thatsme123 Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 This is unbearable. It feels like I'm getting over him, and then I'm back to square one. My boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me back in February. We did no contact for 3 weeks. He then contacted me after his friend saw me and told him that I "looked happy", and we started to see each other. We did FWB, although it didnt work because he kept on insisting that he didn't want a relationship, and I tried to convince myself that I was ok with it, but every time we would have sex, I would cry afterwards. And so after a month of this, he broke things off with me again. It has been 6 weeks since we've seen each other, and 5 weeks since we've talked. It's obviously a NC thing. Anyway, I've been on anti-depressants and I feel like they have been somewhat helpful. I also felt like I was making progress in getting over him. The thing is, the high school prom was this weekend (hes a senior in high school, I'm a year older). And...I found out from a friend that he went to prom with a group. I shouldnt let this get to me...but it is. He and I would always talk about how much a waste of money prom is, how stupid it is, he we'd never go, etc. And he and I didn't go to my prom. He was always so cheap...I never could imagine him shelling out the money to go. And he never, EVER once danced with me when we were together. Him going to a dance would be completely out of his character. And he promised me that he wouldnt go to the prom this year. Obviously since its been 5 weeks since we talked, he had every right to go. But that still doesnt make it hurt any less. I feel so sick to my stomach. Now I feel like I'm going backwards. I'm going on my "fake" screen names again to see if hes online, checking his away message. And then I go back on my normal screen name and put him on my buddy list, and his name doesnt show up. So hes obviously blocking me. And I should think, who cares, right? I'm trying so hard not to care. I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to think that this was only a first relationship, I'll eventually find someone new, someone who is ten times better than him. But I feel like I'm lying to myself. I know that he and I have no chance in getting back together because hes going elsewhere to college in the fall, and it would never work out. And I just feel like I've lost a best friend. I know so many people have gone through this before. But I feel like being with him was such a waste of time. Why did I devote myself to him if he was going to disappear from my life in the end? Why does it have to be like this? Why do I feel like such a disposable, useless person? What should I do the next time I get tempted to go on those "fake" screen names again to check if hes there? I delete them all the time, but they always end up coming back. Thank god I haven't contacted him. I know that I'm not going to, because its just going to make things worse. But I still torture myself by seeing his screen name, by hearing things about him, but just knowing that he exists and he lives literally 4 minutes away from me.
d'Arthez Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 The best thing you can do is erase his screenname from all your accounts. I know that it sounds hard to do, but you may draw inspiration from thinking of the dislikable traits he has. If you understand why things did not work, and understand with whom you actually were in a relationship, it becomes easier to move on. It is telling of his character that he promised you not to go to the prom (dislike), and after a few months since breaking up, he suddenly threw away the dislike. Perhaps he is going with the flow, perhaps he lacks the integrity to commit himself to his words. It only matters, in so far it allows you to get a clear picture of him. Don't rush. You are still young, and it is not the end of the world. You possibly will never see him again, once he goes to college. It's strange in a way, but friends and ex-bf(s) come and go in your life, and but a few people remain a constant part of your life. You are not disposable, even though you feel like that now. Learn your lessons from this relationship, and take the time to heal. Right now, you are comparing every guy with an idolized version of your ex-bf; but you already are aware of some parts of his character that you don't like. Once reality sets in, you'll be ready to date other guys, and possibly start a new relationship.
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