Jame22 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 If this is true then why will some girls go out with a guy for a few dates and then dump him while tying to keep him around as a friend? If she goes on 3 or 4 dates with him doesn't it imply that she's attracted to him? I hear this about the friend zone all the time but it doesn't make any sense.
Buddhist Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 If this is true then why will some girls go out with a guy for a few dates and then dump him while tying to keep him around as a friend? If she goes on 3 or 4 dates with him doesn't it imply that she's attracted to him? I hear this about the friend zone all the time but it doesn't make any sense. Because young women, just like young men, always think they can do better. Grass is greener looms large for young people and they think they're immortal so they've got all the time in the world to dick around. Once most people get past 30 though they tend to realise what a giant waste of time that is and long to find someone they can stick with for the long term. By this stage most of them will have fond memories of someone who was great for them, that they left by the wayside for no good reason. It serves as an interesting reminder of our folly. 5
Versacehottie Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Because you met the "threshold" of attraction. And she wanted to see if the potential she saw was enough so that she could see herself wanting a relationship. 3-4 dates in she has enough information to know there is not a romantic feeling enough to continue however, you are a good guy and she wouldn't mind a friendship (though sometimes that is just something people say to let you down easy). Basically the 3-4 dates are EXPLORATORY in nature. 4
mystikmind2005 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 dating can be a bit like bidding on Ebay.... for a few dates you will be the highest bidder for her time, then some other guy turns up with a higher bid! Or they may decide your offer was not high enough for them to sell.
Krieger Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Women don’t seek out comfort or stability in men anymore—they seek entertainment. They seek distraction. They seek hedonistic pleasure.Once the entertainment or novelty you provide her declines—and it inevitably will—she moves on to something or someone else. In essence, the only way you can keep a girl is if you adopt the mentality of a soap opera writer, adding a cliffhanger to the end of each episode that keeps a woman interested when being a good man no longer does. Men have to be entertainers who create drama and excitement in a girl’s life.Anything required for a woman’s survival or pleasure can be easily achieved without her having to put forth commitment, sacrifice, or labor. 2
Author Jame22 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 cold, but true I just don't understand why anyone would waste a month of someone's time and then try to friendzone them when they know the other person wants more. I have no problem being dumped, but when a woman offers friendship after the fact it's a slap in the face and I lose all respect for them. 2
Truth34 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 dating can be a bit like bidding on Ebay.... for a few dates you will be the highest bidder for her time, then some other guy turns up with a higher bid! Or they may decide your offer was not high enough for them to sell. I tend to think of the people who bid on the price is right. 1400... 1401! We all are competing on stage everyday, it's just how it is. I for one am not a fan. 1
notinept Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 It's a good question and good answers so far, here's a few points more; (a) it's an 'emotional' based decision on the girls part, at minimum it's much less of a rational one than it is for guys, so rationalizing it won't make much sense. She can't help it, it's just her female mental make-up at work. (b) 'friendzone' can be a couple different things; If she says "I like you but I think it's better if we stay just-friends" and you never see her again ? Then she sees no hope for manliness showing up and was just trying to avoid conflict and is essentially telling you a little white lie. IF however, she gives the "just-friends" line and actually continues hanging-out, texting etc. ? Well then there's still hope and it's proof that she does in fact like him/you but somehow she wasn't feeling any 'spark', at least she's leaving a little 'breadcrumb' - just in case he finds his manliness soon. Pushing women in any way, shape or form will come off as either controlling (future abuser) or insecure (future pushover). Women as a gender are extremely good at picking up signs, regardless of how good the guy thinks he is at hiding it. 3 or 4 dates is actually just about the perfect amount of time, she's actually been kind of gracious. Giving up after 1-date is harsh and didn't even give him a chance. But 'hangin-in-there' for 20 dates, would've been much worse as by that time it would've actually seemed to have progressed to gf-bf stage and then how painful it'd be to be dumped, especially knowing she was just stringing him/you along the whole time? Back to second part of point (b); It can all change if one can muster a serious amount of 'man-up' - preferably starting by a proper handling of the friendzone request. Then (a few of the countless steps that may be needed); and/or disappearing for awhile then reappearing and/or (if she's really accommodating) just doing a serious man-up right in front of her in each interaction thereafter ...
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 What's funny is, if you get the "friend zone" and as a man, actually OKAY with it, and still try to continue to "hang out as friends." She STILL ignores you...even as a friend. Turns out the "let's just be friends" was a lie or line to get you out of their lives. Out of their hair. Don't expect her to be a wing woman to you, to introduce you to her other single female friends either or expect any house party invites or invites do group friends going out dancing and stuff. Not gonna happen. Some women are cool enough to introduce you to their friends, most others are not. It's a good question and good answers so far, here's a few points more; (a) it's an 'emotional' based decision on the girls part, at minimum it's much less of a rational one than it is for guys, so rationalizing it won't make much sense. She can't help it, it's just her female mental make-up at work. (b) 'friendzone' can be a couple different things; If she says "I like you but I think it's better if we stay just-friends" and you never see her again ? Then she sees no hope for manliness showing up and was just trying to avoid conflict and is essentially telling you a little white lie. IF however, she gives the "just-friends" line and actually continues hanging-out, texting etc. ? Well then there's still hope and it's proof that she does in fact like him/you but somehow she wasn't feeling any 'spark', at least she's leaving a little 'breadcrumb' - just in case he finds his manliness soon. Pushing women in any way, shape or form will come off as either controlling (future abuser) or insecure (future pushover). Women as a gender are extremely good at picking up signs, regardless of how good the guy thinks he is at hiding it. 3 or 4 dates is actually just about the perfect amount of time, she's actually been kind of gracious. Giving up after 1-date is harsh and didn't even give him a chance. But 'hangin-in-there' for 20 dates, would've been much worse as by that time it would've actually seemed to have progressed to gf-bf stage and then how painful it'd be to be dumped, especially knowing she was just stringing him/you along the whole time? Back to second part of point (b); It can all change if one can muster a serious amount of 'man-up' - preferably starting by a proper handling of the friendzone request. Then (a few of the countless steps that may be needed); and/or disappearing for awhile then reappearing and/or (if she's really accommodating) just doing a serious man-up right in front of her in each interaction thereafter ...
Versacehottie Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) cold, but true I just don't understand why anyone would waste a month of someone's time and then try to friendzone them when they know the other person wants more. I have no problem being dumped, but when a woman offers friendship after the fact it's a slap in the face and I lose all respect for them. Huh? They are not wasting a month. They are testing it out (like ALL dating I might add). How do YOU know before you even go on first date that you will be with them in a month's time? You don't know, do you? It's hardly entering into a binding contract. You need to see it as you are being dumped since that is totally what is happening. She is offering friendship because she thinks you are a great guy but no romantic spark; you don't have to accept or be offended. That's a respectful thing to do to say: i've considered you and can see all the great things you are even though I don't feel we would be good together romantically. You don't have to accept if your heart OR ego can't take it. Edited December 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote 1
dads new boyfriend Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I have no problem being dumped, but when a woman offers friendship after the fact it's a slap in the face and I lose all respect for them I feel the same way, if she knows that you're not after friendship then she is either attempting to keep you on the back burner in case nothing better comes along or just keeping you around for the attention and ego boost.
carhill Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 If this is true then why will some girls go out with a guy for a few dates and then dump him while tying to keep him around as a friend? They like him in a platonic way. If she goes on 3 or 4 dates with him doesn't it imply that she's attracted to him? Heh, she can marry him and that dynamic is unknown, though perhaps implicated. We can't read minds. IME, 3 or 4 dates used to mean 'she likes me', then I got older and smarter. As a young guy I was a dope. I hear this about the friend zone all the time but it doesn't make any sense. It makes sense for some people, their desires, their psychology, what they do in life. For others it makes no sense at all. All interpersonal relationships are the meeting of two minds, neither of which can read the other. Risk is inherent. Enjoy the ride.
katiegrl Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Because feelings are fluid (for both women and men)...and while they may have been attracted to you initially, after 3-4 dates, they got to know you a bit better and simply changed they're minds (and feelings) about you. And realized they only wished to be friends. This happens to men too BTW. That is precisely why we date... to get to know each other. After a few dates, getting to know you better, it either moves forward or fizzles into friendzone .....or you both just move on entirely. Human nature 101. 3
Krieger Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 What's funny is, if you get the "friend zone" and as a man, actually OKAY with it, and still try to continue to "hang out as friends." She STILL ignores you...even as a friend. Turns out the "let's just be friends" was a lie or line to get you out of their lives. Out of their hair. Don't expect her to be a wing woman to you, to introduce you to her other single female friends either or expect any house party invites or invites do group friends going out dancing and stuff. Not gonna happen. Some women are cool enough to introduce you to their friends, most others are not. I used to be that why in high school but as i got older I just teller if we cant be lovers we can not be friends. I do not put woman in the friend zone because i dont want to give them hope i change my mind.
Mrin Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 cold, but true I just don't understand why anyone would waste a month of someone's time and then try to friendzone them when they know the other person wants more. I have no problem being dumped, but when a woman offers friendship after the fact it's a slap in the face and I lose all respect for them. 9 times out of 10 the offer of friendship is really just a way of not looking or feeling like the bad guy. It is BS. Guys do it too.
Hopeful30 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Yes and no. Yes in that if she is not attracted to you (and she knows this), then it won't just appear out of nowhere. No because it takes time to build attraction. For some one date is enough, for others (like me) it takes a comple dates (when the conversation gets interesting) to really get to know a guy enough to determine if I like him or not. The length of time depends on each individual woman and yourself. No two people ever click the same. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 No two people ever click the same. Unless its lust at first sight.
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