blueowl32 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) I broke up with my ex a month ago due to long distance but we made up after that and have been trying to work things out. I became really clingy and he, although did try to save the relationship with me, did it half-heartedly, saying he now only 'love me 50%' and explicitly said that I am not his priority in his life and he can't talk to me often. This led me to accuse him of not loving him when we manage to be on the phone, spamming him and saying hurtful things when he didnt meet my expectations. Recently, in an argument, he said something very hurtful (he said he loved his ex more than he loved me because she is white and that he loves white pink pussy (I am his first non-white girlfriend). In hindsight, he might have blurted this out because I was saying hurtful things as insecurity, resentment and jealousy have been harbouring ever since he could not give me the attention and love I needed and once had. Out of anger, I acted impulsively and sent a naked video of him being silly to two of his exes and another girl friend of his. However, immediately after I did it I felt overwhelmed by guilt and regret. When he found out he said I have failed at loving him or respecting him, and that he feels so victimized. He said 'you got what you want, now go away'. After that he never responded to me but he did messaged my aunt saying 'she (me) is not emotionally stable and need someone to talk to'. I know there is hardly any possibility that we could ever get back together. But I just could not forgive myself for doing what I did to him and hurting someone who once loved me so deeply. I am over-ridden by guilt and regret. If I truly loved someone, I would not do something terrible as such right? I am appalled by the crazy things that I am capable of doing when I am hurt. What can I do? How can I make him forgive me? How can I forgive myself? Thank you Edited December 10, 2015 by blueowl32
K2z Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 He said a really vicious racist thing and you overreacted. Nobody's hands are exactly clean, but you can take some comfort from the fact that initiated the meanness. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Realistically, you should cut your losses and move on. You should stay NC for like 6 months at least! Then mebe send a message of apology after that, but don't follow up beyond that unless he does. These days we are not so much raised with a strong ability to control our emotions, we let our emotions use us. I believe this is at the heart of everything that is going wrong with modern society. You have to learn to stop and think, and ask yourself the question what benefit will this emotion bring if i act on it?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Good grief, girl. You both have a lot of maturing to do before entering another relationship. You are lucky he ddnt take any other type of action against you for distributing that video. Anyway, you can't make him forgive you. The only thing you can do is work on addressing your apparent problems with anger and impulse control. If you dont, you are going to repeat the cycle an could potentially wind up in very hot water. Work on fixing YOU and forget about him.
Captivating Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Hi, Send an apology letter/e-mail for him try to include most of the bold part from above. It is very unfortunate what happened.
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