Justthinking87 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Hello As usual, some of turn to the boards when we feel desperate or need some consolation. I am a 35 year old woman who met a handsome man of age 45 online just over 2 weeks ago. We instantly connected, I have never met anyone so similiar to me. Infact, I didn't think such a person existed. Our thinking style, hobbies, interests, likes/dislikes are very identicle which is almost scary to both of us. So, as it felt natural we decided to see each other and instantly hit it off, after the first date we thought we should see where it takes us. After a few dates I spent the weekend at his, it was perfect, this experience nailed everything and it became clearer we are well suited and very much alike. We made love but this is when I felt he was most focused on his desires/needs as opposed to mine but I brushed it as a first time experience. The next day he confessed he had offspring from 2 previous relationships which really took me back. I was absolutely shocked but after much convincing I decided I'd still give him a chance. We were on another date a few days ago and it was the most romantic date possible, he held my hand and made me feel very much loved and special, I felt serenaded. However he was rather upset and told me he had a court case the next day and problems at work so I knew he was stressed. This didn't affect the date and I ended up at his in the evening. Again, we had sex and at no point did he attempt to tender to my needs. Once finished he said he wasn't very turned on at all. I took this very personally and after seething for 10 mins I told him in going home and walked out. I then messaged him and told him he's a very selfish lover and that I don't see any sexual compatibility. He responded with an apology and that he has alot on his mind. The next day I felt terrible and asked if he was okay. He responded with "yes" and blocked me shortly after. Question - am I in the wrong and jumped the gun? Or am I correct in thinking he really is selfish sexually and soon after this would transcend into the potential relationship? Or... Have I just been played?
Toodaloo Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 You were played. Be glad he blocked you. The guy is an *insert swear word of your choice here* Take your time. Lick your wounds and get yourself checked for STD's. There are great guys out there. Sorry you got hoodwinked by one of the *insert swear word of your choice here* 1
Robratory Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Are you in the wrong? This isn't a matter of who's wrong. The guy's a total jerk. I am so sorry to see that your hopes were so high, but there's no fixing this. Waste no tears, time, or energy on this. In the future, consider not brushing things off when they happen and making excuses. It's one thing to have work on your mind, but that cannot explain why sex was so bad. The reason sex was so bad is that he just didn't care. There is no reasonable or innocent explanation for telling a woman you just had sex with that you weren't very turned on at all. That is simply unforgivable (and equally unforgivable if you reverse the genders). It's just an ass*hole thing to say at a most emotionally vulnerable time. Try with someone else and good luck! 2
Author Justthinking87 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 You were played. Be glad he blocked you. The guy is an *insert swear word of your choice here* Take your time. Lick your wounds and get yourself checked for STD's. There are great guys out there. Sorry you got hoodwinked by one of the *insert swear word of your choice here* Thankyou. I'm going to put this down to a well learned experience
Author Justthinking87 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 Are you in the wrong? This isn't a matter of who's wrong. The guy's a total jerk. I am so sorry to see that your hopes were so high, but there's no fixing this. Waste no tears, time, or energy on this. In the future, consider not brushing things off when they happen and making excuses. It's one thing to have work on your mind, but that cannot explain why sex was so bad. The reason sex was so bad is that he just didn't care. There is no reasonable or innocent explanation for telling a woman you just had sex with that you weren't very turned on at all. That is simply unforgivable (and equally unforgivable if you reverse the genders). It's just an ass*hole thing to say at a most emotionally vulnerable time. Try with someone else and good luck! I feel stupid for brushing it off because the first time we were intimate he said "I wasn't really in the mood" but was still very affectionate and attentive so I wasn't sure what to think and decided to give him another chance. Obviously on the second occasion he comes out with the "not very turned on" comment. It's a good thing I am very confident about my body so I won't let this affect me but I really thought he was being genuine when he was calling me, singing to me, serenading me etc. I know people can be immature at any age but a grown man of 45 playing childish games? I really don't know what to say 1
Gaeta Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I know people can be immature at any age but a grown man of 45 playing childish games? I really don't know what to say You must be new online. This is a recurring story we hear on here. He lied about having divorced and lied about having children. Right there you should have deducted this is not 'material' for relationship. Then you have sex but he's not in the mood?? Yuk! First time you have sex with a man he better be all over you otherwise forget about him. If he is not concerned about your needs on 1 and 2nd time imagine how he won't give a heck about it on your 50th time. Don't contact him!! Move to next.
Gaeta Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I really thought he was being genuine when he was calling me, singing to me, serenading me etc. Stronger a man comes on - bigger is his game. I would not trust a man that comes on strong like this and is trying to charm me with words. I did a lot of online dating and each man that came on strong with pretty words and pretty promises ended up being full of nothing. The ones that were genuine took their time to get to know me and to properly 'date me'.
Author Justthinking87 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 You must be new online. This is a recurring story we hear on here. He lied about having divorced and lied about having children. Right there you should have deducted this is not 'material' for relationship. Then you have sex but he's not in the mood?? Yuk! First time you have sex with a man he better be all over you otherwise forget about him. If he is not concerned about your needs on 1 and 2nd time imagine how he won't give a heck about it on your 50th time. Don't contact him!! Move to next. Now please don't think I'm justifying his actions but these are his thoughts ; He's aware he has children from different women and he says due to his past women shun him before even giving him a chance. So he wanted that chance before coming out with the truth so women can see him for who he is first. Tbh, the first time sex was amazing. He was trying but after finishing, he felt compelled to say "he wasn't really in the mood".. Surely he can't be so stupid to play it cool unless he was being funny and implying he gave into my demands? It's the second intimate session which made the first appear crap! I was like no way! I got so angry that I walked out without even discussing anything. This was at 1am. I still agree with you though, I want an all rounded fella who wants to satisfy me completely inside and outside the bedroom. This fella isn't a playa, he's riddled with insecurities.
Gaeta Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 This fella isn't a playa, he's riddled with insecurities. You're excusing him. Being insecure and being a liar are two different things. I met men that were insecure about telling me they had 4-5 children but they still said it up front and some of those meant 4-5 kids with 3-4 different moms. They still spit it out. Being insecure does not = being a liar. If he put on his profile he didn't have children. If the very first time you asked him if he had children and he said no THEN he's a liar, period!
brokengirl85 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Those very strong sensations from the beginning paired with all those similarities makes me think of a narcissistic guy. You just were played. I'm sorry.
Author Justthinking87 Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 You're excusing him. Being insecure and being a liar are two different things. I met men that were insecure about telling me they had 4-5 children but they still said it up front and some of those meant 4-5 kids with 3-4 different moms. They still spit it out. Being insecure does not = being a liar. If he put on his profile he didn't have children. If the very first time you asked him if he had children and he said no THEN he's a liar, period! The first conversation I asked if he had children, he said yes he has 2. I responded with uncertainty because I wasn't sure about dating a man with children so he said he withheld all of the other information until after we started dating. He wrote an entire essay early in the morning after I left his house and explained his situation, one of his child is from a casual encounter with a friend! Eek. I felt he was honest about that but it was too late!
Author Justthinking87 Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 I feel so much better now Thankyou
Toodaloo Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Just thinking stick around. You will read all the stories and discover how to look at new encounters with those rose tinted glasses off. Men are fantastic on the whole but its jack offs like this that make us jaded. If you read the threads the guys have just as many problems as we do.
Recommended Posts