carhill Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Anyone else here refuse to date those with kids? At my age, sure. Kids should be adults by now. They're certainly fun to visit with until they go home to their parents (the kids of dating partners). When I was a young buck, post 25 anyway, if having such a rule I never would have dated. In fact, I think the only woman I ever asked out who didn't have kids was my exW. Everyone else I met, asked on dates, or dated/had relationships with had children. In a couple cases they had grandchildren and minor children as well. Heh, people get going young in my demographic. Up to you. Such a preference can really thin out a dating pool, of course depending on your demographic and age group. Good luck! 1
Empyrea Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 A man with kids was a definite dealbreaker for me UNTIL I fell for a guy who just happened to also have a kid.. Since I was already smitten, it didn't bother me at all that he had a kid, in fact, I found it charming and sexy that he had this mature nurturing side to him. To women, being a good father is always very attractive. And if you fall for someone then it's nearly impossible not to also fall for their miniature version. So since then, I'm less strict about this rule. But the guy has to really impress, if it was just some random dude I'd been out to coffee with a couple times, then I'd probably still consider it to be something for the cons column.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 When you date inside a box you potentially miss out on some amazing people and experiences.
TheTraveler Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 When you date inside a box you potentially miss out on some amazing people and experiences. I disagree. Why should I put time, resources, and energy into someone with kids when there are plenty of women without?
kendahke Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I won't date a man with minor children. I'm done raising children. I don't mind grandchildren who go back home with their parents.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I disagree. Why should I put time, resources, and energy into someone with kids when there are plenty of women without? I said you potentially miss out... The OP doesn't seem to think there are "plenty".
GunslingerRoland Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 If you don't want kids of your own, and especially if you don't like kids then you shouldn't date someone with kids. I don't get how someone could not like kids. Not wanting to have kids of your own, definitely get. But who doesn't like kids?
pteromom Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 maybe being a bit more open minded will allow him to find someone with whom to be in a relationship. How are grown kids going to cramp a person's lifestyle? (unless parent is an enabler) I missed that he is 41. Yeah, OP... I would consider someone with GROWN kids. That's actually the best of both worlds, because you don't have to worry about them changing their mind and wanting kids.
lilmissjava Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 My two adult children say I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom But having been there and not being too fond of young children now in my early forties, I wouldn't go back there. Off to college, full time job, they have their own lives now. I now have the time to date and get out there and focus on me, whereas my focus was always indefinitely on raising my kids in the best possible environment while I juggled school and work. I really didn't have ANY time to date, or have "me" time. I don't feel cheated that I missed out on "what might have beens" when my kids were growing up. In fact, I provided them with stability and I think it worked out positively as they never gave me any grief, never got in trouble, went to school and now have their own dreams and ambitions. I have to wonder though, if this is a growing thought among young people today because neither of my kids like kids, and neither want to have kids. My eldest even went as far as jokingly saying "I didn't even like myself when I was a kid" lol 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 This is one of the main reasons I can't find a woman to date. I tried dating sites a long time ago and every woman that peaked my interest seemed to have a minimum of 2 kids. And those who didn't have kids would indicate that they did want them in the future. Several years back I briefly dated a woman with 3 kids. It's true when they say if you date a woman with kids you date the kids as well. What bothered me was when we would plan a date night weeks in advance then come date night she would call me a few hours before I was to pick her up and say her youngest kid decided she wanted to spend time with her. I know her kids come first, but I thought it was pretty ****ty of her to do this to me on a well in advance planned date night. Anyways, from that point on I refuse to date a woman with kids. I don't want kids if my own and to be brutally honest I don't even like kids. I guess gone are the days of the lonely librarian living alone with cats. Anyone else here refuse to date those with kids? I'd date them, but usually if their kids are older, like teenagers or something. I don't think I'd marry nor live with someone with kids under the same roof. Just be the boyfriend probably. Though, I'd MUCH prefer to find a 40-something single woman without kids, but that's rare to come by, and if I do find a 40-something without kids, (came across one at a Meetup recently, so I hope she's interested) their standards are likely way too high, thus the reason they've been single for so long. lol. So it kind of winds up being a paradox.
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I was a woman who *never* wanted kids and spent years looking for men who were the same as me. I occasionally found them but those relationships didn't have staying power. Back on OLD in my forties, I was - again - looking for guys without kids. I set my hopes higher and started to consider guys with kids, figuring the offspring might be off at college at this point. Was I ever surprised when - four years ago - I met a guy who had three pre-teens. His profile was emphatic that he wasn't looking for a Stepmom, that he had a nanny who dealt with his kids during the 50% he had them, and was looking for someone during that 50% adult time. I initially turned him down but as I was approaching my 50s, I had best give up my notions of finding a childless mate. We started dating and, much to my shock, I actually liked his kids and they liked me. We dated for a year, were engaged for a year, and just celebrated our second wedding anniversary. His 16-year old daughter and I are best friends. Even my friends are shocked, considering my life-long stance against kids. Yeah, I'm kind of at that point, too. I wish I could find a 40-something woman without kids, but at my age...I have to resolve myself dating women WITH kids.
loveweary11 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I have to wonder though, if this is a growing thought among young people today because neither of my kids like kids, and neither want to have kids. My eldest even went as far as jokingly saying "I didn't even like myself when I was a kid" lol It's ok. There are already plenty of of people. We don't really need an exponentially growing population of humans. Only hitch will be the current US style social security doesn't work without lots of younger people paying in. 1
Myragal Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I'd too old to want to be involved with a man with minor children. However, each to their own. The best course is to know oneself and to be honest with a potential partner. I know lots of single women without children. Surprised some here mention most having more than two children Must be an ethnic or education variable as women I know with children have only one...a few two. The vast majority of white women under 50 have zero, one or two.
Toodaloo Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I refuse to date people with unhealthy attitudes towards children. If the children are spoilt brats (the woman you refer to OP was clearly on this path or just not into you) its a no go. If they have abandoned their children or speak badly of their children its a no go. If they are overly abusive or anti children its a no go. If they have unhealthy expectations of children its a no go. There are some great single fathers and mothers out there. It does make me cautious though.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I would date a man with kids but i would find it hard to adjust to. I'm quite selfish I think and I like the idea of getting to know someone very closely without distraction. People attract and end up dating what they are and not what they want. I'm wanting to be the person I want to date. If that person has kids, it may not be a complete deterrent but It's something I would just have to be mature and ready for.
sambolini Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I pretty much would date someone with kids if I was only going to be the "hamburgers on the weekend girl"...in other words, I only see him when his ex and/or someone else has the kids.... Seen too many stories of exes getting upset/jealous and/or not wanting someone else involved with their kids. Then, you gotta button your lip on how they handle their kids and lots of times they spoil their kids out of guilt of the divorce/break up of the family. And, kids don't need to meet everyone you are dating unless there's a ring and a date to marry. Kids bond and if you two break up, the poor kids suffer another loss of a potential parent to replace/substitute for the ex. But, I have no problem in the person who I am dating putting their kids first...I'd be turned off if they didn't. Completely agree, great post. I have my daughter every other week. The weeks where I have her are devoted to her. She gets my undivided attention. The weeks where she's at her mom's are MINE. I do what I want, when I want, and who I want. I'm not much of a "relationships" kind of guy, but I don't mind monogamy with a special lady. A special lady to spend time with every other week would be perfect for me.
hotpotato Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I missed that he is 41. Yeah, OP... I would consider someone with GROWN kids. That's actually the best of both worlds, because you don't have to worry about them changing their mind and wanting kids. My guy is older with an adult kid and wants another. Ive had problems with dating him and his daughter. I mean literslly dating him and his,daughter. Theres a thread, too. Sometimes when people are single for a long time, they start dating their kids.
Krieger Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 People with kids should date people with kids it is that simple. I want to have kids but I want my own . On top of that if i did date a woman with kids once we are our own kid I will love my own kid more it is biology I cant help that. Also the relationship will not be equal because you mean to tell me you would not buy her kids things he or she needed once the relationship got serious. I cant help that I would buy things the child needed like shoes thing for school and so on. On top of the you have to deal with the baby daddy and 9/10 he loser and bring unwanted drama to the relationship. Lastly I do not want to get attached a woman child and stay because I enjoy being a dad but do not really like the child's mom.
ManyDissapoint Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Possibly. OP admittedly said in another thread he is 5.5', 250 lbs, not attractive, and never been in a relationship before. I don't see the girls lining up out the door so just pointed out that maybe being a bit more open minded will allow him to find someone with whom to be in a relationship. How are grown kids going to cramp a person's lifestyle? (unless parent is an enabler) Pretty sure it's easier to lose 90 lbs of fat than 300 lbs of kids
Redfisher Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 No problems here., My girlfriend has two kids and I have two kids... Hers are 20 and 15 so no big deal, Mine are 5 and 7 so i'm happy shes cool with it. I do not have a problem being a role model to others kids...
mortensorchid Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I have heard men say this about women with kids. And yet, I also remember my second to last serious bf from over ten years ago now. He said he didn't want kids, barely a year later he met and married a woman with two kids from each previous marriage - neither daddy was in the picture and he supported her, her kids and even paid for the daughter's education before she ran off with husband #4. I also dated a crazy guy for a flash shortly after and he said he didn't want kids, then he met and married (barely 6 months later) a woman and they have two kids (they are now divorced). And ... Anyone else since those two? I don't know. But I have dated men with kids in the past, and as the SO you are secondary to the kids. But, it's what it is. You either accept it or you don't. It's like how women say they want nice guys but go for bad boys. 1
sweet honeydew Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 refuse is a strong word. rather not is more like it. Each one of us come with different extra responsibilities: be it kids, be it aging parents, be it student loan, be it alimony, be it child support, be it sick health, be it unemployment, be it 3 dogs and 5 cats, be it troubling siblings, be it demanding in-laws...make your pick.
sweet honeydew Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 refuse is a strong word. rather not is more like it. Each one of us come with different extra responsibilities: be it kids, be it aging parents, be it student loan, be it alimony, be it child support, be it sick health, be it unemployment, be it 3 dogs and 5 cats, be it troubling siblings, be it demanding in-laws...make your pick.
gaius Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I have heard men say this about women with kids. And yet, I also remember my second to last serious bf from over ten years ago now. He said he didn't want kids, barely a year later he met and married a woman with two kids from each previous marriage - neither daddy was in the picture and he supported her, her kids and even paid for the daughter's education before she ran off with husband #4. I also dated a crazy guy for a flash shortly after and he said he didn't want kids, then he met and married (barely 6 months later) a woman and they have two kids (they are now divorced). And ... Anyone else since those two? I don't know. But I have dated men with kids in the past, and as the SO you are secondary to the kids. But, it's what it is. You either accept it or you don't. It's like how women say they want nice guys but go for bad boys. The guys who say they'd never date women with kids are strangely enough, more often than not guys who aren't dating anyone and have very little experience. You would think they'd just be trying to get whatever they could but no, instead they come up these laundry lists of things they'd never accept in a woman. It's a strange phenomenon. I've never had a problem dating a woman with kids. Good moms find a healthier balance between being a mom and having a relationship than just ditching their partner everytime their kids want to color. If they actually enjoy spending time with their partner that is. 3
newt Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 This is one of the main reasons I can't find a woman to date. I tried dating sites a long time ago and every woman that peaked my interest seemed to have a minimum of 2 kids. And those who didn't have kids would indicate that they did want them in the future. Several years back I briefly dated a woman with 3 kids. It's true when they say if you date a woman with kids you date the kids as well. What bothered me was when we would plan a date night weeks in advance then come date night she would call me a few hours before I was to pick her up and say her youngest kid decided she wanted to spend time with her. I know her kids come first, but I thought it was pretty ****ty of her to do this to me on a well in advance planned date night. Anyways, from that point on I refuse to date a woman with kids. I don't want kids if my own and to be brutally honest I don't even like kids. I guess gone are the days of the lonely librarian living alone with cats. Anyone else here refuse to date those with kids? Since I am in my 30's I know it will be hard to find someone without kids so I prefer to date someone with one kid who is 12 or older
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