hazlxeyes Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I know I was on here a while ago over a quality time issue. Glad to say my boyfriend and I have gotten a lot better with that but now there's a new little issue that's getting in the way. About two months ago he started working with this guy he knows for some extra money doing contracting work (electric, construction, plumbing.. whatever is needed at the job site they might be at). Now do I consider this person a friend of my boyfriend? No I don't... my boyfriend said he's known this guy since 1st grade but him and I have been together for a year and I've hardly ever heard this guy's name mentioned until the past 2 months. Clearly there's a reason why he hasn't remained that close with this guy over the years. I'm supportive of him working for extra money but at the same time, I DON'T like this guy he's working with at all! From day one, my boyfriend has left me with a bad taste in my mouth about this guy. He told me that this guy and his brother really aren't people he wants me to be around cause they're just nuts and not the most respectful people. I'm guessing as a guy for him to be around them and know how to deal with them is one thing but to bring me around them is something else. I unfortunately did meet this guy one night though, I was driving my boyfriend home one night and he REALLY wanted my boyfriend to stop by for a bit, so clearly that meant the both of us. We didn't stay too long but it was long enough for me to condone my feelings that I don't like the guy. He's very disrespectful when he talks, he doesn't speak too nicely to my boyfriend either.. my boyfriend didn't fully act like himself when we were around the guy, he basically seemed like he was on edge the whole time. It was just a very uncomfortable situation. When I confronted my boyfriend on it, he told me that he just didn't feel comfortable with me around the guy because he was afraid the guy would speak disrespectfully to me, he also told me he would never trust me being alone with this guy cause he's afraid the guy would make a move on me behind his back. Right there, that doesn't say good friend! My boyfriend really doesn't always speak too highly of the guy, it just sounds like he stays on his good side for the money. Now since they started working together, this guy CONSTANTLY calls and text's my boyfriend when they're not together. He is currently single, none the less but they spend a lot of time working, maybe 3-4 days a week for either half of the day or the entire day but when they go their separate ways this guy will blow up his phone! We'll be trying to spend time together and without a doubt, the phone goes off and it's him! I get very aggravated with it all, especially when to add wood to the fire... my boyfriend told me about conversations the two of them have had referring to our relationship and the guy made some comment once about "oh your girl probably thinks you're cheating on her when she's not with you" and then when my boyfriend told him he's looking for an apartment but we don't plan on moving in together until we're engaged the guy told him "oh well if you take too long your girl might start straying" .... and the big one... he tried to pay my boyfriend to go to a strip club with him and kept pushing his buttons after my boyfriend said no multiple times. It doesn't help much that anytime my boyfriend works with this guy, I pretty much never hear from him throughout the day. When he works at his families place or even his other job, he occasionally would reach out to me just to see how my day was or just send me a text about something or call just to say hi. I know he's not working EVERY single second with this guy, they drive from job to job so I'm sure he can get a few minutes during the car ride and I'm sure he at least has to go to the bathroom at some point! He can't reach out to me when he's with this guy but when he's with me and this guy bothers him he ALWAYS answers him! Like, come on! Really!? Even though my boyfriend seems to think this guy REALLY cares about him, I don't see it. I don't trust this guy... I get bad vibes from him. Aside from him just being a disrespectful person, he's a womanizer and will pretty much bang any girl he thinks is hot. I feel like he uses my boyfriend and that he doesn't really cares about my boyfriends best interest. I also feel like he has no respect for the relationship my boyfriend and I have because if he did, he wouldn't be up his ass knowing he has a girlfriend to make time for. I truly trust my boyfriend. I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me so I'm not afraid he's doing something deceitful behind my back when he's with this idiot and it drives me crazy that even though I can't place my finger on it, I know deep down, my gut just has such a bad feeling about my boyfriend's "boyfriend". Am I the only one who think's this just all doesn't sound right? That there's something strange with this guy... Would anyone else be bothered by this? Doesn't this guy really seem like he's too infatuated with my boyfriend? I try not to get on my boyfriend about it too much because I don't want him to get fed up with hearing me but I don't know how to get through to him with how I feel.
mystikmind2005 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Well, i have seen this kind of situation happen with my sister and her husband. The 'friend' got him into drugs and alcohol. watch out for this!
Buddhist Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 .... my gut just has such a bad feeling about my boyfriend's "boyfriend". Yeah honey you realise what you just wrote there right? And actually that was exactly my thought before I even read your post. This is not a pure work relationship going on. My only two thoughts are... - Drugs/illegal activity - Bromance, of the sexual kind This guy is acting jealous, possessive and interfering of your relationship with your boyfriend. That doesn't happen in normal work relationships. He's got a vested interest in breaking you up. That means there's some kind of emotional pull over your boyfriend. And your boyfriend's edginess in having the two of you in the same room, knowing what he knows about this guys vested interest just confirms that something is most definitely going on. Better confront him about it.
Krieger Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Yeah honey you realise what you just wrote there right? And actually that was exactly my thought before I even read your post. This is not a pure work relationship going on. My only two thoughts are... - Drugs/illegal activity - Bromance, of the sexual kind This guy is acting jealous, possessive and interfering of your relationship with your boyfriend. That doesn't happen in normal work relationships. He's got a vested interest in breaking you up. That means there's some kind of emotional pull over your boyfriend. And your boyfriend's edginess in having the two of you in the same room, knowing what he knows about this guys vested interest just confirms that something is most definitely going on. Better confront him about it. winner winner chicken dinner 1
Author hazlxeyes Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) Yeah honey you realise what you just wrote there right? And actually that was exactly my thought before I even read your post. This is not a pure work relationship going on. My only two thoughts are... - Drugs/illegal activity - Bromance, of the sexual kind This guy is acting jealous, possessive and interfering of your relationship with your boyfriend. That doesn't happen in normal work relationships. He's got a vested interest in breaking you up. That means there's some kind of emotional pull over your boyfriend. And your boyfriend's edginess in having the two of you in the same room, knowing what he knows about this guys vested interest just confirms that something is most definitely going on. Better confront him about it. Yeah, to my boyfriend's face I'll bust his chops and say to him "Oh is that your 'boyfriend' texting you!?" I DEFINITELY don't believe there's something sexual going on between the two of them... that was never something that sat in my mind. There's nothing about my boyfriend that get's me alarmed to believe he's experimental on that front. Do I think that maybe he could be getting a few hits of weed working with the guy. Possibly.. I don't believe they could be doing anything more than that. Everything you said about how this guy seems like he's trying to interfere in my relationship and break us up.. I believe that 100%. I just don't understand why. While I mentioned he is single, he's apparently started seeing someone though, obviously not serious though which my boyfriend told me about last night because apparently this guy has asked him about 3 times for us all to double date but my boyfriend knowing how I feel about the guy has been giving excuses every time to try and spare me because he knows I'm going to give him a hard time. It still doesn't change the fact that I feel like this guy is trying to come between us. But if he truly is... WHY! What would he be getting out of it? They weren't hanging around before I came into the picture and this guy isn't just coming between me and him but between my boyfriend and his own best friend that he doesn't seem to hang with as often anymore. Also... I don't know how to confront him on these deeper issues. I've confronted him before about the more general things but I don't know how to hit him with the issues you're mentioning lol Edited December 10, 2015 by hazlxeyes
mystikmind2005 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 one other possibility... The 'boyfriend' wants your bf to date someone who will do foursomes!
Author hazlxeyes Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 one other possibility... The 'boyfriend' wants your bf to date someone who will do foursomes! haha.. I honestly don't even know what to think or question anymore! I definitely don't have any concern over my boyfriend doing that haha, he's definitely not into doing that kind of stuff.
Cherryz Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 How old are you guys? If your bf know this guy is no good why is he even working or having contact with him? I dont think there is something gay going on. It may be illegal stuff going on. Or so. Or maybe this guy is a thugg and your bf more of the calm type of person and he trys to manipulate your bf or play his dirty tricks on him. But we can just assume. Better is for you to ask him and tell him everything you told us. Maybe you being honest is just what he need to break this off. Beside we all need those great family and friends that look out for us and warn us. What i dont see often and like in your post, you sound so loving and caring for this guy in a nice way. Not naive or to much. And its nice that you care for him the way you do. The best thing you can do is confront your bf with this all and tell him you want him to stop working with this guy and get a job at a real company.Or see if he can make extra hours at his other jobs. Just tell him openly what you think and feel. And that you care for him and think this is not feeling right and going right either. Or you can take a "boss chick move":P lol And follow him one day and see whats going on there.hihihi But for sure first have this serious talk with him. And give him space to tell you his side and feelings.Maybe there is more you dont know about.
Cherryz Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 And let him know you want him to also stop hanging/ have contact with him cause he no good. Also based on the way you saw him speak to your bf.
Author hazlxeyes Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 (edited) Thanks Cherryz You're the first person that I feel has been a little bit more realistic on your outlook of it all. I'm 26 and he's 30, the other guy is 30 as well. From the stories I've heard, this guy comes from money.... he has money to blow, he'll go to a casino, lose 2k and not care. So for my boyfriend to keep the connection open, I have to believe this guy is paying my boyfriend a decent amount of money to work for him. I believe my boyfriend is doing this for all good intentions, he's planning on getting his own place soon and he's looking at a future with us. Since he's able to save a good chunk of change by getting extra money working side jobs, I understand why he might not want to tell this guy to take a hike right now. The two of us actually had a discussion about all of this last Sunday. It makes me feel a lot better that we spoke, I still feel like he's not telling me EVERY little aspect of things but the fact that he filled me in a little bit more where I'm not left with as many questions makes me a little more at ease but so far from what he's telling me... It is all strictly business and apparently since this guy is a just a nut, it sounds like my boyfriend just tries to appease him to keep him coming back to offer him work. He explained to me that after they're done working, this guy doesn't like if my boyfriend just jumps in his car and leaves (not just my boyfriend but anyone who will work with him). It bothers the guy for some reason, so to pacify, my boyfriend will hang and bull**** with him for a bit. I guess apparently this guy considers friendship as a part of business. I also confronted him on why it doesn't seem like my boyfriend reaches out to me as much... He said cause the guy will give him crap for being on the phone so he doesn't like to draw attention. Also the whole 'double dating' thing... my boyfriend said the reason why I might have to suck it up is because if this guy keeps seeing my boyfriend always has an excuse he might say 'What the ****, I'm good enough to give him work but he can't hang out, outside of that!?' ... So it would basically be to keep my boyfriend in his good graces. One thing I'm happy my boyfriend does though, is he doesn't run after the guy for work. If the guy reaches out and my boyfriend gets back to him saying he'll work then he does, but if my boyfriend doesn't hear from him, he doesn't go looking for the guy. There have been a few occasions where the guy has texted my boyfriend asking him to do something for him and my boyfriend might not have answered right away or something and the guy doesn't get back to him. My boyfriend will say '**** it, I'm not chasing him down, he didn't get back to me, oh well.' I understand a little more but I don't agree with any of it being right because I feel an ACTUAL friend isn't going to put conditions on someone. I feel like this guy is using my boyfriend or trying to BUY his friendship. I find it funny that my boyfriend's mother has even made a comment that when him or his bro go and work for the guy, it's as if they're 'held captive' because they'll be out from 7AM and wont get home until late. My boyfriend's brother actually worked with this guy last Saturday and I thought to myself, now it's his wife's turn to deal with what I deal with majority of the time. His brother was supposed to get home at 6:00 that night because the four of us had plans to go out. My boyfriend and I were hanging around the house with his mom and sis-in-law waiting for him to get home and sure enough, he gets home around 2 hours later. Found out he went and got dinner with the guy AND that the idiot made a bet with my boyfriend's bro that if he eats two cheeseburger deluxe, he'll pay for the entire dinner and give him an additional $40. So of course, guys being guys, my boyfriend's bro did it and dealt with the ramifications of being sick all night. It's starting to all not sound as bad as the thoughts in my head keep making it out to be but I'm just still not happy with what I hear. I will NEVER trust the guy and he will NEVER care about my boyfriend the way I care about him. I don't care how long they've known each other, that means nothing to me. I feel like my boyfriend really needs to get back to a 9 to 5 job in an office like what he used to do. Edited December 20, 2015 by hazlxeyes
Poutrew Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I wouldn't worry about it too much. Have you ever seen "The Godfather"? Sounds like this is a bit like that... The money is too good to pass up, but you wind up getting drawn into the other guys orbit. I've known a person kinda like that in my past...you can be lucky they aren't doing anything illegal. When your boyfriend has had enough, he will distance himself from the rich guy but it sounds like he hasn't hit his limit yet.... If you haven't yet, get the Godfather and watch it with your boyfriend. I'll bet he will see the similarities real fast...
sportygirl89 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 If they have been friends for a while, he'll always put him before you. If it's a job thing he'll go away when he finds a job or other sources of job income. My ex had a best friend I couldn't stand. He chose that best friend over me.
NopeNah Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I wouldn't worry about it too much. Have you ever seen "The Godfather"? Sounds like this is a bit like that... The money is too good to pass up, but you wind up getting drawn into the other guys orbit. I've known a person kinda like that in my past...you can be lucky they aren't doing anything illegal. When your boyfriend has had enough, he will distance himself from the rich guy but it sounds like he hasn't hit his limit yet.... If you haven't yet, get the Godfather and watch it with your boyfriend. I'll bet he will see the similarities real fast... Agreed. I have a contracting company and sometimes hire friends to do the extra work/help if my crew is busy. Their wives/girlfriends HATE it! I pay well and don't expect them to hang out with me after work,but they always do. I'm single and go to the bar after work looking to unwind/hookup 4-5 days a week,so I don't blame their S.O's concerns. Sometimes I even tell them "go home to your families" and wish I could do the same.. Money isn't everything,but it is A LOT of things!
Author hazlxeyes Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 I wouldn't worry about it too much. Have you ever seen "The Godfather"? Sounds like this is a bit like that... The money is too good to pass up' date=' but you wind up getting drawn into the other guys orbit. I've known a person kinda like that in my past...you can be lucky they aren't doing anything illegal. When your boyfriend has had enough, he will distance himself from the rich guy but it sounds like he hasn't hit his limit yet.... If you haven't yet, get the Godfather and watch it with your boyfriend. I'll bet he will see the similarities real fast...[/quote'] Honestly, it's funny you say that because aside from the things I've mentioned on here the other little tid bits I've heard about this guy kind of makes me think of movies such as The Godfather and Goodfellas. This guy, my boyfriend and myself are all Italian too so of course hearing certain things, my radar goes up lol The fact that you said about betting drawn into the other guys orbit, that's what concerns me. While I'm definitely happy that there doesn't seem to be anything illegal going on, I just hope that my boyfriend isn't stupid enough to go too far when it comes to this guy. My boyfriend hasn't changed which I'm grateful for.. he's still his fun-loving, easy going self.. he's actually a very relaxed person, very low key, after working all day he likes to go home and relax, his day off, he'll sometimes sleep the day away.. too much will wear him out. Now with this other guy being a downright idiot, very loud, obnoxious, upbeat and all over the place.. my boyfriend has no patience for him from time to time. So the days he doesn't work with him, it seems like he's pretty happy to get some time away from him. If they have been friends for a while, he'll always put him before you. If it's a job thing he'll go away when he finds a job or other sources of job income. My ex had a best friend I couldn't stand. He chose that best friend over me. I understand.. that's why when him and I have discussions about this, I try not to harp on him, because I don't want him to be like 'That's it, I've had it dealing with this!' And while yes they've been 'friends' for a while, I use the term friends very lightly because it doesn't seem one bit like a real friendship considering this guy is ALWAYS reaching out to my boyfriend when he wants something. While yes, my boyfriend is benefitting from this as well because he's getting paid... if the guy didn't come to him, I truly don't believe he would have gone to the guy. I'll actually never forget, the first night my boyfriend got a call from this guy (Back in Sept/Oct, whenever this all started). Him and I were hanging out for a bit because I had to drive him home after work.. after he got off the phone with the guy, the first thing he said to me was.. "He asked me to go grab something to eat with him, I wonder what he could want." From there I asked him, "What makes you say that?" ... his answer to me was, "Cause he never just calls to say what's up, usually when he calls he always looking for something."
Author hazlxeyes Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 Agreed. I have a contracting company and sometimes hire friends to do the extra work/help if my crew is busy. Their wives/girlfriends HATE it! I pay well and don't expect them to hang out with me after work,but they always do. I'm single and go to the bar after work looking to unwind/hookup 4-5 days a week,so I don't blame their S.O's concerns. Sometimes I even tell them "go home to your families" and wish I could do the same.. Money isn't everything,but it is A LOT of things! Yes I agree unfortunately that money is a lot of things, can't survive without it, which really sucks. But hearing from someone who's in contracting as well, that's nice to hear of similar situation.. but you sound like an understanding person whom is accepting of the fact that your friends have girlfriends and what not... oppose to the person I unfortunately have to deal with. I presume you wouldn't be the type of person to be jumping down their throats to go to a strip club with you and keep harping on them that you'll pay them to do it if they already tell you no lol
NopeNah Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Yes I agree unfortunately that money is a lot of things, can't survive without it, which really sucks. But hearing from someone who's in contracting as well, that's nice to hear of similar situation.. but you sound like an understanding person whom is accepting of the fact that your friends have girlfriends and what not... oppose to the person I unfortunately have to deal with. I presume you wouldn't be the type of person to be jumping down their throats to go to a strip club with you and keep harping on them that you'll pay them to do it if they already tell you no lol NEVER would! That's more money outta my pocket. But,I'll pay for dinner and drinks, to a point, if they meet up after the job. To me, they're adults and can make their own decisions. Sometimes it does go a little far(few days in a row) and I'll not invite them out. Their S.O's don't hate me,but they hate their guys hanging out with me after work.
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