Long story

[Harry-V]

Hi guys,

 

I had an unofficial yet intimate relationship with someone online and at long distance. We weren't a couple, but close nonetheless. We had never met but talked a lot about doing so. As the months went by, our messages got more and more intimate and intense. We "met" on a website and would message on there virtually every day about everything and anything. Because it was on a secluded website, there was an illusion of her having me to herself and vice-versa.

 

At some point, we added each other on Facebook and one day, she changed her profile picture where, I'm going to be honest, I got a bit jealous - seeing 70 odd people liking it, I was used to having her to myself. So, being an idiot, I ignored it. It was of her facing away from the camera. For the first time ever, she tells me the next day about some guys she was hanging out with, how they were pretty good-looking etc. From the way she had written it, it was as if she was trying to make me jealous. Anyway, it sure sent me a clear message that there was no exclusivity in our relationship. 3/4 weeks later, my female friend uploads a new profile picture and I "like" it. It was a harmless selfie, but she is a pretty girl. At this time, I should mention, my mum was having scans to see if she had cancer which the girl knew all about. Anyway, from that afternoon onwards, she doesn't reply to me on the website. She also deletes a comment (1 of about 400 she had written) which was her saying everything she liked about me - I guess that was no longer true those nice things she had written.

 

I write to her about 2 weeks later to ask if there was a problem and she said that she's just been busy, asks how my mum got on etc. Not hearing from her for 2 weeks, while being anxious about my mum, it was torture. Anyway we exchanged messages that evening and she said she now only wanted to write to me on Facebook (and had just "forgotten" to reply to me on the website) - by now it was obvious that she was hurt/annoyed at that photo and my mistake was in not addressing it there and then.

 

2 days later, I write to tell her my mum now has cancer. We had had such an intimate relationship, it was sad because her reaction to this was to ignore me for about 2 weeks with no reply, while messaging at least 3 other guys on Facebook (which I could see on my newsfeed) and when she did write back, she took joy in mentioning one of her male "friends", how he is so great and how he is going to visit her in her country, followed by an out of place "haha". It seems that she only mentioned other guys whenever she was annoyed at me. She also changed her profile picture on the day she replied, which I "like" and I say she looks beautiful in my reply.

 

Her response, several messages later is to once again not message me for nearly 2 weeks, while I can see on my newsfeed she has been busy on Facebook. This time, her tone is once again unfriendly, it's a smaller message, it refers to me as "my friend" (bearing in mind we had shared months of intimacy), it was even written in 2 parts - sent 24 hours apart, as if to say "I can't be bothered to write to you in one go anymore". She again, changes her profile picture on the day of reply to me.

 

At this point we were now 2 months after I had annoyed her with that photo and now I am annoyed, so I leave it about 10 days to reply to her, but when I do write, I once again say she looks beautiful in her picture. What does she do? For the first time ever she replies instantly. I reply the next day, what does she do? For the second time ever she replies almost instantly, this time, her message is over twice as long as mine with about 10 questions in it. So when I'm interested and writing long messages, she takes ages to reply with short ones. Whereas when I'm taking ages to reply with short messages, she replies instantly with long ones. In this message she writes something which subliminally was there to upset me, she had replied to a question I had asked about 3 weeks earlier (about 5 messages previous), she went that far back just so she could give me an irrelevant answer for the sole purpose of upsetting me and discrediting a part of our relationship from when it was good.

 

I take 2 days to reply and she in-turn also takes 2 days, where she suddenly mentions "my boyfriend and I". I was too upset to reply. But as the days turned to weeks, she sends me a chaser message, which I ignore. She even likes something on Facebook to get my attention, something intimate about "when we first met". I started to realise with time that though I was an idiot for not "liking" her profile picture through jealousy, and maybe even more so for then "liking" another girl's (albeit a friend), I had had to endure 2 and a half months of mental abuse as a result: she ignored me for weeks, removed all affection towards me, discredited my advice and opinions, mentioned the opposite sex in a way to make me jealous, took subliminal swipes at me and our relationship and all this knowing that I was dealing with my mum's cancer at the time. It wasn't enough for her to get another guy, she had to play games with me and make me feel bad when I was already feeling very very down.

 

The problem? We've been in no contact since I removed her from my Facebook and stopped replying to her after she mentioned her boyfriend, but I can't help but feel this is all my fault and I was the bad guy: I hadn't liked her picture, yet I liked another girl's. The irony is that she had "liked" a picture when we were in our "honeymoon phase" of the guy who would eventually become her boyfriend, so it was hardly plutonic. Personally, I don't care about Facebook but it seems my faux-pas destroyed the relationship.

 

P.S - My mum is doing great now and is cancer-free!

Edited December 10, 2015 by Harry-V

[dawnheart]

I don't think your girlfriend left you because you didn't like one of her photos on Facebook.

[VeveCakes]

You never met, there was no relationship.