eyeam Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 so .. she dumped me 1 year ago over something trivial for the 2nd time in a 1 year relationship. (she's stubborn, prideful and possibly BPD) Basically she said "I knew you were going to dump me.. so i did it first?" (for the 2nd time) She also blamed me for not chasing her after the break up? .. that i "threw her away like trash?"but begged me to: please stay in touch from time to time ... because "i'll always love you and you'll always be important to me?" I'd had enough of the mind games.. so i told her i was fed up of being hurt by her. so NC and i told her to leave Now i loved this woman with everything i had and i planned on asking her to marry me, before all the drama. now a year later .. i thought .. well maybe she's grown up? we re-connected though email. Lots of emotion and anger from her end. How she was madly in love with me etc. Things got better with the emails.. a couple of months back and forth. i basically told her (stupidly) that there's no like her etc .. i know - i know ! (i have been dated aggressivly for a year but nothing was sticking) so she knows how I feel... and she was responding positivly to it. So I ask her to meet up. That's when she tells me she is now in a relationship .. and smugly too.. how great her life is now - she's happy etc etc. But, yes! she'll still meet with me and when? also... it's nice that I stay in touch. (she seemed almost to keen to meet up?) So i reply with ah! in that case i'm going to give it a miss, and explain it wouldn't be right or respectful considering the circumstances. i wished her good luck and that i was happy for her. I received a quite condesending reply and she seemed almost annoyed by it?? Anyway.. flash forward two months. I've been dating again and just met someone i really like (it's early days tho) and the ex emails and says "i was hoping we could be on good terms and stay in touch .. just to check in from time to time" and "what you said to me was really nice .. and I hope you're not trying to mess me about?" eeerr eh? what? then starts asking how my job is? my parents? dog? music? etc.. and "can we not talk about the past and just keep it light and positive from now on?" Almost like she's trying to rekindle things? then .. at the end says "you seem happy .. i'm glad, Im very happy right now" ?? Why is she bothering to keep in touch and so interested with my life, if she's in a relationship and is "very happy" ? Do you think she's having doubts about her current relationship (i suspect its a re-bound?) and the fact I've shown up in her life again? or keeping me on the back burner? confusing?
SunlightJune Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 she seems to be playing mind games hardcore, matter of fact, I'm even questioning if she's in a relationship at all. she might have just tried to make you jealous. doesn't seem right how she'd be thinking about emailing you if her relationship was as great as she says it is. either way, she sounds like bad news. move on, tell her you wish her well but you're seeing someone else now and no longer wish to receive emails as it seems pointless to keep in touch when you've both gotten into new relationships. this isn't about being friends, so I'm not seeing the point to the emails. she's being very wish-washy, and passive aggressive. not a good jumping off point. might as well just keep seeing that new girl you got and put an end to those confusing messages with your ex.
Author eyeam Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Yeah.. It's confusing? Or not? I think it could be a case of keeping her options open? She does have a Bf - as I did the dreaded FB stalk. Which I regret (don't ever pry into your exes new life btw.. It's literally the worst thing you can do for your recovery) I mean I'm dating someone.. But it's very early days. Not serious. I do have some feelings for my ex still. So meeting up with her (if she has a bf) would be a bad idea right? I'm not sure why she agreed and is in touch? Seems disrespectful to her current SO don't you think? She also has stated more than once how "happy" she is currently? Although, when we were together I treated her very well. But what ever I did .. It was never enough.. To make her happy. Ever. She was like this bottomless pit that I kept pouring more into and it'd never fill up? I'd say it's possible that this guy isn't furfilling her emotional needs or.. Well ... Something? She does seem to genuinely care for me still. Who knows?
Author eyeam Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Anyone else have have any thoughts on this? Would it be wise to meet her in person? Maybe she needs to see me face to face again?
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Who re-initiated the contact after all this time? I ask because of this comment.... now a year later .. i thought .. well maybe she's grown up? we re-connected though email. So who actually opened the door on re-connection...? Which of you two actually reached out first? Honestly?
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I thought so. So this: ex girlfriend contacting me but has a boyfriend Is not actually true, is it? Then this is all your fault. You brought it on yourself, re-opened the door to hysterical drama, and now you're complaining about her behaviour, attitude and responses? Get over it. Go No Contact again, and this time, stick to it. Ridiculous. You really think that just because a short year has passed everything will suddenly be rosy and jolly? Jeesh. You really don't know women at all, and to be honest, I'm surprised, knowing her as you did, so .. she dumped me 1 year ago over something trivial for the 2nd time in a 1 year relationship. (she's stubborn, prideful and possibly BPD) Basically she said "I knew you were going to dump me.. so i did it first?" (for the 2nd time) She also blamed me for not chasing her after the break up? .. that i "threw her away like trash?"but begged me to: please stay in touch from time to time ... because "i'll always love you and you'll always be important to me?" I'd had enough of the mind games.. so i told her i was fed up of being hurt by her. so NC and i told her to leave Now i loved this woman with everything i had and i planned on asking her to marry me, before all the drama. ...that you even risked getting back in touch. Quit complaining about her reactions and just go back to square one. What a farce. 2
anonymousbear00101100 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Yep kind of have to go with TaraMaiden here. Nobody is hurting you now but yourself. Delete all means of contact and prior messages exchanged with her. Tell her not to contact her again and block her if she refuses. She's definitely playing mind games or is just flat out crazy. Either way, you don't need to be with her. Just stay strong and go no contact. 1
Author eyeam Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Thanks guys.. Yeah Taramaiden's right. Friends have told me "she's flat out crazy" but.. Well.. Doesn't mean I don't care for her still. I intually reached out to wish her happy bday and test the waters. She knew my intentions were romantic. She didn't tell me she had a BF for quite some time.
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Thanks guys.. Yeah Taramaiden's right. Friends have told me "she's flat out crazy" but.. Well.. Doesn't mean I don't care for her still. I intually reached out to wish her happy bday and test the waters. She knew my intentions were romantic. She didn't tell me she had a BF for quite some time. So actually, this year of NC was just, in your mind a hiatus.... You were actually not over her, and still pining for a relationship with her? In spite of her possible mental state, crazy behaviour, selfishness and entitlement, you wanted more of the same? You don't need to only move on, you need therapy as to why you would return to such a mess, willingly, knowing that it would be just a continuation and repetition.... That smacks of a masochistic desperation, to me....
anonymousbear00101100 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Friends have told me "she's flat out crazy" but.. Well.. Doesn't mean I don't care for her still. Yep! Exactly. My parents and sister and friends all told me "Wow I'm so glad you're not with her anymore. We didn't want to say anything but we didn't like her." And in my mind, I can break down each thing I dislike or even hated about her. But in the end, your heart trumps logic and reason, and your feelings take over. And that doesn't mean you can't care about her. I wish my ex the best and I honestly truly hope she finds a man who can make her happy. But at times (like today), I feel as if I can't live without her and I want to be that man no matter the cost. Time really does do wonders, as it allows feelings to subside, and your logic starts to dominate. 1
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