genuinelyloverly7 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) I put an ad on Craigslist (I know; I was basically asking to get screwed over right?) and weeded out a ton of crap to find a few decent replies... And one really stuck out. We had so much in common and he was cute in a real way. We chatted for a month before meeting, partly because we live 1.5 hours away, and partly because I really wanted to be sure he was real. Then it turned out that "his ex who he still shared a place with"- he was still legally married to her, but he told me they were friends who stayed together for the finances, and in this economy I kinda understood. And he did start to move out of his place within a month of our meeting to his brothers house and even moved a bunch of his stuff up to my place since we were spending so much time together. Lots and lots of clothes, personal memories, shoes, furniture... He is a perfect boyfriend in all of this. We go out, go on a little weekend trip, He tells me what's going on with him personally, and his legal status, and his business stuff... But I can't meet the family because it will get back to his ex and she will use it to screw him in the divorce. He told me he loved me from the first date, and I felt it too! We were planning on a future together. We regularly talked about making babies one day and buying land and a house together... Then he goes to file his divorce paperwork. The divorce courts order him to live with her for 60 days before the divorce is approved- he has to move all his stuff back in and live with this person he doesn't like for two months to get a divorce? (Texas family courts can do just about damn well whatever they want- just FYI. I had it confirmed by a divorce attorney friend of mine)... So okay they are living together for 60 days; I figure we can ride this out. We can still visit and talk and all. But no. He says the courts ordered him to not contact me during this time- that we would email to keep in contact so it wouldn't be on his phone for the courts to see. He said they would throw him in jail if we were found in contact. Now this I don't believe either but I figured everything else he has told me has proven true so why disbelieve him about this? Literally days after this happened he told me that a family tragedy occurred and he would be dealing with that too. I was as supportive as I could be from a distance, holding space in my heart and my life for him to heal as he needed and then come back once the 60 days were up. Two weeks ago, a few days after visiting with him for an hour on his lunch break (I drove the 1.5 hours to see him- it was the first time we had seen each other in weeks) he stopped emailing me (we couldn't talk or text because his ex was hassling him about talking to me). I haven't heard from him now in 19 days. At first I was worried because last time he messaged me he said he had argued really bad with his ex; I thought she had called the cops on him and he was in jail or something worse. After a few days of "what's wrong, where are you?" I settled into writing him a chatty email twice a day, trying to be there for him in his time of needing whatever he needed. I would also tell him about how much I missed him, and how it hurt to not hear from him. But yesterday, I just couldn't take it any more. I wrote a letter telling him I was done acting like everything was fine and that he wasn't doing anything wrong by not contacting me. Even just to let me know he needed space! Later that day I wrote him again saying how I deserved more and that the person I knew wouldn't do this kind of thing. That I was still waiting until the end of the 60 days to see what was up but that I was done acting like I was happy and simply waiting to pick up where we left off when he couldn't be bothered to let me know what's going on. But it just doesn't jive with how he was before that loss of contact, so I'm really tempted to believe that there is some outside force keeping him from contacting me. If the legal order preventing it is true that would be a good reason, but couldn't you get your best friend (the only person in his life that I have met) who lives close to me by the way, to come let me know what's up? But they weren't talking either for some reason I don't remember so maybe he didn't consider him. I REALLY want to be wrong and jumping to conclusions here. I'd rather be wrong and get him back than lose him and be right! He was so attentive and caring and would drive up to see me all the time, even after a long days work to spend the night or just hold me for a while (it wasn't just about sex at all!). Now I'm here alone with no way of knowing what's going on. His stuff is all over my house and I have his pictures all over my phone amd laying on my pillow and he has a bunch of me... And I really want to be interpreting this differently. I just want my lover back. We have three weeks until the end of the 60 days... And I'm going crazy over here not being able to know what's going to happen. Patience was never my strong suit, but this has been a monumental lesson in it. Edited December 9, 2015 by genuinelyloverly7 Spaces
Author genuinelyloverly7 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Another thing I would add to the story is that the last Message he sent me was that he would talk to me soon, and that he would try to come see me that next weekend. Like everything was fine; he told me he loved me and that he was impatiently waiting for us to be together again. Then nothing. Any advice?
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Sorry OP but this sounds supersonically fishy right from the word "Craiglist". I'd be willing to bet he's a pathological liar whose done this before. I'm sorry you had to experience this. Consider yourself lucky to be done with him. I also hope you didn't give him any money or access to your personal accounts, did you? 2
CarrieT Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 You are being duped. The court doesn't "ordered him to not contact [you] during this time... He said they would throw him in jail if we were found in contact." That is just a load of bulls*t. 3
Author genuinelyloverly7 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Yes there is much that seems out of place but I am still one of those people who just doesn't understand the benefits of lying so I never suspect it. It always surprises me when it is a real thing. I'm still hoping there is some real explanation at the end of it but I'm less and less likely to believe anything he says at this point... No, no access to accounts or anything. He was actually trying to give me money for stuff but I was too prideful to take it most of the time. I felt like it was a big deal that I let him pay for stuff for me as much as he did. I'm not used to being treated so well. My last partner was abusive and neglectful, so what this guy has done feels good, even though it was basic. But he passed my best friend test and her husband met him too so he passed the man friend test as well! And he met my parents and a sister and others in my life and talked about doing things with them... So I just don't get how this could be happening to me. I thought I was doing it all right.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 May I ask why you chose Craiglist of all the places to meet someone?
CloudyHead Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 No court orders a couple to live together for 60 days before a divorce is granted. . . That is illogical and stupid. I am sorry to say that you are being taken for a ride. Look up the word "narcissist" and see the steps they follow to bring in a new supply. You were "love bombed" - classic narcissistic behavior. Telling you that he loves you, moving items into your home. Please stop living your life based on his decision and choices. You have put your life on hold . .waiting for him to figure out what he wants to do and if you fit into his life. I guarantee you that you are not the only women he has acted this way towards.
Samhain Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Seeming like a genuine, nice person that everybody approves of, is what liars are good at, because they're consistently changing their face to fit in with whichever situation they are in while concealing another. I wouldn't believe that he was "slowly moving out" just because he moved a pair of pants and some shoes in. And if he was "moving his stuff out" why would it matter if you met his family and it got back to her, surely she already knows her marriage is over and her husband is leaving, if he's to be believed? Doesn't add up. I'm not familiar with different state laws but I don't think any court would insist you have no contact otherwise they'll haul his backside to jail. That's a really stupid lie to tell on his part, but it also show's you just how gullible he believes you are. Aside from your disappointment, you should be relieved he has gone. He is bad news. My guess is he has commitments at home or his wife is becoming suspicious or has found something out and he's dropped you like a hot coal so he can make things better with her. You were never going to be more important than she is. Chances are, when it's all blown over, he'll contact you again.. You know he's taking you for an idiot, so it's up to you if you let him do it again.
Author genuinelyloverly7 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) Well I talked to some friends of Mine who have met him and know everything that's going on and they gave me a different view of things. I am glad to know about the term "love bomb" and to keep an eye out for it, but I just don't feel this is the case here. I feel like he is probably going through a lot emotionally with his ex/wife, and that may be what's keeping him from contacting me. I'm not saying this relationship will continue by any means, but it just doesn't feel this ... "Clinical" as everyone here is making it sound. And I could be wrong it I don't think so yet. And to add: yes the Texas divorce and family courts can and do some crazy stuff to keep families together. It isn't just a few pairs of pants and shoes. It is all of his clothes except for a few work outfits. It is all of his kitchen stuff and a lot of personal memorabilia of his. I'm not putting all of this is a justification but it does inform a certain level of intent here IMO. Thank you all for your input and thoughts. I'll keep you updated. Edited December 9, 2015 by genuinelyloverly7 Added
winny Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Well I talked to some friends of Mine who have met him and know everything that's going on and they gave me a different view of things. I am glad to know about the term "love bomb" and to keep an eye out for it, but I just don't feel this is the case here. I feel like he is probably going through a lot emotionally with his ex/wife, and that may be what's keeping him from contacting me. I'm not saying this relationship will continue by any means, but it just doesn't feel this ... "Clinical" as everyone here is making it sound. And I could be wrong it I don't think so yet. And to add: yes the Texas divorce and family courts can and do some crazy stuff to keep families together. It isn't just a few pairs of pants and shoes. It is all of his clothes except for a few work outfits. It is all of his kitchen stuff and a lot of personal memorabilia of his. I'm not putting all of this is a justification but it does inform a certain level of intent here IMO. Thank you all for your input and thoughts. I'll keep you updated. Maybe the court can do it but how do you know the court has done it in this case? I also feel that something is wrong here. Maybe his wife threw him out of the house and he didnt have a place to live so he was living with u and now his wife wants him back so he went back. Most liars and imposters are very charming and believable. Anyways you will know after 3 weeks whats going on. Just be careful and make sure u have someone with u when u meet him next.
pidgeon1010 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) What a crock! The 60 day requirement is the waiting period. Basically once you file in TX, there is a minimum 60 day waiting period from the date the petition is filed before a judge can grant a divorce decree. There is NO requirement to live with the person you are divorcing. When you first file your divorce papers, you don't even go before a judge. There is NO ORDER. You file with the clerk, they stamp your documents, keep the originals and give you copies. You must then provide your spouse with legal notice of the filing. Then you have to wait. After the 60 day wait, the procedure differs depending on whether the divorce is contested or not contested but neither involves an order to live with your soon-to-be ex or to stop communications with your new significant other. OP, I am sorry but you have been had. Edited December 10, 2015 by pidgeon1010 2
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