maru_h Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I've been talking with this girl for about a month now. We've gone on 2 movie dates and I sometimes visited her at work to make her smile. We texted pretty much everyday and snapchatted quite frequently. Just 3 days ago, it was her birthday. I brought her roses and a card to show that I truly care about her and she seemed really thankful for it. But ever since, she stopped responding to me and has been ignoring my snapchats. I've already already given her some small gifts and a card to show that I'm interested (2~3 weeks ago). So ever since 3 days ago (since I gave her flowers), I sent her good morning texts and there is absolutely no response for the whole day. She still hasn't responded to it. I know that she is not busy. She is often making Facebook statuses and is posting funny videos. She isn't doing much at the moment as school finished and I just don't understand why she would suddenly stop responding when she always used to respond immediately for the last month. It's really frustrating me. Is she playing a game? Is she simply losing interest (if so, why all the sudden when I give her roses?) Am I too nice to her? Any advice would be helpful! Thanks
BrocasHelm Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I'd say you sending flowers and gifts and "good morning" texts stresses her out, you appear as too clingy. Stop it, give her space, and let her come back to you 1
Standard-Fare Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 The way she's handling this sucks but unfortunately you have to assume she's lost interest. Or at least that she's not going to be treating you as a serious priority. How that's related to the birthday roses, you'll never quite know. But it's possible that gesture scared her off, signaling to her that you were falling hard -- while she wasn't on the same page. Stop reaching out to her. You've tried several times and it hasn't produced results. More of it would be demanding and intense. I do hope she has the respect to get back in touch with you and clarify what she's feeling. 3
Mrin Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 +1 on what the above posters said. Also - consider that there might be something else going on in her life that is all consuming. I'd just back off and let he respond back to you. Anything more on your part is self defeating. 1
StBreton Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Too many gifts and such in the early stages leaves me feeling unsettled about a person. I question what a guy's angle is. You may have set off this girl's amber alert. It's nice to me "nice" to someone without throwing yourself at someone ... that's what it feels like when you "over gift" like this at the beginning. You came on too strong. 2
NYC-BigKat Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I've been talking with this girl for about a month now. We've gone on 2 movie dates and I sometimes visited her at work to make her smile. We texted pretty much everyday and snapchatted quite frequently. Just 3 days ago, it was her birthday. I brought her roses and a card to show that I truly care about her and she seemed really thankful for it. But ever since, she stopped responding to me and has been ignoring my snapchats. I've already already given her some small gifts and a card to show that I'm interested (2~3 weeks ago). So ever since 3 days ago (since I gave her flowers), I sent her good morning texts and there is absolutely no response for the whole day. She still hasn't responded to it. I know that she is not busy. She is often making Facebook statuses and is posting funny videos. She isn't doing much at the moment as school finished and I just don't understand why she would suddenly stop responding when she always used to respond immediately for the last month. It's really frustrating me. Is she playing a game? Is she simply losing interest (if so, why all the sudden when I give her roses?) Am I too nice to her? Any advice would be helpful! Thanks I know how u feel this used to happen to me all the time before. Uh...u can go to her job & talk to her right? I think u should do that.
Standard-Fare Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I know how u feel this used to happen to me all the time before. Uh...u can go to her job & talk to her right? I think u should do that. After the GF went silent after getting birthday roses, and this guy got no response after trying with her three times, visiting her workplace would come off as downright creepy and stalkerish. 11
Wewon Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I've been talking with this girl for about a month now. We've gone on 2 movie dates and I sometimes visited her at work to make her smile. We texted pretty much everyday and snapchatted quite frequently. Just 3 days ago, it was her birthday. I brought her roses and a card to show that I truly care about her and she seemed really thankful for it. But ever since, she stopped responding to me and has been ignoring my snapchats. I've already already given her some small gifts and a card to show that I'm interested (2~3 weeks ago). I'm going to go against the grain and say that I doubt that you did "too much", you've had 2 movie dates and it sounds like this is the first gift (flowers on her birthday). Heck there's a thread live right now where a woman is complaining that her SO always makes her go dutch and you don't see her ghosting. Who knows what triggered her to do this? Maybe she was right on the cusp of friendzoning you and now she has a birthday gift and it feels awkward for her, but I would be hard pressed to say that you did anything wrong. That being said, has she EVER reciprocated over this month that you dated? Move on and don't worry about this unless there is more to this story that you haven't revealed.
StBreton Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I'm going to go against the grain and say that I doubt that you did "too much", you've had 2 movie dates and it sounds like this is the first gift (flowers on her birthday). The OP shared this in his first post: "I've already already given her some small gifts and a card to show that I'm interested (2~3 weeks ago)." Heck there's a thread live right now where a woman is complaining that her SO always makes her go dutch and you don't see her ghosting. Who knows what triggered her to do this? Maybe she was right on the cusp of friendzoning you and now she has a birthday gift and it feels awkward for her, but I would be hard pressed to say that you did anything wrong. That being said, has she EVER reciprocated over this month that you dated? Move on and don't worry about this unless there is more to this story that you haven't revealed. I think you came on too strong OP 2
Myragal Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 She doesn't want to encourage you as a boyfriend. It is over. Leave her alone. What were two movie dates? Friends just going out or two of you smooching in the dark on the second one? I suspect you read more into these than she did. She has realized that this is going in a romantic direction and is stopping it. Flowers were fine...if this was the beginning of a relationship. I love flowers. But 'just friends'? Anyways. If you have feelings, leave her alone. This is a dead end for you and perhaps disturbing for her. 2
Wewon Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 She doesn't want to encourage you as a boyfriend. It is over. Leave her alone. What were two movie dates? Friends just going out or two of you smooching in the dark on the second one? I suspect you read more into these than she did. She has realized that this is going in a romantic direction and is stopping it. Flowers were fine...if this was the beginning of a relationship. I love flowers. But 'just friends'? Anyways. If you have feelings, leave her alone. This is a dead end for you and perhaps disturbing for her. Exactly. Everything you did would have been a bullseye if she were interested romantically. You should be glad that she nipped it in the bud relatively early. Yes, the ghosting thing was obnoxious of her, but oh well.
oberkeat Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) I've been talking with this girl for about a month now. We've gone on 2 movie dates and I sometimes visited her at work to make her smile. We texted pretty much everyday and snapchatted quite frequently. Just 3 days ago, it was her birthday. I brought her roses and a card to show that I truly care about her and she seemed really thankful for it. But ever since, she stopped responding to me and has been ignoring my snapchats. I've already already given her some small gifts and a card to show that I'm interested (2~3 weeks ago). So ever since 3 days ago (since I gave her flowers), I sent her good morning texts and there is absolutely no response for the whole day. She still hasn't responded to it. I know that she is not busy. She is often making Facebook statuses and is posting funny videos. She isn't doing much at the moment as school finished and I just don't understand why she would suddenly stop responding when she always used to respond immediately for the last month. It's really frustrating me. Is she playing a game? Is she simply losing interest (if so, why all the sudden when I give her roses?) Am I too nice to her? Any advice would be helpful! Thanks Sounds like you broke the cardinal rule: never ever indicate to a woman you're interested in that you actually *like* her . A lot of women out there seem to only like men who act disinterested or who treat them like garbage, disposable. An example: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/560721-strung-him-along-now-he-s-doing-same-me-should-i-just-move Keep looking for a woman who actually appreciates you and your efforts. Edited December 8, 2015 by oberkeat 1
NYC-BigKat Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 After the GF went silent after getting birthday roses, and this guy got no response after trying with her three times, visiting her workplace would come off as downright creepy and stalkerish. Um..so I'm a creep & stalker if I did something like that? I'm a very nice guy & I would just see the girl & do some talking & stuff to see why she not replying to texts that's all gee.
SwordofFlame Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Um..so I'm a creep & stalker if I did something like that? I'm a very nice guy & I would just see the girl & do some talking & stuff to see why she not replying to texts that's all gee. If she's not replying it's because she doesn't want to communicate with you anymore. Unless she got hit by a car and is in a coma right now, just move on.
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 A guy had sent me a single red rose with a note asking for a second date.....there was no second date. She's not THAT into you. Her impression is that you like her way more than she does and now she hasn't got the words to tell you she doesn't feel the same way. She's avoiding you. What does it tell you when people avoid you?
TunaCat Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Whoa dude you came on WAY too strong. Newsflash some women DON'T like to be inundated with flowers/cards/gifts. Especially when you've only been going out a month. As a woman, it would send off my creep-o-meter. 1
katiegrl Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I'm going to go against the grain and say that I doubt that you did "too much", you've had 2 movie dates and it sounds like this is the first gift (flowers on her birthday). Heck there's a thread live right now where a woman is complaining that her SO always makes her go dutch and you don't see her ghosting. . That's two extremes Wewon.. There is a happy medium....or should be. They have had what...two dates? He's trying too hard to impress = turn off. Just be real, genuine. Stop trying so hard to impress....to please her (or any woman). There is a time to do that....and after two dates is not the time. And just curious, but what did your card say? I hope to gawd it wasn't one of those sappy Hallmark cards! Or that you revealed your strong feelings. Ugh. I realize your intentions were good, but it was two much after only two dates IMO. And for the love of all things beautiful.... DO NOT go visit her at work.... creepy, stalkerish like another poster said -- too much!
Rydo Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Um..so I'm a creep & stalker if I did something like that? Pretty much yes. If someone doesn't want to talk to you by text why would you think they would want to see you face to face?
Wewon Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 That's two extremes Wewon.. There is a happy medium....or should be. They have had what...two dates? He's trying too hard to impress = turn off. The op was written so it sounded like an overwhelming list, but over the course of a little over a month she got a card, a small undisclosed gift and some flowers (on a day when gifts would be appropriate). All of the other activity was reciprocated, text, phone calls and whatever snap-chat is. If this all took place in a week is one thing, but let's say their first date was on November 1 with all activity sprinkled along the way it doesn't sound too dramatic anymore. This isn't a function of degree its a function of her interest. She most likely simply didn't feel the same way romantically. When you don't like someone, "Hi" can make one feel claustrophobic. Either way he should take the hint and move on at this point, he found out her disinterest early before he was too invested.
StBreton Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Sounds like you broke the cardinal rule: never ever indicate to a woman you're interested in that you actually *like* her . A lot of women out there seem to only like men who act disinterested or who treat them like garbage, disposable. An example: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/560721-strung-him-along-now-he-s-doing-same-me-should-i-just-move Keep looking for a woman who actually appreciates you and your efforts. No no no...but most woman prefer a modicum of emotional control and discernment. It shows character. For me...I prefer this behavior because guys overshowing they like a girl at the beginning before they even know her shows the guy is into "looks" over personality as a guy can't possibly know a girl that fast.
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 No no no...but most woman prefer a modicum of emotional control and discernment. It shows character. For me...I prefer this behavior because guys overshowing they like a girl at the beginning before they even know her shows the guy is into "looks" over personality as a guy can't possibly know a girl that fast. Or they can't help themselves getting too attached because they want a GF so badly.
WhirlwindGuy Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Or they can't help themselves getting too attached because they want a GF so badly. So why is that a bad thing? If a guy has fallen for you, or vice versa, you have fallen for him, what are you supposed to do? Feign disinterest? Seems pretty ridiculous to me. If a guy falls for you, but you aren't quite there with him, why not communicate about it? What happened to just being kind to one another? I think if you tell him and he continues to buy gifts, contact, show up, etc, then yea, maybe you need to ghost. But at least give him a chance to know where you are coming from. I guess I don't understand the "oh he is super nice and thoughtful, he must be a creep" mentality. 1
Blanco Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 So why is that a bad thing? Because if the main objective is to just have a girlfriend, then pretty much any warm body who doesn't look like Quasimodo will do. At that point, it's less about the specific person and more about the other person's desperation to have someone, anyone.
WhirlwindGuy Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Because if the main objective is to just have a girlfriend, then pretty much any warm body who doesn't look like Quasimodo will do. At that point, it's less about the specific person and more about the other person's desperation to have someone, anyone. I think that's a fairly negative way to look at it. It isn't like this happened in the span of a night, or a couple of nights. This happened over a month of talking / dating. I think that is plenty of time to get to know someone; enough to have a connection or make a girlfriend / boyfriend relationship. It still begs the question, why not at least talk about it with him? I don't get why people lack the basic level of respect for someone in that way. I don't care if I barely knew you, I would give you the respect of at least telling you I was done. 1
katiegrl Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) Um..so I'm a creep & stalker if I did something like that? I'm a very nice guy & I would just see the girl & do some talking & stuff to see why she not replying to texts that's all gee. Showing up at her workplace (unexpectedly) is just flat out inappropriate. She is working! It's a place of business! Not sure what you're even thinking there.... I would be soooooo embarrassed if a guy I just started dating did that..... especially if I did not wish to talk to him... plus I could get in trouble! Ever think of that? Some companies don't even allow personal phone calls for heaven's sake! I can't even imagine --- please PLEASE do not do this....and learn appropriate boundaries! Edited December 8, 2015 by katiegrl
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