WhirlwindGuy Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) Ok, now that I have your attn., it really isn't THAT version of the story. I started seeing a woman a few weeks back off of POF. She seemed lovely, very good looking, ethnic background from the middle east area, educated, an MD, cultured, etc. We went out once, the date went very well. She seemed legitimately interested. Her career typically keeps her pretty busy so a second date was desired, but came much later. During the time between date 1 and date 2, I had a match on Tinder I started talking to. We talked through Tinder and then through text for around a week and a half before meeting. We met up finally for dinner and she was great. There wasn't as much of a physical connection (for me), but there is a REALLY strong connection on every other level. We are just very much into 99% of the same things. It was nice to meet someone like that. Ok, so date 2 with the doctor went really well again. Went to an NBA game, I got club level tickets, so we ate dinner at the arena, sat close to the court, etc. Was just a lot of fun. She text me afterward that she was all smiles and that she had a fantastic night. She wanted to see me again, but couldn't say when due to her crazy schedule. I told her to just let me know when she had some time. Mean time, I kept talking with the Tinder girl. She is just really fun to talk to, we can talk for hours on the phone, and not run out of things to say (I hate talking on the phone). We went out a few times in one week, due to some cultural events in town that she is very connected with (arts and local government). We kind of seemed to be hitting it off. Meanwhile, Dr. and I text here and there, flirty, fun, but nothing serious. At this point I kind of feel like I am more attracted to Dr, physically, but I don't know her well in any other way yet. I also start to make a connection with Tinder girl due to just the ease of our communications. Dr got sick and kind of fell off the radar a few days. We talked, but briefly. During this time, Tinder invited me a art gallery opening and afterward ended up staying the night. We had pretty amazing sex. The last couple of days she has been hinting to want to try and make things exclusive to see how it works out. I told myself going into this that I did not want to be exclusive with anyone, but I really like her. I feel totally at ease with her, we have fun together, she is great in bed, super open about everything. We kind of just skirted around the exclusive talk, but I think she is starting to generally feel like we may be. Well today Dr contacted me again and asked me out. Wants to go have dinner and coffee somewhere. She is legitimately excited to see me, or she says so at least. She says I owe her a hug (long story). I want to go out with Dr., but now I feel really guilty about it. Should I? I know if I pursued a relationship with Dr., it would take a LONG time to develop. She works a lot, and when she doesn't work, she volunteer works. We may see each other once every couple of weeks, maybe...im not sure I can operate at that pace. I am typically much quicker than that (to a fault sometimes, sure, but I am honest at least). What to do? I feel like I am betraying tinder girl...she really likes me too, and I really like her. I feel like I should probably say no, but then again, I feel like its way to early to commit to anyone right now. Help! Edited December 9, 2015 by WhirlwindGuy
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Keep dating other people. The DR doesn't have the time to see you, the other only offers good sex, but not enough attraction to keep you from not wanting to see the DR. 2
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Keep dating other people. The DR doesn't have the time to see you, the other only offers good sex, but not enough attraction to keep you from not wanting to see the DR. Uggh, you are always brutally honest. You are most likely completely right.
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Don't worry about rejecting the sex girl. It's her own bloody fault for throwing sex at you to get you to be exclusive without even establishing a relationship. She offered sex, you accepted and should in no way be obligated to take this any further.
Mrin Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Go out with Dr and see where it goes. You probably will have to have the exclusivity talk with Tinder but wait until she forces the issue - which will be in the next two dates. Nothing wrong with telling her that you don't want to rush into an exclusive relationship yet but would like to continue seeing her. Which, by the way, she will translate as "i don't like you enough to commit but still want to have sex with you". She may be down with that. Who knows. But by all means see Dr again.
Leigh 87 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 There's a difference between really liking a girl and being smitten and enamoured. You're into both girls but you're not falling head over heels for either. The best relationships I've witnessed are the ones where both man and woman were all googly eyed and smitten from the first date or two. The best relationships have the intense physical attraction and the emotional and intellectual connection too. My boyfriend and I had an instant spark and also loved talking and felt at ease. I say hold out for miss wonderful who hou are enamoured with; you won't want to date more than one woman once you meet the right one that you're into enough. 1
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Go out with Dr and see where it goes. You probably will have to have the exclusivity talk with Tinder but wait until she forces the issue - which will be in the next two dates. Nothing wrong with telling her that you don't want to rush into an exclusive relationship yet but would like to continue seeing her. Which, by the way, she will translate as "i don't like you enough to commit but still want to have sex with you". She may be down with that. Who knows. But by all means see Dr again. Well, I think I probably gave off vibes that I was OK with the exclusivity thing with tinder. Completely my fault, but I think I kind of may be, I just really like her a lot. I was also pretty drunk when we had this conversation over a night of bar hopping and then heavy petting / kissing at her house.
Maggie4 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Neither one sounds like an exciting prospect for you. "Meh" for both, different reasons.
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 I just wanted to update: I went ahead and went out with Dr. the other night and it was really nice. We took our time at dinner, talked about her past, mine. Talked about what we were looking for and not looking for in a relationship. It definitely has the beginnings of turning into something. We went to walk around a bit (we were at an outdoor mall) and ended up with our arms around each other, talking about just about everything. I walked her back to her car and gave her a big hug, kiss on the cheek, and that was that. She text me later on to tell me how great I was, and to promise never to change and hurt her. We continued to text back and forth throughout the night about various things. Yesterday Tinder girl had a rough day at work apparently, and called me afterward and asked me if I would like to come over and visit for a bit, she just wanted to vent and maybe go get dinner. I did. We talked like we usually do, we are just able to be so engrossed in each others conversations, it is very effortless. She is extremely in to me, told me she had deleted Tinder, referred to me as her boyfriend a couple of times, etc. I ended up staying the night with her last night, we laid in bed talking for hours about just about everything, and ended with great sex. I really do like her a lot. She is just an amazing girl. I want to feel the same way she does, and I think I do somewhat, I am just hesitant because it hasn't been that long. I am worried that once the newness fog wears off, we may both be indifferent about each other. I'm worried of dumping Dr. who has real potential to be a great, long lasting relationship, to "commit" to a girl that I really have only known less than a month, who I have had a very escalated and fast "whirlwind" relationship. She could totally burn out, and realize she is not as in to me as she thought, I could do the same thing. What I want to do is take it slow and get to know both of them more before I make a decision like that. Is that fair of me to do? I am not sure if that is still a possibility at this point. I don't want to hurt either one of them, they are really good ladies that deserve better. I feel very conflicted here, not sure what to do.
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