Jump to content

My GF of 12 yrs broke off in Jan, met new guy in Jun, getting married in Dec!

xbronze

By xbronze
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

Posted
Posted
xbronze, :) you are worth a whole lot to God! He wants you to have a wonderful life and also to help others have a great life, too!

 

I have made many big mistakes, too, most people have, but God has truly helped me grow and change into a person I like better than the one I used to be! He is amazing in His ability to take a broken life and turn it into a golden one!:):):)

 

PS, Just want to add, I don't understand the posts that pile on you (and some others on LS). You freely admitted your guilt and your regret about it. Not sure why others try to rub it in as if you didn't know you'd made mistakes. To me, you are here trying to learn how to do better. I respect that and believe it serves no purpose to criticize you. If you hadn't realized your mistakes, then yes, it would be good to have them pointed out. But the harshness from some of the posters seems pointless to me. I think sometimes people feel bad about themselves and it makes them feel superior to pile on someone else.

 

God.....really?

 

GOD!!!!

 

Have you read the Bible? If so you'll find out the attitudes to promiscuity in there.

 

As for the harshness....this man admitted using and abusing women for his own gratification and he's "sorry" now only because he's lost his punch bag. It's that simple.

 

If she came back tomorrow he'd treat her the same.

  • Like 1
  • Author
xbronze Member

xbronze

Posted
  • Author
Posted
God.....really?

 

GOD!!!!

 

Have you read the Bible? If so you'll find out the attitudes to promiscuity in there.

 

As for the harshness....this man admitted using and abusing women for his own gratification and he's "sorry" now only because he's lost his punch bag. It's that simple.

 

If she came back tomorrow he'd treat her the same.

 

 

I am the OP. May I please ask you a question?

 

How are you so certain that, 'If she came back tomorrow he'd treat her the same.'?

 

Is that what the Bible says? That he who has sinned is incapable of reform?

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

Posted
Posted
I am the OP. May I please ask you a question?

 

How are you so certain that, 'If she came back tomorrow he'd treat her the same.'?

 

Is that what the Bible says? That he who has sinned is incapable of reform?

 

You're idealizing what you can't have.

 

if you got her back tomorrow if would reinforce that you can treat her however you and she'll come back.

 

The bible mainly says anyone who has sex outside of marriage is a sinner......so Im a sinner by that definition and you're so much worse.

TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

Posted
Posted
I....

Is that what the Bible says? That he who has sinned is incapable of reform?

 

Guess you'll never find out.

Ain't love a kick in the head...?

  • Like 1
mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
The bible mainly says anyone who has sex outside of marriage is a sinner......so Im a sinner by that definition and you're so much worse.
To be fair, the bible says that everyone (-1) is a sinner, and promiscuity just happens to be one of a multitude of sins.
Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

Posted
Posted
To be fair, the bible says that everyone (-1) is a sinner, and promiscuity just happens to be one of a multitude of sins.

 

It's why I hate religion.

 

Utter crap...

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
It's why I hate religion.

 

Utter crap...

Maybe, but if you're going to give advice by generalizing what the bible mainly says, you ought to get it right. That was really what I was trying to say.
Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

Posted
Posted

What the bible mainly says about sex which is it's all sin.

 

Maybe his ex will have an ending like Jezebel. Defenestrated and her corpse eaten.

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

If I was her I never would have written that letter. It just shows how your relationship affected her and I wouldn't want you to know that. Why she hung around for 12 years was her poor choice and she must feel foolish for it. Never mind the infidelity and begging for marriage.

 

Either ignore the letter.. because you really can't explain why she wasn't enough.. unless you admit the fault lay with you, then apologise and congratulate her on her upcoming marriage.

 

I think her letter shows the impact you had on her... which sadly doesn't seem like a memorable experience. Focus on being a better partner so no other woman feels this way about you.

 

I don't know her.. but she's landed a great guy from the sound of things. Every cloud has a silver lining. Hopefully you'll also find a woman that you make feel... the way Steve makes your Ex.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

She still has some feelings for you or there wouldn't have been a letter.

 

Sounds like he loves her but I'm not so sure he has her whole heart.

 

Pretty sad.

dawnheart New Member

dawnheart

Posted
Posted (edited)

I was so utterly disgusted at this post that I registered just to reply to it.

 

You never loved this girl, never even entertained her as a serious prospect in your life, never regarded her as anything more than a plaything. When she was there, you made sure you used her all you could, and when she was gone you were completely unfazed and unconcerned. You never treated her with a modicum of respect or validation as a human being. All you did was annihilate twelve years of her life. Twelve years.

 

There is zero sincerity or meaning in anything you wrote. You don't know what it is to feel remorse or shame. You pretentious, exaggerated and novelesque language makes this all the more annoying.

 

In the middle when this girl left you, you did not care. Period. You didn't even bother to contact her. You couldn't possibly have cared any less. And it wasn't because you were stubborn or too masculine. You're not that complicated of a person, really. It was because you weren't in love with her. The same lack of feelings that allowed you to treat her like garbage when she was around you, also saved you from any pain or anxiety or concern with her absence. You weren't bothered when she dated someone else. Why would you, you actually made her have sex with another man right in front of you just for kicks. To feel jealousy, you have to be a little emotionally involved. You were more like a pimp than a boyfriend. She came back to you, unfortunately, and it made no difference to you even then. Except in one way -- you were glad to have one more woman around who could take care of your needs without complaint, and who you could mess up however you wanted because you are a nonchalant, manipulative emotional vampire.

 

You cheated on her while she was pregnant. Now I'm a guy, I've cheated, and I don't think it's a cardinal sin. But to cheat on your girlfriend while she is carrying your child is the lowest any man could get. You talk about her two miscarried daughters like they would have actually meant something to you. No, when she was pregnant you weren't preparing to become a father, you just carried on as usual, you did not think to alter any of your behavior. Maybe it's for the best, because you would have made a terrible father as well.

 

You didn't break up with a certain one of the other women, not because you were concerned for her feelings as you claim, but because you wanted to keep her around for the same purposes that "Cathy" served. It's simply not in your nature to value a woman and communicate with her openly, even to dump her.

 

In the end, YOU left HER. It couldn't possibly get any clearer than that. And why, you left her for a stupid reason. You had a fight and you decided you had gotten too annoyed with her. So you just disappeared into outer space. Not a single word to the girl. No explanation, closure, farewell, no casual communication, no checking up to see if she was alright, nothing. Any man who even cares about a girl, never mind being in love with her, would never do that. When your ex-girlfriend calls, texts, emails for months, and even reserves a vacation spot for you with her own money -- not to get you back, but just to convince you to talk to her -- and you stay silent, it's not because you're stubborn. It's because you don't give one-tenth of a damn. Who do you think you're fooling here man?

 

You have absolutely destroyed this girl's self-esteem. So much so that she held on to all the sickening emotional abuse you put her through with a passion. Even in that letter she was making one last attempt to prompt you to act. In her damaged mind she's probably still hoping that you will suddenly resurface and take her back, a changed man. Twelve years of a relationship like that? Where she was sexually exploited to the maximum, cheated on over and over and over, spontaneously dumped if she got too annoying, for months, lied to and completely misled about your true feelings and intentions? This girl was pathetic enough to think that you might marry her. A person can recover from that if it had happened briefly, but twelve years? Some people never recover from such long-term abusive relationships. Their worthlessness and docility are permanently imprinted on their minds.

 

So give us all here a break. "I loved her, I always loved her, I love her still, and until my dying breath"? What are you smoking?

 

Leave this girl the heck alone, not a single letter of a word, not a smoke signal, for the rest of her life and she may eventually and slowly recover and go on the long journey toward becoming a normal person for the first time in 12 years. That's what you would do if you're being even a bit honest about respecting or caring for her, which we both know you aren't. Incidentally, this is the same thing you should do if you don't care about her. Just like you were fine in the long months after you dumped her, probably chuckling at her pathetic texts before you'd toss your phone away, you should be fine now wherever she is and whoever she's with. You know, through that layer of super-fancy language and manufactured self-drama, that it makes no difference to you.

 

If you had contact with her, you will always act the same way around her. You couldn't make an effort to treat her like a person for 12 years. What you will probably do now is contact her to see if you can completely mess her up for your gratification one last time. It's not below you to do that.

Edited by dawnheart
  • Like 4
marky00 Established Member

marky00

Posted
Posted (edited)
I was so utterly disgusted at this post that I registered just to reply to it.

 

You never loved this girl, never even entertained her as a serious prospect in your life, never regarded her as anything more than a plaything. When she was there, you made sure you used her all you could, and when she was gone you were completely unfazed and unconcerned. You never treated her with a modicum of respect or validation as a human being. All you did was annihilate twelve years of her life. Twelve years.

 

There is zero sincerity or meaning in anything you wrote. You don't know what it is to feel remorse or shame. You pretentious, exaggerated and novelesque language makes this all the more annoying.

 

In the middle when this girl left you, you did not care. Period. You didn't even bother to contact her. You couldn't possibly have cared any less. And it wasn't because you were stubborn or too masculine. You're not that complicated of a person, really. It was because you weren't in love with her. The same lack of feelings that allowed you to treat her like garbage when she was around you, also saved you from any pain or anxiety or concern with her absence. You weren't bothered when she dated someone else. Why would you, you actually made her have sex with another man right in front of you just for kicks. To feel jealousy, you have to be a little emotionally involved. You were more like a pimp than a boyfriend. She came back to you, unfortunately, and it made no difference to you even then. Except in one way -- you were glad to have one more woman around who could take care of your needs without complaint, and who you could mess up however you wanted because you are a nonchalant, manipulative emotional vampire.

 

You cheated on her while she was pregnant. Now I'm a guy, I've cheated, and I don't think it's a cardinal sin. But to cheat on your girlfriend while she is carrying your child is the lowest any man could get. You talk about her two miscarried daughters like they would have actually meant something to you. No, when she was pregnant you weren't preparing to become a father, you just carried on as usual, you did not think to alter any of your behavior. Maybe it's for the best, because you would have made a terrible father as well.

 

You didn't break up with a certain one of the other women, not because you were concerned for her feelings as you claim, but because you wanted to keep her around for the same purposes that "Cathy" served. It's simply not in your nature to value a woman and communicate with her openly, even to dump her.

 

In the end, YOU left HER. It couldn't possibly get any clearer than that. And why, you left her for a stupid reason. You had a fight and you decided you had gotten too annoyed with her. So you just disappeared into outer space. Not a single word to the girl. No explanation, closure, farewell, no casual communication, no checking up to see if she was alright, nothing. Any man who even cares about a girl, never mind being in love with her, would never do that. When your ex-girlfriend calls, texts, emails for months, and even reserves a vacation spot for you with her own money -- not to get you back, but just to convince you to talk to her -- and you stay silent, it's not because you're stubborn. It's because you don't give one-tenth of a damn. Who do you think you're fooling here man?

 

You have absolutely destroyed this girl's self-esteem. So much so that she held on to all the sickening emotional abuse you put her through with a passion. Even in that letter she was making one last attempt to prompt you to act. In her damaged mind she's probably still hoping that you will suddenly resurface and take her back, a changed man. Twelve years of a relationship like that? Where she was sexually exploited to the maximum, cheated on over and over and over, spontaneously dumped if she got too annoying, for months, lied to and completely misled about your true feelings and intentions? This girl was pathetic enough to think that you might marry her. A person can recover from that if it had happened briefly, but twelve years? Some people never recover from such long-term abusive relationships. Their worthlessness and docility are permanently imprinted on their minds.

 

So give us all here a break. "I loved her, I always loved her, I love her still, and until my dying breath"? What are you smoking?

 

Leave this girl the heck alone, not a single letter of a word, not a smoke signal, for the rest of her life and she may eventually and slowly recover and go on the long journey toward becoming a normal person for the first time in 12 years. That's what you would do if you're being even a bit honest about respecting or caring for her, which we both know you aren't. Incidentally, this is the same thing you should do if you don't care about her. Just like you were fine in the long months after you dumped her, probably chuckling at her pathetic texts before you'd toss your phone away, you should be fine now wherever she is and whoever she's with. You know, through that layer of super-fancy language and manufactured self-drama, that it makes no difference to you.

 

If you had contact with her, you will always act the same way around her. You couldn't make an effort to treat her like a person for 12 years. What you will probably do now is contact her to see if you can completely mess her up for your gratification one last time. It's not below you to do that.

 

lol

 

Well yeh thats how I interpreted it as well... he simply doesn't love her.

 

Its the classic case of a male dumper with dented ego needing the ego fix only to find out again ... oh I don't love her whoops !!!!

 

And yes Cathy is still hurting, its obvious !!!!!

Edited by marky00
  • Like 1
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

OMG... I never read your back story (thanks to the new member) .... to see what you put this woman through. What a total waste of 12 years of her life. Not just a waste..... but a horrible relationship...

 

She won't think so now ... but the two of you not having children together is very good... no need for contact EVER AGAIN.

 

Have you dug deep to find out why you treated another human being so badly? What would make you do that?

  • Like 1
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted
OMG... I never read your back story (thanks to the new member) .... to see what you put this woman through. What a total waste of 12 years of her life. Not just a waste..... but a horrible relationship...

 

She won't think so now ... but the two of you not having children together is very good... no need for contact EVER AGAIN.

 

Have you dug deep to find out why you treated another human being so badly? What would make you do that?

 

I just realised the OP put all the details in the first post.

 

I'm truly speechless. Your idea of love is different to that of most other people. If you treat someone you CLAIM to love like this. .... I simply can't imagine how you would treat someone you didn't like.

 

The degradation you subjected her to is.. well ... I don't think I can express them without hurting your feelings.

 

What upbringing did you have or what happened in your life to make you treat such a nice woman like this? Perhaps THAT would be a starting point...... but if I were her... an admission from you that it was ALL on you, would be a great relief to hear.

 

Steve must have worked so hard to find happiness within her and get her to trust another man after you.

 

The ONE thing I CREDIT you for is maintaining NC back in January and subsequently ... ......because that enabled her to move on and find a true gentleman. Otherwise she could still be with you .... being cheated on, wasting good years and headed nowhere.

 

Can I just tell you.... that what you did really breaks people.... and pushes them into needing therapy for ages, makes them have such low self esteem, you can't imagine how many everyday life events cause her to trigger on a daily basis.... her fiancé will have to be so very patient and make her feel secure because of the abuse and pain you've put her through.

 

If you ever do have a daughter ...... I hope no man does to her..what you did to Cathy.

  • Like 4
drallafi Established Member

drallafi

Posted
Posted

Man, stop. You don't love that woman. You love how her attentiveness fed your ego. Leave her alone and let her move on with her life.

  • Like 1
  • Author
xbronze Member

xbronze

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well man...

 

Not sure why you think this Steve guy is superior. I was that Steve guy kinda and I got kicked to the curb. In the long run, a guy who offers security, love and loyalty isn't enough for a woman, as I have learned from personal experience.

 

Yes, she is probably attracted to his type right now after experiencing what she did with you. And for her own self-respect and dignity, she may very well follow through with the wedding.

 

I can understand why you don't want to reply... its hard to say how she would react. But.... that message kinda of sounds like someone who is still into you.

 

Women are better than men at making decisions with their head instead of their heart. Sounds like she has decided to finally follow her head.

 

If she loves you more than him, even superior Steve with his superior morals will come a distant second... long-term

 

Thank you, Marky00, for sharing your perspective and experience.

 

I am sorry that life dealt you a raw deal, despite your best effort to make your relationship work. I pray that time eases your pain.

  • Author
xbronze Member

xbronze

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I was so utterly disgusted at this post that I registered just to reply to it.

 

You never loved this girl, never even entertained her as a serious prospect in your life, never regarded her as anything more than a plaything. When she was there, you made sure you used her all you could, and when she was gone you were completely unfazed and unconcerned. You never treated her with a modicum of respect or validation as a human being. All you did was annihilate twelve years of her life. Twelve years.

 

There is zero sincerity or meaning in anything you wrote. You don't know what it is to feel remorse or shame. You pretentious, exaggerated and novelesque language makes this all the more annoying.

 

In the middle when this girl left you, you did not care. Period. You didn't even bother to contact her. You couldn't possibly have cared any less. And it wasn't because you were stubborn or too masculine. You're not that complicated of a person, really. It was because you weren't in love with her. The same lack of feelings that allowed you to treat her like garbage when she was around you, also saved you from any pain or anxiety or concern with her absence. You weren't bothered when she dated someone else. Why would you, you actually made her have sex with another man right in front of you just for kicks. To feel jealousy, you have to be a little emotionally involved. You were more like a pimp than a boyfriend. She came back to you, unfortunately, and it made no difference to you even then. Except in one way -- you were glad to have one more woman around who could take care of your needs without complaint, and who you could mess up however you wanted because you are a nonchalant, manipulative emotional vampire.

 

You cheated on her while she was pregnant. Now I'm a guy, I've cheated, and I don't think it's a cardinal sin. But to cheat on your girlfriend while she is carrying your child is the lowest any man could get. You talk about her two miscarried daughters like they would have actually meant something to you. No, when she was pregnant you weren't preparing to become a father, you just carried on as usual, you did not think to alter any of your behavior. Maybe it's for the best, because you would have made a terrible father as well.

 

You didn't break up with a certain one of the other women, not because you were concerned for her feelings as you claim, but because you wanted to keep her around for the same purposes that "Cathy" served. It's simply not in your nature to value a woman and communicate with her openly, even to dump her.

 

In the end, YOU left HER. It couldn't possibly get any clearer than that. And why, you left her for a stupid reason. You had a fight and you decided you had gotten too annoyed with her. So you just disappeared into outer space. Not a single word to the girl. No explanation, closure, farewell, no casual communication, no checking up to see if she was alright, nothing. Any man who even cares about a girl, never mind being in love with her, would never do that. When your ex-girlfriend calls, texts, emails for months, and even reserves a vacation spot for you with her own money -- not to get you back, but just to convince you to talk to her -- and you stay silent, it's not because you're stubborn. It's because you don't give one-tenth of a damn. Who do you think you're fooling here man?

 

You have absolutely destroyed this girl's self-esteem. So much so that she held on to all the sickening emotional abuse you put her through with a passion. Even in that letter she was making one last attempt to prompt you to act. In her damaged mind she's probably still hoping that you will suddenly resurface and take her back, a changed man. Twelve years of a relationship like that? Where she was sexually exploited to the maximum, cheated on over and over and over, spontaneously dumped if she got too annoying, for months, lied to and completely misled about your true feelings and intentions? This girl was pathetic enough to think that you might marry her. A person can recover from that if it had happened briefly, but twelve years? Some people never recover from such long-term abusive relationships. Their worthlessness and docility are permanently imprinted on their minds.

 

So give us all here a break. "I loved her, I always loved her, I love her still, and until my dying breath"? What are you smoking?

 

Leave this girl the heck alone, not a single letter of a word, not a smoke signal, for the rest of her life and she may eventually and slowly recover and go on the long journey toward becoming a normal person for the first time in 12 years. That's what you would do if you're being even a bit honest about respecting or caring for her, which we both know you aren't. Incidentally, this is the same thing you should do if you don't care about her. Just like you were fine in the long months after you dumped her, probably chuckling at her pathetic texts before you'd toss your phone away, you should be fine now wherever she is and whoever she's with. You know, through that layer of super-fancy language and manufactured self-drama, that it makes no difference to you.

 

If you had contact with her, you will always act the same way around her. You couldn't make an effort to treat her like a person for 12 years. What you will probably do now is contact her to see if you can completely mess her up for your gratification one last time. It's not below you to do that.

 

Dawnheart, your response was very very difficult for me to take in. Extremely so. The words hurt. Felt like an icicle piercing right through my heart.

 

Nonetheless, I appreciate the time you put in to share your thoughts, and the passion with which you replied. Hard hitting as your words are, they still resonate in my heart, as though these are but words coming from the heart of a dear friend.

 

I thank you for your brutally honest feedback.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...