RedRobin Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I think that when people feel the urge to put a list of 'donts' and their profile is loaded with negativity... it's time to get off OLD. I've felt that urge before. Go on a few dates (or lots of dates) to find out they are all recovering alcoholics, or have a bankruptcy, when you don't have any of that... yea, you wanna pull your hair out and start telling all those guys to go find another recovering alcoholic, bankrupt, whatever... but it doesn't work that way. One time, I had on my profile "No recovering (fill in the blank)". Well, after a few dates with a guy I met online (who also happened to be in my running club), his frenemy in the running club fills me in (in front of the guy I was dating, mind you) that he's been convicted of two DUIs, and was in detox as recently as a few years ago. Interesting conversation! I guess he was a functional one, because he managed to keep his job through all of that... not his marriage though. What a coink-e-dink. So I asked him "Why did you lie to me?" His answer??? "I don't see myself that way" And there you have it... the definition of an addiction is THEY DON'T SEE THEMSELVES THAT WAY. You think those people are going to self-select? Hell no! Especially when they see an opportunity to monkey branch or socially leap frog into a new situation or dating pool. The problem with OLD is, and always will be... that it gives people outside your normal social circle access to YOU. Those are people who'd never have a snow balls chance in hell of being in contact with you any other way. 2
Author Robratory Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 I did a search to check out the competition -women my age in the area- and was shocked by the negativity and bitterness. Almost all of the headlines were either negative or agressive Yes, many get tired of the undesired attention and start lashing back. I don't think you see that so much in the men's ads, but what you do see in men's ads very often are sexual references that I just can't believe have their intended effect. Sure, once you're intimate with someone, it can be very erotic for him to lay out the evening's program and tell you exactly what he's going to do and where and how hard, but from a stranger? I imagine it's not even creepy but just stupid. 2
StBreton Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) I think that when people feel the urge to put a list of 'donts' and their profile is loaded with negativity... it's time to get off OLD. I've felt that urge before. Go on a few dates (or lots of dates) to find out they are all recovering alcoholics, or have a bankruptcy, when you don't have any of that... yea, you wanna pull your hair out and start telling all those guys to go find another recovering alcoholic, bankrupt, whatever... but it doesn't work that way. One time, I had on my profile "No recovering (fill in the blank)". Well, after a few dates with a guy I met online (who also happened to be in my running club), his frenemy in the running club fills me in (in front of the guy I was dating, mind you) that he's been convicted of two DUIs, and was in detox as recently as a few years ago. Interesting conversation! I guess he was a functional one, because he managed to keep his job through all of that... not his marriage though. What a coink-e-dink. So I asked him "Why did you lie to me?" His answer??? "I don't see myself that way" And there you have it... the definition of an addiction is THEY DON'T SEE THEMSELVES THAT WAY. You think those people are going to self-select? Hell no! Especially when they see an opportunity to monkey branch or socially leap frog into a new situation or dating pool. The problem with OLD is, and always will be... that it gives people outside your normal social circle access to YOU. Those are people who'd never have a snow balls chance in hell of being in contact with you any other way. This is so true! As a newbie OLDater...I had to learn this and pick out the flowers from a field overgrown with weeds. I know guys lament that girls get 100s of messages a day...but the messages don't equate to quality...so what does it matter. In any case OP...putting all those "don't wants" in a profile is a red flag to some (who are actually trying to keep the red flaggers away) and almost seems like a mute point ... in the end I think it's just better to meet someone in RL. Edited December 11, 2015 by StBreton
RedRobin Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) Yes, many get tired of the undesired attention and start lashing back. I don't think you see that so much in the men's ads, but what you do see in men's ads very often are sexual references that I just can't believe have their intended effect. Sure, once you're intimate with someone, it can be very erotic for him to lay out the evening's program and tell you exactly what he's going to do and where and how hard, but from a stranger? I imagine it's not even creepy but just stupid. Not only that, it implies that every woman reading it would be into the same thing... So... to me it implies he's not that creative or spontaneous. Likely a one-trick pony who keeps his personal crib sheet nearby... but is clueless about a real woman or developing true intimacy... which requires listening and responding. Whenever the whole '50 shades' thing was going around, I swear that half the guys would have that in their 'last read' list and refer to in their profile. YAWN. Anyway, for those guys... it seems there would be a more straightforward way of saying they really aren't looking for a relationship. Just say so... no need for the details which pretty much sound the same as the next guy. IMHO, those guys should be on a sex site, or a free site... My only guess is that they were on the paid sites for what? Not sure. Edited December 11, 2015 by RedRobin 2
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