jj556 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Hello, I'm not a person who usually share problems with others, but now I'm confused and think that I really need an advice and some kind of kick in the butt to get gather up courage and do something at last. So this story begins like many others do - There is a girl We've known each other about 1,5 year and since then we're friends - not the closest ones, but I like her, she likes me, and we quite often meet in a group of our mutual friends. We're both at the same university, however she's 2 years older. So some time ago I felt that maybe she's the one, and I'd like to try if this can work out. But... I suck in picking up girls . I have a few female friends that I get along really well and feel very comfortable with, but I just don't see potential girlfriends in them. I've never had serious relationship. There was one girl I had fallen in love with, but she told me that we can be friends only. There was also one that craved me, but I didn't want to be with her. So now, due to little experience and being shy in this kind of situations I don't know what to do... Lately I was with her in the cinema and in pub to have a beer after the movie. Few days later I took her out again. These were first two times we went somewhere alone. (Well, I had spent with her some time alone before, but only in situations when rest of our friends left earlier ) Anyways, we had a good time, but I'm such a pussy and haven't done anything to show her how I feel. I'm afraid, that if I don't do anything necessarily on our next meeting, I will put myself into friendzone, cause she'll think that I just want to be a close friend. So what should I do, to be totally clear in my intentions, but not to be too insistent? Next time I'll see her will be probably soon but in a group of our mutual friends. How to act on this kind of meeting? And also, where do you think I should ask her out next time and how to act then?
BrocasHelm Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Gonna have to fill in more details, mate. What's your relationship with this girl? Are you chatting often, does she initiate conversation and express interest in seeing you? When you talk, do you guys joke/tease each others? How did you bring up hanging out one-on-one with her? How did she react? How does she act around you in a general way? If we don't know that, we can't really help
Wewon Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 So this story begins like many others do - There is a girl We've known each other about 1,5 year and since then we're friends - not the closest ones, but I like her, she likes me, and we quite often meet in a group of our mutual friends. We're both at the same university, however she's 2 years older. So some time ago I felt that maybe she's the one, and I'd like to try if this can work out. But... I suck in picking up girls . ... So now, due to little experience and being shy in this kind of situations I don't know what to do... Lately I was with her in the cinema and in pub to have a beer after the movie. Few days later I took her out again. These were first two times we went somewhere alone. (Well, I had spent with her some time alone before, but only in situations when rest of our friends left earlier ) Anyways, we had a good time, but I'm such a pussy and haven't done anything to show her how I feel. I'm afraid, that if I don't do anything necessarily on our next meeting, I will put myself into friendzone, cause she'll think that I just want to be a close friend. So what should I do, to be totally clear in my intentions, but not to be too insistent? Next time I'll see her will be probably soon but in a group of our mutual friends. How to act on this kind of meeting? And also, where do you think I should ask her out next time and how to act then? For a guy, shyness is a ***** because its not seen as a not very forgivable "sin" by most people. I've seen people cut more slack to guys that are rude and obnoxious more than they can forgive shyness. Common problem and nothing to worry about. A lot of guys go through this stage and come out fine. I went through this same thing when I was younger and was friendzoned several times because I was afraid of putting myself out there. Ironically, that fear of rejection only lead to rejection itself. The way I dealt with it was to accept that rejection was inevitable on some level and at the end of the day, I would prefer for a woman to reject me for expressing my desires than because I didn't. At least when I express myself I get that load off my chest, I don't have to walk around wishing that I didn't give in to the shyness. Also, don't assume that she's "the one", that not only screws with your own mind, if things go well and you two go out romantically, you've already started off putting her on a pedastal. As far as you know she can have all kinds of problems that can creep out in the relationship. You should at least approach this as if you are at least as worth while of being a catch as she is. 1
Author jj556 Posted December 8, 2015 Author Posted December 8, 2015 Wewon, ok I get - "don't be a pussy", I'll do what needs to be done, but I really don't know what should it be. Shall I bring her a flower on the next meeting, catch her hand or what? Give me a piece of advice please. I might have been misunderstood, when I said that maybe she's the one. I know that my world won't fall apart if she shows me that there's no chance for this kind o relation. I only mean, that I don't often think of someone that me and her could become a couple, and she's one that I'd like to try with.
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Next time you are at the pub with her, ask her to dance. It's the holidays. See if you can find some mistletoe & give her a sweet kiss (peck); it's tradition after all.
Wewon Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Wewon, ok I get - "don't be a pussy", I'll do what needs to be done, but I really don't know what should it be. Shall I bring her a flower on the next meeting, catch her hand or what? Give me a piece of advice please. I might have been misunderstood, when I said that maybe she's the one. I know that my world won't fall apart if she shows me that there's no chance for this kind o relation. I only mean, that I don't often think of someone that me and her could become a couple, and she's one that I'd like to try with. My bad. I just realized that I didn't actually give any actionable advice. The next time you go out, plant one on her. 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Wewon, ok I get - "don't be a pussy", I'll do what needs to be done, but I really don't know what should it be. Shall I bring her a flower on the next meeting, catch her hand or what? Give me a piece of advice please. I might have been misunderstood, when I said that maybe she's the one. I know that my world won't fall apart if she shows me that there's no chance for this kind o relation. I only mean, that I don't often think of someone that me and her could become a couple, and she's one that I'd like to try with. Does she flirt with you? Touch your arm? Brush up against you accidentally? Invade your personal space? Play with her hair? If so, flirt back. Put your arm around her. Hold her hand. If she doesn't flirt...you need to determine if she's just not interested in you romantically or is perhaps shy/introverted/socially awkward herself.
Buddhist Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Here's everything you need to ever know about the friend zone. If you are the guy she is sexually and emotionally attracted to, then you will never be in it. If you are not the guy above then you will be in it and there is nothing you can do about that. Give up the idea that friend zone is like a trap in a platform game that it's possible to either fall into or avoid by your own actions. It's not. You are either a potential boyfriend in her eyes or you aren't. All of that depends on her. Put it out there and find out where you are. If you are not happy with the result then move on and find someone else. 1
phineas Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Here's everything you need to ever know about the friend zone. If you are the guy she is sexually and emotionally attracted to, then you will never be in it. If you are not the guy above then you will be in it and there is nothing you can do about that. Give up the idea that friend zone is like a trap in a platform game that it's possible to either fall into or avoid by your own actions. It's not. You are either a potential boyfriend in her eyes or you aren't. All of that depends on her. Put it out there and find out where you are. If you are not happy with the result then move on and find someone else. I friendzoned a very beautiful woman 4 yrs ago because she was going through a nasty divorce. I stay away from women in that situation. she became a good friend. like one of the guys. She finally got divorced & spent some time single and I was helping her move out of the marital home. She is the type who never shows interest in a man so when we ended up at her new house alone for the first time I could remember us being alone together I realized it was because she wanted it that way. I made the move & she did not resist. Sex was awesome and i'm interested in dating her but not sure when we will be able to go out due to moving into a new house the last few weeks or if she wants to. We would sneak a kiss when we could but that lost it's novelty to me. LOL! The thing about being friends with women is as you said if you are a guy with options & not desperate for sex and you get along you are most likely a guy she could be attracted to & not even know it because she is afraid you would reject her. However, if you don't have options, shy, desperate for sex, ect you are most likely not someone she would be interested in.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Anyways, we had a good time, but I'm such a pussy and haven't done anything to show her how I feel. I'm afraid, that if I don't do anything necessarily on our next meeting, I will put myself into friendzone, cause she'll think that I just want to be a close friend. So what should I do, to be totally clear in my intentions, but not to be too insistent? Next time I'll see her will be probably soon but in a group of our mutual friends. How to act on this kind of meeting? And also, where do you think I should ask her out next time and how to act then? I think you're best avenue of attack, Is to quit beating yourself up, it's a guileless tact, You've already hung out with her alone, by all purposes here, twas a date, Get her alone again, but this time, quit overthinking it and being hesitant to wait. Grab her hand and hold it, assess if she's into your touch, Whisper in her ear how much fun you have with her and such, Tell her how gorgeous you find her, how it's hard to concentrate, Then tell her there's no way in hell you'll be in the friendzone to wait. Seems like she was receptive to your advances, then you choked, Got her alone, had a lot of fun, then froze up when going for the free throw, Over analyzing your actions, thinking too much is to blame, Be a man, go after what you want, and don't hang your head in shame.
phineas Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 and whatever you do OP NEVER tell her you have feelings for her. You will scare her off. You need to stay cool. It's hard I know. I sometimes come on too strong after I get with a woman friend i've liked for the first time.
Author jj556 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Right, I'm gonna attack. Now I'm only wondering if I should put arm around her or hold her hand, when we are among lots of our mutual friends? If this wouldn't be uncomfortable for her, only because people are watching?
xUnknown Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I wouldn't go for hand holding. When you go out with her next to the pub or something, hold the door for her and sort of "guide" her into the door with your hand on the small of her back...NOT her ass, but above her hips. When you walk with her from the car, put your hand in the same spot. it will keep her close but not feel obligated to put hers around yours...she may put her arm around you, she may not. If she doesn't pull your arm away after 30 seconds or so. Don't want to come off as a creep or anything. When you walk her to her car after the pub (or wherever), go to the drivers side door with her. Thank her for the evening and go in for the kiss. if she is face to face with you, chances are that's a sign to kiss her. If she does an over the shoulder "thanks", than that is her "blocking" you from kissing her. Good luck! But you've gotta make a move, if you don't get that kiss, I would move to the next person.
Glitters Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 You need few seconds to read her reaction to your advances. If she gets shy, blushes or gives you a death stare!
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