Popsicle Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 No, I want them to be legally divorced, and I would date them as soon as the next day after it's finalized.
Author Polar965 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 Other things to consider: - Does he have kids? - If so, are you comfortable with the reality that his ex-wife will likely remain part of his life until the kids are adults? - Does he see himself getting married again? - If he has kids, does he see himself having any more? - Do you want to get married? Have kids? What if he doesn't? Obviously these are all pretty meaty things to consider, but I think it's important to consider stuff like this when getting involved with a guy coming out of a marriage. Even if it's just a few dates, it doesn't hurt to be aware of these answers and know what is and isn't a deal-breaker for you. Best case scenario is that this blossoms into something more substantial, in which case, you'll have to deal with the above issues, anyway. He has one daughter who will graduate high school next year. I am comfortable with the ex wife being part of his life now and forever, as long as it is not romantic. I know that when people have kids together, they are forever linked, at least on occasions. He says he is open to more kids...open, but it doesn't sound like a strong desire...I don't know. I do want to get married, I'm also "open" to kids, but getting older and would be satisfied with a life partner and pets at this point frankly.
PegNosePete Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Personally, I would tell him to give me a call when the ink on the divorce is dry. 1
Redfisher Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I am dating a separated woman and it does not bother me, I'm under a year out from a 10 year gig too so we understand each other...Issues? Yeah sure but we deal with them like adults and we love each other but understand we have a long way to go. 2
Mrin Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Never ever. When I was online dating, I was contacted by a guy who was separated awaiting his divorce to be finalized in the next couple months. He seemed great in every way possible, but I told him I could not go on a date with a married man. And, he was still technically married. He initially tried to convince me but realized I wouldn't budge. He kept in touch letting me know the date of the divorce was approaching, and we officially went on the first date the week it was finalized. We went on many more dates after that, but since he was freshly divorced I didn't really feel he could be ready for a relationship so soon. Ultimately I kept my guard way up the whole time, and that turned him off. No offense but it sounds like the issue was with you and not him. Sorry it didn't work out.
Glitters Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 My current husband and I started dating when I was separated and married soon after my divorce was finalized. There are success stories, just like success stories of everyday dating. Those people dont come and post. OTOH, its easier between a single man and a separated woman than the other way around, from personal experience and a couple of aquaintances.
deckard11 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Hell to the no I wouldn't date a separated person.
ASG Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Both my mom and step dad were separated when they first started dating. They've probably been together longer than their orevious marriages (my mom's definitely, but at 25 years, I'm pretty sure it's now longer than my step dad's previous relationship as well. And if not, it won't be long until it is. ) In the UK, for instance, you need to wait a mandatory 2 years until you can divorce your spouse. I wouldn't wait to start dating if I felt I was ready just because of a piece of paper.
salparadise Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) You don't know that. You can't make blanket statements... Oh I realize there are exceptions, and the time is somewhat variable... but I've been divorced six years and in that time I've not only had my own first-hand experience, but dated a few who were freshly divorced, and even one who was separated (briefly). It's not like today is the first time I've given it any thought. Sure, I was ready for some female company and nakey playtime after a few months, but it was two years before I was ready for a relationship. And the ones I dated that were fresh off of a divorce were still an emotional train wreck and it always came with drama. So my opinion is based on considerable reading and affirmed by experience. But it is my opinion and you're entitled to yours as well. But if you're expecting me to believe that you could be divorced, take a weekend off and start dating the following weekend... and actually be ready for more than a casual shag, I ain't buying it. PS: I wouldn't want to be the first person they dated post divorce either, generally speaking. Edited December 10, 2015 by salparadise Add a PS: 2
Mrin Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 PS: I wouldn't want to be the first person they dated post divorce either, generally speaking. This. Whether it is divorce or separation - this is really the most important thing IMHO. When you start dating regardless of legal status is when the clock starts ticking. I shudder when I look back at my first dating experiences after separation. Yikes! But I guess someone has to do it. Lol
katinlc Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 No, No, No...been there, done that, got burned. Mine failed to tell me he has only been separated from his wife for a month...bottom line he ended up married to a 23 year old less than 6 months after his divorce was final (he was 38)...
carhill Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Hi OP, I did date as a separated man and any woman (I dated two different ladies) was welcome to view our divorce summary at the court's web site. They could also easily see any property records, and changes, at the county recorder's office. Dating while separated, though it was soundly denounced in a thread I began here about it at that time, now nearly six years ago, was a non-issue for me. ExW and I were living separately, the divorce process was underway and neither of us were interested in any sort of reconciliation. In fact, by that time, she was already living with another guy in, yup, her house. Up to you. Each man is different. We're not a hive mind. If the signs point to available, well go with that. No guarantees, ever, even with available people. We can change our minds at any time in life, for any reason, or no reason at all. Good luck!
mystikmind2005 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I tried. He had only just separated for less than a year. Was talking about his ex wife a lot ( well wife, technically still) And he had kids. He talked about how "over he was with his wife" but he was still married and still venting about her. It was then that I decided that it was too risky to date separated men. I'd rather that they were divorce for a few years before hand. But that's me. As a separated guy myself, i took an interest in weather or not i am ready for a relationship. Part of that was doing online self evaluation surveys.... pretty much every servey asked how often do i talk about my ex? It is one of the key indicators if you are ready to date or not!
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