hotpotato Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I have a question...Why on earth do guys do this? it's not just my current bf, but other guys I've dated have done this stuff. Why do some guys seem so comfortable discussing other women in front of me? I've had guys go on about someone else's body before. It's like their oblivious. I don't do this to them. Forgive me, if I ever did. These dudes will be close to slobbering. 1
losangelena Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 That's gross and lame and disrespectful. I never talked about guys I found attractive in front of my ex. Hell I barely noticed other dudes when we were together. Tell them to go eat a bag of d*cks next time they do it. 10
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Because they can get away with it, with no consequences from you. Why do you let them get away with such rude and disrespectful behaviour? Correct response: "You like her so much, go be with her. Bye" 10
mammasita Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 The only answer here is because you let them. If a man ever did this to me at this point in my life, I'd be heading towards the door and never looking back..... Everyone looks, its when they disrespect their partner by oogling and making it a big deal that it becomes a problem. 9
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) The only answer here is because you let them. If a man ever did this to me at this point in my life, I'd be heading towards the door and never looking back..... Everyone looks, its when they disrespect their partner by oogling and making it a big deal that it becomes a problem. I second this. I'm the biggest sweetheart any guy will ever meet but if there is one thing I learned a long time ago is never to take any sh*t from anyone, especially men. You f*ck with me and you're done. Zero tolerance. Edited December 8, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 10
Karine26 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 This may not be true in all cases but I think sometimes it comes from insecurity. I dated a guy who did this before and it started after I got hit on in front of him a few times. Its kind of like he wanted to put me down in a passive aggressive way by saying how hot other girls were and how girls hot girls hit on him all the time when I'm not with him (I really doubt it lol) I had a friend who is almost 40 say that on fb and Instagram he will never like and comment on the pic of the girl he is seeing but he will ogle over a stranger on social media bc he doesn't want to inflate the ego of the girl he's seeing. I had a few other guys confirm this lol so you'll inflate the ego of a stranger on? At almost 40 years old I thought this sounded pre-teenish. When this happens to me I almost always go into thinking it is insecurity. Secure guys know that they can look but what guy goes out of their way to talk about other women in front of the women they are dating?? Whether they are just being immature, passive aggressive or simply too dumb to realize you don't do that it is all a turn off to me as well. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 This may not be true in all cases but I think sometimes it comes from insecurity. I dated a guy who did this before and it started after I got hit on in front of him a few times. Its kind of like he wanted to put me down in a passive aggressive way by saying how hot other girls were and how girls hot girls hit on him all the time when I'm not with him (I really doubt it lol) I had a friend who is almost 40 say that on fb and Instagram he will never like and comment on the pic of the girl he is seeing but he will ogle over a stranger on social media bc he doesn't want to inflate the ego of the girl he's seeing. I had a few other guys confirm this lol so you'll inflate the ego of a stranger on? At almost 40 years old I thought this sounded pre-teenish. When this happens to me I almost always go into thinking it is insecurity. Secure guys know that they can look but what guy goes out of their way to talk about other women in front of the women they are dating?? Whether they are just being immature, passive aggressive or simply too dumb to realize you don't do that it is all a turn off to me as well. My Mom taught me well regarding this. She dumped the guy she was dating just before she met my Dad because of that behaviour. So really, it is very important to dump guys that behave like this. Because if my Mom hadn't, I wouldn't have existed and that is the worst tragedy. Kidding around. But seriously, I dumped one like this too. He also was a big weirdo. Weird weird weird. Something wrong with guys that seem to disrespect and put their women down in favor of others who aren't seeking attention and are just passing by.
123321 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Maybe I'm insensitive but I've done something similar. Last night the GF and I were watching some Walking Dead episodes and she asked me if 'that girl is sexy'. I said, not really but the one beside her is a knockout, and probably the hottest regular in the show. GF didn't seem upset, but maybe that was a totally guy move, I dunno.
Glitters Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 They are oblivious because it has become part of who they are. Some change when they get serious girlfriends because they now have eyes only for you.Most guys dont, even if they have daughters later.They ogle other women in front of their teenage daughters.I've seen that quite often!
Timshel Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I have a question...Why on earth do guys do this? it's not just my current bf, but other guys I've dated have done this stuff. Why do some guys seem so comfortable discussing other women in front of me? I've had guys go on about someone else's body before. It's like their oblivious. I don't do this to them. Forgive me, if I ever did. These dudes will be close to slobbering. HP....your picker's not set high enough. I agree with other posters, not cool. In my R experience I am the one to say, she's pretty...nice this or that. I don't even look at dudes, whether I am single or in a relationship...and I am as straight as a ruler. I don't look because I have never got excited about anyone visually, they have to open their mouth and speak first. I guess some people judge a book by it's cover and a present by the bow...then they get upset at what's inside.. Steer clear of the one's jumping up and down like it's their first d*m pony ride..just trouble. 2
losangelena Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Maybe I'm insensitive but I've done something similar. Last night the GF and I were watching some Walking Dead episodes and she asked me if 'that girl is sexy'. I said, not really but the one beside her is a knockout, and probably the hottest regular in the show. GF didn't seem upset, but maybe that was a totally guy move, I dunno. I think there's a difference between commenting on someone's looks on TV and giving someone the eye right in front of your SO. There's a player on the L.A. Clippers who I jokingly refer to as "my honeyman," and my ex referred to him that way, too. One's quite innocent, the other as the potential to not be.
WaitingForBardot Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 If they are actually ogling other women then that is clearly disrespectful to you and you should not put up with it. However, If you are talking about an occasional look, a quick glance, I don't think it rises to the same level. A paper published I think last year used brain imaging to show that mens' reactions like a quick glance at cleavage (the specific object(s ..lol..) of this study) take place without participation of the higher level brain/consciousness; it's essentially a reflex. Of course if the glance lingers too long, that's a different story.
RecentChange Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Like others have pointed out, in comes down to commanding, and demanding respect. I think pretty highly of myself. Not that I am the prettiest, or even the smartest, or the "coolest" girl around, but I think I am pretty great, and it seems like I only end up with guys that think I am pretty great as well. Scum baggy guys don't get any attention from me, I am worth more than that. As for checking out others... I haven't really noticed it, and I have never had anyone talk about how hot an ex was etc, there are some things that should be avoided, virtues of our exes is one of them But, I will admit, now years deep into a relationship, he can tell me about the girl that hit on him that day, we joke about it and I don't feel "jealous". 3
loveweary11 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Really? I'd actually have to question the intelligence of any guy doing this. I have a question...Why on earth do guys do this? it's not just my current bf, but other guys I've dated have done this stuff. Why do some guys seem so comfortable discussing other women in front of me? I've had guys go on about someone else's body before. It's like their oblivious. I don't do this to them. Forgive me, if I ever did. These dudes will be close to slobbering. 1
123321 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 They are oblivious because it has become part of who they are. When I was a teenager I was in the habit of checking women out. I made a conscious effort to reduce that, but men being visual is just a thing. It's gonna happen some, but there is (as a previous poster pointed out) a difference between noticing, and maybe even lingering on a rare occasion, and constant ogling. Be sure you're not being unreasonable, and talk to him, not us, OP. .
Mary83 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I agree I understand being attracted to others but show some class my god 4
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I have a question...Why on earth do guys do this? it's not just my current bf, but other guys I've dated have done this stuff. Why do some guys seem so comfortable discussing other women in front of me? I've had guys go on about someone else's body before. It's like their oblivious. I don't do this to them. Forgive me, if I ever did. These dudes will be close to slobbering. ... because you keep dating them
kismetkismet Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 You have to set boundaries with people and make it clear what you're ok with and not ok with.. Personally a bit of chatting about celebrities that we think are hot is totally fine, I do it myself and I'm bi so sometimes we will chat about girls we think are babes. However, if they're people I know I find it uncomfortable and I will indicate as much early on in the relationship. Usually just acting a little offended will get the point across. Also saying someone is pretty in a respectful way and indicating that you are ATTRACTED to them are different as well in my opinion.
Author hotpotato Posted December 8, 2015 Author Posted December 8, 2015 Just fyi, sometimes its a girl nearby sometimes its a girl on tv or on tbe web. The worst was when i was on a date, and the guy brought his friend. I think he didnt want to look soft. That being said, these guys seem almost oblivious to what theyre doing.
Author hotpotato Posted December 8, 2015 Author Posted December 8, 2015 ... because you keep dating them That doesnt explain why.
jen1447 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Doesn't really bother me fwiw (and I do it myself), but then I'm a bit of a diff breed. 1
kismetkismet Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 That doesnt explain why. By continuing to date them you are demonstrating to them that ogling other women in front of you is acceptable behaviour. And so they continue to do it. I have some friends who truly don't mind it. I am in between where I don't mind talking about hot celebrities at all, but I don't like it when it's people we know or people we see in public. I communicate this to them early on in the relationship. It's not too difficult to do.. If they ogle someone in front of you just throw out a "Real nice buddy.." disdainful comment, or "gee thanks" with an eye roll and a laugh... If they don't pick up on that then you sometimes have to be more serious about it (some guys don't pick up on hints as well) if they STILL continue doing it, then they are disrespectful pricks and you should stop dating them. People (both men and women) are always going to find people of the opposite sex attractive. But refraining from going on about it in front of each other is an act of respect and caring for one another. 2
xxoo Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 No self respect. Here's my perspective: I'm not going to ogle some other guy while on the arm of my man. That says "loser" to me. The winner is the one with the prize on their arm. My man is the prize. And I am the prize to him. To ogle another men (or woman) is to essentially say that the prize is someone else? Nope. I've got the prize. I am quite sure of it When a man is with his woman and ogles me, I feel bad for him. Has he no pride? Now, noticing someone else is not a big deal. But they should never, ever see you check them out. Like, ever. Discretion and self respect. Noticing people on tv is a totally different animal. In the comfort of our own home, we have a lot of fun discussing the hotties on tv together. 5
hippychick3 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Not all men do this. It's incredibly disrespectful to ogle other women while with your SO. I don't think it's really a bad thing to comment about celebrities though. That doesn't bother me. But, someone we know in person... Rude. My bf used to make comments about certain celebrities but when I did it back, he didn't seem to like it and pretty much stopped. However, he has never ogled anyone in front of me and isn't the type to do that even if he wasn't with me (although I have no way of verifying). It's actually one of the reasons I love him so much. I have been on dates with other men who have ogled in front of me and I can only imagine what they did behind my back. I just couldn't be with someone who would do that.
Timshel Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Like others have pointed out, in comes down to commanding, and demanding respect. I think pretty highly of myself. Not that I am the prettiest, or even the smartest, or the "coolest" girl around, but I think I am pretty great, and it seems like I only end up with guys that think I am pretty great as well. Scum baggy guys don't get any attention from me, I am worth more than that. As for checking out others... I haven't really noticed it, and I have never had anyone talk about how hot an ex was etc, there are some things that should be avoided, virtues of our exes is one of them But, I will admit, now years deep into a relationship, he can tell me about the girl that hit on him that day, we joke about it and I don't feel "jealous". Horses...I don't get jealous anymore either. Sigh....love my man but just why? There isn't any point in jealousy when you realize the only man you could ever want is a man that wants you and isn't confused at all about it. It makes life simple. Besides, women are pretty, everyone knows this....men who put it in their SO's faces are boring and need to be free to giggle and worked up over it alone. Too funny.... Go riding HP, dump the poseur. 3
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