Lovelorn00 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I’ve recently rejoined the world of OLD, and I’ve noticed a common trend among guys’ profiles. Many of them will mention something about having an “active” lifestyle and a life filled with tons of extra-curricular activities. Some of them mention it to the point where it sounds as though they are obsessed with staying busy. “I spend all of my free time doing x.” Or, “I’m in constant pursuit of extra-curricular activities.” Or, “I like to stay busy.” Busy. That word, “busy.” I don’t know, but it sort of makes me cringe when I see it. Don’t get me wrong - I think hobbies and extra-curricular activities are absolutely necessary in order to stay sane in a 9-5 world, and on the surface, these all sounds like great characteristics to have in a partner. On the surface, though. To me, however, those statements just scream, “I really don’t have time for a girlfriend right now.” Or maybe I’m a little bitter. Perhaps my warped perspective is coming from the fact that the “I’m too busy” statement is the most common statement used by guys when they’re giving me the boot. What do you think? Is “busy” a red flag?
hasaquestion Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I’ve recently rejoined the world of OLD, and I’ve noticed a common trend among guys’ profiles. Many of them will mention something about having an “active” lifestyle and a life filled with tons of extra-curricular activities. Some of them mention it to the point where it sounds as though they are obsessed with staying busy. “I spend all of my free time doing x.” Or, “I’m in constant pursuit of extra-curricular activities.” Or, “I like to stay busy.” Busy. That word, “busy.” I don’t know, but it sort of makes me cringe when I see it. Don’t get me wrong - I think hobbies and extra-curricular activities are absolutely necessary in order to stay sane in a 9-5 world, and on the surface, these all sounds like great characteristics to have in a partner. On the surface, though. To me, however, those statements just scream, “I really don’t have time for a girlfriend right now.” Or maybe I’m a little bitter. Perhaps my warped perspective is coming from the fact that the “I’m too busy” statement is the most common statement used by guys when they’re giving me the boot. What do you think? Is “busy” a red flag? I'm guessing active lifestyle its more a way to sneak in "I'm not boring I swear" without actually saying that outright. Don't overanalyze it. Plenty of people who don't use that exact phrase will have no time for you and plenty who do will. 4
SwordofFlame Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 There was another post on this except about "always busy" women. One of the posters mentioned that people may grossly exaggerate how busy they are to seem interesting. Other people may legitimately be that fun and interesting. I guess you don't really know for sure until you start dating. 1
TheTraveler Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I'm guessing active lifestyle its more a way to sneak in "I'm not boring I swear" without actually saying that outright. That is all it means. Do you think writing I love to play Xbox and watch TV in whenever I can will grab the attention of women? 2
Ic1 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 If they truly do have an active lifestyle (many male OLD profiles are lies), that shouldn't cut into time of having a girlfriend if the one they're with has an active lifestyle too. But they may use their 'active lifestyle' as an excuse. But it shouldn't get in the way because a good relationship would be doing active things together! eg: Going for a hike on a day they both have off, deciding to cook a meal off of a new recipe together after work, get up early enough to enjoy a fine coffee with his girlfriend at the cafe before work.
pteromom Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I always thought "an active lifestyle" means that they are physically active - sports, working out, biking, hikes, etc. And I always thought it was dating-site-speak for "no fat chicks". 12
RecentChange Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I am a busy bee, always have been. I have never seemed to have much "down time" in my schedule, and I am really surprised by how much time some people have to watch TV etc.... So on that level, I have no problem with "busy" or active lifestyle. That said, I can make time for people that matter - and if I really dig them, they will be moved WAY up my priority list. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I always thought "an active lifestyle" means that they are physically active - sports, working out, biking, hikes, etc. And I always thought it was dating-site-speak for "no fat chicks". My thoughts exactly. 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I always thought "an active lifestyle" means that they are physically active - sports, working out, biking, hikes, etc. And I always thought it was dating-site-speak for "no fat chicks". If the guy sends you a message, you don't need to worry about being too fat for him. Unless, you've somehow manipulated your pics to look thinner. 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 That is all it means. Do you think writing I love to play Xbox and watch TV in whenever I can will grab the attention of women? Haha! You're right. I guess it's just me over-analyzing. "I sit on my couch all day" doesn't exactly sounds attractive.
hasaquestion Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I always thought "an active lifestyle" means that they are physically active - sports, working out, biking, hikes, etc. And I always thought it was dating-site-speak for "no fat chicks". Yes! 'Fit, active lifestyle' = not fat 'Seeking fit, active' = no fat people 'Seeking athletic woman' = skinny and a bubble butt, not necessarily an athlete 'Seeking athletic man' = tall and big muscles, not necessarily an athlete 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 If they truly do have an active lifestyle (many male OLD profiles are lies), that shouldn't cut into time of having a girlfriend if the one they're with has an active lifestyle too. But they may use their 'active lifestyle' as an excuse. But it shouldn't get in the way because a good relationship would be doing active things together! eg: Going for a hike on a day they both have off, deciding to cook a meal off of a new recipe together after work, get up early enough to enjoy a fine coffee with his girlfriend at the cafe before work. Exactly. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m just bitter. The last guy I dated used that excuse. His job was definitely demanding and took up most of his time, but he also had a TON of extra-curricular activities. But then he ALWAYS complained about being too busy and not having enough time for himself when the simple solution would’ve been to cut back on some of the extra-curricular activities. Duh. At first, he would invite me along on these activities, but that stopped after he lost interest. It was also sometimes difficult to join him, because most of these activities were done as part of an outdoors social group that required him to actually work (and not just attend). Just trying to figure out a way to tell the difference between the guys who are active and busy because they’re fun people who are looking for someone to be active and busy WITH versus the guys who are only attempting to stay active and busy because they can use that as an easy excuse to avoid dealing with emotions and a meaningful relationship with another person.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 I always thought "an active lifestyle" means that they are physically active - sports, working out, biking, hikes, etc. And I always thought it was dating-site-speak for "no fat chicks". I think you're correct, but I was too lazy to think of a different word. Haha! Active socially, physically... all of the above.
Ic1 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 guys who are only attempting to stay active and busy because they can use that as an easy excuse to avoid dealing with emotions and a meaningful relationship with another person. I bet 99.9% of guys/girls who state they are too busy aren't actually making any attempt at being buisier. That's just them being busy a few seconds in their head to come up with some excuse. A broader topic than the thread: Excuses to get distance in a relationship OR Not having the balls to end one. 1
Myragal Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 An active lifestyle means an active lifestyle. It can mean anything. If I was on OLD it wouldn't mean a lot to me. I'd want to see more detail...healthy lifestyle, athletic, etc. Nothing sexier (to me) than a photo of a fit male on a bicycle. As a nurse I see it everyday..everyday. Good nutrition, exercise, education reflect good health which parallels an active lifestyle. Smoking, overweight ( even 10 pounds), poor diet parallels poor health and lethargy. Most turn off would be any mention of video games. I wouldn't mind if a guy dabbled in them but he wouldn't see it as central to defining who he is on a profile. 2
Author Lovelorn00 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 I bet 99.9% of guys/girls who state they are too busy aren't actually making any attempt at being buisier. That's just them being busy a few seconds in their head to come up with some excuse. A broader topic than the thread: Excuses to get distance in a relationship OR Not having the balls to end one. Or excuses to not enter one in the first place.
xcupid Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 What do you think? Is “busy” a red flag? Only if you make it one. You find out from him whether he has time for a relationship. It's that simple.
Buddhist Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Whenever I see that on profiles I immediately think.... I'm a loser and desperately trying to cover that up. And also the no fat chicks comment earlier. I wouldn't take it literally
StBreton Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I always thought "an active lifestyle" means that they are physically active - sports, working out, biking, hikes, etc. And I always thought it was dating-site-speak for "no fat chicks". I agree with the above...the guy wants someone who's in shape. I'll add that most men are more prone to "activities" and woman to "personal relationships" with how they prefer to relate to one another and how they build a connection ... that's from personal experience as well as having recently taken Gender and Communication and Relational Communication courses (several books on the subject like Close Encounters and Gender Speaks). I think if a guy puts that in his profile he prefers someone who also has an active lifestyle and engages in life...takes on new challenges...willing to learn new things...goes out and explores life...the guy isn't going to get along well with someone who wants to spend the weekend hanging out at home all the time or is a stick in the mud. I don't think it means he'll be looking to use this as an excuse to not get into a relationship or to put distance in the relationship. If I talked with a guy who put this in his profile I would definitely ask him if he is wanting to share his active lifestyle with someone or if he's looking to squish a gf into the very limited time he has left amongst his "active lifestyle" schedule. I wouldn't want to be marginalized. Don't be anxious about asking LL...it's your life! Make sure you're treated as a priority! What do you think? Is “busy” a red flag? It's not a red flag for me...I live an active lifestyle and not interested in stick in the mud/couch potato/boring/out of shape guys. I actually put "active lifestyle" in my OLD profile...I want a guy who can ski one day and kayak the next...collapsing on the couch together afterward optional. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I’ve recently rejoined the world of OLD, and I’ve noticed a common trend among guys’ profiles. Many of them will mention something about having an “active” lifestyle and a life filled with tons of extra-curricular activities. Some of them mention it to the point where it sounds as though they are obsessed with staying busy. “I spend all of my free time doing x.” Or, “I’m in constant pursuit of extra-curricular activities.” Or, “I like to stay busy.” Busy. That word, “busy.” I don’t know, but it sort of makes me cringe when I see it. Don’t get me wrong - I think hobbies and extra-curricular activities are absolutely necessary in order to stay sane in a 9-5 world, and on the surface, these all sounds like great characteristics to have in a partner. On the surface, though. To me, however, those statements just scream, “I really don’t have time for a girlfriend right now.” Or maybe I’m a little bitter. Perhaps my warped perspective is coming from the fact that the “I’m too busy” statement is the most common statement used by guys when they’re giving me the boot. What do you think? Is “busy” a red flag? Or how about they say all that and THEN follow it up with... "...but for the right person, I can make time for them.. ;-) *smiley, winky face* 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I am a busy bee, always have been. I have never seemed to have much "down time" in my schedule, and I am really surprised by how much time some people have to watch TV etc.... So on that level, I have no problem with "busy" or active lifestyle. That said, I can make time for people that matter - and if I really dig them, they will be moved WAY up my priority list. Maybe not TV or movies, but you do have time to post on here. lol
StBreton Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) Whenever I see that on profiles I immediately think.... I'm a loser and desperately trying to cover that up. And also the no fat chicks comment earlier. I wouldn't take it literally LL...to vet for the above...ask a guy what his typical weekend looks like...then tell a guy what you're looking for and see if they match. Like I mentioned earlier, I choose "active lifestyle" in my OLD profile and I'm not a loser (sorry Buddhist...but I agree with you a lot other times:) However, some guys might actually do this so vet the guy and see what exactly "active lifestyle" means to him...might mean actively drinking a 12 pack and eating hot wings while watching 3 football games on ESPN...because that's active alright ...many trips to the bathroom Know your love language...mine is "time" so I definitely like a guy to be active like me so we can spend "time" together. Edited December 10, 2015 by StBreton 2
katiegrl Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) Hey LL.... good to see you! Honestly... if, at the very beginning (like before a first meet/date), a guy makes a point of telling you how busy he is, how active he is.... IMO he is saying it just in case he discovers he's not all that into you (but still wants to date you ocassionally).... and has a ready-made excuse to not see you or even contact you often. Sort of like a warning not to expect too much... again, should he realize he's not that into you but still wishes to date you. However, if he discovers he IS really into you....then miraculously he's not that busy and has loads of time to spend with you! Funny how that works! That is how I would interpret it anyway. Good luck and happy holidays! Edited December 10, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Myragal Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I don't equate busy and active. Busy is a negative for me...implies disorganized...wrong priorities, etc. No quality time hiking, exercising, relaxing. I find most busy people 'boring' and draining. 1
newt Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I’ve recently rejoined the world of OLD, and I’ve noticed a common trend among guys’ profiles. Many of them will mention something about having an “active” lifestyle and a life filled with tons of extra-curricular activities. Some of them mention it to the point where it sounds as though they are obsessed with staying busy. “I spend all of my free time doing x.” Or, “I’m in constant pursuit of extra-curricular activities.” Or, “I like to stay busy.” Busy. That word, “busy.” I don’t know, but it sort of makes me cringe when I see it. Don’t get me wrong - I think hobbies and extra-curricular activities are absolutely necessary in order to stay sane in a 9-5 world, and on the surface, these all sounds like great characteristics to have in a partner. On the surface, though. To me, however, those statements just scream, “I really don’t have time for a girlfriend right now.” Or maybe I’m a little bitter. Perhaps my warped perspective is coming from the fact that the “I’m too busy” statement is the most common statement used by guys when they’re giving me the boot. What do you think? Is “busy” a red flag? It's in their profile because they feel that is what women what to hear. 1
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