jen1447 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Bottom line is that this relationship is already dead because the OP's expectations were not met, and thanks to all the great advice and encouragement she's no longer of a mind to see it as having more than one facet. Good job. Mission accomplished. @sal (I always want to call you "salad" for some reason ) while there has indeed been some excruciating over-analysis in this thread, I think the basics point to a clear case of incompatibility. (As much as we can ever judge in a thread anyway, being as we only ever hear one side of the story.) Most of the focus has been on the dinner thing but OP also pointed out other issues that point to them being from 2 diff worlds. I think offering the advice to end it is pretty sound given all that.
losangelena Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Listen up sweetie, oops I mean sugga... Besides, could you be any more condescending? Jesus. (That's a rhetorical question. I'm sure you could be.) 2
salparadise Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 @sal (I always want to call you "salad" for some reason ) while there has indeed been some excruciating over-analysis in this thread, I think the basics point to a clear case of incompatibility. (As much as we can ever judge in a thread anyway, being as we only ever hear one side of the story.) Most of the focus has been on the dinner thing but OP also pointed out other issues that point to them being from 2 diff worlds. I think offering the advice to end it is pretty sound given all that. I agree. I need to quit reading and responding. The guy screwed up and I've been acknowledging that from the start. Incompatibilities is a nice way to put it. I need a break- tempted to use some group-bashing language to obviate my temptation to check in. Now if I could just remember those magic words...
OldRover Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Bottom line... With only TWO months, this has just started. No reason to keep score. The OP's original message was about him paying for meals. He screwed up by not buying when he said he would, and the OP screwed up by not just mentioning what he promised to do and gave an indication how she felt about it. All VERY MINOR points at this stage of the game. I'm betting that there IS some chemistry there that is worth working on or 1. She wouldn't have posted at all, and 2. He would not travel half way across the country to see her. Now, either could visit the other. (At his place, they get a room). And worth a few more times. Also, if there's absolutely NO way that either could move to the other in the future, I'd say this is a dead deal. LDR are very hard to make work. Heck, I had a hard time driving 20 minutes once. (and when I was apart 1000 miles for a half year, it almost broke us). I'm NOT a fan of LDRs. Just food for thought.... would like to hear from the OP again.....
wb1988 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) wb, You really hit the nail on the head, and very appropriate post. That's exactly what happened, and the "dump him" attitude is probably from a few bitter people that just can't get along with anyone. GREAT POST1! I think that's the problem with people that are always keeping tabs. OP is expecting him to give her exactly her equal share back each time, but only when it suits. If he was a big spender then she'd complain about him not giving enough time (suddenly time means something and money doesn't) but because he's a big time-giver then she complains about he doesn't spend money (suddenly money means something and time doesn't). Like you never have this problem with any of your guy friends and I think it's also another reason why being 'friends' with a girl always seems like more hassle — I mention this because I've noticed that keeping tabs is something I've only seen girls do. You know what's funny? I recently got blacklisted from this popular club in my town and I told my gf that I'd feel disrespected and outcasted if she went there. Many of my gf's friends were like dump that guy he's no good. Of course her answer was "why, just so I can go to xyz?". People are so quick to judge when it's not their actual problem. I started dating a guy a couple months back, we are in a LDR I looked back at your original post and there is the problem. You shouldn't be in a LDR with a guy you've only been with for a few months. Also because of the LDR you are expecting the rare times you are together to be somewhat magical, which is understandable but also unrealistic and bound to create disappointment with resentment shortly coming after. I don't think the problem is the guy, the problem is the LDR. Edited December 14, 2015 by wb1988
OldRover Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I think that's the problem with people that are always keeping tabs. OP is expecting him to give her exactly her equal share back each time, but only when it suits. If he was a big spender then she'd complain about him not giving enough time (suddenly time means something and money doesn't) but because he's a big time-giver then she complains about he doesn't spend money (suddenly money means something and time doesn't). Like you never have this problem with any of your guy friends and I think it's also another reason why being 'friends' with a girl always seems like more hassle — I mention this because I've noticed that keeping tabs is something I've only seen girls do. You know what's funny? I recently got blacklisted from this popular club in my town and I told my gf that I'd feel disrespected and outcasted if she went there. Many of my gf's friends were like dump that guy he's no good. Of course her answer was "why, just so I can go to xyz?". People are so quick to judge when it's not their actual problem. I looked back at your original post and there is the problem. You shouldn't be in a LDR with a guy you've only been with for a few months. Also because of the LDR you are expecting the rare times you are together to be somewhat magical, which is understandable but also unrealistic and bound to create disappointment with resentment shortly coming after. I don't think the problem is the guy, the problem is the LDR. Another good prospective on things..... you make a LOT of sense. Your lady sounds like a keeper. Good for her standing up for you!
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