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Do not try and be friends with someone who broke up with you.

Silver_star

By Silver_star
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Riptide91 Established Member

Riptide91

Posted
Posted (edited)

I would NEVER consider being friends with an ex. You can say I'm a "negative nelly" or whatever but I just don't find it appropriate. Even if your relationship ended on good terms, which is a joke in itself, why would you want to be in someone's life in a lesser way? Is it just usually coincidence the person who wants to stay friends after is the dumper or is it more likely because they feel like **** and are trying to relieve guilt?

 

Not to mention, if you ever want to fully get over them and move on that's quite hard seeing them here and there, even with a proper cooling off period. Some people may be able to make a detachment of previous feelings to allowing just "friendly" ones, but I am not one of those. Also, what new partner isn't going to be a little put off by knowing you still hangout with your ex all the time?

 

Lastly, the whole calling you "mate" thing is an absolute kick while you're down. Do yourself a favor and forget this fool, he sounds like a prick. I absolutely do not talk to my ex from last year, but if I did I wouldn't call her "mate" or "buddy" and I know she wouldn't do the same.. Why? Because we were lovers and partners, not pals or buddies.

Edited by Riptide91
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LLQ1986 Established Member

LLQ1986

Posted
Posted

My story goes:

 

Got broken up with my ex bf early November (still fresh from BU).

 

He told me he can't commit bla bla bla and also he didn't have strong romantic feelings for me. ANYHOW. he said we can be BEST friends as he enjoys talking to me a lot. I thought we could but a day later I regretted my decision so I went straight to NC. He said he would stop contacting me as asked.

 

He definitely did not stop contacting me.

 

Day 1- he sent me a text, asking me to delete the sexy pix/vids he's sent me. I refused to reply though I already did.

 

Day 2- he sent another text, asking me to 'confirm'. I replied because I just wanted to get rid of him. He then said 'also the ones stored in your laptop'. I told him he has nothing to worry about.

 

... a week later, I thought I was 'ready to be friends' with him. So I texted him and he replied too, I felt good but when i ended the conversation I felt ****ty afterwards.

 

The next day was tough. I told him talking to him makes me feel real crappy. He said maybe i should stop talking to him if it was hurting me. At last, I have decided (again) we can't be friends as the feeling was still there.

 

Another week has passed, he sent me an email asking if I could pay him back the air tickets he's bought for me (I was due to meet him in his country end of this month for NYE). He added if I don't have the money he won't push me further. I didn't reply.

 

Just a couple of days ago (another week after ignoring his email), he sent me another- 'I'd take that as a no?' :eek: I replied 'Sorry I don't have much myself', he told me it's fine and thank me for replying (oh come on)

 

Today, I received another email from him, he shared with me a news link. We used to send each other stuff to read back then. And he's doing that to me now. I read but took no action.

 

Bloody breadcrumb.

 

I did not stay friend with my previous ex, it's been 2 yrs since I last talked to him. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep this recent ex as my friend. We will see.

casey.lives Established Member

casey.lives

Posted
Posted

it all depends on why you get dumped and how.. Personally, i don't take the lets be friends.... i like to be totally emotionally available to my one and only. Emotional sharing is part of the love me or leave me package!!

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Meli22 Established Member

Meli22

Posted
Posted

I don't see the point in having a friendship with an ex. I wouldn't remain friends with a friend who betrayed me and had me in tears for a long time, so why with an ex? That's not being negative, it's about having enough actual friends to not feel the need to have a past flame as one of them.

 

Being civil is a different ball game, and that I have always been. But friendship? Nahhhhh.

  • Like 1
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Silver_star Established Member

Silver_star

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I would NEVER consider being friends with an ex. You can say I'm a "negative nelly" or whatever but I just don't find it appropriate. Even if your relationship ended on good terms, which is a joke in itself, why would you want to be in someone's life in a lesser way? Is it just usually coincidence the person who wants to stay friends after is the dumper or is it more likely because they feel like **** and are trying to relieve guilt?

 

Not to mention, if you ever want to fully get over them and move on that's quite hard seeing them here and there, even with a proper cooling off period. Some people may be able to make a detachment of previous feelings to allowing just "friendly" ones, but I am not one of those. Also, what new partner isn't going to be a little put off by knowing you still hangout with your ex all the time?

 

Lastly, the whole calling you "mate" thing is an absolute kick while you're down. Do yourself a favor and forget this fool, he sounds like a prick. I absolutely do not talk to my ex from last year, but if I did I wouldn't call her "mate" or "buddy" and I know she wouldn't do the same.. Why? Because we were lovers and partners, not pals or buddies.

 

Right??! I am not friends with any of the guys I loved, or loved me in the past because it's too uncomfortable and we have nothing to really talk about anymore.

 

 

Calling someone you shared intimate moments with and a dream of a shared future together "buddy" or "pal" is hurtful because its as though you don't respect the person or the past relationship enough to acknowledge it had meaning. Its as though he is trying to distort the reality of the past. Why does he keep pestering me? I have given him space and I am not feeding his ego, I have let him know I am moving on just fine without him. He has said he is dating other people. Fine! What does he want?

marky00 Established Member

marky00

Posted
Posted
I have let him know I am moving on just fine without him. He has said he is dating other people. Fine! What does he want?

 

A reaction !!!!

 

Something you haven't given him yet. Nor should you.

Riptide91 Established Member

Riptide91

Posted
Posted
Right??! I am not friends with any of the guys I loved, or loved me in the past because it's too uncomfortable and we have nothing to really talk about anymore.

 

 

Calling someone you shared intimate moments with and a dream of a shared future together "buddy" or "pal" is hurtful because its as though you don't respect the person or the past relationship enough to acknowledge it had meaning. Its as though he is trying to distort the reality of the past. Why does he keep pestering me? I have given him space and I am not feeding his ego, I have let him know I am moving on just fine without him. He has said he is dating other people. Fine! What does he want?

 

Don't waste your time and energy trying to figure out what he wants, because honestly, it doesn't matter and you shouldn't give a ****. He obviously doesn't see you the same and he obviously doesn't want to be with you anymore so why waste your life on someone like that? Don't ponder his actions, ignore them. You're not his buddy, you don't need to talk to him anymore. Time to be a grown up and move on with your life, I promise there are plenty of guys out there who would treat you much better.

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Silver_star Established Member

Silver_star

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Don't waste your time and energy trying to figure out what he wants, because honestly, it doesn't matter and you shouldn't give a ****. He obviously doesn't see you the same and he obviously doesn't want to be with you anymore so why waste your life on someone like that? Don't ponder his actions, ignore them. You're not his buddy, you don't need to talk to him anymore. Time to be a grown up and move on with your life, I promise there are plenty of guys out there who would treat you much better.

 

You are right. I think this whole experience has made him far less attractive to me anyways. So in a way it was a good thing to realize I can't maintain any kind of relationship with him and it made me angry enough to delete him off my social media. My reality check has been checked!

 

 

There are way better guys out there of course. I haven't been ready for them yet, but 2016 is coming soon and I am looking forward to meeting someone new.

Riptide91 Established Member

Riptide91

Posted
Posted
You are right. I think this whole experience has made him far less attractive to me anyways. So in a way it was a good thing to realize I can't maintain any kind of relationship with him and it made me angry enough to delete him off my social media. My reality check has been checked!

 

 

There are way better guys out there of course. I haven't been ready for them yet, but 2016 is coming soon and I am looking forward to meeting someone new.

 

I'm glad you can see him for what he truly is to you now and take him down from a pedastel. Go complete and full no contact and don't look back. New year, new relations, new hope, new outlook. Make 2016 the start of something great. Good luck!

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