Jump to content

End the marriage and commit to OW?

supernerd

By supernerd
in Infidelity

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted

2. To the OP after 15 years, things won't change much until your kids are grown up, then maybe you can find something between you and the wife, or it you will just be more comfortable. In the mean time you can find what you're looking for/need in a lot of places. If your wife finds out she owns just as much responsibility for the situation as you do. Especially if she is bitchy and sarcastic, and I'd imagine probably over weight.

 

.

 

Honey the only ones who believe that the reason narcissistic sociopaths stray on their partners is because of how bad their spouses are, are the suckers who go ahead and have an affair with them.

 

No one else is buying that, not even the narcissist.

 

Let's be brutally honest....

  • Like 6
Morgoth Established Member

Morgoth

Posted
Posted

I just represent the other side of the equation. Not everyone can just confess, give half of everything and start over.

 

The OP has a crap situation, now if his wife was meeting all his emotional needs doubtful he would be on here desiring what he can no longer have. Which, is why I say to the OP, his wife owns at least 50% of the responsibility.

 

I have empathy for all of you BS, however, if you do some real soul searching, you had a role in the affair, like marriage, you have equal responsibility. If you're a woman. you turned off sexually, decided now that your married you can let yourself go, completed disregard your husband after child birth, etc,etc. If you're a man, the same applies, beer belly, ignoring her emotional needs, telling her how sexy, so on and so forth.

 

Then you wonder, why did the WS seek solace in someone else's bed. Further, because you divorced and doomed your financial life, you feel compelled to share the misery on sites like this and dispense your opinion like its truth, no disrespect to anyone in particular.

 

Granted, there are exceptions. If you're doing everything to maintain the marriage you should have and you're still a betrayed spouse then it's not meant to be and you probably didn't choose wisely, hopefully you figure that out before you have to split the college fund and screw over your kids.

  • Like 1
Morgoth Established Member

Morgoth

Posted
Posted
Honey the only ones who believe that the reason narcissistic sociopaths stray on their partners is because of how bad their spouses are, are the suckers who go ahead and have an affair with them.

 

No one else is buying that, not even the narcissist.

 

Let's be brutally honest....

 

I believe I was brutally honest...I wish the OP good luck.

  • Like 1
Married1988 Established Member

Married1988

Posted
Posted

This posts pisses me off. If you were so damn unhappy why didn't you end your marriage 10 years ago. Instead according to you, stayed in an unhappy marriage, let the resentment build. Instead of telling her it's over you cheat on her, and blame her for doing so.

 

You my friend are a coward. Stop blaming your wife for cheating and man up. The only person responsible for straying is you. Your problems in your marriage are equally the responsibility of the both of you. IF you felt she wasn't pulling her weight, leave her. IF you didn't like her anymore, leave her. If she wasn't willing to go to marriage councelling and that wasn't okay with you, leave her. Do you see what option you had?

 

You didn't want to divorce her because of what you would lose. It was all about how you felt, and hell with your kids or your wife. You cheated because you wanted too. It's just easier to blame someone else.

 

Do your wife a favor and divorce her?

  • Like 5
Married1988 Established Member

Married1988

Posted
Posted
Which, is why I say to the OP, his wife owns at least 50% of the responsibility.

 

His wife is responsible for 50% of the problems in their marriage, but she is not at all responsible for him cheating on her with her friend.

  • Like 5
wmacbride Established Member

wmacbride

Posted
Posted (edited)
I just represent the other side of the equation. Not everyone can just confess, give half of everything and start over.

 

The OP has a crap situation, now if his wife was meeting all his emotional needs doubtful he would be on here desiring what he can no longer have. Which, is why I say to the OP, his wife owns at least 50% of the responsibility.

 

I have empathy for all of you BS, however, if you do some real soul searching, you had a role in the affair, like marriage, you have equal responsibility. If you're a woman. you turned off sexually, decided now that your married you can let yourself go, completed disregard your husband after child birth, etc,etc. If you're a man, the same applies, beer belly, ignoring her emotional needs, telling her how sexy, so on and so forth.

 

Then you wonder, why did the WS seek solace in someone else's bed. Further, because you divorced and doomed your financial life, you feel compelled to share the misery on sites like this and dispense your opinion like its truth, no disrespect to anyone in particular.

 

Granted, there are exceptions. If you're doing everything to maintain the marriage you should have and you're still a betrayed spouse then it's not meant to be and you probably didn't choose wisely, hopefully you figure that out before you have to split the college fund and screw over your kids.

 

Sir,

I would highly suggest that you read the tread about how affairs affect children. While I don't feel divorce is a wonderful thing, it can be a way for parents to end a marriage while they are still on good terms and can still work together to parent their children as a team. this teaches the kids, lessons about honesty, responsibility, grace and more.

 

Re: how a bs is responsible for their ws cheating...

 

If the situation is flipped around, what responsibility does the ws have is creating " monster" that is their bs? How would it sound if the ws was blamed because if the ws kept in shape, didn't have such an overbearing or snippy personality, was a bit better in bed, lost some weight, helped more around the house, helped with the kids, was more romantic, realized that foreplay was more than just a wink and a nudge, etc., etc., etc. then the bs would be a far better spouse.

 

Sounds stupid to blame the ws for the way the bs acts, doesn't it? Then it's no less stupid to blame the bs for how the ws acts.

Edited by wmacbride
  • Like 4
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted
Sir,

I would highly suggest that you read the tread about how affairs affect children. While I don't feel divorce is a wonderful thing, it can be a way for parents to end a marriage while they are still on good terms and can still work together to parent their children as a team. this teaches the kids, lessons about honesty, responsibility, grace and more.

 

Re: how a bs is responsible for their ws cheating...

 

If the situation is flipped around, what responsibility does the ws have is creating " monster" that is their bs? How would it sound if the ws was blamed because if the ws kept in shape, didn't have such an overbearing or snippy personality, was a bit better in bed, lost some weight, helped more around the house, helped with the kids, was more romantic, realized that foreplay was more than just a wink and a nudge, etc., etc., etc. then the bs would be a far better spouse.

 

Sounds stupid to blame the ws for the way the bs acts, doesn't it? Then it's no less stupid to blame the bs for how the ws acts.

 

Exactly! You can play which came first all day long. If my lack of a sex drive due to my WH never being home or helping with the kids or anything for that matter led to him cheating on me whose fault is that... mine? I think not. I am responsible for how I reacted to my WH's abandonment but not for his cheating. Our M is much worse post infidelity. We could have saved it before his A but he butchered our M to the very end.

  • Like 3
minimariah Established Member

minimariah

Posted
Posted (edited)
I just represent the other side of the equation.

 

not at all; your aim is to provoke & your message is clear -- the BS is ALWAYS at fault. that's kindergarten level gaslight and nobody has the time for it. try harder next time.

 

************************

Moderation note from Robert:

 

******

 

It seems the thread starter has gone silent, thread closed, if they would like it re-opened then alert on my post and make the request, thanks

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 2
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...