I seem to only attract overweight women

[Cherryz]

So the answer is not into just being skinny. There are many other things that also matter for a happy healthy life.

[MoreAmore]

But I'd still prefer to date someone who is in reasonable enough shape to walk up Mount Royal and not be out of breath.

 

 

Definitely be honest about what you want and what you are looking for... if you want someone who you can be very active with every weekend, say that.

 

If that's code for thin, don't say that because there's a lot of chubby girls who have no problems out running a marathon, hiking, riding 100 miles, etc. and who would love to be active every weekend, but don't have that thin, athletic body type.

It's fine not to be attracted to bigger bodies, but don't coach it in fitness terms unless it's really about fitness.

(There are people with that thin body type who would be out of breath with any serious activity, too, and who would prefer to sit on the couch watching movies each weekend.)

 

Thin =/= fit.

Overweight =/= out of shape.

 

There are a lot of genetic and epigenetic factors that confound, and there are many people with metabolic differences due to various factors.

 

So what really matters to you is important to divine. I don't judge either way, but aesthetics as a motivation or health as a motivation changes how to approach this.

Edited December 11, 2015 by MoreAmore

[LookAtThisPOst]

epigenetic

 

Wow, there's a word I never heard before...I'll look it up.

[Els]

I know several overweight people who can run full marathons. I'm thinner than they are, and I can't. Thinness doesn't necessarily correlate with how active someone is.

 

That being said... I dunno, your question reads a lot to me like a woman saying, "I seem to only attract dudes who work minimum wage jobs, why!?!? I have an okay profile, I look good, etc. Why can't I get a quality guy?!?!" It just reeks of superficiality and says a lot about what you perceive as 'quality'. Despite not being overweight myself, I'd run at the slightest whiff of such an attitude.

 

I mean, no one's saying you have to date people you're not attracted to, but does it really matter THAT much that you're getting messages from overweight ladies? Instead of trying to figure out how to NOT get messages from people you're not attracted to, why not figure out how to appeal to more people so that you have a higher chance of bumping into someone you ARE attracted to? Chances are the pool of women you attract is fairly small, hence you not finding anyone that you're attracted to in it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I know several overweight people who can run full marathons. I'm thinner than they are, and I can't. Thinness doesn't necessarily correlate with how active someone is.

 

That being said... I dunno, your question reads a lot to me like a woman saying, "I seem to only attract dudes who work minimum wage jobs, why!?!? I have an okay profile, I look good, etc. Why can't I get a quality guy?!?!" It just reeks of superficiality and says a lot about what you perceive as 'quality'. Despite not being overweight myself, I'd run at the slightest whiff of such an attitude.

 

I mean, no one's saying you have to date people you're not attracted to, but does it really matter THAT much that you're getting messages from overweight ladies? Instead of trying to figure out how to NOT get messages from people you're not attracted to, why not figure out how to appeal to more people so that you have a higher chance of bumping into someone you ARE attracted to? Chances are the pool of women you attract is fairly small, hence you not finding anyone that you're attracted to in it.

 

What about those people that put in their profiles.

 

"Okay, look, I don't mean to come off sounding shallow, but there DOES need to be some kind of physical attraction for me to consider responding to you."

 

They are like "Okay, let's be realistic here, physical attraction IS important, so if I don't respond, please, it probably means I wasn't attracted."

[WaitingForBardot]

...

When I think of the famous male celebrities that are adored by women of all shapes and sizes, I know one thing for sure, they aren't complaining about the women who like them that do not appeal to them. They are basking in the glory of it all, using it to propel them and their confidence to get the ones they do want. Same with normal good looking guys with good hearts.

...

Bingo. I cannot fathom the attitude of people that judge, insult, and disrespect others simply because they had the (lady)balls to show interest in them. News flash, they deserve better, not you!

 

Just sayin'...

[losangelena]

You could say the same in reverse but it doesn't make it the truth. Women discriminate on short men with zero backlash and it's seen as socially acceptable. When men discriminate on weight, they're seen as scum of the earth and socially ostracized for it.

 

That's not what's happening here, though.

 

I don't think anyone is saying that op should date overweight women if he doesn't want to—everyone's got the right to date whomever.

 

However, op is complaining that he gets too many messages from fat ladies and not the ones he's attracted to. As if it's the fat women's fault that he's not having success in dating. That's where he's getting blowback, for drawing even some unintended link between the two. It's not the fault of the big women messaging him that he's not getting traction with the others. The two have nothing to do with each other.

 

A few months ago a women came on here complaining that the only men who were messaging her were, in her words, pervy Indian men. She got a lot of flack, too, because she sure sounded really bitter towards those Indian men.

[Versacehottie]

Actually I know some drop dead gorgeous guys, certified 9's and 10's in every respect. And strangely they do not have this woman hating attitude that the OP seems to be expressing. They get hit on by all types, even the wrong sex, but they don't get angry about it. They understand it's just a fact of life that people you aren't interested in will be interested in you.

 

It's not any easier for them to find love. What they get is a larger volume of the wrong people expressing interest. It's probably more frustrating than what the OP experiences. But I've never heard one of them say....I'm freaking hot goddammit! How dare those people be interested in me. They just smile and politely decline invitations.

 

Yes true. Good looking people I know are just flattered. and like you say, smile and politely decline. Basic humanity. Hardly a problem.

 

My belief is that only someone with a negative attitude would find this bothersome and turn it back on the very people who had at least the open mind to see the positive in him.

 

All sorts of people get frustrated during their attempts to find the person right for them. How they handle that frustration is indicative of their character. To add, the good looking ones who know they will get at least much more interest initially are hardly whining and complaining about unwanted attentions as an outlet for their frustration. They know they will have options because of the pure volume and quality of attention they get.

[Shining One]

I wonder when OLD sites will add a field for weight. A person can specify the height of their desired partner to the inch and filter accordingly, but they can't specify the weight of their partner to the pound.

[losangelena]

I wonder when OLD sites will add a field for weight. A person can specify the height of their desired partner to the inch and filter accordingly, but they can't specify the weight of their partner to the pound.

 

Like people are going to answer that one truthfully.

[TheTraveler]

IRL i attract athletic, fit, and average looking women predominantly. And large, overweight, etc

 

The one brief time I did OLD I attracted the full circle as well, but more of the average to overweight.

 

For me, I have a better chance going for someone in real life if I am looking for a certain body type.

 

As for running, yes there are women who are bigger/overweight than me who outrun me in long distance running. I think it's pretty cool and does knock down your perceptions of them. Though I'm still not interested.

 

What am I trying to say? Go for what you want in real life.

[BluEyeL]

Why don't people come to first dates with bathroom scales to verify their date's weight...

[SwordofFlame]

I wonder when OLD sites will add a field for weight. A person can specify the height of their desired partner to the inch and filter accordingly, but they can't specify the weight of their partner to the pound.

 

OKC has "body type". Which as you can imagine can be open to interpretation.

[SwordofFlame]

Why don't people come to first dates with bathroom scales to verify their date's weight...

 

Not sure why there's so much animosity regarding weight. Most women can lose weight, a guy can't make himself grow taller to meet a woman's standard for height though.

[LoveRefreshed]

As a fat man myself (255-275 depending on my poop and the fluctuations in gravity) I can tell you that weight isn't as big of a deal for guys as it is women. My sister is bigger than me and the caliber of our dates are extremely different.

 

I would say for a chub myself, I'm rather shallow. Only one girl I've been with has weight over 140 lbs, and she wasn't fat either. It's not that I'm not attracted to fat people, I'm not attracted to people who make excuses for their lives, are weak willed, and have poor work ethic.

 

Anyway, I also dislike hypocrites, and people who complain about society enforced views of attraction whilest their computer desktop is a fireman are my enemy.

[TheTraveler]

Why don't people come to first dates with bathroom scales to verify their date's weight...

 

That is what pictures are for. I will say, if the woman only has headshots or chest up shots, you can make a good assumption she's hiding her body.

[losangelena]

As a fat man myself (255-275 depending on my poop and the fluctuations in gravity) I can tell you that weight isn't as big of a deal for guys as it is women. My sister is bigger than me and the caliber of our dates are extremely different.

 

I would say for a chub myself, I'm rather shallow. Only one girl I've been with has weight over 140 lbs, and she wasn't fat either. It's not that I'm not attracted to fat people, I'm not attracted to people who make excuses for their lives, are weak willed, and have poor work ethic.

 

Anyway, I also dislike hypocrites, and people who complain about society enforced views of attraction whilest their computer desktop is a fireman are my enemy.

 

So you're saying at a women who weighs 275 pounds can expect to get dates with a trim, 180 man? I'm confused.

[Versacehottie]

That's not what's happening here, though.

 

I don't think anyone is saying that op should date overweight women if he doesn't want to—everyone's got the right to date whomever.

 

However, op is complaining that he gets too many messages from fat ladies and not the ones he's attracted to. As if it's the fat women's fault that he's not having success in dating. That's where he's getting blowback, for drawing even some unintended link between the two. It's not the fault of the big women messaging him that he's not getting traction with the others. The two have nothing to do with each other.

 

A few months ago a women came on here complaining that the only men who were messaging her were, in her words, pervy Indian men. She got a lot of flack, too, because she sure sounded really bitter towards those Indian men.

 

Yes this is exactly the problem ^^^^^^^ bolded. There is no direct correlation between the two. The fact that overweight women are interested in him DOES NOT prevent fit women from being interested in him. He is trying to make a link due to his frustration and wanting to place blame that does not exist. Well, correction, the common denominator is him. Thus, one can deduce that he is either hoping for women out of his league, not tailoring his message specifically enough or his attitude/character seeps through and thus he does not attract women he finds desirable because they are not attracted to him.

 

I happen to think he has every right to want a woman who can climb mount royal with him and that he has every right to be attracted to her. He needs to keep searching until he finds her though and not get sidetracked due to misplacing his energy and anger. It's easy to ignore women you are not interested in on online dating. Be flattered, take the positive from the attention, ignore and move on. Very simple. Use the energy you put into your dating thoughts/time toward making yourself and your profile more targeted to the ones you want. Take responsibility.

[TheTraveler]

Yes this is exactly the problem ^^^^^^^ bolded. There is no direct correlation between the two. The fact that overweight women are interested in him DOES NOT prevent fit women from being interested in him. He is trying to make a link due to his frustration and wanting to place blame that does not exist.

 

Agree 100%

 

I would flattered getting messages. I would just ignore them if i'm not attracted and move on.

[losangelena]

That is what pictures are for. I will say, if the woman only has headshots or chest up shots, you can make a good assumption she's hiding her body.

 

That still has nothing to do with the point of this thread. Op isn't getting fooled by those sneaky fatties, he's annoyed that overweight women are messaging him, which has nothing to do with him getting dates with thinner women.

[BluEyeL]

Not sure why there's so much animosity regarding weight. Most women can lose weight, a guy can't make himself grow taller to meet a woman's standard for height though.

 

So you're saying all men are not fat? Only women? And women will date fat guys? Because I'm not sure of that.

[William]

As the topic is drifting and the thread starter appears to have moved on, I'll close this up for now. The thread starter can alert on this post if they wish to add an update. Thanks all for your participation.