living with me kind of early in the realtionship, about half way into it, but the entire time he hasnt paid rent and really doesn't work. The past few months we have been fighting more frequently, over money and expenses. So to soothe things between us, he brought home a kitten and said it's like our baby; now, I like cats, but I can't have one in my apt, which he knew, so more fights arose because of this. It's a month later now since he brought the cat home, and I gave him an ultimatum, either put him outside or give him to a home that deserves and wants him. Both I feel, completely reasonable since I ended up having to buy everthing for it. When the cat left he cried very hard and didnt talk to me for three days over this, which one of those days he missed work. Now he called me and asked me if I could take himto work, I said yes but then he said 'nevermind'. His job is an oncall job, so if he misses to accept a job then he could be out of work for weeks at a time; which is exactly what happened since he didnt show up. He now blames me for not having work and literally sent me a group of texts saying, 'I brought him all this pain and I am evil and if I want to cheat or break up with him I can', but I can't help but feel like it's really not my fault which makes him even more upset. Aside from that, we arent really great, I mean we barely have sex, there's almost no romance, and I pay for everything when we go out. Plus, he stays in my house, so it's not like he was helping anything anyway. I do love him, but I don't know how to break it off with out it getting out of hand because he will be aggressive toward me if he didn't feel it was his idea to leave me... What are the best words to say?
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 The best words to say are "This relationship is not working for me. How soon can you be out?" You need / want a BF. He's acting like an over grown child -- & a spoiled one at that -- not a mature, responsible man. 7
Author Lordreyna Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 Thank you, I need to hear that. 3
Omei Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Oh my gosh lol how are you still with this guy... Its not your job to take him to work please break up with him before more innocent kittens are involved. 3
No_Go Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 KICK HIS LAZY A** NOW This creature is pretending that you're in a relationship (doesn't even have sex with you!) and manipulates you (pity over job loss!) to mooch of your money. I had one of those and it was a bloody battle to get him out of my house (actually I just broke the lease, no other way to remove him). Don't be weak like me and kick him out. All the pity scenes are to suck from your pocket, hope I'm not too blunt, but it happened to me, literally the same thing (well no, haha, the cat that my mooch brought home is still with me and a joy in my life , the only good thing that I got from him). Good luck, and if you need any advice, pm me... People like this are extremely obsessive and blur your rational thinking, but this doesn't mean that you can't get rid of them gracefully. 1
Sparta Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 He needs to grow the fu*k up. Kick his a$$ out.! Too many problems 4
Author Lordreyna Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 KICK HIS LAZY A** NOW This creature is pretending that you're in a relationship (doesn't even have sex with you!) and manipulates you (pity over job loss!) to mooch of your money. I had one of those and it was a bloody battle to get him out of my house (actually I just broke the lease, no other way to remove him). Don't be weak like me and kick him out. All the pity scenes are to suck from your pocket, hope I'm not too blunt, but it happened to me, literally the same thing (well no, haha, the cat that my mooch brought home is still with me and a joy in my life , the only good thing that I got from him). Good luck, and if you need any advice, pm me... People like this are extremely obsessive and blur your rational thinking, but this doesn't mean that you can't get rid of them gracefully. Thank you! Yea that's kinda what I feel like man I have to move out and soon lol thanks Yea no you could have said it worst but youre right Im too young to not be having the time of my life. 2
No_Go Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) Absolutely - my story below may convince you further Good luck http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/504300-break-up-live-mooching-boyfriend I saw now you're worried he can get aggressive - make it very clear to him that you'll call the police if he does so, and for real, do it if things get ugly.. Thank you! Yea that's kinda what I feel like man I have to move out and soon lol thanks Yea no you could have said it worst but youre right Im too young to not be having the time of my life. Edited December 11, 2015 by No_Go
jen1447 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 he's a good guy with a good heart Maybe not so much in light of everything else you've told us. Get a dad/brother/hero guy friend/badass chick to stand by or at least be on call when you give him the boot and keep at least one person completely in the know and up-to-date w/events at all times for safety. Most likely he's actually a pussy tho so don't worry too much. 2
bathtub-row Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I agree with everyone else. You need to end it with this guy. If you believe he's likely to get aggressive, then have a friend with you - preferably a male - when you tell him. It's up to you to decide when he needs to leave but, if I were you, I'd pack his things while he's gone, give him money for a night at a hotel if you feel inclined to do so, and have him leave right away. Have your apartments change the locks right away. If you have instincts about him becoming aggressive - and let's face it, when you use the word aggressive, you mean that he could potentially be violent, then don't ignore your instincts. If you feel unsafe, there's a reason for that. And, btw, he's not a nice guy. He pretends to be, and he may be in some ways, but there's an aspect to him that is very unkind and disrespectful. Not to mention a host of other things. Adios!
Redfisher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 OMG why do women live with this crap? And how do douche bag guys like that sleep at night... Maybe its the beer talking but I'm pissed at the dirtbags in this world. 4
Krieger Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 OMG why do women live with this crap? And how do douche bag guys like that sleep at night... Maybe its the beer talking but I'm pissed at the dirtbags in this world. That is an easy one my friend woman think they can change men. The Mothering Instinct sometimes this nurturing, mothering instinct goes beyond children and applies to, well, loser men. I’ve heard women who dated losers (and even abusive ones) tell me, in complete sincerity, that they were the only ones who understood him and could help him. They take on the responsibility of “saving” a grown man. I have had several women I know have told simply put guys that are honest nice and sincere are boring .Guys that will lie cheat and abuse they say are more exciting to be with. To a woman, love redeeming a bad man proves the love is real Also, a man who treats everyone poorly but herself, must really love her. Many women suffer from low self-esteem to the extent that they genuinely believe they cannot land another man even if they try. So, they stick with the current loser in the sincere belief that they don’t deserve anyone else. deadbeat women tend to go out with deadbeat men. Deadbeat woman tend to go for deadbeat men and deadbeat men go for deadbeat woman IMO. I think your only a deadbeat man or woman if you keep picking deadbeats to date over and over. If you date one deadbeat I am not sure that makes you one off the bat. deadbeat women tend to go out with deadbeat men.
Maggie4 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 "..he will be aggressive" ? Are you afraid? Don't let this stop you from giving him the boot. You are trying to find ways to tell him so that he doesn't flip out? Just tell him that you are unhappy in this relationship. Nothing else needs to be said. 1
Krieger Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 words of advice for the OP I do not know how old you are but if you keep on picking dead beats your going to be 40 and all by yourself . I know as a guy if was dating a woman and she told me how she been with loser after loser I am running for the hills because I am not going to be a woman last hope to have a family and kids . Past a certain age if I am dating a woman and she tells me that every man she dated was a loser it a red flag. There’s a possibility that every man she’s ever dated was indeed a jerk. If that’s the case, what does that say about her judgment, and what is it about her personality that draws her to losers? It shows a lack of self-awareness and an unwillingness to take responsibility. Also If she plays the victim constantly, too well, she isn’t the victim. OP do you want to be crazy cat lady with 40 cats ?
spriggan2 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 LMAO, this thread saved me today. I was so down in the dumps. Good stuff....yes kick him out, but I would like to get in touch with him and shake his hand for being such a hilarious character.
Redhead14 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 So I'll try to keep this as breif as possible... I've been dating a guy about a year now, and so far I am not happy and haven't been for a few months now; he's a good guy with a good heart, I just don't think he really is ready for me. Just a little bit of a background, he started living with me kind of early in the realtionship, about half way into it, but the entire time he hasnt paid rent and really doesn't work. The past few months we have been fighting more frequently, over money and expenses. So to soothe things between us, he brought home a kitten and said it's like our baby; now, I like cats, but I can't have one in my apt, which he knew, so more fights arose because of this. It's a month later now since he brought the cat home, and I gave him an ultimatum, either put him outside or give him to a home that deserves and wants him. Both I feel, completely reasonable since I ended up having to buy everthing for it. When the cat left he cried very hard and didnt talk to me for three days over this, which one of those days he missed work. Now he called me and asked me if I could take himto work, I said yes but then he said 'nevermind'. His job is an oncall job, so if he misses to accept a job then he could be out of work for weeks at a time; which is exactly what happened since he didnt show up. He now blames me for not having work and literally sent me a group of texts saying, 'I brought him all this pain and I am evil and if I want to cheat or break up with him I can', but I can't help but feel like it's really not my fault which makes him even more upset. Aside from that, we arent really great, I mean we barely have sex, there's almost no romance, and I pay for everything when we go out. Plus, he stays in my house, so it's not like he was helping anything anyway. I do love him, but I don't know how to break it off with out it getting out of hand because he will be aggressive toward me if he didn't feel it was his idea to leave me... What are the best words to say? I do love him we barely have sex, there's almost no romance, and I pay for everything when we go out. Plus, he stays in my house -- What's to love. This guy is using you, he doesn't love you. It's convenient and easy for him. What are the best words to say? -- "It's time for you to move out. I am unhappy in the relationship. Please start looking for a place and plan to be out by X day . . . " If he becomes aggressive, you ask him to leave right then and there. If he doesn't you call the police. This guy is not your "boyfriend" and has no business being there anymore.
Lois_Griffin Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Good lord. Does this child also ask you to chew his food for him, too? He would have been SO gone after a month or two of sponging off me.
jen1447 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Good lord. Does this child also ask you to chew his food for him, too? Let's not get carried away ....he just blames her for his indigestion afterward.
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