Akashsingh Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I have had like 3 one night stands and one real relationship. I usually have trouble speaking my feelings about sex and intimacy and in general indicating to women that I have sexual interest in them or otherwise I like them. I am 37 now. In the past, I know I had been rude on occasions which I am trying to change and I have changed it quite a bit. I am not comfortable with public display of affection or otherwise surprise approach by a woman. How could I deal with this?
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I would actually advice a counselor or therapist. I had the same sort of fears about forming intimacy. A lot of it was based on my fear and humiliation of sharing my heart and true feelings with my first love and then being shut down as a result, as he did not want to share his heart with mine. He stated that at the time he did not want to talk about his feelings. Weirdly, after that, I generalized that all men felt this way (I got bullied a lot by guys, my boyfriend at the time and his friends and my father was a bully as well as being bullied at school by males) I generally felt that talking about feelings with a guy was the road to humiliation. So, for a lot of years I shut down and never shared my heart with them. If a guy wanted to share his heart with me and wanted me to share my heart with him, I thought he was weird. The thing that lead me to be close off my emotions with men, led me to have really unemotional relationships, trust issues, fear and the biggest fear of exposure. I have had sex with guys and I found myself disconnecting very quickly afterwards as before I would be such a wreck if they rejected me in some way. I only really dealt with these issues last year, as i found that there were guys that wanted to be emotionally intimate with me on some level and I got in a panic about opening up to them which lead me to push them away. Needlessness to say, they got hurt. I essentially did to them what my first love did to me. Somehow, we indiscriminately recycle hurt and offload baggage without meaning to and without really knowing the cause of it. All I can say, is that if you want a true intimate relationship with someone that takes true vulnerability and if you feel you cannot get there on your own I would seek professional advice in the form of a counselor. I had to heal from adolescent hurts before i could function in a relationship as an adult. Those young teenage boys that bullied me and pressured my first love into being such a douche to me, probably aren't so concerned about getting " pussy whipped by their girlfriends and probably do " talk" about their feelings to their wives or girlfriends" but I really and truly believed that all men still operated the same was as they did when I was 18-20 years old even though it was 12.5 years ago! It just meant I was acting the same way as they once did, when I was an adult woman thinking that, that behavior was normal and acceptable and what men wanted and expected-no-emotional, non-committal relationships. Now I realize, of course, that kind of behavior is not normal in your 20's and 30's and I would seek a counselor or therapist because when an adult wants a relationship with another adult, they're expecting an adult to give another adult what he or she needs in a relationship Good luck
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 You don't have to be all over somebody in public to have a relationship. Are you asking women for 1st, 2nd & 3rd dates. You do have some responsibility to follow up to get what you want / need
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