I seem to only attract overweight women

[CalvinM]

Recently returned to the online dating scene after a brief two month absence and it seems as though every time I log onto okcupid, there are a handful of views, but only messages from overweight women.

 

I've indicated on my profile that I'm looking for women who are into hiking and other activities that require one to be in shape, but they seem to miss these points.

 

I've even received messages that start out "I know I'm probably not your type, but.."

 

Thoughts on how to minimize these interactions?

 

I get that women who are in shape/more attractive are more desirable, but I'm a reasonably attractive guy, with a well written profile. I can't seem to hook any quality catches.

[Versacehottie]

I agree with the post above. Instead of being ungrateful about the unwanted attention, maybe you should put all of your energy into getting the attention you do want from the ones you want. Work on making yourself more attractive to that group of people instead of blaming the ones you don't want for clogging up your mailbox. At least they have good taste!! What do you think all the other hot guys are doing: ignoring the girls who don't appeal to them and responding to the ones that do. It's not the overweight girls fault you aren't getting any responses from the "right" girls. Put the blame right where it belongs and do something about it.

[Krieger]

Recently returned to the online dating scene after a brief two month absence and it seems as though every time I log onto okcupid, there are a handful of views, but only messages from overweight women.

 

I've indicated on my profile that I'm looking for women who are into hiking and other activities that require one to be in shape, but they seem to miss these points.

 

I've even received messages that start out "I know I'm probably not your type, but.."

 

Thoughts on how to minimize these interactions?

 

I get that women who are in shape/more attractive are more desirable, but I'm a reasonably attractive guy, with a well written profile. I can't seem to hook any quality catches.

 

Well stop doing the online dating and get out there and find a skinny girl or a girl that is in shape.

 

I really only date Asian woman so I do not have that issue LOL .

[RedRobin]

I am in a triathlon club at the local Y, and am very fit.

 

 

A couple of the overweight ladies kick my *ss.

 

 

When I was running a marathon last year... again, a few overweight people just breezed on by.

 

 

Ever heard of a Clydesdale? That's the name for the over XX weight class for some races.

 

 

Maybe you should ask out women at your gym or someone you meet on the trail?

[Maggie4]

Maybe you're kind of a big guy yourself?

[Buddhist]

Well here's the thing.....

 

The percentage of overweight people in the population is very high. These people are more likely to be single, so they make up an even bigger percentage of the available women online.

 

Now a few questions....

 

Reasonably attractive? what does that mean exactly? Because being honest now the vast majority of men do over-rate themselves and lack an objective view of what they are really offering. Here's what I mean. In any given population of guys there will be the....

 

Super fit & good looking

Good looking but aren't fit, but still look good in clothes

Average looking but super fit, so they rate very close to the good looking ones

Average looking and not fit but not overweight - this is the vast majority

Average looking and over weight

Less than attractive for various reasons

 

If you are someone around the average looking and not fit but not overweight either category then yes over weight women will try you. They won't touch a super fit guy because they know, he will not accept their less than active lifestyle and will probably try and make her over if she is accepted. They won't touch a good looking guy either because they know, he's got more options. Of course, just like men, women will try for the highest rung they possibly can just in case they get it.

 

So what can you do? Well you can be less nice about it in your profile and outright state that you aren't interested in overweight women and be specific about it. Or you can go and get super fit and throw yourself out of the middle category.

 

FYI - A man's idea of a good looking guy is very often vastly different to a woman's idea of the same thing. Men tend to find other men they look up to, to be good looking. But the truth is, bromance aside, he may not be that appealing to women.

 

And in case anyone wants to think this is somehow misandrist, I would say the same is true for women as well. As someone who's in the average looking but super fit category, I found a real drop off in the interest of undesirables once I got an athletic body. They just don't even go there now. It's one thing to say you're 'active' and fit. Most people will read into that....well if he likes to hike occasionally yeah I can probably persuade him to do it less often. If you look like you're serious about your body though, people know, there is no arguing with your routine. You will not move from it. I suppose it's about demonstrating your commitment rather than just talking about it.

[pizzaro]

Simply tell them you have no interest in dating fat women.

[oberkeat]

Lol, it got pretty heated when I posted on this topic a while back:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/551589-why-do-i-keep-attracting-overweight-women

[loveweary11]

Reason: That's almost all they have on those sites.

 

I tried that site and match.com just after my divorce and didn't find a single one/match attractive enough to even write back to.

 

If you're fishing in a sea of whales, you're not going to find many tuna.

[jay1983]

Common problem, if you're average or kinda cute, they'll go for it the same way average guys 'll try their luck with the smoking hot girls.

 

What I don't understand is they're very fixated on height, but not size. They care a lot if you're not tall enough, but don't mind if you're half their size in girth.

Edited December 10, 2015 by jay1983

[CalvinM]

Maybe you're kind of a big guy yourself?

That's the thing. I'm not though.

[CalvinM]

The last two women I dated, 5 months and two months respectively, were in very good shape. Both off okcupid.

[lollipopspot]

What I don't understand is they're very fixated on height, but not size. They care a lot if you're not tall enough, but don't mind if you're half their size in girth.

 

You could likely say the same in reverse though. Plenty of short guys are very fixated on weight. "They care a lot if you're not thin enough, but don't mind that they're shorter than you."

[RedRobin]

My observation online is that most guys (and maybe women too) are trophy hunting. They are going for people they couldn't reasonably get IRL.

 

 

The guys (fit, fat, rich, poor and just plain stupid) all want fit women who are at least 5 years younger or more.

 

 

Women of all sizes and ages want fit, rich, tall guys... and more and more want those guys to be younger too, lol. Especially if they have had their kids or don't want any. I haven't dated a guy even one year older than me since my fiancée died. *shrug*

 

 

Look, you are learning about your market value, pal. On that website. And in your local demographic.

 

 

When I was in NY, all I found was crap. Seriously. There were more women than men there. Guess what? I moved to a place that has more men than women, mua, haha.... Sure, I got interest by lots of men when I was in NY... but here? sooo much better.

 

 

So, yea. I'll echo what the others have said. Don't take it personally. Just observe. Change the market your are in, or change your marketability. There is no other way.

[CalvinM]

I agree with the post above. Instead of being ungrateful about the unwanted attention, maybe you should put all of your energy into getting the attention you do want from the ones you want. Work on making yourself more attractive to that group of people instead of blaming the ones you don't want for clogging up your mailbox. At least they have good taste!! What do you think all the other hot guys are doing: ignoring the girls who don't appeal to them and responding to the ones that do. It's not the overweight girls fault you aren't getting any responses from the "right" girls. Put the blame right where it belongs and do something about it.

Except that a well written profile or really good photos only take one so far.

 

I'm constantly rewriting my profile, and yet a woman can put "I'll fill this out later", or "I don't like talking about myself, so just ask", and their mailboxes get stuffed.

 

Granted, I've had a lot of women tell me I'm much better looking in person, so perhaps it's my choice of photos.

 

Point is, the odds are definitely stacked against guys, and women are so focused on their careers, that majority of available women let their ovaries dry up by the time they're open to dating guys in their early thirties.

[CalvinM]

Lol, it got pretty heated when I posted on this topic a while back:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/551589-why-do-i-keep-attracting-overweight-women

Yeah, it's certainly not a new topic.

 

It's frustrating though.

 

At this point I'm even willing to post my profile, and open to suggestions on how to improve it.

[Kamille]

Take out the pile or rocks comment and the comments about messages you won't respond to (the hi and the cat comment). Those lines are negative. You say you want someone who doesn't take herself too seriously, yet, here you are showcasing yourself as someone who takes offense easily. I wouldn't write to you based on those comments. Desirable women get lots of messages they don't respond to, so we get that it's your right not to respond to messages you don't like. You don't need to explain it to us.

 

Don't have the picture with your cat as the primary picture.

 

I assume you message women you do find attractive and aren't getting responses? What do you include on those messages?

Edited December 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[losangelena]

I have some thoughts. I will try to be sensitive. Comments in bold.

 

Have you ever helped a friend move and you go to reach for a box thinking it's full of pillows, but it's actually books and rocks? That's pretty much been my online dating experience. Not at all what I expected. But I have had varying degrees of success on here, so with that in mind I've tried to stay optimistic.

Delete this whole thing. The first rule of OLD is that you do not talk about OLD. No one, ZERO people want to hear about your struggles with it. I don't care if this is your experience, this sentiment goes nowhere near your profile. This is information you share on date two or three when you've had a couple of gin and tonics and you can laugh about how sh*tty OLD is together.

 

- I'm creative and shy Maybe use the word "introverted" instead. "Shy" can make it seem like maybe you won't speak much on a date.

 

- I'm not materialistic (I don't own a 52" tv or a BMW), I'd much rather travel

I understand what you're saying but this could also be read as you ragging on people who have 52" TVs or BMWs.

 

- I'm looking for someone in good shape, who enjoys being active and has an appreciation for the outdoors (hiking, biking, etc)

- curvy is nice, but I prefer taller women with a bit of shape to their bodies

OK, I think I figured out why you're getting attention from overweight women. First, I don't know how overweight these women who are messaging you are, but I myself have a good 20 lbs to lose, yet I am more cardiovascularly fit than most of my skinny friends. I'm "in shape" technically in that I exercise, but I am thick. If I read some dudes profile that says he's active and likes to hike, etc., I'd think, "great, me too." Furthermore, you literally say, "curvy is nice." In the world of OLD, every big girl knows that "curvy" is a code word for "fat." Find a different way to say this.

 

- I like to travel, and love architecture so if your idea of a fun vacation idea is spending a week on a beach, we probably won't get along

Again, try and state your preferences without veering off into negativity of any kind. Say what you like, not what you don't; it is 100x more attractive.

 

Finally, messages sent with "Hi, how are you?" will be deleted. Women on here complain far too much about the messages they receive that aren't indicative of someone who has read their profile. The very least you can do is reciprocate.

LOL, I bet you can guess what I'd say about this. Again, I understand the sentiment behind this phrase, but if I as a single woman read this profile, I would feel a bit sour, and I'm not someone who has ever messaged any guy by saying, "Hi, how are you." Let this be an unspoken rule. Of course you don't have to answer those messages, but you don't want to risk alienating women who'd be turned off by that.

 

 

That's all I got. Again, overall I think you need to reword some of the negative sentiments and you need to completely overhaul the body section. Lol, don't literally say "curvy is nice." You know that some will read that and they will not absorb the rest of that sentence.

Edited December 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[losangelena]

To piggyback off that, I'd say that you look non-threatening and sensitive (neither bad things, by the way), and therefore perhaps nicer, more approachable, "safer" for a woman who may not feel confident around a man who's very masculine or built.

[CalvinM]

Take out the pile or rocks comment and the comments about messages you won't respond to (the hi and the cat comment). Those lines are negative. You say you want someone who doesn't take herself too seriously, yet, here you are showcasing yourself as someone who takes offense easily. I wouldn't write to you based on those comments. Desirable women get lots of messages they don't respond to, so we get that it's your right not to respond to messages you don't like. You don't need to explain it to us.

 

Don't have the picture with your cat as the primary picture.

 

I assume you message women you do find attractive and aren't getting responses? What do you include on those messages?

Fair point. I thought it was a clever analogy, but I can also understand your perspective.

 

Which photo do you consider the most attractive, or best representative?

[TheTraveler]

Which photo do you consider the most attractive, or best representative?

 

They are all bad. Do you have a travel pic? A hiking pic? Active lifestyle pic?

 

Dump the cat pic.

[Kamille]

Fair point. I thought it was a clever analogy, but I can also understand your perspective.

 

Which photo do you consider the most attractive, or best representative?

 

Big data studies of OKC response rates have shown that pictures of men looking away get more responses than pictures of men looking at the camera (the reverse is true for women). I prefer the one with the burgundy sweater, but you might want to try the one where you are sitting on the couch, looking away. That said, that picture makes it look like you're watching tv - so ... I don't know how effective it will be. Try one of the two for awhile and switch to the other to see if it increases responses.

 

Note: those studies also show that pictures with pets as primary pictures decrease traffic to a profile. This is so you know I'm not making up the recommendation to not have the picture with your cat as the primary picture.

Edited December 10, 2015 by Kamille

[AnAsianGirl]

Honestly, I think you're being a bit irrational here and shallow here.

 

Some people are naturally more bigger than others and if they were to decline their foods drastically in order to achieve a skinnier body that is not in anyway close to the actual healthy weight they are suppose to be. It can be very bad for them in many different ways depending on all the factors that come into play.

 

Overweight women are women too. Maybe you should be less picky rather than engaging in fat shaming.

[CalvinM]

Big data studies of OKC response rates have shown that pictures of men looking away get more responses than pictures of men looking at the camera (the reverse is true for women). I prefer the one with the burgundy sweater, but you might want to try the one where you are sitting on the couch, looking away. That said, that picture makes it look like you're watching tv - so ... I don't know how effective it will be. Try one of the two for awhile and switch to the other to see if it increases responses.

 

Note: those studies also show that pictures with pets as primary pictures decrease traffic to a profile. This is so you know I'm not making up the recommendation to not have the picture with your cat as the primary picture.

You seem well grounded, what would you rate me out of ten, or if you prefer on the attractive scale?

[TheTraveler]

I commend you for posting your profile. I will add the pic you are staring at the camera. Your face looks goofy. Dump it. The one looking away is much better. The golf pic is all right, now on 2nd look. Have another "active lifestyle" pic? And get a 4th good one and you will be on your way. Are you closer to 5'8" or 5'10"? If the latter, change it to 5'10". Women are dumb in height guesses unless they are super tall 5'10" and up.