caper75 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Well first post here so here it goes. My ex-wife and I were together for 14yrs, we've been separated for 6wks now. When I moved to Ontario we met within the first 2mth of me living here, so really she's all I've known in this city. We pretty much lost all our friends as we lived further out of the city and didn't really go out much. That and our friends all started having children and we didn't want any. The separation was her idea, but I seen it coming a mile away as we really were not happy. No cheating, no abuse, also no sex, nor love in the relationship. It bothers me greatly as even with our problems I didn't want it to end, I wanted to fix things. Since then I moved into the city, and made the serious mistake of meeting someone on week two of being alone. Loneliness suck, having a new exciting partner does not suck. She made the first contact, and I was glad she did. We hit it off quickly, it was really good, we held off on intimacy for a while to make sure we were compatible...I knew it was too quick but boy I was falling in love pretty fast. Smart, pretty, passionate, independent...all the good things I wanted. We got really close quickly, and talked honestly about it. I had this bad feeling it was too good to be true, but I couldn't find any flaws. We're both early 40's, high earners, live near each other, got along famously, so what's wrong with listening to your heart was my rational. Last night she told me she was getting cold feet and wanted some distance. I feel like I was lied to as we talked openly about building a relationship, things in the future, and what we wanted in life. So I'm pretty devastated for the 2nd time since Oct. This is a horrible depressing feeling right now.
rlc1957 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 You were right when you told yourself it was too soon for a relationship. The best thing you can do is spend some time on yourself. Get your mind right, get some exercise..... take care of yourself. You don't need anyone else right now. Anger is not a good reaction, rarely is. It's a large weight you carry, not anyone else. Good luck. Time really does take care of almost everything. 2
Gloria25 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Sorry for what you're having to deal with, but can't blame your current flame from taking a step back. We had somewhat of a thread I posted in a lot yesterday that I believe relates here - which is, when you first meet someone, there's hornies, emotions, projections that we "think" is "love" and/or we found "the one".... But, we have to learn to shake our heads a bit, take off the "sex, relief that I met someone, etc." goggles off and look at the practicalities, facts, reality, and all the unsexy stuff about this person, see them for who they are and properly evaluate them. You are coming out of a divorce, your current flame may now worry that she'll be chucked as a rebound. Statistics, etc show that people in separations, divorces, etc are going through a lot of things and sometimes it takes yrs or so once the ink dries on the divorce for them to get themselves ready and open to dating again, figuring/sorting out themselves and learning from what went bad in the marriage (so they don't make the same mistakes in future RLs). You jumping into this RL with her hot and heavy probably isn't going to allow you the time to reflect, heal, etc that you'll need in the long run. That's one reason why alcoholics in recovery are not advised to date, cuz it's more stress and sort of another form of "dependency" that will stunt their recovery. My last FWB, upon his divorce told me he didn't want to be with me or anyone and while practically it makes sense, it still burns...cuz I thought we had something good and could make it. I now wish I took the stance like your current flame is doing - which is to step back and not get too deep. Good luck!!!
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