Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 A mum friend that I had made over a year ago, isn't answering me since she moved to the suburbs. Now she doesn't seem to care because she's in an area with more other young families. She moved over a year ago, so it's not like it was only a week since she's moved there. She knows that I've been having family problems, but I guess she's popular now and doesn't care?
basil67 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I'd say she's avoiding you. Perhaps she can't bear to hear any more about those family problems.
Author Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Gee thanks. It's not like I only talk about my own problems, all of the time. I'm actually a really private person. I'd say she's avoiding you. Perhaps she can't bear to hear any more about those family problems.
StBreton Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 A mum friend that I had made over a year ago, isn't answering me since she moved to the suburbs. Now she doesn't seem to care because she's in an area with more other young families. She moved over a year ago, so it's not like it was only a week since she's moved there. She knows that I've been having family problems, but I guess she's popular now and doesn't care? How does she know you've been having "family problems?" Why do you assume she's "popular?" Even if she's busy with her new life in the suburbs, why does her being popular keep her from answering or returning your calls? Is it possible that as she's grown in her motherhood, she doesn't understand how you could abandon your daughter? (Which btw Sugarkane...that is, in effect, what you have done/are doing...I'm not one to mince words...I'm a mom through and through and my kids are still school aged...I'm not buying the whole "my in-laws just take my daughter"...you've relinquished your daughter to others...most normal moms wouldn't understand this and would have trouble being friends with someone who did)
Author Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Why? Because usually when someone has a group of friends, they don't make effort into making others. They become cliquish. Why would she? She doesn't know what's been happening for a long time. I haven't given permission for my in laws to do these things. How does she know you've been having "family problems?" Why do you assume she's "popular?" Even if she's busy with her new life in the suburbs, why does her being popular keep her from answering or returning your calls? Is it possible that as she's grown in her motherhood, she doesn't understand how you could abandon your daughter? (Which btw Sugarkane...that is, in effect, what you have done/are doing...I'm not one to mince words...I'm a mom through and through and my kids are still school aged...I'm not buying the whole "my in-laws just take my daughter"...you've relinquished your daughter to others...most normal moms wouldn't understand this and would have trouble being friends with someone who did)
StBreton Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Why? Because usually when someone has a group of friends, they don't make effort into making others. They become cliquish. Why would she? She doesn't know what's been happening for a long time. I haven't given permission for my in laws to do these things. Sometimes groups of friends can be "cliquish" that is true. But your mom friend had a friend in you and she made the effort into making other friends (I'm not exactly sure of what you were saying in your return post but I've responded as I understood your message) As almost everyone has text messaging these days, how about inviting your friend and her child to meet at the zoo or museum ... or maybe a holiday event for kids or a picnic in the park. Are you saying this friend doesn't respond to you at all? How many times have you contacted this person? If you've contacted this gal several times, it's possible she's avoiding you in favor of new friends who better serve her friendship needs. Find a new friend. You do give you in-laws permission Sugarkane...because of how lax in your approach to parenting ... you just refuse to see it as such. You are almost 30 years old ... you have a voice and you have a birth certificate for your daughter... go and get her and let it be known that you are the parent and you'll be taking over from this day forward.
basil67 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Gee thanks. It's not like I only talk about my own problems, all of the time. I'm actually a really private person. I checked your history for context before I replied. You've got a litany of failed friendships. Old friends have left you and you can't make new friends. You make it out like it's never your fault, but I simply don't believe that you're completely blameless in the demise of so many various friendships. There was a post I found about how you can't relate to some of the single people where you go to school. You commented about how their dating problems aren't as bad as your relationship issues (paraphasing). If this is how you view the issues of friends, it's not surprising that you're alone. It's time to look within
preraph Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I've heard my couple of close friends who I've known for decades say that their "mum" friends aren't their real friends. They're just friends of necessity to rely on to help watch each other's kids or give their kid a play date. If they move, it's over and they make more disposable friends to aid in their child's care. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I've lost count of the people I've lost touch with over the years. And I didn't have any problems. In fact, my true friends stuck with me through thick and thin. But I would say they are rare and few and far between. You can count them on the fingers of one hand, and three of them live abroad. Moving house gives us the best opportunity to fling the flaky friend and establish new relationships with people we're better suited to, as life moves along. I think that's probably what she's done. I wouldn't be surprised if others in her circle who thought she was a friend, have lost touch with her, too. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Sometimes friendships and relationships just don't have enough traction to keep going. I have a friend who is pretty flaky. It took quite a long time to even become friends but I thought we were pretty tight. Then I figured out she's pretty flaky with everyone. I wasn't sure whether to just cut the friendship off or just roll with it and not depend on her etc. So we get together every now and then. Our daughters have a great time together, but I don't resent her because this is how she operates her friendships. Sometimes I don't contact her for a long while, even figuring I probably won't hear from her. But when enough time goes by she pops up. It's not "great" but its okay and I like her company. I've met tons of people over the years who want to keep in touch or we both have the best intentions but then the core of life and responsibilities get in the way. Or sometimes you're just tired. Or sometimes you can tell the chemistry just doesn't work. Adult friendships are harder than kid and teen friendships. 1
Recommended Posts