i seriously cant take this amount of rejection anymore.. what am i doing wrong

December 11, 2015

OP,

You are not old enough yet to be so cynical. I am more than twice your age but I can tell you that YOU are putting far too much stock in having a connection than for just accepting that some people like to enjoy sex without the encumberances of a relationship, either long or short term, and can leave it at that.

Online Dating is the last place you are going to find a lot of honesty...lol. Come on man!

It can be a hard pillow to swallow for guys. I bring this up quite often and do get slammed for it but I still maintain that we men have far more fragile egos than we will ever care to admit. I think OP you are proving my point here about that.

What I want you to know is that your Twenties are going to be a total minefield if you are single, even if you aren't it's still a minefield.

That does not mean you don't walk in the Minefield. Sure sometimes you are going to step on a Claymore and sometimes you won't know it until you move your foot and your toes are gone. But you have to keep walking!

I think the ladies on this thread for the most part are trying to help you and I also think that if you compose yourself to be a sad sack who mopes around women will pick up on that in a New York Minute. Jesus, dude, you have one that is more than happy to have a FWB situation with you. No strings attached sex is a good thing while you are finding your way around your life.

You are still very young, although you feel old. Seriously don't give up yet!

the FWB situation is not going ahead as planned. there has been no texts back since then. i pretty much have ended it with her.

December 11, 2015

I drive a Honda and I drive for Uber when I need extra moiney.... So the hell what?

if you really are so worried about appearances and perceptions then you will be unhappy for your entire life.

I am not worried about it, i used to drive a honda and i had no problem with it. i just mean that my friends girlfriends who are judging me off appearances and deciding i'm not boyfriend material, whats the reason for it? I drive a nice car, I live in a good area, have a good job. Wouldn't that be incentive to get to know me more? But apparently its not. I suppose I am just cursed. every girl in my life who tries to get to know me decides within 2 weeks she doesn't want to speak to me anymore. and i try hard to be a positive nice, outgoing person when i am seeing them. its like no one feels a connection to me. it almost feels like its impossible for me to make one

December 11, 2015

You need some new friends.

Your social circle seems to revolve around materialistic people. Some define success by how much money they have. That's fine if they are like that. But they will always have to be with other materialistic people in order to feel like they measure up.

Why let that define you?

Seriously, you don't want to be that way do you? Shallow people like that usually get run over in real life by non materialistic people. lol

December 11, 2015

It's pretty normal to hear " I am not into a relationship right now, blah blah blah" people just use that to buffer the blow. Would you rather hear "You suck in bed so I don't want to waste anymore of my time...." Or "I found you boring, not for me!" Or "you looked cuter in your photo...." Of course not. let it roll off your back and keep at it.

OP needs to develop thicker skin. That's all.

December 11, 2015

ive already tried asking them. apparently im not boyfriend material. even though i have a good job where i make good money, i drive a bmw, live downtown in my city and consider myself not horribly ugly. yet for some reason I am worthless to these women. I guess I am completely ****ing incapable of forming human connections. i am a bore. and do wish i was dead at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week

Your material possessions don't make you dateable. If you have been told you are a bore, do something to polish up your conversational skills to be less boring.

If you are truly suicidal, get into therapy.

When you asked these women to set you up, did they tell you that you are "not BF material" or did you surmise that? If they told you, probe more to learn what you can do to improve. If they merely said that they didn't know anyone, don't assume that means there is something wrong with you; their friends may be taken.

December 11, 2015

ive already tried asking them. apparently im not boyfriend material. even though i have a good job where i make good money, i drive a bmw, live downtown in my city and consider myself not horribly ugly. yet for some reason I am worthless to these women. I guess I am completely ****ing incapable of forming human connections. i am a bore. and do wish i was dead at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week

You sound hostile and self-destructive...and yet you say "I'm nice blah blah blah on my dates" ... and you wonder why I think it's better for a girl to let you down easily instead of complete honesty? You seem immature and prone to whining and irrational behaviors...maybe girls pick up on this instead of getting that "manly protective vibe" that most hetero women crave. Most of us want nice, yes...along with the manly man thing...we want it all us evil **tarded women:bunny:

Since you seem to do well for yourself financially, spend $500 and hire a dating coach and figure out your schtick or just go out on more dates.

And for the record (as others have said) you need a better sample size for your hypothesis that something is wrong with you beyond some minor tweaking, or as your friends say "you're not bf material" What kinds of friends are those...why didn't they elaborate and try to help you out? You're not going to have that "click" with every girl...repeated for the 10th time in this thread for emphasis. Woman in your age group are the most picky ... I was there once and totally guilty of that. I had valuable eggs on board:) Took more than a BMW to please them.

December 11, 2015

i just mean that my friends girlfriends who are judging me off appearances and deciding i'm not boyfriend material, whats the reason for it? I drive a nice car, I live in a good area, have a good job. Wouldn't that be incentive to get to know me more? But apparently its not.

For them, you probably aren't boyfriend material, but you're not trying to steal your friends' girlfriends and be with them, are you?

Nice trappings lure golddiggers. Do you want a gold digging girlfriend who is only with you because of what you can buy?

The incentive to want to know you more has more to do with your personality and the healthiness of your emotional state, not items that you're paying on.

December 11, 2015

I also think that if you compose yourself to be a sad sack who mopes around women will pick up on that in a New York Minute.

And the women run for the hills to never be heard from again. Change your attitude OP. You are coming off as a desperate man.

December 11, 2015

Well...just because *you* (and perhaps other men) are willing to settle for mediocre (just to get the ball rolling) most women are *not*..... and once you realize that....you'll find dating to be a lot more fun and less "demoralizing.".

I'm not saying I don't have my standards, but what I am saying is that sometimes people go through life only wanting the best. And that is a great attitude, but at the same time sometimes you won't end up with it. If only dating was like buying a vehicle. You can control that, right? Hard work, steady savings, and a commitment to the timeframe you've set and you're chances of success are nearly 100%.

Dating, you can see what you want, but you have far less control. And you can strive your whole life to try and get that "perfect" one, and not end up with it. So at that point, should someone give you an attaboy for not settling, or tell you to be happy with what you CAN get? That's kinda my thought process, because I do like nice things and take care of my stuff. But my dream girl isn't going to be attainable, if we are talking about a check list type scoring system.

I don't just want a warm body to be next to, but as long as we can enjoy ourselves together then I think that would be a good start.

December 11, 2015

I'm not saying I don't have my standards, but what I am saying is that sometimes people go through life only wanting the best. And that is a great attitude, but at the same time sometimes you won't end up with it. If only dating was like buying a vehicle. You can control that, right? Hard work, steady savings, and a commitment to the timeframe you've set and you're chances of success are nearly 100%.

Dating, you can see what you want, but you have far less control. And you can strive your whole life to try and get that "perfect" one, and not end up with it. So at that point, should someone give you an attaboy for not settling, or tell you to be happy with what you CAN get? That's kinda my thought process, because I do like nice things and take care of my stuff. But my dream girl isn't going to be attainable, if we are talking about a check list type scoring system.

I don't just want a warm body to be next to, but as long as we can enjoy ourselves together then I think that would be a good start.

Yes most of us DO want the best -- for us.

Why would I not want what's best for me?

Plus what's best for one person, may not be best for another.

IMO what most of us want is someone we feel chemistry and a connection with...and with whom we are compatible and attracted to.

For me personally, that doesn't mean the BEST looking, the BEST job, the BEST car -- those things don't mean a hill of beans to me.... nor to any of my friends or other women I know.

Just someone with whom we feel a connection and are attracted to (beyond just physically) and compatible with.

That is not easy to find...and like the guy in my story may take many dates to find.

"I don't just want a warm body to be next to, but as long as we can enjoy ourselves together then I think that would be a good start."

Yeah I hear ya....but remember the woman has a say in this too...and if she isn't "feeling it" (so to speak) she may not feel like you are someone with whom she will enjoy herself ... not to mention eventually become physical with.

Does not mean there is anything wrong with you.... again she's just not feeling the chemistry, the connection. That's all.

I enjoy myself and are compatible with my friends too....but I don't want to date any of them.... let alone become physical with any of them.

Hope this makes sense.

Edited December 11, 2015 by katiegrl

December 11, 2015

"I don't just want a warm body to be next to, but as long as we can enjoy ourselves together then I think that would be a good start."

---------------------

Wanted to add too... I hear what you're saying... in that for YOU.... you don't need the connection and chemistry right off the bat.... that you're willing to let it build. Perhaps it would lead to feeling that connection later, maybe not.

I don't know of many people who would be willing to do that quite frankly.

I mean maybe a few dates tops, but after that if we're not feeling it....we just move on and continue our search for someone with whom we DO feel that chemistry and connection with.

Again, nothing wrong with the guy....other than we're just not feeling it.

December 11, 2015

You sound hostile and self-destructive...and yet you say "I'm nice blah blah blah on my dates" ... and you wonder why I think it's better for a girl to let you down easily instead of complete honesty? You seem immature and prone to whining and irrational behaviors...maybe girls pick up on this instead of getting that "manly protective vibe" that most hetero women crave. Most of us want nice, yes...along with the manly man thing...we want it all us evil **tarded women:bunny:

Since you seem to do well for yourself financially, spend $500 and hire a dating coach and figure out your schtick or just go out on more dates.

And for the record (as others have said) you need a better sample size for your hypothesis that something is wrong with you beyond some minor tweaking, or as your friends say "you're not bf material" What kinds of friends are those...why didn't they elaborate and try to help you out? You're not going to have that "click" with every girl...repeated for the 10th time in this thread for emphasis. Woman in your age group are the most picky ... I was there once and totally guilty of that. I had valuable eggs on board:) Took more than a BMW to please them.

right. thats the problem. women of today aren't willing to compromise. There is no one perfect individual for each person. I feel as if I have to meet a checklist every time i start seeing a girl, and i never do.

December 11, 2015

For them, you probably aren't boyfriend material, but you're not trying to steal your friends' girlfriends and be with them, are you?

Nice trappings lure golddiggers. Do you want a gold digging girlfriend who is only with you because of what you can buy?

The incentive to want to know you more has more to do with your personality and the healthiness of your emotional state, not items that you're paying on.

one of my friends girlfriends actually set me up with her friend once and we had sex a few times... and then she decided i wasn't for her and she went and dated some other guy. it just happens over and over again to me. how is it that so many of my friends can find a girl to love them and i cant? It doesnt make sense

December 11, 2015

"I don't just want a warm body to be next to, but as long as we can enjoy ourselves together then I think that would be a good start."

---------------------

Wanted to add too... I hear what you're saying... in that for YOU.... you don't need the connection and chemistry right off the bat.... that you're willing to let it build. Perhaps it would lead to feeling that connection later, maybe not.

I don't know of many people who would be willing to do that quite frankly.

I mean maybe a few dates tops, but after that if we're not feeling it....we just move on and continue our search for someone with whom we DO feel that chemistry and connection with.

Again, nothing wrong with the guy....other than we're just not feeling it.

I really have no qualms with what you've written. And do know that I agree with it. Myself, I have always been able to tap into the emotion side of a girl if we get to that point. I enjoy good meaningful conversation and it's not just something to pass the time until sex. But these type of connections have left me drained after things have gone awry. You know so much about someone and now they are gone.

So that is what I mean by getting the ball rolling. As long as they arent doing things I dislike, I can probably find things about them that I do like. Permanently? Maybe not, but if it tells you anything I have rarely been the one to ever break things off. I just tend to like people who I've liked, and in order to change my opinion they have to do something to damage it.

Women dont seem to operate quite like this, in my age bracket at least. There is always something that messes with something in their brain chemistry that changes everything that they've ever felt. How disheartening.

December 11, 2015

one of my friends girlfriends actually set me up with her friend once and we had sex a few times... and then she decided i wasn't for her and she went and dated some other guy. it just happens over and over again to me. how is it that so many of my friends can find a girl to love them and i cant? It doesnt make sense

Ok Stephen...you've opened up pandora's box so I'll bite...

It might make sense...first, tell us about yourself...what are your habits...what's your dating "game" consist of? We'll do the best we can of being your dating coach. Do you feel comfortable posting a pic of yourself as your avatar...temporarily?

Rate these items and feel free to add your own: (any other posters who wish to "chime in" with other categories do so)...Rate 1-5 with 5 being highest

Flirting/Flirty:

Fun conversation:

Intellectual conversation:

Talkative...share personal info/emotions:

Share too much too soon?:

Playfulness:

Witty banter:

Manly gestures:

Humility:

Posture:

Hygiene:

Warmth:

Kindness:

Friendliness:

Interested? do you ask good questions/ask advice?:

Good eye contact:

Speech/speaking ability (anything strange here?):

Extroverted/Social?

Rigidity:

Alertness:

Manners:

Positive/Optimistic:

Philosophical:

Strong but vulnerable:

cuddly:

December 12, 2015

A good majority of guys can't handle: I only see us as friends, this is not working out, etc.

That's true, but a good majority of women can't handle telling the truth, either.

"I only see us as friends?" Come on, that's such a whopper, I don't even know why woman say it. Though, in all fairness, it may be because men and women have different definitions of "friend."

To women, it seems, a "friend" is pretty much everyone who's not an enemy. And that's probably what they mean when they say, "Let's just be friends." What they really mean is, "Look, I want nothing to do with you, but please, let's keep it civil. If we happen to run into each other, we'll just say hi and move on."

Meanwhile, to men, "friend" seems to be a limited to close, emotional relationships that, however platonic, are many times more important than their romantic relationships. Your friend is your buddy. You'd lay your life on the line for him.

Meanwhile, this woman you really just wanted to smooch with comes back at you with, "Let's not do the trivial thing that is sex. Let's instead be FRIENDS!" And that's really like the most absurd suggestion in the world. I think guys get mad because not only have they figured out the girl doesn't wanna, but they're additionally insulted because the woman has mockingly offered something a thousand times more sacred than just screwing.

Still, there's no excuse for getting upset and threatening. You can't take the high road AND be a jerk about it. Anything but an enthusiastic yes means no, and you should just retire gracefully and go find someone else to play with.

December 12, 2015

one of my friends girlfriends actually set me up with her friend once and we had sex a few times... and then she decided i wasn't for her and she went and dated some other guy. it just happens over and over again to me. how is it that so many of my friends can find a girl to love them and i cant? It doesnt make sense

What I sense here, but correct me if I'm wrong, is that you get hit out of the blue by the girl deciding you're not right. This suggests that you're possibly not connecting with them, and indeed, are so disconnected, that you don't even notice that they're not having the good time you're having. This could be because you're so nervous and focused on yourself that you don't focus on her, and thus don't notice anything.

It could also be that you have poor communication. Sex a few times? By then, the relationship should be defined and mutually understood. Are we a couple? Are we just having sex? What?

Fight the temptation to think the Universe has singled you out for punishment. The truth is far worse -- the Universe doesn't give a damn because we matter that little.

December 12, 2015

Ok Stephen...you've opened up pandora's box so I'll bite...

It might make sense...first, tell us about yourself...what are your habits...what's your dating "game" consist of? We'll do the best we can of being your dating coach. Do you feel comfortable posting a pic of yourself as your avatar...temporarily?

Rate these items and feel free to add your own: (any other posters who wish to "chime in" with other categories do so)...Rate 1-5 with 5 being highest

Flirting/Flirty: 3
Fun conversation: 4
Intellectual conversation:4
Talkative...share personal info/emotions:2
Share too much too soon?:2
Playfulness:3
Witty banter:3
Manly gestures:3
Humility:3
Posture:5
Hygiene:5
Warmth:4
Kindness:4
Friendliness:3
Interested? do you ask good questions/ask advice?:3
Good eye contact:5
Speech/speaking ability (anything strange here?):4
Extroverted/Social? 3.5
Rigidity:2
Alertness:4
Manners:4
Positive/Optimistic:3
Philosophical:3
Strong but vulnerable:4
cuddly:5

And here is a recent picture of myself

December 12, 2015

And here is a recent picture of myself

Ok "Stephen" ... so the picture was of a woman

Maybe the link was wrong? Are you a woman?

December 12, 2015

Sorry I had the wrong link

December 12, 2015

Sorry I had the wrong link

You're cute for a young buck! So some of your friends don't think you're bf material?? Because of your looks? Do you hang out with male models or something?

You've got that "ruggedly handsome" look about you...with a touch of urban swagger. Nice build as well. Ok I don't see any problems in the looks department. How tall are you?

December 12, 2015

one of my friends girlfriends actually set me up with her friend once and we had sex a few times... and then she decided i wasn't for her and she went and dated some other guy. it just happens over and over again to me. how is it that so many of my friends can find a girl to love them and i cant? It doesnt make sense

Are there things that these friends are doing that you are not? Other than having sex with this woman, did you do anything to romance her? Women fall in love using their brains, not their sex organs.

I looked at the picture. You don't look like long term BF material. Your outfit -- t shirt & ripped jeans may make you look sexy to girls who like that type, but I'm not bringing you home to meet mom & dad. Try a shirt with a collar, pants & real shoes. Look like you have some stability to offer not just be good time Charlie.

Edited December 12, 2015 by d0nnivain

December 12, 2015

ive already tried asking them. apparently im not boyfriend material. even though i have a good job where i make good money, i drive a bmw, live downtown in my city and consider myself not horribly ugly. yet for some reason I am worthless to these women. I guess I am completely ****ing incapable of forming human connections. i am a bore. and do wish i was dead at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week

Oh for God's sakes.

Page after page after page of 'woe is me' and a bunch of strangers trying to placate you while you continually ignore or shoot down their advice and continue to wallow in self pity, making constant threats about suicide or not being worthy of living.

If you've gotten tot his point in life, a message board isn't your answer.

Get yourself to a therapist and start working on yourself. A bunch of strangers on an internet message board aren't qualified to 'fix' you or cause you to have some kind of magical epiphany that will make you as right as rain.

Get to a professional and actually do something POSITIVE for yourself instead of telling everyone why your life isn't worth living.

It all starts with YOU.

December 12, 2015

You're expecting too much from these women too soon. Just because you know you are interested in them and want a serious relationship doesn't mean they need to make their decision within a handful of dates. You're actually acting like the stereotypical girl in this aspect of wanting to "know where this is going and what their intentions are"

Also, notice that both the girls you went out with you wanted to make it more serious . Doesn't this show you that you're just looking for a relationship and not actually looking for the right person? If each girl you go out with makes you want to be their BF then you're just going down the line until one says yes.

You have a problem with rejection. These girls aren't all lying to you. They're all telling you in one way or another that they're not interested. Just because she says "I'm not looking for anything serious" or "you're a really nice guy but I'm just not there yet" doesn't mean they're lying. Most people say these things because they don't want to come off as cruel and face that person with telling them they don't like them.

Do you prefer they be brutally honest with you? "You're unattractive to me and arrogant and I'm not interested in you at all"... Would that be better because they're telling the truth? You're reacting to their rejection and coping with it by making them out to be liars or cowards and the "how could you possibly not see what a great guy I am" attitude towards it.

Don't over analyze and move so fast with wanting to know if they want a serious BF. Let it progress naturally. You'll know you found the right girl when she's askin you those questions instead of you

December 12, 2015

And here is a recent picture of myself

Da f*uck?!?

Stephen, you have the image down. Should have plenty of opportunities to replace these ones that didn't work out.

Must be the connection that the other poster was mentioning.

Qboro had some good advice too.

Tease the girls more. Make them want the ltr with you. Make them ask for it.

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i seriously cant take this amount of rejection anymore.. what am i doing wrong

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