i seriously cant take this amount of rejection anymore.. what am i doing wrong

December 10, 2015

regardless this isnt the girl i am annoyed about. the second girl i really liked and from what i can tell when we were together she liked me too. we have a lot of stuff in common.

You were only assuming she felt the same way. Guess what, people can still enjoy themselves on a date, still doesn't mean they feel an attraction.....enough for a relationship.

You got rejected and now you are being butt hurt about it. We all have been rejected, it's part of life. What you can change is your attitude.

December 10, 2015

Yeah well maybe I can't deal with rejection. I obsess over it. And after repeated failure it makes me hate being alive

December 10, 2015

I doubt it's even you.

This is exactly what the majority of under 30 girls do now. It's all hookups and short flings.

I'd take their comments at face value. They're looking to hook up with a variety of dudes in a non relationship life. Pretty standard for the times.

December 10, 2015

Yeah well maybe I can't deal with rejection. I obsess over it. And after repeated failure it makes me hate being alive

Well that would be your problem then.... not the woman's.

If you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen (or something like that).

Work on why it is you feel devastated (to the point of hating being alive?) whenever you get rejected.

That is dysfunctional and unhealthy.

Seek therapy if you have to.

Wish you the best.

December 10, 2015

i honestly am not going to bother i still feel like im chasing her too much. im probably just sounding desperate at this point. she can **** off quite frankly. ill just have to learn to be happy alone obviously because every girl i meet is a **** tard.

some days i just feel like killing myself honestly. who wants to be lonely their entire life

I think your problem is that you are desperate, lol. You are so desperate to have any woman in your life, that when one you hardly know rejects you, you go off like this ^. I know, because I've been there.

It's taken me years of woman-chasing to realize this. Each woman wants something different. Each man has something different to offer. Finding a relationship is about finding one woman who likes what you have to offer.

I've been rejected plenty of times, mostly after first dates, and it's definitely frustrating. I have good days and bad days. What keeps me going is knowing that I have all the ingredients to find a wonderful woman, and that I just need to keep putting myself out there until I get lucky enough to cross paths with a girl who appreciates a quality man and she takes notice. Until then, I can wait.

December 10, 2015

Yeah well maybe I can't deal with rejection. I obsess over it. And after repeated failure it makes me hate being alive

Why are you so attached to the outcome? Just go have fun, you're 25 for Santa's sake! You're kinda over-dramatic and fatalistic for a guy...life comes with rejections. At least you're getting dates with girls.

Did you ask this girl when you met if she was looking for a relationship or just a fling/hookup?

Are you a take charge kind of guy or a whiner?

Ok that last question was rhetorical.

December 10, 2015

I think your problem is that you are desperate, lol. You are so desperate to have any woman in your life, that when one you hardly know rejects you, you go off like this ^. I know, because I've been there.

It's taken me years of woman-chasing to realize this. Each woman wants something different. Each man has something different to offer. Finding a relationship is about finding one woman who likes what you have to offer.

I've been rejected plenty of times, mostly after first dates, and it's definitely frustrating. I have good days and bad days. What keeps me going is knowing that I have all the ingredients to find a wonderful woman, and that I just need to keep putting myself out there until I get lucky enough to cross paths with a girl who appreciates a quality man and she takes notice. Until then, I can wait.

I read an interesting story a couple of years ago about a guy who was looking to find a woman with whom to develop a LTR leading to marriage.

He knew what he wanted and was not gonna settle for less. Mostly he wanted a woman with whom he felt a connection, chemistry, plus all the other redeeming qualities most people seek in a mate.

Anyway, he joined POF and went on something like 80, yes 80, first meets/dates. Found them all (or most) to be perfectly delightful, some more attractive than others, but did not feel that special spark/connection/chemistry with any of them..... NOR DID THEY FEEL IT WITH HIM.

So they both just moved on and continued their search.

So on the 81st date, he met "the one" and married her a year later.

Point being, you guys say you are getting rejected by all these women..... but can you honestly say that YOU feel a connection with ALL of them... and would want to pursue a relationship with them?

Every one of these chicks who reject you?

How can that be? It is very very extremely rare to find that true connection and chemistry with someone.

Just because these women did not feel it with you.... that does not mean there is something wrong with you! She just wasn't feeling the click! Were you?

Seriously think about that.

If you say that with each and every one of these women you DID feel the connection and chemistry, and would want to embark on exploring a RL with them... I am sorry I would not believe you.

Again, very very rare do we meet someone with whom we feel that MUTUAL chemistry/click and everything else lines up with what we want.

So stop taking every "rejection" so damn personally. Again NOTHING "wrong" with you. The woman just did not feel that special click with you, and if I had to venture a guess you didn't feel it with them either. Because genuine chemistry is MUTUTAL.

I dunno maybe you thought she was beautiful, had things in common, so what? I have tons of things in common with lots of people and friends, does NOT mean I wish to date them and have a romantic RL with them.

Edited December 10, 2015 by katiegrl

December 10, 2015

Good post/points, Katie.

There is something else to add...

I think you're right about the numbers game with OLD.

Back in the days of horse drawn carriage and dating people you already know, the "sales funnel", leads or incoming potential mates were much fewer, but also already narrowed down.

Often back in the day, it was your co worker, a friend of a friend you knew in real life, a classmate. You already had a very good idea of their chemistry in person and who they were.

Since OLD sets us up with strangers for the most part, there are a lot more wasted dates with no chemistry than there used to be.

I've been discouraged because I haven't felt a good connection with anyone lately and it was discussed in Edgy's thread.

Even the playboy model. I lost interest. lmao

So it seems OLD makes it harder to connect than the old times when people already kind of knew people they went on dates with, requiring more sifting through to get anywhere.

Edited December 10, 2015 by loveweary11

December 10, 2015

My guess is these girls can tell you've got a wall up, and you may also be picking girls who appear to also have a wall up. Your subconscious fears can be very strong. Even if you think you want a relationship, if you secretly are scared to get involved and "get hurt", you will continue to pick the wrong people over and over to protect yourself.

A simple way to test this is to go into a date knowing exactly what you want and not being afraid to express your wants to your date.

So you'd straight away start with, I've been hurt in the past, but I truly want to create something meaningful with someone, these are the things I'm looking for etc etc.

If what she wants is different to what you want, you'd then be prepared to go your own separate ways without even attempting to sleep with her or become "friends with benefits".

The way you can tell is if it feels uncomfortable saying this, and it should! Because there IS a chance she could run/get scared/reject you. But I bet, if she's someone on the same page as you (wanting a relationship), she will NOT run, she'll instead be intrigued and feel grateful you've had this conversation from the get-go.

December 10, 2015

I wouldn't recommend saying "I've been hurt in the past....."

We have ALL been hurt in the past, you deal with it and move on. No one wants to hear that on the first meet/date.

My advice would be feel it out. Gauge the chemistry. Don't push. Be genuine, be yourself.

Contain your anxiety! Go for a run before the meet/date if you have to!

I think we all pretty much know when we're feeling that "click" or not. Unless one has zero depth and is completely shallow....and only goes on looks.

In that case, don't know what to tell ya.

But for the rest of us who are looking for someone "special" to connect with, have a RL with.... just go with no expectations...and feel it out. Try and relax.

You will either click or you won't. If you don't, move on.

Unless you are only looking to casually date a bunch of different women and don't care if you feel anything. If she looks good, and is fun, you're there.

But most women ARE looking for that "click." Again, if she's not feeling it with you, there is NOTHING wrong with you..... so try not to take is so personally.

December 10, 2015

so over the past 6 months ive seen two girls. . . . At this point I am beside myself because i just cant stand when women lie.

I'll just point out a couple of things. First, two girls in six months is not a lot.

Second, everyone lies. It's actually very hard to reject people up front, so almost everyone takes the easy way out. We start acting aloof or cold enough that the other person finally gets the message.

Don't let that embitter you. You need to turn this into a numbers thing. Two girls in six month? Try connecting with two girls a week. You probably won't achieve it, but hey, if you connect with two girls a month, that's six times more girls, and that will up your chances of finding a good, reciprocating connection.

December 11, 2015

Think about it this way, that first girl that you didn't really like a lot, it just so happens she wasn't smitten with you either. Had she been, you would have had to reject her. Is there something really wrong with her? Probably not.

It's weird for the second girl to say she's not looking for a relationship, when she met you online. I assume a dating site? Did she state "no relationships" on her profile?

December 11, 2015

Yes, I see the dishonesty as more of an insult than if they were to say their true feelings. Thats just how I am.

A good majority of guys can't handle: I only see us as friends, this is not working out, etc.

Some men like to call women all sorts of names, or make threats. Why go through that drama? Whatever the reply is, it means: THEY ARE JUST NOT INTO YOU.

December 11, 2015

A good majority of guys can't handle: I only see us as friends, this is not working out, etc.

Some men like to call women all sorts of names, or make threats. Why go through that drama? Whatever the reply is, it means: THEY ARE JUST NOT INTO YOU.

Right well like I said I see honesty as less of an insult then lying to avoid awkwardness. All this happened via text by the way so it's not like she was an imminent danger if I was the type of guy to freak out...

December 11, 2015

Right well like I said I see honesty as less of an insult then lying to avoid awkwardness

Oh Stephen I think you're being naive...there are a lot of emotionally unstable people out there who go off the deep end when someone breaks up with them. At my age I wouldn't have believed it until last year. I've lived a very stable life my entire life and broke off with a guy last year...in his mid 40s (first guy I dated post divorce)...he was crazy about me and went off the deep end when I ended it...because of HIS issues that I refused to stay around for...and he proved to me that he had those issues with how he responded to my breaking it off with him. I'm a mom with kids...still unbelievable how he acted. Please just get over this naive notion of yours. Too many stories of people reacting badly during break ups. It seems you want to "win" here because it makes you feel better. There's no winning...this girl handled it the best she felt it could be handled at the time. She did the best she could based on her knowledge. Her methodology doesn't have to agree with yours and doesn't have to define who you are.

If obsessing makes you feel better...your making a tougher road for yourself. Hold onto that anger and entitlement though...that'll make it lesson the blow...not.

Edited December 11, 2015 by StBreton

December 11, 2015

Maybe they're really NOT looking for relationships "right now?" Everyone says its code for not into you, but isn't there like a 50% they are not looking for one?

December 11, 2015

Point being, you guys say you are getting rejected by all these women..... but can you honestly say that YOU feel a connection with ALL of them... and would want to pursue a relationship with them?

If you say that with each and every one of these women you DID feel the connection and chemistry, and would want to embark on exploring a RL with them... I am sorry I would not believe you.

Again, very very rare do we meet someone with whom we feel that MUTUAL chemistry/click and everything else lines up with what we want.

I don't want to be this guy, but I will.

Some of us don't feel like we need to pick apart someone down to a list or "find the one". Some will just take any person who is good to look at (in our eyes), a good person for the most part, and doesn't do things we hate.

I will settle, yes I said it, for anything at this point. She has to look good enough by my standards, and not be a complete dud, but seriously at the moment that is all I would care for. Just to get the ball rolling again, because I cannot get this previous summer with a friend-turned-more off my mind because I literally don't have anyone else to learn about. And I've been trying to just get a date for months now and it's flake city out here.

I'm just talking about getting my foot in the door. How demoralizing is that! Moving on is impossible when you cant even get a girl to stick to the date you had planned. With multiple people, I may add.

December 11, 2015

All this happened via text by the way so it's not like she was an imminent danger if I was the type of guy to freak out...

But she doesn't know you well enough to divine what kind of a guy you really are. That's the whole point.

She wasn't feeling it with you. Doesn't mean she needs to go HAM on you; nor does it mean you need to force someone to go to those lengths, either, to understand what she's saying. Whatever it might be with her, it may be something totally different for someone else.

If you're spending all your time altering who you are to fit someone's acceptance of you instead of them accepting who you are as you are, then this is a much deeper problem than you not being able to maintain relationships.

December 11, 2015

yeah well what you said is contradictory. id rather hear the latter, instead of the former. if i suck in bed or im not good looking enough then yeah i want to hear it so i can work on those things. instead of the cookie cutter cop out response.

im 25 years old now, and all my friends are in relationships and i cant even see a girl for more than a fortnight.

Then you would be working on things that would hypothetically make you more appealing to a woman that's already rejected you, one that will likely never change her mind, things that many other women might not see as a problem at all.

And, if you think these women are liars for not giving you the brutal truth (which I don't agree with btw), why do you even care..., they're liars!

December 11, 2015

yeah well what you said is contradictory. id rather hear the latter, instead of the former. if i suck in bed or im not good looking enough then yeah i want to hear it so i can work on those things. instead of the cookie cutter cop out response.

im 25 years old now, and all my friends are in relationships and i cant even see a girl for more than a fortnight.

You are 25, not 52. It's not the end of the world. You have time to make a connection. Even at 52 there is still time for love.

If all of your buddies are in relationships, befriend their GFs & ask those women if they know anybody to fix you up with.

Also don't use OLD as the only way to meet people. It's too easy to flake there & it creates GIGs.

Get involved. Build a life. Have interests & then find a companion while you engaged in doing things you love.

ill just have to learn to be happy alone obviously because every girl i meet is a **** tard.

some days i just feel like killing myself honestly. who wants to be lonely their entire life

It will be hard to meet somebody & make a connection of you truly believe that women are worthless. Moreover, the pejorative term you used is very insulting to the entire Special Needs community. If it's the way you regularly speak, perhaps your attitude is what is turning these women off. I'm not saying you have to be PC to the point of being insipid but broad-brushed discrimination is quite the turn off.

Yeah well maybe I can't deal with rejection. I obsess over it. And after repeated failure it makes me hate being alive

One woman who you weren't into anyway plus 1 other woman is not a repeat failure pattern dooming you to a lifetime alone.

That said if you truly feel suicidal please talk to someone. Do not take your own life over this.

December 11, 2015

I don't want to be this guy, but I will.

Some of us don't feel like we need to pick apart someone down to a list or "find the one". Some will just take any person who is good to look at (in our eyes), a good person for the most part, and doesn't do things we hate.

I will settle, yes I said it, for anything at this point. She has to look good enough by my standards, and not be a complete dud, but seriously at the moment that is all I would care for. Just to get the ball rolling again, because I cannot get this previous summer with a friend-turned-more off my mind because I literally don't have anyone else to learn about. And I've been trying to just get a date for months now and it's flake city out here.

I'm just talking about getting my foot in the door. How demoralizing is that! Moving on is impossible when you cant even get a girl to stick to the date you had planned. With multiple people, I may add.

Well...just because *you* (and perhaps other men) are willing to settle for mediocre (just to get the ball rolling) most women are *not*..... and once you realize that....you'll find dating to be a lot more fun and less "demoralizing.".

December 11, 2015

You are 25, not 52. It's not the end of the world. You have time to make a connection. Even at 52 there is still time for love.

If all of your buddies are in relationships, befriend their GFs & ask those women if they know anybody to fix you up with.

Also don't use OLD as the only way to meet people. It's too easy to flake there & it creates GIGs.

Get involved. Build a life. Have interests & then find a companion while you engaged in doing things you love.

It will be hard to meet somebody & make a connection of you truly believe that women are worthless. Moreover, the pejorative term you used is very insulting to the entire Special Needs community. If it's the way you regularly speak, perhaps your attitude is what is turning these women off. I'm not saying you have to be PC to the point of being insipid but broad-brushed discrimination is quite the turn off.

One woman who you weren't into anyway plus 1 other woman is not a repeat failure pattern dooming you to a lifetime alone.

That said if you truly feel suicidal please talk to someone. Do not take your own life over this.

ive already tried asking them. apparently im not boyfriend material. even though i have a good job where i make good money, i drive a bmw, live downtown in my city and consider myself not horribly ugly. yet for some reason I am worthless to these women. I guess I am completely ****ing incapable of forming human connections. i am a bore. and do wish i was dead at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week

December 11, 2015

OP,

You are not old enough yet to be so cynical. I am more than twice your age but I can tell you that YOU are putting far too much stock in having a connection than for just accepting that some people like to enjoy sex without the encumberances of a relationship, either long or short term, and can leave it at that.

Online Dating is the last place you are going to find a lot of honesty...lol. Come on man!

It can be a hard pillow to swallow for guys. I bring this up quite often and do get slammed for it but I still maintain that we men have far more fragile egos than we will ever care to admit. I think OP you are proving my point here about that.

What I want you to know is that your Twenties are going to be a total minefield if you are single, even if you aren't it's still a minefield.

That does not mean you don't walk in the Minefield. Sure sometimes you are going to step on a Claymore and sometimes you won't know it until you move your foot and your toes are gone. But you have to keep walking!

I think the ladies on this thread for the most part are trying to help you and I also think that if you compose yourself to be a sad sack who mopes around women will pick up on that in a New York Minute. Jesus, dude, you have one that is more than happy to have a FWB situation with you. No strings attached sex is a good thing while you are finding your way around your life.

You are still very young, although you feel old. Seriously don't give up yet!

December 11, 2015

ive already tried asking them. apparently im not boyfriend material. even though i have a good job where i make good money, i drive a bmw, live downtown in my city and consider myself not horribly ugly. yet for some reason I am worthless to these women. I guess I am completely ****ing incapable of forming human connections. i am a bore.

**and do wish i was dead at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week***

^^There are meds for that. Seriously, you sound majorly depressed, and it is not because of your disappointing dating experiences.

That is just a *symptom* of the much larger and more insidious and life threatening disease -- depression.

Seek therapy.

Wish you the best

Hugs.

December 11, 2015

i drive a bmw

I drive a Honda and I drive for Uber when I need extra moiney.... So the hell what?

if you really are so worried about appearances and perceptions then you will be unhappy for your entire life.

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i seriously cant take this amount of rejection anymore.. what am i doing wrong

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