i seriously cant take this amount of rejection anymore.. what am i doing wrong

[Omei]

OP, what makes you believe these two women (who are the latest representatives of "[ALL] women just lie constantly") are lying?

 

 

Just because they didn't verbalize the silent-but-presumed "with you" at the end of "I don't want to be in a relationship [____ ___] right now"?

 

They were honest - they just weren't brutally honest...probably because they have enough social sense to know that most often the people who claim to want complete honesty, don't really want it, at all.

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

 

Just what I was thinking.

Op even if a girl wasn't lying it seems your going to convince yourself she is while I read your post I could see that your own untrusting personality and unwilliness to accept might be your own demise.

 

I couldn't help but notice you said you "made the girl fess up" to her saying she didn't think there was anything there so it sounds like you attacked her and made her fess up because yoi convinced yourself she was lying or needed more of a reason, I hope when you're rejected you learn to handle it with grace if you accuse woman afterwards or say not nice things you only surify their choice to be a wise one and you'll never change a girls mind.

[kendahke]

one of my friends girlfriends actually set me up with her friend once and we had sex a few times... and then she decided i wasn't for her and she went and dated some other guy. it just happens over and over again to me. how is it that so many of my friends can find a girl to love them and i cant? It doesnt make sense

 

Maybe your friends aren't negative. No emotionally healthy person wants a relationship with someone who is desperate to not be alone.

 

If this happens over and over with you, then it's time for you to take some time away from the dating arena and address the issues that are causing you to shoot yourself in the foot with every relationship you get into--and do it with a therapist. You are the common denominator in the "over and over".

 

No, women now days do not have to compromise, especially if they're in the 20-30 age bracket. That's life. The train moves forward, not in reverse. Don't be a man a woman has to settle for. Up your game. As I said in the Beckham analogy upstream, Joe from the 'burbs isn't going to wander onto the football field in Manchester and think he's going to beat Beckham's behind, nor is he going to be taken seriously if he says that Beckham needs to compromise his game just so Joe can play. It don't work that way.

[smackie9]

If you are getting dates, it has nothing to do with appearance, it has to do with your attitude and vibe. Eager, needy, clingy? Be more aloof, laid back, be mysterious. Too disconnected? Flirt, tease, be more attentive, talk about them, ask them questions. Not getting their attention? Combine those actions...push and pull method. Now get back out there.

[StBreton]

If you are getting dates, it has nothing to do with appearance Agreed...you're cute!, it has to do with your attitude and vibe. Eager, needy, clingy? I think you're a dating "wuss" so -> Be more aloof, laid back, be mysterious. Too disconnected? But definitely -> Flirt, tease, be more attentive, talk about them, ask them questions. Not getting their attention? Combine those actions...push and pull method. Now get back out there.

 

Stephen ... give some thought to this ^^^ Smackie consistently gives great advice

 

Also...a poster above who stated "your own untrusting personality" ..Girls can pick up on this...I remember dating in my 20s...I could pick up on this with guys. I nexted them..even if they were really cute. Why? I was always trying to "size up" guys...if they exhibited this untrusting vibe, I knew there was something they knew about themselves that made them feel this way (made them appear soft), and it made me not be able to put my trust in them...and it wasn't about thinking they would cheat on me...I just wanted to know I could count on the guy...woman are looking for a protector...man of steel but heart of gold...you can handle the tough stuff right? If a guy second guesses himself (and those around him), shouldn't I second guess him as well? Be confident...and trusting...because even if things happen in life, you've got to give off the vibe that you've got it handled.

Edited December 12, 2015 by StBreton

[StephenSG]

You're cute for a young buck! So some of your friends don't think you're bf material?? Because of your looks? Do you hang out with male models or something?

 

You've got that "ruggedly handsome" look about you...with a touch of urban swagger. Nice build as well. Ok I don't see any problems in the looks department. How tall are you?

 

Thanks i suppose. I'm 6'0. I guess I've never been confident about my looks.

[smackie9]

And there it is......confidence.....without that you have nothing. Confidence wins the girl every time.

[StephenSG]

Just what I was thinking.

Op even if a girl wasn't lying it seems your going to convince yourself she is while I read your post I could see that your own untrusting personality and unwilliness to accept might be your own demise.

 

I couldn't help but notice you said you "made the girl fess up" to her saying she didn't think there was anything there so it sounds like you attacked her and made her fess up because yoi convinced yourself she was lying or needed more of a reason, I hope when you're rejected you learn to handle it with grace if you accuse woman afterwards or say not nice things you only surify their choice to be a wise one and you'll never change a girls mind.

 

 

You're making ridiculous accusations saying I attacked her. I simply texted her saying she could be honest about her feeling Instead it covering it up with the same old phrase. And then she admitted she didn't feel anything with me .

[smackie9]

Oh well you got your answer. NEXT!

[Qboro90]

You're making ridiculous accusations saying I attacked her. I simply texted her saying she could be honest about her feeling Instead it covering it up with the same old phrase. And then she admitted she didn't feel anything with me .

 

So what does that do exactly? Allow you to feel some sort of superiority because you got her to admit the real blunt truth? She still doesn't wanna date you anymore so you already had that answer and just wasted time energy and emotion probing for more. When a girl tells you they're not into you, just part ways amicably. Don't make it your personal responsibility to call people out on not revealing the real reasoning to spare being considered cruel and heartless.

[StephenSG]

So what does that do exactly? Allow you to feel some sort of superiority because you got her to admit the real blunt truth? She still doesn't wanna date you anymore so you already had that answer and just wasted time energy and emotion probing for more. When a girl tells you they're not into you, just part ways amicably. Don't make it your personal responsibility to call people out on not revealing the real reasoning to spare being considered cruel and heartless.

 

 

 

Forgive me for wanting someone to share their Honest feelings with me instead of using a cop out answer. To me it's more respectful to be honest

[Qboro90]

Forgive me for wanting someone to share their Honest feelings with me instead of using a cop out answer. To me it's more respectful to be honest

 

I'm just stating to you that it comes off differently. If you don't want to acknowledge that then that's up to you.

 

"See, I knew there was more to it than what you originally told me.. Gotcha"

 

That's essentially what you're doing.

 

If it's that important for you to get her to finally say "fine... Yea, you're an ******* ok..jeez" then continue probing away. But you'll be in the same position you were beforehand either way.

[Imajerk17]

This thread is really confusing. I'm not seeing your beef OP. The woman told you in a respectful manner that she didn't want to keep seeing you. She didn't fade, she didn't ghost, she told you outright. That is all you can ask for.

 

That is all the honesty you are owed OP. She is allowed to lie on her "why" as this was still a very new non-exclusive dating we are talking about here. She doesn't owe you blunt feedback if it feels uncomfortable for her to give it, no matter whether you preferred she had or not. If you truly want honest more expansive feedback, then hire yourself a dating coach (this woman is not your dating coach and was never supposed to be).

Edited December 30, 2015 by Imajerk17

[katiegrl]

This thread is really confusing. I'm not seeing your beef OP. The woman told you in a respectful manner that she didn't want to keep seeing you. She didn't fade, she didn't ghost, she told you outright. That is all you can ask for.

 

That is all the honesty you are owed OP. She is allowed to lie on her "why" as this was still a very new non-exclusive dating we are talking about here. She doesn't owe you blunt feedback if it feels uncomfortable for her to give it, no matter whether you preferred she had or not. If you truly want honest more expansive feedback, then hire yourself a dating coach (this woman is not your dating coach and was never supposed to be).

 

I agree with this^^... and to be perfectly honest and blunt (which the OP stated he prefer we all be)....after reading all this....he sounds like a major P I T A.

 

Making a chick "fess up" .... good gawd!

 

Grow up for cryin out loud...educate yourself on appropriate human interaction....and get yourself into some therapy...cause dude you got ISSUES.

 

Blunt and honest enough for ya?

Edited December 30, 2015 by katiegrl

[ff12343]

Forgive me for wanting someone to share their Honest feelings with me instead of using a cop out answer. To me it's more respectful to be honest

 

Take a look at my last posts. Or just my posts in general. I was literally identical in your shoes. Still feel hurt.

 

Girls are just too nice to give you the honest answer. They will make up anything and when they see "an exit", they will take it. Makes me think twice about spending as much on them on the next dates. Forget sushi and wine lol. Never again unless its like the 5th date.

 

What i've learned is online dating apps make you way too replacable. They have hundreds of guys hitting them up. Don't think it's you. But I do recommend getting back out there.

Edited January 6, 2016 by ff12343

[Leucine]

Two girls in six months is too much rejection? Oh boy you're sensitive...

[hasaquestion]

Two girls in six months is too much rejection? Oh boy you're sensitive...

 

Right? Two rejections sounds like a night at the 'office' to me.

[ZA Dater]

So what does that do exactly? Allow you to feel some sort of superiority because you got her to admit the real blunt truth? She still doesn't wanna date you anymore so you already had that answer and just wasted time energy and emotion probing for more. When a girl tells you they're not into you, just part ways amicably. Don't make it your personal responsibility to call people out on not revealing the real reasoning to spare being considered cruel and heartless.

 

Unsurprisingly I disagree with you.

 

Call people out, without reasoning the OP cannot move forward and take stock of why it didn't work.

 

Its all too easy for girls to take the simple route of "I am not into you", yet when guys do the same we need to justify why, apparent double standard there. I'd rather hear the truthful answer from a girl that having to figure out what she is trying to say because she simply doesn't have the courage to say it.

[ZA Dater]

 

That is all the honesty you are owed OP. She is allowed to lie on her "why" as this was still a very new non-exclusive dating we are talking about here. She doesn't owe you blunt feedback if it feels uncomfortable for her to give it, no matter whether you preferred she had or not. If you truly want honest more expansive feedback, then hire yourself a dating coach (this woman is not your dating coach and was never supposed to be).

 

I'll call you out on this one. Why is it ladies demand to know why and guys are just expected to make with half baked answers because oh shame it may hurt the lady to be honest. Why, why would it hurt to tell the honest truth, the only way it would hurt was if the person wasn't being honest to begin with.

 

I also fail to see how some dating coach paid by the hour is going to give remotely honest feedback, does the dating coach go on a date with the OP of course note, is it in the coaches best interest to keep the OP coming hack for months, of course.

[hasaquestion]

I'll call you out on this one. Why is it ladies demand to know why and guys are just expected to make with half baked answers because oh shame it may hurt the lady to be honest. Why, why would it hurt to tell the honest truth, the only way it would hurt was if the person wasn't being honest to begin with.

 

I also fail to see how some dating coach paid by the hour is going to give remotely honest feedback, does the dating coach go on a date with the OP of course note, is it in the coaches best interest to keep the OP coming hack for months, of course.

 

I think you're seeing it through a very male lens personally. Women never get a 'good explanation' either. That's just life. If anything I'm guessing society expects women to be softer about their rejections (since they are the "fairer sex") so you get half-baked responses where a guy wouldn't have felt the burden to bother at all.

 

I would love to have every person who rejects me do an exit interview. But its impractical for obvious reasons so I'll make do.

[ff12343]

Right? Two rejections sounds like a night at the 'office' to me.

 

LOL. That was pretty funny haha.

[Qboro90]

I'll call you out on this one. Why is it ladies demand to know why and guys are just expected to make with half baked answers because oh shame it may hurt the lady to be honest. Why, why would it hurt to tell the honest truth, the only way it would hurt was if the person wasn't being honest to begin with.

 

I also fail to see how some dating coach paid by the hour is going to give remotely honest feedback, does the dating coach go on a date with the OP of course note, is it in the coaches best interest to keep the OP coming hack for months, of course.

 

Women never get the honest truth from a guy about why they're ending things or don't wanna go out again. It's the complete opposite of what you're saying. Most of the time nowadays people just stop answering texts/calls until the other person gets the hint. That way they avoid that all together. It's immature but if you don't care about the person anyways then what do they give a crap about being bluntly 100% honest.

 

Not to mention that it's actually a sympathetic thing to not crush someone's spirit and tell them a truth that would hurt their feelings uneccessarily. If a girl broke up with me saying "I'm just not really looking to have a serious relationship and I don't feel that spark with you to continue trying" and I prodded her and prodded for the "real reason". Until she finally said "fine, it's because i don't find you attractive enough and was bored during our dates". What does that do for me? Just makes me feel bad.

 

It's socially acceptable to spare that bluntness. Telling people "why" is always like telling your kids that Santa isn't real. They don't need to know and it didn't dk anything but make both people feel bad.

 

The why isn't even important. If a girl tells me she doesn't wanna go out again. Then that's all I need to know. I'm not gonna change her mind. Just like if I went to a restaurant and told the waiter/chef "please hold the cheese and tomatoes on my order"... They're not going to ask me why.

Why?

Because I don't freaking like cheese and tomatoes ok? Wtf else is there you need to know?

[deckard11]

I've been rejected by women my whole life.

[Pillow]

I would suggest postponing sex. Not the first or second date. Wait until at least the fourth and fifth, even if that takes a month of getting to know the person. This advice helps a lot of women looking for men and I think it will help you too.

 

Also, many women claim that they make a guy wait if they really like him. If they don't care about him, they'll hop in bed and be on their way. I think it's a sad dating trend. I don't do it, but I've seen other women say this.

[ff12343]

Just like if I went to a restaurant and told the waiter/chef "please hold the cheese and tomatoes on my order"... They're not going to ask me why.

Why?

Because I don't freaking like cheese and tomatoes ok? Wtf else is there you need to know?

 

These analogies make my day. LOL.

[truth_seeker]

I think as you age you're able to handle rejection better. Your skin gets thicker as time goes on. When I was younger I would be upset if a woman gave me a hard time, played games... now? I ignore them and walk away.