What do you do when you find out someone doesn't like you?

[Sunberry]

~Feel free to move if this topic is out of place; didn't really know where to post~

 

When I mean they don't like you, I don't mean romantically. I mean they don't like you as a person.

 

I can comfortably say that I am the most giving and understanding person I know. If I do something wrong, I would very much like to know so I can learn from it and improve because I'm human. If I get into a shuffle with someone it's because of a miscommunication or because I said something wrong, but I always apologize regardless of who's at fault and try to alleviate issues.

 

With that being, regardless of how nice I try to be there are still some people who want nothing to do with me and that makes me feel like a ****ty person. So I become hard on myself and try to figure out what I did wrong and how I can fix it (Do I make gifts? Do I give a formal apology? Etc.)

 

So, I'm asking what do you do when you find out someone doens't like you as a person? Do you care?

[sambolini]

~Feel free to move if this topic is out of place; didn't really know where to post~

 

When I mean they don't like you, I don't mean romantically. I mean they don't like you as a person.

 

I can comfortably say that I am the most giving and understanding person I know. If I do something wrong, I would very much like to know so I can learn from it and improve because I'm human. If I get into a shuffle with someone it's because of a miscommunication or because I said something wrong, but I always apologize regardless of who's at fault and try to alleviate issues.

 

With that being, regardless of how nice I try to be there are still some people who want nothing to do with me and that makes me feel like a ****ty person. So I become hard on myself and try to figure out what I did wrong and how I can fix it (Do I make gifts? Do I give a formal apology? Etc.)

 

So, I'm asking what do you do when you find out someone doens't like you as a person? Do you care?

 

Not really. I'm a "take me or leave me" kind of guy. I wasn't born to placate the sensibilities of others.

 

A few years ago, a lady who I was always very nice to told a co worker she didn't like me because was a "know-it-all".

 

Well it's true. I did know it all. I caught mistakes people in her unit made. And no matter how nice I was when I pointed it out, her perception didn't change.

 

It had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with her pride. I was a lowly peeon who discovered the mistakes of people she was in charge of. Of course she didn't like me.

 

I never cared. You can't make everyone happy, so don't even bother trying. I sleep just as well at night regardless of whether this woman loves or hates me.

[mrldii]

Ahhhhh, I don't worry if EVERYone likes me...I only *worry* about how those I care about feel about me.

 

Even then, I only *worry* for a little while...they'll either get over it, or do whatever is necessary to ensure I don't continue to *bother* them.

[casey.lives]

No, i don't care. I'm a private person anyways so i don't generally seek anything from anyone unless you are a trusted part of my inner world. If you're an outsider.. your a superficial interaction, at best.

[casey.lives]

No, i don't care. I'm a private person anyways so i don't generally seek anything from anyone unless you are a trusted part of my inner world. If you're an outsider.. you're a superficial interaction, at best.

[TaraMaiden2]

I explained to a friend of mine, a couple of weeks ago:

 

"Say you know 100 people.

And you buy yourself a brand new sweater.

You ask your friends, "What do you think of my sweater?"

99 - 99 of them tell you what a lovely colour it is, how it suits you, marries well with your skin tone, you look fabulous darling, it so...'you'...!

 

That one person - the one out of a hundred - says instead that "frankly, it looks awful, God, the colour is hideous - what on EARTH prompted you to buy it? Have you still got the receipt? I'd take it back, in your shoes...."

 

99 people love it. Absolutely love it.

One - just one single solitary person - loathes it.

 

And whose comment do we focus on, mull over, worry about?

Whose comment makes us edgy, fretful and nervy?

That one person's.

we forget how wonderful the majority are, and we are tipped into a negative mind-set by one sour grape.

 

Me?

Well, those who know me well, know me well enough to know, that frankly, I honestly don't permit one single solitary person to dictate how I'm going to feel, or to tip me into a negative mind-set.

 

I'm in charge of my head-space, not them.

They can go boil their bums, for all I care.

It's their problem.

Not mine.

 

And I LIKE my sweater.

[mystikmind2005]

Wasn't there a Seinfeld episode on this topic??

[carhill]

So, I'm asking what do you do when you find out someone doens't like you as a person? Do you care?

 

Add them to the billions of others who don't care if I live or die and for whom I care equally. I see that as unremarkable. The only time it becomes remarkable is if they threaten me or my life's work personally. Then they get a target affixed. Otherwise, zero.

 

This is learned behavior, tempered by tens or hundreds of thousands of life interactions. I think the learning process started at about age seven or so when someone prefaced pounding me into the ground with 'I don't like you'. Heh.

[Sunberry]

I explained to a friend of mine, a couple of weeks ago:

 

"Say you know 100 people.

And you buy yourself a brand new sweater.

You ask your friends, "What do you think of my sweater?"

99 - 99 of them tell you what a lovely colour it is, how it suits you, marries well with your skin tone, you look fabulous darling, it so...'you'...!

 

That one person - the one out of a hundred - says instead that "frankly, it looks awful, God, the colour is hideous - what on EARTH prompted you to buy it? Have you still got the receipt? I'd take it back, in your shoes...."

 

99 people love it. Absolutely love it.

One - just one single solitary person - loathes it.

 

And whose comment do we focus on, mull over, worry about?

Whose comment makes us edgy, fretful and nervy?

That one person's.

we forget how wonderful the majority are, and we are tipped into a negative mind-set by one sour grape.

 

Me?

Well, those who know me well, know me well enough to know, that frankly, I honestly don't permit one single solitary person to dictate how I'm going to feel, or to tip me into a negative mind-set.

 

I'm in charge of my head-space, not them.

They can go boil their bums, for all I care.

It's their problem.

Not mine.

 

And I LIKE my sweater.

 

That's a very intersting way at looking at it.

 

I don't know. I get terrible anxiety when I find out someone doesn't like me. At the end of the day I try and move on and fill myself with positives, but then my thought process always goes back to that person and how flawed I may be.

 

I talked to a friend about it and like one of the above posters said, a lot of times it has more to do with that person than you. Especially if you did nothing wrong.

 

Wasn't there a Seinfeld episode on this topic??

 

I don't watch the show, haha. There are times where I feel like I should.

[Kamille]

I care what people think of me and yes it bothers me when I find out that someone doesn't like me or if I feel that someone doesn't like me. It hurts. Whatever did I do to them?

 

I used to never give myself the right not to like people. But it's a powerful tool. Once you give yourself the right not to like people, you get less offended when people don't like you. You realize that you not liking people has nothing to do with them and won't stop them from making friends, being happy, in short, leading a normal human life. It's more likely that you're incompatible in some way.

 

And so you can apply the same logic when someone doesn't like you: it has nothing to do with you. It's likely just a core incompatibility.

[WomenWubber]

I don't care as long as they let me mind my own business.

 

If someone gets in my face or disrespects me, they will know how much of a giving person I can be.

[loverboy69]

I explained to a friend of mine, a couple of weeks ago:

 

"Say you know 100 people.

And you buy yourself a brand new sweater.

You ask your friends, "What do you think of my sweater?"

99 - 99 of them tell you what a lovely colour it is, how it suits you, marries well with your skin tone, you look fabulous darling, it so...'you'...!

 

That one person - the one out of a hundred - says instead that "frankly, it looks awful, God, the colour is hideous - what on EARTH prompted you to buy it? Have you still got the receipt? I'd take it back, in your shoes...."

 

99 people love it. Absolutely love it.

One - just one single solitary person - loathes it.

 

And whose comment do we focus on, mull over, worry about?

Whose comment makes us edgy, fretful and nervy?

That one person's.

we forget how wonderful the majority are, and we are tipped into a negative mind-set by one sour grape.

 

Me?

Well, those who know me well, know me well enough to know, that frankly, I honestly don't permit one single solitary person to dictate how I'm going to feel, or to tip me into a negative mind-set.

 

I'm in charge of my head-space, not them.

They can go boil their bums, for all I care.

It's their problem.

Not mine.

 

And I LIKE my sweater.

 

Haha. But remember it could be that the person who didn't like your sweater was the only one with enough hair on his/her balls to tell you the truth.

[mrldii]

Haha. But remember it could be that the person who didn't like your sweater was the only one with enough hair on his/her balls to tell you the truth.

 

Doubtful.

 

Even in this day and age of 'political correctness', it's doubtful that only 1 person in 100 enjoys being "brutally honest" and/or "playing devil's advocate".

 

[whichwayisup]

Do nothing. To try to convince someone to 'like' you with gifts or being kind to them won't make them change their minds. You didn't do anything wrong, sometimes it just happens. Not everybody is going to like you and that's okay. Just like i'm sure there are some that you're not fond of, people you'd rather not spend time with etc. Don't internalize it and make it about you. Focus your energy, love and care on your friends who adore you and are in your life!

[gaius]

I don't take it personally to be honest. I can be a handful and not everyone is equipped to deal with it. It's no knock on them if they can't.