Anyone else here refuse to date someone with kids?

[RedRobin]

I like most kids... They have a different perspective on things and have a way of forcing you out of your comfort zone in ways that a lot of people could use to become better people.

 

 

I don't have kids. Never wanted one out of my own body, and always felt that if I had the perfect circumstances with a man who could be an equal partner, that I'd adopt. Or not.

 

 

My problem with some dads (and I hear the same complaint from men who date single moms) is that lots use their kids as an excuse to be disorganized. If their exes are abusive or crazy... or their kids are spoiled and lazy... there are going to be problems. If they are helicopter parents who have to micromanage everything... another problem. I was a 'free range' kid myself, and get along best with parents who share that philosophy.

 

 

My fiancée who died... had the best two boys. So much fun! Full of adventure, just like their dad. We'd do all kinds of things together. I never felt 'second' to their kids in any truly major way. Well, I know I'd be second because they were dependent on him and only him as their father... but I always felt included. His ex and I are good friends and I still keep in touch with his kids, who are now fully grown.

 

 

Contrast that with a guy I dated for six months whose kids did nothing but eat, watch TV, and play video games. The father had stopped those bad habits himself (well, mostly), but that's how they were raised and his ex was morbidly obese. Didn't work out. Had nothing to do with the fact that I don't have kids. It had everything to do with his unhealthy family dynamics and excuses he always made to avoid confronting his teenagers about their bad habits.

 

 

So yea, pick your new 'family' wisely, if you are going to get involved. There ARE people with children who know how to balance properly.

[Heatherknows]

Nope. Not a dog person either. They require the same attention as a kid. I do like cats though.

 

I never wanted kids so threads like this attract my attention. However ya lost me at not liking dogs. People who don't like dogs are a bit scary IMO.

[Cherryz]

Thats bs. I think she just choose a reason not to meet with you lol.

 

Even thou i think you can aspect many of canceling on dates ect. of people with kids.

Because kids go first.

 

There are so many singles. Why make yourself tired with someone with kids?

Beside if you have kids its something really serieus. You cant go date here and there. You are vulnerable!

Cause one wrong choice can mark your kids for life. And you dont know who you bringing around your kids.

And you cant keep bringing different man around.

[Cherryz]

And you just never know clearly if they really done with their baby mama/ father.

Or you may find yourself in drama with him cause hes not happy seeing her ex with another man or other man around his kids.

[LookAtThisPOst]

The guys who say they'd never date women with kids are strangely enough, more often than not guys who aren't dating anyone and have very little experience. You would think they'd just be trying to get whatever they could but no, instead they come up these laundry lists of things they'd never accept in a woman. It's a strange phenomenon.

 

I've never had a problem dating a woman with kids. Good moms find a healthier balance between being a mom and having a relationship than just ditching their partner everytime their kids want to color. If they actually enjoy spending time with their partner that is.

 

I've actually known of parents to blow off their kids for their new g/f or b/f. Sad, but true. Like,if it was their turn to have the kids on that weekend, they'd be like 'Sorry, my new girlfriend and I are going to the islands, could you keep them another week, please?"

[Heatherknows]

I've actually known of parents to blow off their kids for their new g/f or b/f. Sad, but true. Like,if it was their turn to have the kids on that weekend, they'd be like 'Sorry, my new girlfriend and I are going to the islands, could you keep them another week, please?"

 

Yep. That's how is started out when my dad was suppose to see me. It seems something always came up. And when he did see me you could tell he didn't want to be there.

 

Now I never have time to see him. I've been very busy for the past ten years.

[oregon0011]

I don't believe most people when they say kids are a deal breaker.

 

If the girl is hot, cool, and amazing sex guys have a way of working around this.

 

If the guy Is handsome, well off, and charming women also find a way not to mind

 

I think when people are not ready for a mate they have many deal breakers. Many people are never satisfied.

[PrettyEmily77]

Late 30s, never married, no kids, not allergic to them (love my niece to pieces) but don't really have the urge to be a mother. Never dated a father before my BF but if I'd followed that hard line, I'd have missed out on what has been a great relationship so far. In the same vein, if the BF had a 'never dating a woman without kids' restrictions, we wouldn't be together.

 

Sometimes having all these dealbreaker things can actually work against you in findind a compatible partner.

[BluEyeL]

I think of course it's better to date someone without any kids, dogs, exes, and who are a 9 or 10 in looks, rich, and focus exclusively on you, pampering the crap out of you and making you number 1 in their lives.

 

However, real life is more complicated, doesn't always go smoothly and people do have kids, dogs, cats, problems at work, problems with hair loss, weight etc. You can make whatever you want a deal breaker.

 

For me, I make character issues deal breakers, lack of kindness, lack of commitment, lack of stability, neurosis...

 

As for kids, the older you get, the less the chances to meet someone without kids. If you are in your 40s, forget about it.

 

I have a teenage son from my first, long, marriage and my BF has two dogs. I am not a dog person, and maybe he's not a kids person, but we learn to love each other dogs, kids and all because we see each other's value as people and life partners. It's life. It's messy and that's what makes it worth living it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Though I would PREFER a woman without kids more so than one with kids, it seems the women without kids WANT future children (which I'm at an age where I don't want them) and yes, some even beyond the age of 40 want kids.

 

I spoke with one, said if she never does wind up getting married...she plans on fostering children after she graduates college. Don't get me wrong, it's very noble and admirable, but still...way over my head.

[RedRobin]

Here is your challenge... people of good character generally want to have meaning in their life outside of themselves.

 

 

Having kids is the default 'go-to' for most people. I say default, because that's what society tells us... "If you don't have kids then you are a selfish nobody".

 

 

I don't have kids. However, a man without kids who wasn't giving back or contributing or demonstrating some ability to care for others in some way would not appeal me. I always say....pets, plants or kids - have to have at least one of those.

 

 

If you have reached your 40's and rarely or never done volunteer work, aren't close to your family, don't have kids, or don't have a pet that is well cared for and loved... I wouldn't date a guy like that no matter how much free time, money, or good looks he had. I'd find it shallow and boring.

[salparadise]

My gf has two kids. I haven't met them yet but we've discussed strategies for integrating everything so we can spend time together at her place when she had the kids. Their father is involved so we get time at least twice a week. She says it will be fine but I am a little bit concerned that they won't be happy about having a new man around. It is what it is- we will make it work.

 

If you keep ruling people out due to a long list of criteria, perhaps you'll eventually find exactly what you're looking for... but how many great matches are you willing to reject because of such criteria when the reality is that great matches are harder to find that four-leaf-clovers. After six years of being single I have finally found a better match in terms of personality, sexuality, values and interests than I even imagined, so I'm not inclined to pass on what may be the best thing that has ever happened to me because her kids have a few more years at home.

 

I also have a daughter (in college), so as a parent myself I find that I relate to women with kids better than those who are childless. There is a difference. The father being in the picture is important because if he's not then it's going to be hard to have alone time. I've passed on a few of those in the past because the logistics were impossible, and I didn't feel enough chemistry to overcome it.

 

If you're going to have strict criteria, choose wisely. Of course nexting someone for driving a volvo wagon, totally understandable.

[TheTraveler]

I always say....pets, plants or kids - have to have at least one of those.

 

How many plants? I need to know if I have to up my plant game.

[LoveRefreshed]

I wouldn't rule out a woman solely because she was a single parent.

 

Wait, yes I would in OLD. If I knew the person and started liking them, the kid wouldn't be a deal breaker. It just is in the start, and I know this is likely to offend the **** out of some folks, but I feel like the single mothers spend a lot of time evaluating men on 'what can they do for me' and less about love, connection, and character. I know a lot who do. Also, it seems single girls run through guys like no other- They have a hard time being single and waiting for a good man. They come off as desperate.

 

Plus, I don't want to struggle to find time for dates, etc with single parents.

[RedRobin]

How many plants? I need to know if I have to up my plant game.

 

 

haha... The more exotic, the better. Orchids? Just kidding. That would probably scare them away. I dunno. Something that looks well maintained and fits the space. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get fake plants. OMG, I hate fake plants. Better to have nothing than fake.

 

 

Seriously... this is something I look for if/when I'm dating younger guys. I'm a bit of a tree hugger, so it would be weird for me if they didn't have something green around that looked happy.

 

 

I've got my great grandmother's hoya. It's like 80 years old. The plant, lol. I was gifted a schefflera from a friend who moved back to India. It's gotten huge. Every once in awhile I take a picture of it and post it on Facebook for him and his wife. yea, plants, pets, and volunteer work are kid replacement for me.

 

 

That said, having too many plants is like having too many cats or kids. Don't over do it. If the place looks like a jungle. Meh. Too much.

[BluEyeL]

My gf has two kids. I haven't met them yet but we've discussed strategies for integrating everything so we can spend time together at her place when she had the kids. Their father is involved so we get time at least twice a week. She says it will be fine but I am a little bit concerned that they won't be happy about having a new man around. It is what it is- we will make it work.

 

If you keep ruling people out due to a long list of criteria, perhaps you'll eventually find exactly what you're looking for... but how many great matches are you willing to reject because of such criteria when the reality is that great matches are harder to find that four-leaf-clovers. After six years of being single I have finally found a better match in terms of personality, sexuality, values and interests than I even imagined, so I'm not inclined to pass on what may be the best thing that has ever happened to me because her kids have a few more years at home.

 

I also have a daughter (in college), so as a parent myself I find that I relate to women with kids better than those who are childless. There is a difference. The father being in the picture is important because if he's not then it's going to be hard to have alone time. I've passed on a few of those in the past because the logistics were impossible, and I didn't feel enough chemistry to overcome it.

 

If you're going to have strict criteria, choose wisely. Of course nexting someone for driving a volvo wagon, totally understandable.

If you are patient and don't take things personally it's going to work out. My BF and I took it slowly with my son and 1.5 years later the relationship between them is very good. My son being a teen wasn't that happy that I had a boyfriend but I was firm in explaining that mom is also a person and this is something I have to do. He never acted out badly but warmed up slowly.

 

Ah and my ex husband is not around he's in another state. Is a blessing and a curse but I see my boyfriend 5x a week. Once you are a couple things are easier. True, we plan to wait 4 more years to move in together, until son is off to college, but right now I think we have the best of both worlds. Hope you and your girlfriend work things out well!

[truth_seeker]

I would only date a woman with kids if it were casual. I am up front with women with kids and tell them so.

 

I've noticed that a lot of these women with kids are looking for a husband/father replacement. I can't do it.