xuanqi1988 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 It absolutely confuses me as hell why anyone could be so selfish and use someone innocent to ease pain caused by someone else, knowing that they will end up hurting them in the end? Why would they hurt others the same way they were hurt? I find it absolutely devastating, regardless of whether they remained single after you, or got back together with their ex. I believe in karma so I think these people will get what they deserve.
Chronotrgr Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Completely agree with you, it's a very selfish thing to do, I don't believe there could be a mutual platform for the relationship to be based on if someone is still reeling from the past relationship, a lot of problems can arise from that and it's not fair on the rebound to be subject to problems he/she hasn't caused, personally, unless I'm 100% over someone I keep myself to myself and my bits and pieces in my trouser's. But I don't think rebounds are always as straight forward as you have made out, yes it takes 2 to bust nuts, but there are people our there who are more than happy to take advantage of and exploit someone who has recently split with a partner, my ex was in this situation after breaking up with her ex partner of 6 years, she didn't know what she waa doing or even who she was at that point, she maintains that getting in to a rebound relationship was the worst mistake she has ever made, it ended very badly for her.
casey.lives Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 i don't consider myself a rebound or an affair.. that's what his "wife" would have you believe... but he told me .. he hasn't dated in 2 straight years. little did i know.. some men are liars and users.. and some women are heartless venomous beast
Blanco Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 It's important to stay mindful that some people get into rebound relationships not quite realizing that they're rebounding. Someone might think they're ready for another relationship, only to realize they aren't. Maybe it surfaces within the first week of dating. Maybe in the first month; first couple of months. I've always been one to take a long break from dating after ending a serious relationship. Yet I understand that not everyone goes into rebound relationships with malicious intent. Also important to remember that unless there was some deception, the other person entered the relationship well aware that the other person is fresh from a long relationship. There's almost always some risk involved with that. In such cases, it's important that they keep a watch out for signs of the other person not actually being ready for this new relationship. 2
lana-banana Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Nobody enters a relationship with the intention of hurting someone else. Even if you're not fully over an old flame, you can look at a new person and trick yourself into believing things will be different this time or that they're really the one you want. I spent nearly a year lying to myself about a guy I was dating; he was perfect on paper, treated me like gold, and was so different from my ex. Why did I ignore my gut instinct for so long? Well, my "gut instinct" told me my ex was the man I was going to marry, so what did my gut know anyhow? I know you're hurting right now, but part of the healing process is accepting your ex is an imperfect, struggling human just like you. Don't get me wrong, you can still hate his guts for a little while! But it doesn't help to hold on to anger or resentment. In the aftermath of a break-up you need to focus all your attention on YOU. It's important to treat yourself kindly. 1
Author xuanqi1988 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 It's important to stay mindful that some people get into rebound relationships not quite realizing that they're rebounding. Someone might think they're ready for another relationship, only to realize they aren't. Maybe it surfaces within the first week of dating. Maybe in the first month; first couple of months. I've always been one to take a long break from dating after ending a serious relationship. Yet I understand that not everyone goes into rebound relationships with malicious intent. Also important to remember that unless there was some deception, the other person entered the relationship well aware that the other person is fresh from a long relationship. There's almost always some risk involved with that. In such cases, it's important that they keep a watch out for signs of the other person not actually being ready for this new relationship. I understand it was not their intention to have a rebound relationship, but until they are 100% sure they are ready, I dont think they should enter a relationship. Dating is fine, but nothing too serious. Otherwise they would end up leading the other person on. Do you think its acceptable to keep looking out to his ex and seeking chance to get back together, while stringing the other person along? Is it OK to meet his ex without my knowledge, while hiding me from her as well? Is it OK to treat me like crap when he misses his ex, then once he finds out she is done with him, he comes back running into me, telling me he wants to give it another shot?
imtrying211 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Due to my lack of "serious" relationships I guess, I had no idea what a rebound was until my most recent relationship where that's apparently all I was to my ex. He was in a toxic relationship with a woman for 4 years prior to our relationship. He and I actually started messing around while he was still with her (stupid, I know!!), and then a couple of weeks later left her for me. So, he had no cooling off period between the two of us. Our relationship progressed very quickly, saying I love you within a couple of weeks, he moved in with me after just a couple of months. I didn't know any better, I fell so in love with him, and thought he felt the same. We talked about marriage, buying a house, basically living happily ever after. He broke up with me "out of the blue" after a little over a year. The reasons he gave were just stupid, like the fact we never fought, I didn't like the same movies as him. Shortly after our breakup I found out that he went back to the toxic ex. I cried practically everyday for 7 months post breakup, trying to figure out how, why. Then a few weeks ago I find out that he was calling/texting his ex the entire time we were together, had seen her on multiply occasions, including attending a family event of hers over the summer, and that he slept with her a week before he broke up with me. So our entire year+ relationship was all a lie. I can't fathom how someone can do that, how they can fake it so well that the other person has no idea, how they can even live with themselves after such betrayal and disrespect. Why even leave her to begin with? Why stay with me for over a year? Why talk about marriage? Why lie about how happy you are? He had no legitimate answers for any of this. I will never understand the hows and whys, but I guess in the end that doesn't matter. What matters is what I can learn from all of this.
Captivating Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 imitrying211, Wow, what a sad story! There are codependent people who are unable to stay alone. He might have really wanted a relationship with you. He spent 4 years in a feisty relationship before and that was the norm for him. He missed it, he didn't have time to get over it, you guys get together so fast after his break up with his ex. ......I am not making up excuses for him! He was dishonest with you meeting his ex behind your back, cheating on you. etc I think there will be a time when he will realize whom he lost - YOU !!! 1
lop98 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Rebounds are not that innocent. Close friends, relatives, everyone can see the huge red flags (they're usually pretty obvious in rebound relationships) and it doesn't take long before they wonder if the partner is entirely over the ex but ignore it because they want to keep enjoying what they're getting too. Equally selfish but at the end they tend to be the most affected...
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