i seriously cant take this amount of rejection anymore.. what am i doing wrong

December 10, 2015

so over the past 6 months ive seen two girls. the first one we were having good sex but i honestly didn't feel much with her, but i liked hanging out with her, till one day she said "shes not looking for a relationship right now". Now I HATE hearing that from a woman because i know its absolute bull****. So i made her fess up and I told her I knew we didnt have much chemistry even though the sex was good for both of us. The end.

moving on a month later and I met a girl I actually liked via online dating. We had a ton in common, both were into the same movies, like art and the same music.. went on a first date, got a bit drunk and made out, left it that. saw each other soon after as we went to an art gallery together and had dinner. was really nice, left it at that. fast foward a week, she comes over for dinner and we end up making out and having sex. only problem is I must have been nervous because I actually like her, so I had a hard time "getting it up". I still did things to satisfy her and she said it was great (maybe lying I dont know, women just lie constantly it seems like). So then a week later we hang out again, end up going ice skating and had a really nice time, end up back at my place and have sex for real this time.

We both text back and forth after this night although i am noticing she is never the one to initiate texts with me, I am always the one. This kinda bugs me so I basically just wait a whole day with no texting and i send her a cute message saying i like the time we have been spending together and wanted to see if the feeling was mutual, and that i didnt want to push her to hang out further cause i knew she was busy. Then she hits me with this dreadful ****ing reply.

"hey sorry I have not been very responsive. Ive been really busy at work and my grandparents have been in town and what not, but i have really enjoyed the time we've been spending together too but im not looking to be in a relationship right now."

to which I said Ok, fine. (knowing in my mind that it was just a BS line to let me down softly). Then she says this:

"you didnt do anything wrong at all i like hanging out with you and i think we have a lot in common. I just want to meet a lot of people and dont want to feel tied down. I just got out of a long relationship before we met and i broke up with him because it was getting to serious".

At this point I am beside myself because i just cant stand when women lie.

I Basically just say "ok now worries. I genuinely like spending time with you though so maybe we can be friends with benefits :)". TO which she says "I would really like that :)"

its been like 4 days since that and we havent texted each other so I figure its just over.

my question is what the hell am I doing wrong? all of our dates seemed to go so well, we had fluid conversation and laughed at each other, cuddled etc... It keeps happening to me over and over since my last serious relationship and i cant dig myself out of this whole. the rejection just keeps making it worse and worse. I seriously feel like I am never going to meet someone like that again. Every girl I meet never shares stuff in common with me.

Edited December 10, 2015 by StephenSG

December 10, 2015

I think you're looking for the wrong type of girls.

But, anyway, if you arranged to be FWB, why don't you just text her when you're feeling horny? That's what FWB do.

Text her tonight and see if she can have sex with you anytime this weekend. If she says no, it's fine. Text her again next week. If she continues saying no, look for another girl because this one is definitely not interested.

If you want a serious relationship, take things slow and look for someone who has not baggage.

December 10, 2015

I think you're looking for the wrong type of girls.

But, anyway, if you arranged to be FWB, why don't you just text her when you're feeling horny? That's what FWB do.

Text her tonight and see if she can have sex with you anytime this weekend. If she says no, it's fine. Text her again next week. If she continues saying no, look for another girl because this one is definitely not interested.

If you want a serious relationship, take things slow and look for someone who has not baggage.

yea, sex is honestly the least of my concerns right now. i get it enough (and im not trying to brag) but Im looking for something more serious. Problem is i dont meet girls anywhere unless its online, and it seems like every one i do meet is either not looking for a relationship (WITH ME).

I honestly feel like I will never have a connection by the girls standards within the first 4-5 dates because it takes me a while to open up to someone. I am not nervous and non confident on the first few dates but I dont feel like I am totally myself because I dont feel comfortable yet. For this reason I feel like I will never meet someone. The girl will just dump me by date 5 before she even getsd to know the real me

Edited December 10, 2015 by StephenSG

December 10, 2015

so over the past 6 months ive seen two girls. the first one we were having good sex but i honestly didn't feel much with her, but i liked hanging out with her, till one day she said "shes not looking for a relationship right now". Now I HATE hearing that from a woman because i know its absolute bull****. So i made her fess up and I told her I knew we didnt have much chemistry even though the sex was good for both of us. The end.

moving on a month later and I met a girl I actually liked via online dating. We had a ton in common, both were into the same movies, like art and the same music.. went on a first date, got a bit drunk and made out, left it that. saw each other soon after as we went to an art gallery together and had dinner. was really nice, left it at that. fast foward a week, she comes over for dinner and we end up making out and having sex. only problem is I must have been nervous because I actually like her, so I had a hard time "getting it up". I still did things to satisfy her and she said it was great (maybe lying I dont know, women just lie constantly it seems like). So then a week later we hang out again, end up going ice skating and had a really nice time, end up back at my place and have sex for real this time.

We both text back and forth after this night although i am noticing she is never the one to initiate texts with me, I am always the one. This kinda bugs me so I basically just wait a whole day with no texting and i send her a cute message saying i like the time we have been spending together and wanted to see if the feeling was mutual, and that i didnt want to push her to hang out further cause i knew she was busy. Then she hits me with this dreadful ****ing reply.

"hey sorry I have not been very responsive. Ive been really busy at work and my grandparents have been in town and what not, but i have really enjoyed the time we've been spending together too but im not looking to be in a relationship right now."

to which I said Ok, fine. (knowing in my mind that it was just a BS line to let me down softly). Then she says this:

"you didnt do anything wrong at all i like hanging out with you and i think we have a lot in common. I just want to meet a lot of people and dont want to feel tied down. I just got out of a long relationship before we met and i broke up with him because it was getting to serious".

At this point I am beside myself because i just cant stand when women lie.

I Basically just say "ok now worries. I genuinely like spending time with you though so maybe we can be friends with benefits :)". TO which she says "I would really like that :)"

its been like 4 days since that and we havent texted each other so I figure its just over.

my question is what the hell am I doing wrong? all of our dates seemed to go so well, we had fluid conversation and laughed at each other, cuddled etc... It keeps happening to me over and over since my last serious relationship and i cant dig myself out of this whole. the rejection just keeps making it worse and worse. I seriously feel like I am never going to meet someone like that again. Every girl I meet never shares stuff in common with me.

Do you live in Murica?

December 10, 2015

Don't throw in the towel so easily. Two is nothing man. Most relationships are short-lived. Sometimes one works out. You're looking for a needle in a haystack, so just accept that you're going to have to sift through a bunch of straw.

My guess is that these two genuinely were not ready to be in a relationship, and that it wasn't really about you at all. Yea, maybe if you were a millionaire movie star they would've changed their mind but that's another topic. Also, online is a tough venue because of the paradox of choice for one, and the tendency for the good ones to be on there a very short time, whereas the flakes are perma-residents.

When you go out with a new girl, do so with an open mind rather than a bunch of expectations. Expectations is what causes disappointment. Then you have to figure out two things a) is this person ready and willing to enter a relationship, and b) is she someone you'd choose to [potentially] spend your life with.

Just date and have fun, and if this one gal turns out to be a decent FWB then it takes some pressure off from the standpoint of needing to get laid. If you're able to get dates then a relationship will likely happen in due course.

Patience and persistence pays off eventually- I learned that from experience, and hoping I'm done with online dating now (happily paired up, at least for now).

December 10, 2015

Perhaps you should run these scenarios by a trusted female friend/family member and ask them their opinion on how you should proceed. We don't know you, so we can't tell you exactly what you need to hear.

Having said that, though, just as you would never accept being told that you had to enter into a relationship with a woman that you were not attracted to, same goes for women. They don't owe you your relationship just because you like them... same as you don't owe any woman their relationship just because she likes you. Everyone is entitled to their preferences in a mate.

For chicks that you just met, really, you're really way to far up in your feelings.

Is it a particular character of woman that you keep going for? You've attracted two unavailable women in a row.

One rule of thumb: avoid anyone who just got out of a relationship within the last 18 months.

And men lie just as readily as women.

December 10, 2015

OP, what makes you believe these two women (who are the latest representatives of "[ALL] women just lie constantly") are lying?

Just because they didn't verbalize the silent-but-presumed "with you" at the end of "I don't want to be in a relationship [____ ___] right now"?

They were honest - they just weren't brutally honest...probably because they have enough social sense to know that most often the people who claim to want complete honesty, don't really want it, at all.

Best of luck to you, OP...

December 10, 2015

Do you live in Murica?

Canada. Vancouver specifically

December 10, 2015

OP, what makes you believe these two women (who are the latest representatives of "[ALL] women just lie constantly") are lying?

Just because they didn't verbalize the silent-but-presumed "with you" at the end of "I don't want to be in a relationship [____ ___] right now"?

They were honest - they just weren't brutally honest...probably because they have enough social sense to know that most often the people who claim to want complete honesty, don't really want it, at all.

Best of luck to you, OP...

Yes, I see the dishonesty as more of an insult than if they were to say their true feelings. Thats just how I am.

I dont see them as being honest, because obviously if some millionaire david beckham type came along they would suddenly become "ready" for a relationship

December 10, 2015

Yes, I see the dishonesty as more of an insult than if they were to say their true feelings. Thats just how I am

They did say their true feelings. They just left off the "with you", because it is unnecessary...and is simply intended to wound the person on the receiving end of it.

December 10, 2015

Yes, I see the dishonesty as more of an insult than if they were to say their true feelings. Thats just how I am.

I dont see them as being honest, because obviously if some millionaire david beckham type came along they would suddenly become "ready" for a relationship

and Im not saying I measure up to that standard, but at least give me an honest chance before making a decision that I am not right for them. I don't see how a woman can even know me after 4 dates, and vice versa

December 10, 2015

They did say their true feelings. They just left off the "with you", because it is unnecessary...and is simply intended to wound the person on the receiving end of it.

it completely changes the meaning of the sentence. how is it unnecessary? I dont see it as intending to wound. if they said their honest feelings and stated "with you" then I would know theres a problem with me and I would intend to fix it. Not telling me just leaves me to go make the same "mistakes" (whatever they are) again.

December 10, 2015

and Im not saying I measure up to that standard, but at least give me an honest chance before making a decision that I am not right for them. I don't see how a woman can even know me after 4 dates, and vice versa

No person can know everything about another person after just 4 dates;

but a person can know in 4 nanoseconds (which can occur at any point while on a date/while dating) that that person is someone they don't want to pursue getting to know any further.

EOE does NOT apply to dating/personal relationships between humans.

December 10, 2015

No person can know everything about another person after just 4 dates;

but a person can know in 4 nanoseconds (which can occur at any point while on a date/while dating) that that person is someone they don't want to pursue getting to know any further.

EOE does NOT apply to dating/personal relationships between humans.

Funny, my last girlfriend of 2 years actually decided to give me the time of day and we had what I considered a successful relationship until it ended. If she had decided in 4 nano seconds I doubt I would have made an impact on her and created the attraction. I have never decided in 4 nano seconds if i like someone in my life.

December 10, 2015

You haven't done anything wrong.

The first girl could feel there wasn't much chemistry, and you agreed with her, so of course she wanted to move on. There shouldn't be any complaint, this is just normal.

The second one, she gave you a shot, and you were not the one for her...oh well, it happens. Just because you like them and things seem good doesn't mean it's a match made in heaven. They could be feeling different. If the attraction isn't there it isn't there. At least she called so you are not wasting your time.

This is what dating is all about....you have to kick a lot of tires to really find the one.....you haven't found her yet.

It's pretty normal to hear " I am not into a relationship right now, blah blah blah" people just use that to buffer the blow. Would you rather hear "You suck in bed so I don't want to waste anymore of my time...." Or "I found you boring, not for me!" Or "you looked cuter in your photo...." Of course not. let it roll off your back and keep at it.

December 10, 2015

Funny, my last girlfriend of 2 years actually decided to give me the time of day and we had what I considered a successful relationship until it ended. If she had decided in 4 nano seconds I doubt I would have made an impact on her and created the attraction. I have never decided in 4 nano seconds if i like someone in my life.

The fact that you had 4 dates with this girl - and even had sex - proves she didn't decide in 4 nanoseconds that she's not interested in getting to know you, more.

We women are allowed to be as attracted (in all ways) to you men, as you men are to us. And, when what we're seeing isn't doing it for us, anymore...we're just as allowed to 'call it a day' as you men are.

You're pissed...once again, you liked a girl a lot (even if only 'cuz it meant you no longer had to put forth effort in meeting other girls to have sex on the regular) and she's no longer feeling it in return.

Oh, well...

December 10, 2015

and Im not saying I measure up to that standard, but at least give me an honest chance before making a decision that I am not right for them. I don't see how a woman can even know me after 4 dates, and vice versa

Like I said, we are attracted to what we are attracted to. I never needed anymore than one or two dates to decide that. I don't care if you make 6 figures, have a huge di ck or a sparkling personality. If I don't feel the attraction/chemistry then there never will be, even over time.

Why would you want someone to date you for two months and then dump you.....make sense?

I have never fallen for someone I knew over time. I knew I wasn't into them.

December 10, 2015

so over the past 6 months ive seen two girls. the first one we were having good sex but i honestly didn't feel much with her, but i liked hanging out with her, till one day she said "shes not looking for a relationship right now". Now I HATE hearing that from a woman because i know its absolute bull****. So i made her fess up and I told her I knew we didnt have much chemistry even though the sex was good for both of us. The end.

moving on a month later and I met a girl I actually liked via online dating. We had a ton in common, both were into the same movies, like art and the same music.. went on a first date, got a bit drunk and made out, left it that. saw each other soon after as we went to an art gallery together and had dinner. was really nice, left it at that. fast foward a week, she comes over for dinner and we end up making out and having sex. only problem is I must have been nervous because I actually like her, so I had a hard time "getting it up". I still did things to satisfy her and she said it was great (maybe lying I dont know, women just lie constantly it seems like). So then a week later we hang out again, end up going ice skating and had a really nice time, end up back at my place and have sex for real this time.

We both text back and forth after this night although i am noticing she is never the one to initiate texts with me, I am always the one. This kinda bugs me so I basically just wait a whole day with no texting and i send her a cute message saying i like the time we have been spending together and wanted to see if the feeling was mutual, and that i didnt want to push her to hang out further cause i knew she was busy. Then she hits me with this dreadful ****ing reply.

"hey sorry I have not been very responsive. Ive been really busy at work and my grandparents have been in town and what not, but i have really enjoyed the time we've been spending together too but im not looking to be in a relationship right now."

to which I said Ok, fine. (knowing in my mind that it was just a BS line to let me down softly). Then she says this:

"you didnt do anything wrong at all i like hanging out with you and i think we have a lot in common. I just want to meet a lot of people and dont want to feel tied down. I just got out of a long relationship before we met and i broke up with him because it was getting to serious".

At this point I am beside myself because i just cant stand when women lie.

I Basically just say "ok now worries. I genuinely like spending time with you though so maybe we can be friends with benefits :)". TO which she says "I would really like that :)"

its been like 4 days since that and we havent texted each other so I figure its just over.

my question is what the hell am I doing wrong? all of our dates seemed to go so well, we had fluid conversation and laughed at each other, cuddled etc... It keeps happening to me over and over since my last serious relationship and i cant dig myself out of this whole. the rejection just keeps making it worse and worse. I seriously feel like I am never going to meet someone like that again. Every girl I meet never shares stuff in common with me.

Same thing happened to me, dating this girl for a month, got limp on first attempt at sex because I was nervous and really liked her, continued dating, banged her successfully next time around, noticed she never initiated ANYTHING inc texting, confronted her about it all express my feelings asking if it's mutual or whether i'm wasting my time and she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and wasn't sure whether she ever would be (lol, fair enough if they say they're not ready but ever be ready?) that's total BS. After that she told me she did like me and wanted to continue hanging out so I asked her if she wanted to become FWB but contrary to mine she rejected it (why the **** say you like me and want to continue hanging out then?)

In your situation I say hit her up (don't make it a date or anything, text her in the evening or something and ask if she wants to come over)

December 10, 2015

You haven't done anything wrong.

The first girl could feel there wasn't much chemistry, and you agreed with her, so of course she wanted to move on. There shouldn't be any complaint, this is just normal.

The second one, she gave you a shot, and you were not the one for her...oh well, it happens. Just because you like them and things seem good doesn't mean it's a match made in heaven. They could be feeling different. If the attraction isn't there it isn't there. At least she called so you are not wasting your time.

This is what dating is all about....you have to kick a lot of tires to really find the one.....you haven't found her yet.

It's pretty normal to hear " I am not into a relationship right now, blah blah blah" people just use that to buffer the blow. Would you rather hear "You suck in bed so I don't want to waste anymore of my time...." Or "I found you boring, not for me!" Or "you looked cuter in your photo...." Of course not. let it roll off your back and keep at it.

yeah well what you said is contradictory. id rather hear the latter, instead of the former. if i suck in bed or im not good looking enough then yeah i want to hear it so i can work on those things. instead of the cookie cutter cop out response.

im 25 years old now, and all my friends are in relationships and i cant even see a girl for more than a fortnight.

December 10, 2015

Same thing happened to me, dating this girl for a month, got limp on first attempt at sex because I was nervous and really liked her, continued dating, banged her successfully next time around, noticed she never initiated ANYTHING inc texting, confronted her about it all express my feelings asking if it's mutual or whether i'm wasting my time and she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and wasn't sure whether she ever would be (lol, fair enough if they say they're not ready but ever be ready?) that's total BS. After that she told me she did like me and wanted to continue hanging out so I asked her if she wanted to become FWB but contrary to mine she rejected it (why the **** say you like me and want to continue hanging out then?)

In your situation I say hit her up (don't make it a date or anything, text her in the evening or something and ask if she wants to come over)

i honestly am not going to bother i still feel like im chasing her too much. im probably just sounding desperate at this point. she can **** off quite frankly. ill just have to learn to be happy alone obviously because every girl i meet is a **** tard.

some days i just feel like killing myself honestly. who wants to be lonely their entire life

December 10, 2015

i honestly am not going to bother i still feel like im chasing her too much. im probably just sounding desperate at this point. she can **** off quite frankly. ill just have to learn to be happy alone obviously because every girl i meet is a **** tard.

some days i just feel like killing myself honestly. who wants to be lonely their entire life

might as well try and get some sex out of it since she seemed eager for FWB, if she rejects to coming over THEN go NC imo. then again if you're getting sex elsewhere and want to move on then fair enough, who doesn't want more sex though..

Edited December 10, 2015 by Xiomn

December 10, 2015

so over the past 6 months ive seen two girls. the first one we were having good sex but i honestly didn't feel much with her, but i liked hanging out with her, till one day she said "shes not looking for a relationship right now". Now I HATE hearing that from a woman because i know its absolute bull****. So i made her fess up and I told her I knew we didnt have much chemistry even though the sex was good for both of us. The end.

This is hardly HER rejecting YOU. You 'made her fess up', when you 'honestly didn't feel much with her'?

Sounds like you used her for sex.

December 10, 2015

This is hardly HER rejecting YOU. You 'made her fess up', when you 'honestly didn't feel much with her'?

Sounds like you used her for sex.

i tried to give it a chance, because there was things i liked about her but wasnt head over heals. so when she told me she wasnt interested anymore i reciprocated the feeling back to her.

regardless this isnt the girl i am annoyed about. the second girl i really liked and from what i can tell when we were together she liked me too. we have a lot of stuff in common.

December 10, 2015

Yes, I see the dishonesty as more of an insult than if they were to say their true feelings. Thats just how I am.

I dont see them as being honest, because obviously if some millionaire david beckham type came along they would suddenly become "ready" for a relationship

Dude down the street also can't go into a soccer arena and think they'll whip Beckham's ass, either. Guys who play damn near his level are on that field with him, not some Joe from the 'burbs.

If guys like Beckham are the preference of women you choose to chase, then that's their preference and there is nothing you can do about it. Up your game, then, if you think fame and money are the only things women you're attracted to are interested in. When someone with more money and fame comes along, they'll be out the door, too.

It boils down to the type of women you keep chasing.

December 10, 2015

id rather hear the latter, instead of the former.

From a woman who barely knows you or how you will react? Perhaps the second one felt that for her own safety, not having to go HAM with it was the better course of action for her.

This girl who let you down gently didn't know if you would graciously end things or get verbally abusive with her. It shouldn't take someone having to go HAM with you. Be gracious enough to accept that this isn't going to work out and that she's not the only woman on the face of the earth.

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i seriously cant take this amount of rejection anymore.. what am i doing wrong

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